by J. E. Parker
I licked my lower lip, trying, in vain, I might add, to calm my galloping heart before it flew out of my chest. "So kiss me then."
A second later, he did precisely that.
And though it was neither our first nor our last kiss, it was the most beautiful I'd ever been given, since my mind was now barren of demons and my soul devoid of darkness.
Finally, I was free.
Epilogue
Carmen
Four Months Later
The day after I turned forty-two, I got married.
It was a Saturday, and the autumn sun had risen high above the horizon just hours before, blanketing the backyard where I was set to wed my soulmate in warmth.
Even so, a chill still hung in the air.
And like always, the incessant laughter of children floated through the two-story house that had become home as they raced through each of the rooms on the second floor, leaving a trail of smiles in their wake.
Knowing I should’ve already been ready, I told myself that the reason I hadn’t let my bridal party come into the room yet was because I needed a momento alone.
It wasn’t a mentira either.
Eyes locked on the streak-free mirror that hung on the back of James’ and I’s bedroom door, I stared at the woman who peered back at me, her beautiful, peace-filled eyes a beacon for my unwavering gaze.
This isn’t a dream, I told myself.
This is real.
Dressed in my wedding gown, the very same one that Grandmama had spent months making, lovingly sewing every piece of lace and attaching each bead by hand, I wore a silver tiara atop my waterfall curled hair, while a pearl necklace and matching earrings—ones that had belonged to James’ mother—hung from my neck and ears, the ivory colors a stark contrast to the scarlet gloss staining my lips.
I’m about to become Mrs. James Cole.
A mixture of both happiness and disbelief bloomed in my belly as the words repeated in my head, my chest rising and falling as my pulse accelerated.
Just like Mamá had always wanted for me, I was minutes away from walking down the aisle and marrying my best friend, the father of my children, and the man who’d always been, and always would be, my salvation.
Soon, he would be mine to keep forever.
Unlike many other brides I’d witnessed on both reality TV and read about in the plethora of wedding magazines I’d been gifted over the past few months, I cared little about the details of the ceremony and reception.
I just wanted to marry James.
To be honest, I would’ve been happy getting married at the courthouse, but Grandmama and the rest of the ladies wouldn’t hear of it.
And it was because of them that I now stood here, dressed in one of the most beautiful dresses I’d ever seen, my heart in my throat, as I stared at the powerful woman I’d become.
At the survivor I’d become.
Like Mamá and Papá, I’d always been strong.
But it wasn’t until I helped save Anna that the iron-like barrier consisting of never-ending guilt, bottomless shame, agonizing regrets, and endless self-hate that had shielded my heart and soul, preventing them from healing completely, crumbled.
Now each of my wounds was mended.
All except for one.
Hermanito…
It broke my heart to think of Alejandro and not having him present on my wedding day, where he’d walk me down the aisle, my arm entwined with his, and give me away to the man who owned me—heart, body, and soul—hurt.
Badly.
But though his absence was painful, I had faith that I’d see him again one day and that no matter how badly Melendez had corrupted him, a piece of the little boy I’d once loved with everything that existed inside me would remain.
For him, my hope would stay alive.
Just as it always had.
Knock, knock, knock!
“Ma, dammit!”
I don’t know how long I’d been standing in front of the mirror, my head in the clouds, when an impatient voice—Hendrix’s—floated through the still-closed door.
“Open up, or I’m busting in!”
A smile tipped my lips.
Why hadn’t he tried the knob before threatening to destroy my poor door? The dramatics with that one…
“It’s unlocked, mijo. Just—”
Immediately, the door swung open, and my one and only son stepped inside the bedroom.
“Holy shit,” he said, freezing, his eyes widening as he stared at me, his face a perfect replica of his father’s.
“Pop is gonna lose his mind when he sees you.” His neck bobbed as he swallowed. “You look beautiful.”
Working to stop my bottom lip from quivering, I pulled in a calming breath. “So do you.” It was the truth. Dressed in a sharp black tux and wearing a peach-colored tie, he was beyond handsome.
And he was my son—my mijo.
For that, I’d be eternally grateful.
“I, uh”—he cleared his throat—“I know I’m not supposed to be up here, but I needed to tell you something real quick before you walked down the aisle.”
Closing the space between us, I took his hands in mine, lacing our fingers together. “Then tell me.”
He nodded and briefly looked away before meeting my gaze once more. “Thank you.”
My brows bent as confusion set in.
“For what?”
“For loving Pop.”
“Hendrix, bebé, trust me, loving your father hasn’t been a chore. If anything, it’s the smartest and best thing I’ve ever done. He’s a good man and—”
“I know he is. And don’t tell Tuck I told you this, or he’ll pitch a goddamn hissy fit, but the old man is my best friend too.” He chuckled, low and deep. “Never thought I’d say that considering the past, but he is. Without my Pop, I don’t…”
He squeezed my hands.
“Hell, I don’t even wanna think about it.”
He paused, seemingly trying to find the words he’d say next.
“It’s just that you… well, you looked beyond his past and chose to love him in the present. And you chose to love me and my pain in the ass little sister too.” His stare dipped back to the floor, where it remained, reminding me of a timid little boy. “That’s what I’m trying to say thank you for.”
Pulling my hand from his, I cupped his face, just as I always did his father. “Hendrix, look at me.” He did as I’d demanded without argument. “Just like with your father, loving you is one of the smartest and best things I’ve ever done. Not to mention, one of the easiest.”
“It is?”
I nodded. “It is, mijo. And don’t you ever forget it either, si?”
A grin curved his lips. “I won’t.”
Dropping my hands, I rested them on his lapels and pressed a kiss to his cheek before taking a step back. “Good. Now go before the Crazy Old Biddy catches you in here and—”
“You doggone hoodlum!”
“Too late,” I quipped.
“Get your troublemaking self on outta here ‘fore I send Felix next door to get my swatter! I should’ve known you’d cause me trouble. Why I swear—”
“Can it, Grandmama,” he fired back, already heading for the door. “I’m going. I just wanted to see Ma first so I can torment Pop about it.”
“Well, in that case.” She waved him out the door. “Move it along; me and the ladies have some last-minute touches to handle, and you’re in the dadgum way.”
With a roll of his eyes, he stepped outside the door before stopping and playfully sneering down at Grandmama. “Hag,” he said beneath his breath.
“Behemoth,” she fired right back.
“Alright, y’all,” Clara said, moving past both of them. “Behave, because—”
Like Hendrix had done, she froze mid-stride when she saw me. “Ah, crap.” Chin wobbling, her eyes filled with tears. “I knew you’d look gorgeous, Beauty, same as always, but this”—she waved her hands in my direction—“this is almost to
o much for me to handle.”
“Gracias. I—”
“Charlotte, get in here and help me freshen up Beauty’s face! I can’t see to do it since tears are clogging my eyeballs!”
Charlotte chose that moment to walk into the room as Grandmama looked on, her watery gaze and cheek-splitting smile focused on me.
“She is downright purdy, ain’t she?” The Crazy Old Biddy lifted her chin in the air. “She gets it from me, ya know.”
“Course she does,” Charlotte replied, unscrewing a tube of liquid lipstick, the same color she’d applied to my lips earlier. “You don’t need much, darling. Just a small touch-up.”
Nerves setting in, I nodded and closed my eyes, remaining silent as she swiped the soft brush across my bottom lip, then the top while Clara spritzed my favorite perfume on both my neck and wrist.
“All done, gorgeous.”
I opened my eyes just in time to see Anthony appear in the doorway, the tux he wore a perfect match to Hendrix’s. “You ready, Carmen? It’s almost time for the procession to start, but all the ladies, the bridal party included, along with half the kids, are waiting in the foyer so they can watch you come down the stairs.”
I nodded. “I’m ready.”
Charlotte slid the bouquet of peach-colored roses that Heidi had made for me into my left hand as I placed my right one into Anthony’s waiting palm. But before he could lead me out the door and down the stairs, Grandmama stopped us in our tracks.
“Hold on, Beauty. Me and you gotta talk.”
Aged hands cupping my cheeks, she pulled my face down to meet hers. “I know you’re about to be busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking competition since it’s your wedding day and all, but I just thought that I should let you know something…”
“Si? And what is that?”
“Other than his kids, and me of course”—she winked—“you are the best thing that’s ever happened to Superman. And he’s gonna spend the rest of his life showing you just that.” Her eyes narrowed. “If he doesn’t, then you come find ol’ Grandmama, and I’ll set him straight. Got it?”
I laughed. “I’ve got it.”
“Alright then.” Dropping her hands, she wiped the tears I’d glimpsed falling down her cheeks. “Let’s go get you hitched.” She paused, her bottom lip twitching with amusement. “I would give you something old, but I’m already here, so I guess it’s go time.”
Anthony tugged on the hand he still held, and we both laughed. “You heard her. It’s showtime, sweetheart.”
Taking one last deep breath, I followed as he led me out of the room, down the hall, and toward the stairs—Grandmama, Charlotte, and Clara two steps behind us.
At the top, we stopped.
And my heart—dios mío, it soared.
“CeCe!” Maci yelled, jumping up and down from where she stood at the bottom of the steps, her hands wrapped around the banister. “You’re a princess bride!”
“Nuh-uh,” Melody, who stood beside her, said. “She’s a beauty queen. That’s why she’s wearing a pretty crown.”
“No, no, no.” Addie shook her head. “She’s a queen bride!”
“Well,” Gracie piped in, “I don’t like dresses too much, but I suppose that one’s pretty.”
“M’hm,” Lily Ann added, dancing in place next to a grinning Olivia and an oddly silent Bella. “I wanna wear a queen dress like that one day. Then I can be boo-ti-ful like CeCe.”
I couldn’t find the words to reply.
“Mama C,” Little One choked out, trying her best not to cry. “You look… you look—”
“Amazing,” Chiquita finished for her, her hands resting on her rounded belly, where she and Chase’s son grew. “No, not amazing. Breathtaking.”
“Sounds about right,” Shelby added, not bothering to hide her tears.
“Yup,” Maddie agreed, clutching an awe-struck Hope’s hand.
“Oh God,” Carissa whispered just loud enough for me to hear. “James is going to flip.”
Beside her, Heidi nodded and lifted her hands, then signed and mouthed, You look perfect.
“One of the prettiest brides I’ve ever seen,” a beaming Miss Dottie added.
Breathe. Just breathe...
“Dang it, Robina Hood.” Arms wrapped around a giggling Amelia, Faye sobbed, her entire body quaking. “Just look at you!”
Chuckling, Anthony lifted my hand, tucking my arm in his. “If you mother hens are done clucking and gushing now, I’d like to take the bride to her groom.” He sighed. “If I don’t, my head may end up on a spike, courtesy of my father-in-law.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll get ‘em going!”
Slipping past Anthony and me, Grandmama headed down the steps, shoulders squared like she was a woman on a mission.
“Alright, y’all. Everybody line up at the back door. And when the music starts, get your tushies moving across the porch, down the doggone steps, up the path, then down the aisle.”
I watched as everyone filed out of the foyer, Charlotte and Clara included after they’d descended the stairs, leaving Anthony and I alone, surrounded only by silence.
“Are you ready for this?”
I turned my head, meeting his gaze. “I’ve been waiting my entire life for this.” I blew out a breath, fighting to keep the tears filling my eyes from falling. “And I don’t want to wait a minute more.”
“Let’s go then, sweetheart.”
“Si,” I whispered, “let’s go.”
It was almost time.
With only Faye, my maid of honor, left to walk down the aisle, Anthony and I made our way onto the porch and down the steps.
Heart hammering, my belly was twisting in a million and one complex knots, while my legs lost all sensation as we neared the rose-covered pathway that would lead me straight to Guapo.
“Anthony,” I whispered, my entire body quaking as Brantley and Clara, who were standing in front of the last row of chairs, followed by Evan and Hope, came into view. “I think I may faint.”
My nerves were in pieces.
Why, I didn’t know.
I loved Guapo, I loved him so much I found it hard to breathe at times, and I wanted nothing more than to be his wife. But I could feel something akin to a panic attack looming, threatening to send me into a tailspin.
What if he doesn’t like my dress?
What if I fall on my face?
What if I forget my vows?
“Do me a favor then, yeah? Close your eyes and just focus on taking a few breaths.” Doing as he said, I closed my eyes and inhaled, then exhaled as we continued to walk forward slowly, moving at a snail’s pace. “That’s it. Now just keep breathing, sweetheart.”
Eyes still closed, I nearly stumbled when we came to a sudden stop, and Anthony turned me, facing my body toward what I knew was the flower-covered arch where James would be standing, his eyes most likely glued to my shut ones as the song I’d chosen to walk down the aisle to, played.
“Are you ready for this?” he asked again.
The damn quaking worsened.
“Si, I’m ready to get married, even if I have to do it while looking and behaving like a hot mess.”
Now I’m the one channeling Jade.
Anthony made a choking sound.
“That’s not what I meant, sweetheart.”
My eyes popped open, the words I needed to speak in order to ask Anthony what he meant sitting on the tip of my tongue.
But then my gaze crashed into Guapo’s.
And they quickly dissipated.
Dressed in the same tux and tie as Hendrix and Anthony, he looked even more beautiful than usual as he peered back at me, his hands twitching, the need to touch and kiss me, two things he loved doing, undoubtedly about to drive him loco.
Move your culo, chica, I told myself.
He looks close to coming unhinged.
“Carmen,” Clara hissed, grabbing my attention but failing to command my stare. “You’re supposed to walk down the aisle, ba
bydoll. And from the looks of it, if you don’t get started moving”—she squeaked—“oh holy crap!”
I didn’t know what kind of fit she was having, but she was not helping my anxiety.
And it was because of my frazzled nerves and spinning head that I didn’t even notice when Anthony slid his arm from mine, allowing someone else to take his place.
“Cristo,” I mumbled, the need to get my culo down the aisle and slow everything down so I could gather what little wits I still possessed, nipping my spine. “Anthony, you may have to carry me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I—”
“If that’s what you wish, then I’ll carry you.”
One moment.
One breath.
One beat of my seizing heart.
That was all it took for my world to tilt, knocking me off my axis as a voice I hadn’t heard in many years spoke.
And though it was much deeper than it had been when we were kids, I would’ve recognized it anywhere.
How could I not?
Especially when it belonged to Alejandro?
I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe…
“Princesa, look at me.”
Eyes locking and remaining on my future husband’s, I shook my head, even as Alejandro called me by the same endearment my father had always used.
“No.” Muscles turning to jello, my knees knocked together, seconds from giving way. “I can’t.”
A warm hand encased mine. “Why?”
My mental dam broke, and the tears I’d been fighting so hard to hold back spilled, pouring down my face in tsunami-like rivulets.
“Because if I turn my head and you’re not truly here,” I said, pulling in a breath as I wondered if I’d gone entirely loca, “my heart will shatter again, and this time for good.”
I couldn’t lose him another time.
I just couldn’t.
Knowing—not to mention, seeing—that I was close to breaking, James charged up the aisle, his wild eyes bouncing between the man standing beside me, the same one I prayed wasn’t an apparition, and me.
“Carmen, look at me,” Alejandro demanded. Jaw clenched, I shook my head, still refusing. “Goddammit, look at me.”
My body sagged in relief, a fraction of my anxiety fleeing when Guapo reached me, and his familiar scent tickled the tip of my nose, then filled my lungs as I inhaled his essence, letting it, along with the warmth of having him so close, help calm me further.