by J. E. Parker
Skin prickling with an eerie awareness, I half expected to see one of the villains from my past emerge from the shadows created by the looming abandoned buildings that stood nearby, intent on kicking off a violent showdown I feared was as inevitable as breathing.
My heart raced at the thought.
I’d made so much progress over the past seven years and had done a good job of putting the fright I’d sworn to never surrender to again behind me where it belonged.
But being back here, where some of my deepest scars were inflicted, had called forth a level of fearfulness I had long since thought I’d buried.
My reaction was unexpected given the fact that it wasn’t the first time I’d visited the shelter since Jade and I’s unexpected return.
Only, that day, when I’d rode into Toluca from Kissler with Shelby and Gracie, I’d eluded such gut-wrenching trepidation thanks to still being high on the beautiful one-eighty my life had suddenly taken, along with the unveiled promise of the future to come.
Now, however, things were different, and though I despised the idea with every fiber of my being, the time had come for me to face and conquer the one thing I wished I didn’t have to.
The ghosts of my past.
I can do this...
To be with James, I can do anything.
Despite the mental pep talk I was busy giving myself, my knees were still close to knocking with unchecked terror as my spinning mind feared El Diablo himself would appear, his insidious eyes filled with a promise to destroy everything I’d already lost once years before.
Because, like Jade had said many moons before while back in Charleston, devils and demons never change.
Logically, I knew that him popping out of an alley, where his sadistic soul had always lurked, drawing power from the darkness, wasn’t possible.
Not with him in prison.
Still, the memory of the agony he’d inflicted on not only me but Chiquita and Little One, Faye as well, was as fresh now as it ever was back then. I didn’t know how I’d ever escape the remaining mental chains he’d shackled me in.
Just when I thought I’d broken free of their iron-like hold, my demons never failed to remind me that my bindings were indestructible.
Or so they claimed.
Time to prove them wrong.
“Carmen.”
A single fear-driven tear, one I tried in vain not to let escape, fell at the sound of James’ soothing voice speaking my name. I hated the wetness, which I saw as evidence of my weakness, that it left behind on my cheek. I was trying so hard to be mighty, something I always fought to be.
But right then, I was failing.
Mightily so.
Time to pull your shit together, chica.
You’re stronger than this.
“Pixie, look at me.”
When I didn’t react quickly enough for his liking, Guapo, impatient man that he’d always been, grasped my chin in a move that was as much him as his intoxicating scent and turned my unnaturally pale face to meet his stoically beautiful one.
Our eyes met, and comfort washed through me.
James is here.
No matter what comes at me, I’m safe.
Hearing and believing the words my mind had spoken, the latter being a miracle, the erratic woosh of my pulsating heart slowed, allowing the panic-inducing fog wrapped around me to recede to the back of my mind, where with any luck, I’d be able to lock it away.
For good.
“Being back here scares you.” His statement wasn’t a question, yet I nodded. “And that fear makes you feel weak.” To my dismay, my chin wobbled as I nodded a second time.
His jaw clenched in response, then relaxed.
“Pixie,” he started, his voice gritty, before taking a deep breath. “I need you to listen to me for a minute, and I need your hardheaded ass to really hear what I’m about to say.”
I chuckled but remained silent.
Did he just call me hardheaded?
If that wasn’t the pot calling the kettle black.
Ignoring the slight amusement dancing over my features, he dropped his hand, his expression tight with what I assumed was a mix of anger over the trauma I was still dealing with, along with concern for the shards of me that were still shattered, but that he was helping me mend.
“If there is one thing that you being back here proves, it’s that you’re not weak,” he continued, breathing life back into my flailing fight, which was doing a standing eight-count. “Not even close.”
I wanted to believe him.
Badly.
But doing so was hard.
“James—”
“You’re strong, Carmen,” he interrupted, hell-bent on driving his point home. “Strong and capable and fearless. Not to mention, one of the biggest badasses I’ve ever met.” My lips curved into a smile that felt as natural as breathing, mirroring the one he now wore. “And considering the women in my life, that’s saying something.”
It certainly was.
And hearing him say such a thing—it instantly nullified my remaining fear. Momentarily, at least. Smile growing, I pushed to my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his thick neck, unable to deny the need to be close to him, his clothed body touching mine. “You think I’m a badass?”
His delicious lips brushed my forehead, the touch featherlight, and my soul sighed in both relief and adoration.
“I don’t think shit. I know you are.”
His words ghosted over my sweat-dampened skin, each syllable a gentle caress that soothed my tensed muscles and beat back the demons warring to once more take hold of my thoughts.
“Which is why I’m damn near ecstatic that you took the job Charlotte offered you. Because this place”—he nodded toward the brick building that housed the shelter—”is where you belong."
His faith in me was heady. Intoxicating.
“You truly think I can help save people?”
Apparently, I was full of questions today.
His firm lips moved across my flesh, dusting past my temple, the feel of a soft kiss remaining in their wake, to the shell of my ear. “You already have.”
My eyes slid closed when his mouth descended, and he nibbled the column of my sensitive throat, sending shivers racing down my already shuddering spine.
“Maybe I did.” Barely able to think with him so close, not to mention touching me, forming a coherent reply was hard. “But it still wasn’t enough—”
“Don’t even try and give me that shit.”
Right hand finding my hip, he dug his fingers into my rounded curves, grasping me tightly while sinking his left into my hair and tilting my head back, forcing our gazes to connect once more.
“You do, and we’re heading back to my truck, where I’ll find a way to change your mind about the lies your kissable lips are close to spilling.”
Heat bloomed in my lower belly.
Well, then...
Head spinning, I sucked in a breath. “But I—”
“I know you’ve got regrets about the past, same as I. But I won’t stand here and let you degrade yourself over stuff that was out of your control. Therefore, I’m about to lay a few truths on you.”
My brows bent.
Lay a few truths on me?
“I know you’ve heard some of this shit before, but clearly, it’s time for a reminder.”
“I—”
“Ashley Jo and Jade,” he interrupted as if I hadn’t spoken at all, “are only alive because of you. Because you kept them as safe as you could from...”
Jaw clenching, his words died.
“Him,” he continued after a few beats, refusing to speak Dominic’s name aloud, something he knew I’d appreciate because I never wanted to hear it again. “Not only that, but you kept them fed, kept them warm at night, and gave them a reason to keep fighting in order to stay breathing. And you may not realize it, but you saving Ashley Jo? That helped save Shelby as well.”
My entire body tensed.
“I’m not saying Anthony didn’t do his part in helping my little girl move past her demons because he did, Lucca too. But when you sent Ashley Jo to my girl, it made her stronger. As for Jade, you may not see it, but when she looks at you, it’s with nothing but pure love and adoration. You’re her hero, baby.”
His hand tightened in my hair as my chin wobbled again. This time, though, for a different reason. Little One saw me as her hero?
If so, I didn’t have the words.
“Our little spit-fire is going to be a nurse, Carmen. A nurse.” Unmistakable pride flitted across his stern face, then down into his powerful chest, where it rose, swelling with adoration. “After everything she’s endured and overcome, that’s one hell of an accomplishment. As for Ashley Jo, she’s about to be married to a man who worships the ground she walks on and is an amazing mother to the beautiful baby you helped ensure survived, along with one of the best preschool teachers the tri-county area has ever seen.”
“But Chiquita and Little One, they did all that,” I corrected, refusing to take credit for the beautiful women they had fought tooth and nail to become. “They accomplished each of those things—”
“Because of you,” he interrupted yet again, already knowing the words I was about to speak. “Because you protected them when they were in danger, because you spent years fighting for them no matter the consequences, and because you’ve always loved them, even when no one else did, no questions asked.”
Heart-mending warmth, the kind that only James could call forth, spread through my chest, welding a few of my most tattered pieces as it went. “They saved me too,” I choked out, my hands sliding down his chest, where they stilled on his concrete stomach. “Just as you did.”
More tears fell.
I was helpless to stop them.
“I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you, Guapo. I—”
“You don’t have to repay me for a damn thing. But if you insist, you can do so by spending the rest of your life at my side and in my bed.” The arrogant pendejo winked. “But first...”
His hand left my hair and trailed over my shoulder, then down my chill bump-covered arm, before pulling one of my palms from his stomach and twining his fingers with mine.
“I want you to tell your demons to fuck off. Then I want you to turn your pretty little ass around, giving me the view of a lifetime”—he smirked with that crooked smile I loved—“and walk into the shelter with your chin held high, like the boss bitch we both know you are.”
An unexpected peal of laughter burst free from me. Never in a million years would I have expected such words to leave his mouth.
“Boss bitch?”
He shrugged a lone shoulder, his sharp cheekbones tinted red the slightest bit. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or mortified over what he’d just said. “I hear Shelby call herself that all the time, so I figured I’d wing it and see what kind of reaction it got me.”
Taking a step back, I pulled my hands from him and wiped them down my face, erasing the tears that still lingered, along with the drying tracks they’d left behind.
“You’re loco, you know that?”
Lifting a lock of my hair, he curled it around his finger, tracing his thumb over the taut strands. “Maybe so, but you love me.” That I did. More than he’d ever know. “And if it takes me being nuts to make you laugh, then to hell with it, sign me up for the crazy train.”
My poor heart wouldn’t last.
Not when he was constantly making it melt.
“Carmen!”
I jumped in place at the sound of Charlotte’s shout, and James wrapped an arm around my back, knowing as well as I did that his touch would calm and comfort me.
Taking a deep breath, I leaned into him before turning my head in my new boss’ direction. I caught sight of where she stood in front of the open shelter door, a giant smile etched on her beautiful face.
Waving in my direction, she gestured for me to get my culo inside. “Come on, girl! I know he’s cute and all, but you’re gonna be late!”
Laughing as Guapo mumbled something incoherent under his breath, I nodded and held up a lone finger. “Un momento!”
James’ fist tightened in the fabric covering my lower back. Without him having to say it, I knew he didn’t want to let me go any more than I wanted to leave. “I have to go,” I whispered, the hesitancy I felt to move clear in my tone.
His right eyelid twitched from what I guessed was annoyance over our impending separation as he licked his lower lip. “You going to remember what I said?”
“Si,” I replied truthfully. “I swear to remember exactly what kind of boss bitch I am.” It was my turn to wink. “And don’t worry, if I see any of El Diablo’s old puppets while on shift, I will try my hardest not to run outside and beat them to death with whatever makeshift weapon I get my hands on.”
My attempt at humor fell flat.
That was clear when James’ shoulders tensed.
“You see one of those motherfuckers,” he snarled, sounding more like a rabid beast than the kind-hearted, albeit possessive, man I knew him to be. “You just call me, and I’ll come beat them for you.”
There’s my Neanderthal.
Hands resting on his chest, I pushed to my tiptoes like I’d done minutes before and hovered my lips before his. “Be safe at work,” I told him, more than ready for his mouth to touch mine. “And take care of mijo.”
One of his hands cupped the back of my neck while the other gripped my hip. “I’ll take care of Hendrix and make sure he stays in one piece. In return, you take care of Shelby, Maddie, and the rest of the ladies. But most importantly, stay out of trouble for me.”
“I will take care of the ladies.” I grinned, eyes crinkling. “But who knows what trouble I’ll find.”
He chuckled. “Should’ve known that smartass answer was coming.” Gaze becoming hooded, his lips brushed mine, the teasing touch a mile short of the breath-stealing kiss I needed and craved. “I mean it though, beautiful. Do your job but stay safe. Listen to what security says, Evan and Chris both, and don’t do anything that puts yourself in danger.” He exhaled harshly, his worry clear. “If something happens to you—”
“Nothing will. Prometo.”
“It better not.” The fingers grasping my hip squeezed. “Because if it does, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll burn any and everyone who had a hand in hurting you to the ground.”
My core tightened, right along with my thighs, in a response that was as automatic as it was helpless. I’d never had someone speak to me in such a delicious way.
And whether or not the threats he was making were violent, something I should’ve feared with every fiber of my being, I’d be a lying puta if I said I didn’t love each word.
More of this, por favor.
“If that makes me the villain in this love story instead of the hero, then so be it.”
He gave me no chance to respond.
Instead, he crushed his hungry lips to my starved ones, demanding and finding entrance to my waiting mouth, pulling a whimper from me.
Tongue delving deep to caress and command, his familiar taste seeped into my soul as he held me tight and poured everything he had into the moment we shared, erasing one hideous memory after another with each sweep of his dominating flesh against mine.
Before long, only beauty would persist.
26
Carmen
My new coworkers were sneaky chicas.
It was a fact I’d accepted the moment a smiling Charlotte led me into the shelter, and I caught sight of a beaming Faye standing at the end of the main hall.
Wearing a cheek-splitting grin on her flushed face and a pink utility apron wrapped around her waist, she stood next to Amelia, who was dancing side to side, her pink skirt twirling around her legs, the sounds of her child-like giggles escaping from behind her palm-covered mouth.
Oh, how I’d missed that sweet sound.
“Surprise, Robina Hood!” Faye called out,
her eyes dancing with what I correctly assumed was happiness. “Looks like you ain’t the only one that’s got a new job!”
My mouth gaped. “What are you...”
Stunned speechless after only three words, something that didn’t happen often, I blinked like a deer caught in the headlights and watched as my best friend bounced on the balls of her feet, one of her hands curled around the top of an overflowing, yellow laundry cart to her right.
“I’m the new laundry lady!”
With my brain misfiring and my lips still tingling from the soul-searing kiss Guapo had given me before watching me walk away a few minutes before, I looked over at Charlotte, a familiar lump forming in my throat, where it seemed to have taken up permanent residence lately.
“You hired Faye?”
Hands going to her lithe hips, she nodded. “Yes, ma’am, I did.”
Maybe it was the way her hazel eyes twinkled or the blinding smile that had overtaken her face, but right then, she reminded me so much of Hope.
As mother and daughter, I expected them to resemble one another—I looked just like Mamá after all—but they were nearly carbon copy twins, minus the age difference.
“You see,” she went on to explain, not missing a beat. “Our laundry room attendant left over a month ago after her new grandbaby was born, and we haven’t been able to replace her yet. So when Carissa FaceTimed me after supper yesterday and suggested Faye as a replacement, I jumped all over it.”
Was it possible to feel your heart leap?
Because I was sure I felt mine do just that.
“I’ve even assured her she’d be able to bring Miss Amelia with her whenever she fancies,” she added, ignoring the puddle of thankfulness I was close to dissolving into. “And well, here we are.”
Despite being beyond grateful and ready to come out of my skin with excitement, I leveled a narrowed gaze at Faye. As Maci would say, she was in biggg trouble. “You couldn’t tell me this at breakfast? You know I hate surprises.”
I needed time to prepare mentally.
Especially when I was an emotional mess.
Like now.