Deserving Love

by Myers, K. L.

  Vincent had already been toppling to the ground when he shot. The bullet sliced through my bicep, entering and exiting through the muscle of my back. Missed my lung and ribs completely. Lillian’s cousin Michael said it was a miracle, and wished some of his brothers in the field had been so lucky. As a combat medic, he’d seen more than his share of bullet wounds. An inch lower, and things would have been a whole hell of a lot worse.

  Thirty minutes later, my father walks in. Alongside of him are Gabriel and Lorenzo.

  “Gabriel?” I ask in question. “I thought you were with Bethany. Who is with her and Peanut?”

  My father quickly interrupts. “Do not worry about the woman and the boy. They will be fine. We need to talk about what our next steps will be.”

  The four of us spend the next few hours discussing who all was involved in the plan to unseat my father, and how they will breathe their last breaths.

  “Sir, I need to head back to the city. I want to be the one who ends their lives.”

  “Angelo, this is our fight, not just yours. There are only a few who remain unaccounted for. Matteo and Vincent had a small group that felt they could rise above and take over. With both Matteo and Vincent dead, they will flounder and fall by the wayside, but they must still be punished for thinking they had the right to rise against our family, and it cannot wait till you can handle it. Gabriel and Lorenzo will take care of it.”

  Both Gabriel and Lorenzo nod in acceptance of their orders. Before I can protest any further, they both turn and exit the room, leaving me alone with my father.

  “Son, I know you are in a hurry to get out of here, but I need you to do as you’re told, or you’ll be no good to anyone. Do you understand what I’m asking of you?”

  “Yes, sir, I do. I just feel that this needs to be my fight as much as it is yours.”

  “Desire laced with vengeance does no one any good, son. Get your head on straight, and I’ll see you in a couple of days at home.”

  And with those last parting words, I’m once again left to battle my thoughts.

  Several more hours pass. If it weren’t for the pain medication, sleep would have been impossible. When I wake, I reach for my phone and dial Lillian, praying she answers.

  “Angelo, oh my God, are you alright?” Her voice trembles as she speaks.

  “Yes, Principessa, I’ll be fine. I’m calling for a favor.”

  “Of course, Ang. Anything you need”

  “I need my old room back, Lillian. I know I have no right to ask this since I’ve caused so much grief for Bethany and Peanut, but I need to be with them when I leave here. I need to know they are safe. I’m a selfish man.”

  “Selfish is not one of the words I would ever use to describe you. Of course, you can have your room. I’ll let Maria know to make it up in preparation for your return. Linc and I will be there tomorrow evening. We’ll make sure everyone is taken care of.”

  “Thank you, Principessa, and apologize to Linc for me. I never meant to put Bethany and Peanut in danger.”

  “Rest, Ang. We know this wasn’t your fault. None of us saw this coming.”

  Chapter 4

  ANGELO

  I’m done lying in this bed. It’s been three days since all hell broke loose, and I’m going stir crazy. My pain is still unbearable, but I refuse to take any more medication or let anyone know. I inwardly groan and shift in my bed.

  Lorenzo shoots me a look, ensuring I know that he knows I shouldn’t be leaving, but like a good soldier, I know he has my back. He waits on me to get up, offering his arm as a source to stabilize myself.

  “You ready, you pain in the ass? I’m not going to carry your ass, so get your shit moving.”

  I shoot Lorenzo a stare, telling him if I could, I’d drop him right where he stands. “I’m fucking moving as fast as I can, you dick.”

  “Right, all the more reason you shouldn’t be rushing into leaving.”

  “Just give me my phone, so I can call Lillian and let her know we are on our way.”

  * * *

  It’s late when I arrive at Lillian’s childhood home. Quietly, Lorenzo helps me make my way to my old room, and sure enough, Maria has everything ready for me. Lorenzo helps me to the bed, and I drop, unable to hide my pain any longer.

  “Rest, my friend. I’ll check on you tomorrow. Expect your father first thing. You know he won’t be happy that you didn’t follow the doctor’s orders and stay longer.”

  “Hmph, let him be mad. See you, Lorenzo.” I don’t wait for him to leave. I immediately close my eyes and let the exhaustion and pain consume me.

  I wake to the sound of Bethany yelling at Peanut to stop running. The sound of his little feet on the hardwood floor outside my closed door makes me smile. I try to move, but the pain is too excruciating. I lie there a few moments while I convince myself to move and bear the pain. “Fuck,” I growl as I force myself to sit up. Once I’ve got the pain under control, I reach for my phone and call my father.

  “Sir, when can I expect you today?”

  “You have one hard head, but I understand your need to be where you are. I’ll be by around lunchtime. We need to discuss a few things. And son, I suggest you rest. I’m going to need you back in action soon.”

  “I understand, sir, and I’ll be ready when the time comes.”

  Every bit of energy I have is spent on getting myself to the bathroom and cleaning up. A shower is out of the question, but at least I’m able to brush my teeth and comb my hair. A fresh change of close lies on the counter, but there is no way I’ll be able to get out of my jeans and into another pair without some assistance. The one person I want to help me isn’t an option. I’m not willing to let anyone outside of Lillian, Linc, or my family know I am here. If Bethany knew, she’d be at my side, and the last thing I need is to feel any more guilt than I already do. She doesn’t need to be saddled down caring for me.

  Maria taps lightly at the door and then slowly pushes it open. “Mr. Rizzuto. I’ve got your breakfast.”

  “It’s okay, Maria. You can come in.”

  Maria enters the rest of the way, making her way across the room and placing the tray on the dresser. The smell of coffee and bacon fills the room, making my stomach growl in delight.

  “Thank you, Maria.”

  Without saying a word, Maria nods her head in acknowledgment while turning and walking toward the door. As quietly as she entered, she sneaks back out. No one the wiser of my presence in the home.

  It takes every bit of energy I have to eat when all I want to do is sleep. Fall into a slumber and not wake up until everything is perfect in the world. That will never happen, not in my lifetime, and certainly not as long as my last name is Rizzuto. I close my eyes and fantasize about a life where I’m anyone but Angelo Rizzuto, where Bethany is my wife, and Peanut is our son. The pleasant thoughts relax me enough to forget about the pain I’m in, and I fall into a restful slumber.

  I wake to a gentle hand squeezing my forearm. I want to believe it belongs to Bethany, but when I open my eyes, I see the next best thing. Lillian.

  “Hey, you. Sorry to wake you, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to know you were doing okay.”

  I smile at her beautiful face. “I’m fine, Principessa. I promise. Where is Lincoln?”

  Lillian sits on the side of my bed and touches her hand to my face. The way she once used to do when we were together. “He’s downstairs with Bethany. She didn’t know you were here.”

  I turn my head away from Lillian. Disgust with myself keeps me from looking her in the eyes. “I didn’t want her to know I was here. After everything that happened to her and Peanut, I don’t need her sympathy.” I pound the bed with my fist. “She shouldn’t be here, Lillian. It’s because of me that she isn’t safe.” I crack my neck, left to right. “If you could have seen them. They were so frightened by Vincent. He held a gun to Bethany’s head, and it was my fault.”

  I listen to Lillian try to tell me how none of this was my fault. Ev
en when I explain to her why Vincent and Matteo showed up in Virginia at Bethany’s home, she still tries to convince me I’m not to blame.

  “God, Ang. I was sitting watching the television with Lincoln, and all of a sudden, I was sick to my stomach. I knew something was wrong; I just didn’t know what it was. I thought it was Peanut, that something happened to him, so I told Lincoln to call Bethany. I never thought it would be you who was in trouble.” Lillian raises my hand to her lips and kisses the back of it. “My indestructible soldier isn’t quite so indestructible.”

  I laugh a moment, but the pain is too much, and I wince. “Who would have thought, huh, Principessa? I’m not as invincible as you think.”

  A knock at my door has both Lillian and me turning to see who is there. The door pushes open, and in walks my father.

  Chapter 5

  ANGELO

  My father walks in. Lillian stands to greet him, but I’m helpless to move, so I struggle to sit up. “Sir, good to see you again.”

  “We need to talk, Angelo,” my father says as he takes a seat in the chair by the bed. “Lillian, please excuse us.”

  Lillian nods her head in understanding, though I know her well enough to know if she had her way, she wouldn’t be leaving. Some things never change, no matter how different you want them to be. Business is never discussed in front of a woman, and certainly not in front of Lillian Vicci, the little girl he watched grow up. She’ll always be a child in his eyes.

  “I met your Bethany and Peanut downstairs. I see why you like them so.”

  “They’re not mine, sir.” No matter how much I want them to be.

  “If things were different, you would like them to be, wouldn’t you?”

  I nod my head once in acknowledgement, then shake away the thought before it has a chance to settle in. “You and I both know that our world doesn’t work for someone who wasn’t raised as part of the Cosa Nostra.”

  “Si, Angelo. It is good that you realize that. She would never know her place.”

  Anger, like I’ve never felt for my father before builds within me. My voice elevates as I speak to him. “Her place would be by my side. My equal and nothing less, and it would be a blessing to call the boy mine.”

  My father smiles at me and lifts his head, acknowledging my statement. “Good. I’m glad you see things as they should be. Now, stop with the self-pity I know you are wallowing in. I heard you’re blaming yourself for what happened. You are not solely to blame for any of this. We all are. It’s time to end this, so we can all get back some normalcy.”

  “You’re right, sir.” I struggle a bit, but I’m able to swing my legs over the side of the bed. I attempt to stand but waiver a bit.

  “Stay seated, Angelo. I don’t need you to do anything but rest and heal. The boys and I have this under control.”

  “But this is my fight as well.”

  My father stands, placing his hand on the top of my shoulder. I feel his fingers squeeze lightly. “Rest. I’ll be by in a day or two. Take care.”

  The door closes behind him, and I let myself think about the fact that he said they should be mine. He will support having them as part of the family. Oh, how I wish that could be.

  It isn’t long before another soft knock at the door draws my attention. I sit for a moment waiting to see who it is, but no one enters. Maybe I was mistaken, but then I hear it once again. A light rap on the door.

  “Come in.”

  The door swings in, and Bethany steps into the room hesitantly. My heart begins to race. It’s so fucking good to see her. But then I remember why I’ve chosen to avoid her, and I shut out all thoughts of her. She walks timidly toward me. Her eyes search mine. I’m sure she’s looking for me to give her a sign that I want her here.

  God, I want to run to her. I don’t care how much pain it would cause me. To hold her. To kiss her. But I’m not deserving of the gem before me.

  “Angelo.” Her face is full of worry. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “Tesoro.” It’s all I can say. A lump builds in my throat, keeping me from speaking. She crosses to my bed and sits on the end.

  “I’ve been worried about you, Angelo. I’ve texted, but you’ve not replied, and no one would tell me anything other than not to worry.”

  I know I should apologize for not returning her texts. I got every single one of them but couldn’t bring myself to answer. I’m the reason she isn’t in her own home. Because of me, something horrible could have happened to her, and it was easier to ignore her than accept the forgiveness I knew she would give me.

  “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” My voice is cold and distant when I reply. She recoils as if she is in pain and pulls back slightly as if I’ve slapped her.

  “Oh, okay. I’m sorry to bother you. I just wanted to see with my own eyes that you’re really okay.”

  “Thank you for checking on me.” Again, my voice is less than warm and welcoming.

  “I guess I’ll go. Sorry to bother you.” Bethany stands and slowly walks toward the door. Her head turns and looks over her shoulder, her eyes begging me to ask her to stay, but when I don’t, she reaches for the knob and pulls the door open.

  Son of a bitch, I’m an asshole. I should have asked her to stay. Hell, I should have said or done something other than what I did, but it’s best this way. With any luck, she’ll be able to return to her normal life soon.

  I force myself to stand through the pain. I need to find Gabriel or Lorenzo and get myself out of this house. Coming here was a bad idea. I should have just gone home. To my home.

  The door flies open, and Lincoln storms in. “What did you say to my sister to make her cry?”

  His words are like a bullet to the heart. I stumble forward, and Lincoln reaches out to catch me. “You’re lucky you’re injured, or I’d drop you with one punch. Now, tell me what you said to my sister.”

  Getting my bearings, I stand on my own. “I didn’t say anything. I told her I was fine and that she didn’t need to worry about me. I had no intentions of making her cry.”

  “You son of a bitch. I trusted you to take care of two of the most important people to me. What happened wasn’t your fault, but being a cold-hearted dick to her is unacceptable. You and I both know that you have feelings for the two of them, and I’ve come to terms with that because I knew they would be safe with you. That you’d never let anything happen to them. That doesn’t give you the right to treat them like they are nothing more than a job. You and I both know that isn’t true.”

  Lincoln’s right. They are more than a job to me. They are my everything. “I’m sorry, Linc. It wasn’t my intention, but we both know everyone is better off right now if I’m not in the picture.”

  “You know what, Angelo? You’re right. They would be better off. So, why are you here, then? You’ve got a home of your own. Why did you come here?”

  He’s pushing me. Pushing me to admit to him that I want to be a part of Bethany and Peanut’s lives, but I refuse to give him what he wants. “I know coming here wasn’t the best of ideas. That’s why I decided, before you came barging in, that I am leaving. I was on my way to find one of the guys to take me home.”

  “I’ve got that covered,” Lincoln snarls at me. “My car is outside. I’ll have my driver take you wherever you want. Hell, I’ll even help you out the front door. Let’s get to it.”

  I don’t want to leave, no matter how much I try to convince myself that it’s best. But I leave. I let Lincoln help my ass right out the front door and into his waiting town car. Each mile, further away from Bethany the car drives, crushes my spirit even more.

  Chapter 6

  ANGELO

  Coming home to my apartment a month ago felt foreign to me. It's dismal, no excess furniture. Just a sofa, kitchen table, bed, and dresser. The staples of a single man. My walls aren’t covered with pictures. Aside from a dead plant Lillian had sent the day I arrived back home, you would never know that someone lives here. A fucking plan
t, as if that would cheer my ass up.

  I have no need for the luxuries of life, just a place to lay my head when I’m tired. Before Bethany, this place was somewhere I rarely spent any time. It was a constant reminder that I was alone. That I made the biggest mistake of my life eight years ago when I walked away from Lillian. Now the reality is, that wasn’t my biggest mistake. It was the right decision then, and it worked out the way it should have. At least for Lillian. The biggest mistake of my life was made a month ago when I got into Lincoln's fucking car. Living with Bethany and Peanut showed me there was more to life than four white walls and a place to lay your head. How many mistakes does one get in a lifetime?

  “Hey, dickhead, are you listening to me?”

  Lorenzo sits at my kitchen table. He started rambling the minute he walked through the door, but I chose to ignore him. Instead, I sat in front of my television and focused on what a mess my life has become.

  “No, I’m not fucking listening to you.”

  “Well, you better because I’ve been trying to tell you for the last thirty minutes that Frankie Lombardi hasn’t been found yet, and until he has, your Bethany and Peanut aren’t safe.”

  That has my attention. “Wait, what?” I say as I stand and make my way to the kitchen table to take a seat. “My father said this was finished weeks ago. That the last of Matteo’s men had been found and executed. Who the fuck is Frankie Lombardi?”