An Undeniable Secret (Amish Secrets--Book 4)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  “Nee. I knew nothing of Elam’s past marriage. When my family moved into this area twenty-two years ago, Elam was single. He was at the singing and clean-shaven, so I assumed he was available.”

  “Wait a minute. So, you hadn’t been in the area prior to that time?”

  “No.”

  “So, Elam didn’t leave my sister for another woman,” he said flatly. He’d been wrong.

  “If he did, I can tell you that it was not me. I never even thought to ask whether he’d been married. Divorce is not something our people usually do.”

  “That’s not what he told me when he left my sister.” He clenched his fists. “You know, your husband and I used to be pretty good friends when we were younger. I never thought he’d turn out to be a–” George blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, but this whole situation has me so upset.”

  The front wooden screen door slammed shut, and Rosemary’s daughters appeared with two trays – one with two glasses of refreshment and the other with an assortment of cookies and crackers.

  Rosemary nodded. “Mr. Anderson, please have some tea and snacks.”

  “Obliged, ma’am.” He took a glass of tea and one of the small plates, and nodded to the teen girls. “Thank you.”

  The girls quickly disappeared behind the screen door again.

  “To think, he had a son all this time and never told me. It always wondered me why he didn’t want me to open his mail. Perhaps that was why.”

  “I should probably clarify. As far as I know, Elam was unaware of William’s existence. My sister didn’t see any reason to tell Elam about his son. He’d left and moved on. Would a son have made any difference? If he didn’t love my sister enough to stay with her, then I couldn’t see a child changing his mind.”

  “I guess we’ll never know.” Rosemary’s gaze leveled at George. “William’s mother…does she know that Elam passed?”

  “I apologize. I should have clarified that as well. No, William’s mother passed away about five years ago. Both his mother and his adoptive father are deceased. William only has me and an aunt, whom he’s never met, out in Arizona.” He smiled briefly. “And now, he has your family as well.”

  Compassion welled in her eyes. “I am sorry for William. He has experienced a lot of grief in his young age.”

  George thought of William’s relationship with Saloma. Yet another loss. “Yes, he has suffered much more than any young man should.”

  “How…how old is William?”

  “He’s almost twenty-four.”

  She nodded thoughtfully. “Elam and I were married for almost twenty-two years. We didn’t court very long.”

  George guessed that was probably at the urging of their bishop. He would have wanted Elam to marry quickly, so as to have no chance of reconciliation with his former wife. The whole situation was sickening. And poor Rosemary, she was just an innocent bystander like his sister had been. “I’m sorry you had to end up with him.”

  “Please, I don’t want you to think badly of Elam. He was a very gut father to my girls and husband to me.”

  “At least he was to someone,” George mumbled.

  “What will happen with the house? Should we prepare to move?” There was no hint of concern in Rosemary’s voice, which surprised George.

  “Do you have another place to go?”

  “Nee. But I am sure we can find something.”

  “William and I haven’t determined what will happen with the property. I’m Executor of his father’s estate until William’s twenty-fifth birthday. The lease you signed was temporary. If you’re still agreeable to the lease for another six months, we can pursue that option if you’d like.”

  “When will I meet Elam’s son?”

  “I believe you already have. He’s been picking up your daughter several times a week for some time now.”

  Rosemary’s eyes broadened. “That was him? When he came to the door after Saloma left, I knew there was something about him that looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place my finger on it. Now I know. I saw Elam in his eyes.”

  “He does somewhat resemble Elam, but he’s definitely got more of his mother in him.” He set his drinking glass on the floor and rose from the rocker. “Well, I best be going now. It was a pleasure meeting you, Rosemary.”

  She nodded. “Will you bring William next time?”

  George smiled. “I’ll see if he’d like to come by and meet his new family.”

  As George traveled home, he was struck by a new perception. William’s Amish family isn’t at all what I’d thought they’d be. Instead of the unpleasant picture in his mind, he’d discovered Elam’s family to be kind and compassionate. Just like William. Imagine that!

  Chapter 19

  Saloma rushed to her bedroom as soon as Rebecca informed her of the letter she’d received in the mail. She’d always liked to read her personal mail in a private setting and this was no exception. Especially since she already knew who it was from. Will. She’d been waiting for it, expecting it.

  Her hand caressed the envelope, as though he were still holding it. She imagined his steady hand, heavy with grief and shaking slightly. Saloma brought the letter close to see if any of Will’s scent, a drop of his cologne perhaps, had clung to the letter.

  She turned the damper to raise the flame on the kerosene lamp, and took a deep breath before tearing into his letter. Her eyes hesitantly read the words as her heart silently cried for her lost love.

  Dear Sally,

  I don’t know where to begin. I never thought I’d be writing a letter of this nature. This is all so heartbreaking and strange. My uncle recently informed me of what you already know – we have the same father. This is still a shock to me, as I’m sure it is to you too. To think we are brother and sister! Oh, how I wish it wasn’t so! I don’t know if I can ever see you as anything other than the love of my life. If only circumstances were different. If only there was a way.

  I know that I said the next time I come to see you it would be to take you as my bride. Now I know that will never be. You were right. Our situation is impossible. With that being the case, I have something to say. I release you to court and love whomever you please. You have my blessing.

  With a heavy heart,

  Your brother, Will

  Saloma folded the now-tearstained letter and placed it under her pillow. It was official. There was no hope for her and Will. Even he acknowledged it.

  <><><>

  It was time. Will could wait no longer to reveal the contents in his mother’s file.

  He had no choice but to come to grips with his reality. The letter to Sally had been the most difficult of all. The anguish in his heart didn’t negate the facts, no matter how much he longed for an alternative truth. Releasing Sally to love another had been excruciating, but isn’t that the essence of real love? When you truly love someone, you desire the best for them. No matter if your own heart is breaking in two, yearning for what can never be.

  Will turned to the task at hand. He sifted through all kinds of important papers. He lifted out his birth certificate. His eyes roamed the document until it came to the place of birth. I wasn’t born in Pennsylvania? That’s odd. He was pretty certain Elam and his mother lived in Lancaster County when they married. He searched the stack of papers on the table beside him, the ones he’d just waded through, and found his parents’ marriage certificate. Sure enough, they’d married in Pennsylvania.

  He frowned. He’d have to ask Uncle George about that later.

  Will’s gaze landed on something. He pulled out a leather journal and brought it to his nostrils. He’d always loved the smell of real leather. His hand caressed the book as though he were holding something sacred – and he felt that it was. As he opened the cover, his mother’s penmanship immediately caught his eye. It was different than he remembered. Hmm…it must have changed over the years.

  Sandra Anderson. He rarely heard his mother called by that name in his growing-up years; she’d always been Sandy, Sa
ndy Griffith. It seemed strange to read her maiden name.

  Will scanned most of the journal; he could read those parts later. What he was searching for was his own existence and that of his biological father’s. As of now, he only had Uncle George’s word and his father’s alleged last will and testament. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust that his uncle was telling the truth, it was just that he needed more solid concrete evidence to fully believe his uncle’s words. The fact that Uncle George didn’t care for the Amish, and disliked Sally, made him suspect in Will’s mind.

  He noticed the dates in his mother’s journal nearing the time of his birth, and he flipped back a couple of pages. The name ‘Elam’ written inside a heart jumped out at him. He read the words below it.

  > I can no longer deny it. I’m in love with him. I’ve fought it for so long, but I can’t deny it anymore. He loves me too. I know he does. He asked to meet me on Sunday night and I said yes.

  > Tonight’s the night. I have butterflies in my stomach and I wonder if he does too. If our parents knew, I’m certain they wouldn’t allow it. Especially his – they are different than my folks. (I wonder if he’ll kiss me.)

  > Remember how I wrote that Elam was different than me? Well, I tell you why. He’s Amish. He doesn’t drive a car or anything, just a horse and buggy. He wears homemade clothes, just like in the olden days. He also wears suspenders and a hat that I think makes him look even more handsome. It brings out his gorgeous eyes.

  > Yes! He loves me! He told me so tonight. I’m excited to follow our love to see where it leads. Could he be the one?

  > We’ve been seeing each other every week now. I hope we never stop. I love him so much!

  > Elam is all I ever dreamed of. He’s kind and handsome. I hope he’s the one.

  > Tonight we talked about the future – you know, marriage and all that. He said that he loved me, but he seemed sad somehow. He said that if we married, he’d have to leave his family behind. I couldn’t imagine leaving my family just because I want to get married to someone I love.

  > Elam came in normal clothes tonight! I think maybe he’s becoming used to the idea of becoming what he calls an ‘Englischer’.

  > He gave me a ring last night! He wants to marry me! You should have seen how sweet and shy he was about asking me. I could just picture him taking his money to the jewelry store and asking to look at rings. I love Elam so much I can hardly stand it! I’m so excited I don’t know what to do. Our future is so bright.

  > Well, today we did it. We went down to the courthouse and said ‘I do’! I feel like the happiest woman alive.

  > I love being married to Elam, he’s the best husband ever!

  > We haven’t seen his folks or any of his family since we married. We might go visit them next week.

  > Guess what? Elam received Christ today! I was so happy to see him walk to the altar and ask God to save him. Now I know we can get through anything.

  > Well, tomorrow’s the day we’ll go see Elam’s folks. I’m a little nervous.

  > I don’t know what’s wrong. He seems so sad. He went to see his folks today, but they wouldn’t even allow him to come onto the property. I fear they hate me. I hope Elam doesn’t regret marrying me. I would never want to be a burden to him.

  > We tried again today. We’ve gone several times now and it’s always the same thing. We are not welcome.

  > The Amish deacon came by today and spoke with Elam. He told me the man said he was officially shunned. Only repenting in front of the Amish church and joining again would lift the ban.

  > Elam loves me, I know he does. But he’s so, so sad for his family. It pains me to see him this way. Sometimes, when he thinks I’m asleep next to him, I hear him crying at night. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him.

  > I didn’t want to admit it, but now I have no choice. He misses his family too much. I fear it’s more than he can bear. I think he’d rather be with them than me.

  > They came again today, the Amish people. I wasn’t in the room but I overheard. Some I didn’t understand because they didn’t speak it in English. They want him to leave me. I know it. They told him a piece of paper doesn’t make someone married.

  > I can see it in his eyes. He’s leaving. He cried last night again when we were in bed. But it was different this time, he was weeping. He thought I was asleep, but how could I sleep when I see how much turmoil he’s in? I want to be enough for him – I yearn to be enough for him, but I’m not. I realize that.

  > Elam held me tight last night and told me that he loved me. I think that was his way of saying goodbye. I hope I am wrong. God, please let me be wrong.

  > I’m letting him go. I feel he will be happier this way. We should have never married. I can see that now. I’ve only brought him pain and heartbreak.

  > He’s gone. That’s all I can bear to write.

  > I’ve never been so sad. I’ve never known such heartache. I don’t know how I’ll go on.

  Will stopped reading and wiped his eyes. His mother’s pain was so tangible, he felt as though it were his own. Just like she’d lost Elam, he’d lost Sally. He continued reading his mother’s words.

  > I have a secret…

  A secret? Me? Was I her secret? Will raised a brow, and then continued.

  > I’m going away. I will come back sometime. Maybe in a couple of years, I don’t know. I think George knows my secret.

  > I found a place. The people here are nice and there are others here like me, who are expecting, with no man around. I don’t know their situations, but I’d guess no one’s situation is like mine. I can never regret knowing Elam, but my heart hurts so much. I still wonder everyday about what he’s doing.

  > I had it all planned out. I would have the baby and give it up, but now I cannot bring myself to do that. He’s perfect. I’ve decided I’m keeping him.

  > Although he’ll always be a reminder of a love that never should have been – no, that is not true. How could it be, when I hold this precious little one in my arms? I love him so much, even though, when I look into his eyes, I see his father. Little William. He is my consolation, my gift from God.

  > I’ve thought about going back home. I miss my parents and brother.

  > There might be a way. I’ve met a very kind man. We got to talking, and it turns out that he is a preacher and he said he knows my brother, George. What a small world! He adores little William. And me too, it seems. I cannot bring myself to love him, though. The pain in my heart is too deep still.

  > He wants to marry me. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m scared and thrilled at the same time. What if he leaves me, like William’s father did? But what if he doesn’t? He wants to adopt William and call him his own. I’m unsure of what I want.

  > I’m going back home! He said everything will work out just fine. I want to believe him. He said God will see us through. He’s a really good man. I’ve decided to marry him. His name is Peter.

  > My parents really like him and, of course, George does too. They love our baby too! I’m happy.

  > He is a wonderful father to William. I’m sure just as good as William’s biological father would have been. Sometimes I wonder where he is and what he’s doing.

  > Peter has been the best husband, yet I’m still afraid to love him. I don’t know if I can ever give him all my heart. I’ve done that before…

  > I’ve decided not to tell William about his biological father; it would only bring him pain. I have no reason to tell him anyway. He has a fine father now.

  > William is growing so big and strong now. He has Elam’s eyes, I think.

  > He wants to grow up to be just like Daddy, he said. I smiled, because I think he has the best daddy in the world.

  > I thought my heart would stop today. I saw him. We passed each other in the grocery store. He immediately looked away. I had William with me. He was with an expecting woman and a little girl who looked to be a few years younger than William. I wondered if he recognized his
own son. I’m guessing the woman was his new wife. I hope he is happy with her. I really mean it.

  > I’m so in love I can’t stand it! And I have another secret. William doesn’t know yet, but his daddy and I are going to have a sibling for him to play with by the end of the year. His father and I are thrilled.

  > We lost little Christopher last night. He was really sick. We will have a funeral for him in a couple of days.

  > I don’t think we will try to have more children. Losing the ones you love is too painful. But I’m so glad for young William, and of course, Peter, my beloved.

  Will didn’t need to read any more. Not today. He’d found what he’d been looking for. It was there in black and white. Uncle George had been correct all along. He wasn’t just making this up to keep him and Sally apart. Any thread of hope he held out for a relationship with Sally had slipped through his fingers.

  His mother was so right. Losing those you love was painful. Will felt closer to his mother somehow; reading her words made him realize how alike they were. He could identify with his mother in a way he never had when she’d been alive. His heart grieved for his mother and the fact that she, behind her cheerful appearance, had been a soul cloaked in sadness. He guessed that she’d probably carried it around every day since Elam had left.

  But hadn’t she said that he was her comfort?

  Will smiled. He’d never realized how much joy he’d brought his parents. If only he could go back to when they were still alive, and thank them for all the sacrifices they’d made for him over the years. If only he could tell them what a blessing they’d been to him. But that would have to wait until Heaven.

  Will felt a sense of loss as he thought about the father he’d never had a chance to know. He must’ve been a decent man, otherwise his mother wouldn’t have married him. Would she?

  Another thought struck him. His mother wrote that Elam had accepted Christ. That meant he would indeed meet the father he never knew, in Heaven!