“Really is the perfect ending to the day,” Owen whispers to me, his hand on my shoulder rubbing up and down.
The perfect day it was.
September
After Owen’s birthday, the days blurred into months. I’d just started back at work, Evie looking after Rosie two days a week. It still didn’t sit right with me that her only days off she was dedicating to my little girl, but Evie wouldn’t hear a word about it. So, every day for the past two weeks Evie’s at my place at nine a.m., ready and waiting to take Rosie for the day.
I worried at first Evie wouldn’t get anything done during her day, but I quickly learned that Evie and Rosie are a little dynamic duo. Turns out Rosie loves Evie as much as she loves Evie’s son.
As the days went by, soon Rosie was reaching six months old and it was clear my flat wasn’t going to cut it anymore. So began the search for a new place.
Despite Owen and I never being closer and him sleeping over most nights, I still wasn’t ready for him to take the lunge and move in. Yet of course, Owen being Owen, he took me to every flat viewing, leading us to where we are today.
“This feels hopeless.” I groan as we leave the fifth flat of the day, nothing matching what Rosie and I need.
Owen’s hands come to rest upon my shoulders. “I know it’s frustrating, but we will find a place.”
“Am I making a mistake? Is this the wrong time to be moving? I mean, Rosie is still so little and who knows if all this change is good for her.”
Owen stops rubbing my shoulders and turns me around on the spot to face him.
“Babe, Rosie’s a baby. She won’t notice the change. You, on the other hand, will. You’re in a one-bedroom flat and Rosie is growing by the day. It won’t work like that forever; eventually you’re going to need your own space.”
I nod, knowing he’s right. All the baby books say by six months she can be in her own room, and we’re past that, so if not now, when?
“I think I’m just stressing. With going back to work and leaving her, it just feels like a lot of change.” I lean into him, nuzzling his neck.
“I know, but you’re not alone in this. We’re all here to help you. I’m here to help you.”
“I know,” I whisper, sometimes wishing we could stay in this little bubble together forever.
“Let’s make this new showing our last one, then get home to little Rosie, okay?”
“Okay,” I agree. We hop into the car and head back to Notting Hill, hoping this final flat we view might actually be the one.
The trip back to Notting Hill takes forever, traffic an absolute nightmare, and I wish we’d taken the Tube. Just another reminder I don’t want to leave our little bubble. Owen interlocks our fingers as we walk up to the last showing of the day, one other couple standing out front together, clearly interested.
A woman in a tight black suit comes out, her stilettos drumming the ground with every step.
“Everyone ready to go in?” she asks.
After a few nods we follow her inside, my heart melting on the spot. A white kitchen sits off to the side with an open floor plan, looking into the living room on the right. Big windows line the back wall, flooding the room with light, something I’ve missed having for the past four years.
The woman is showing us around, but my feet take off on their own expedition, finding two bedrooms down a small hallway, one to the right and one to the left. The master isn’t huge, but what do I expect. It’s got built-ins and two windows while the other bedroom is slightly smaller, no closet space, but still good lighting. It would be perfect for Rosie.
The one bathroom sits off to the left of the master bedroom, a shower-bath combination and white tile, and even the lack of windows can’t bring me down.
“So, what do you think?”
I yelp, startled at Owen’s voice behind me.
I turn, then walk over to wrap my arms around him. “Honestly, it’s perfect. It reminds me of my place now, just a shit-ton lighter and with an extra bedroom. Sure, the flat isn’t massive, but if I’m going to be picky by staying near work and Notting Hill, I don’t think I’ve got the choice, and this place definitely wouldn’t be settling.”
He grins down at me. “As soon as we walked in, I knew you’d like it.”
I nod, my heart feeling a bit lighter from all of this. “I really love it, Owen. I want to put in an application.”
His arm leaves my waist and he pulls out a business card. “I had a feeling you’d like it, so I got the real estate woman’s card.”
I beam. “You know me so well.”
His dark blond eyelashes fan out as he looks down before pulling me in for a kiss. As soon as his lips meet my own I melt into him, wanting to stay in this spot forever. I deepen the kiss, an embarrassing moan coming out of my mouth.
“We should probably stop the PDA if we want you to have any shot at this place,” Owen says into my mouth. I pull away, laughing before checking the room. Thankfully we are alone.
“Agreed,” I respond, grabbing his hand and dragging him to look at the kitchen.
After we get home, with Rosie fast asleep in her bedroom, I submit an application for the apartment—in my name alone. Does guilt gnaw away at me from the knowledge that I probably should have asked Owen to come with us? Yes. But I still go ahead alone, lingering fears of abandonment telling me this is the best way.
I could see it in his eyes that despite telling me how excited he is for me and Rosie, he wants to be a part of it too. And that only crushes me a little more inside knowing I’m hurting him. How much longer can I go down this path, pulling him along beside me without ever fully letting him inside?
“So, you got the flat?” Stana carries over a plate of treats while Em rocks a sleepy-eyed Rosie back and forth on her shoulder. I should really take her to bed, but the connection she has with these two is so strong, she’d probably wail her head off at me for taking her away.
“I got it!” I confirm, then take a huge bite of croissant. Ugh, so good.
“When’s the big move?” Em asks, her voice at a slight whisper. I look over at my daughter, both of her eyes fully closed as her doughy hands cling to her auntie’s overalls.
“Next week. I just can’t believe how quickly it’s all gone by. I mean, I thought it would take months for us to find the right spot, but who knew it was literally down the road the whole time.”
“Us?” Stana asks with a grin.
“I mean I,” I quickly correct.
“You sure you’re not thinking about a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed drummer?” Em throws in.
“Well, of course I’m thinking about him. I mean, have you seen the guy? He’s a ten-course meal.”
They both laugh, Em clearly trying not to wake Rosie.
“But?” Stana asks.
I hug my arms to my chest. “Honestly? I don’t know. Owen and I have been together for a while now and he practically lives with me, but I’ve got some mental block from letting him fully in.”
“I hate to break it to you, Lottie, but I’ve seen the guy. He’s head over heels for you.”
“I know he is, and I am for him too. I’ve never met someone so caring, funny, thoughtful, and loving as him. So, what’s wrong with me that I can’t let him in all the way?”
“Is it that you don’t want to? Or are you afraid to?”
My Stana, always asking the right questions. I guess that’s why she’s on track to get a degree in psychology.
“I want to, I really do, but I’m scared,” I admit. “I think there is still a part of me that’s worried he’s gonna leave, and it won’t just be me who is hurt this time. I’ve got a child to think about.”
I look over at my little girl, sleeping so peacefully, unaware of her mother’s conflict.
“Is it because of Beck?” Em asks. “Do you worry he’ll try and come back into her life?”
“Beck didn’t just break my heart. What he broke the most was my trust. And Owen rebuilt that, when he really
didn’t have to. He stayed through it all. He’s more a dad to Rosie than Beck ever was, ever will be.”
I pause, running my gaze over my chipped nails. “I know Beck, and because of that, I know he will never want to be a part of her life. As far as he’s concerned, she doesn’t exist. And it’s horrible and unfair, and one day I’m going to have to tell her all about why he didn’t want to be around, and I know it will crush her. But at the same time, I’ve got this amazing guy here, clearly wanting to be around, yet I can’t seem to find the balls to ask him to fully stay. I mean, what does that say about me?”
“That you’re human?” Stana says. “It’s okay to be scared, Lottie. If this isn’t the right time for Owen to move in, you don’t need to push it. He’s not going anywhere, and he wouldn’t want you to be feeling like this.”
I nod, but despite their words of wisdom, I can’t fully let it go. Can’t move past why I’m so stuck when I have such a great guy in front of me. As if Owen’s ears are burning, not five seconds later the front door opens, and he, Ali, and Reeve all walk in after their practice.
Like magnets, the three of them disperse around the room. Ali pulls Stana into his side while Reeve cautiously sits next to Em, who’s holding a passed-out Rosie. Reeve eyes her for a few moments, his features softening at the two of them.
“Miss me?” Owen whispers into my ear as he perches himself on the arm of the couch, directly behind me. I lean into him, taking comfort in his presence.
“I think she might have missed you a little more.” I nod toward Rosie, who cried for twenty minutes after Owen left this morning. If that doesn’t eat away at your heart, I don’t know what will.
“My girls,” he says with a smile, his hands coming up to rub my shoulders.
“She really is something,” Ali says to me, his vision latched onto Rosie. Em runs her hands through Rosie’s golden curls as everyone glances over.
“What can I say? I lucked out.”
“I want one,” Stana says in a dreamy voice.
“Me too,” Em replies, and I try not to laugh. Reeve looks slightly panicked, but I know from personal conversations with Em it’s definitely on the table, just not yet.
“You think you’ll have any more, Lottie?” Ali asks.
I shrug. “Down the line, I’d like for her to have a little brother or sister, but for now I’m happy. I mean, I never imagined I’d have her at twenty-six, but now she’s here, I can’t imagine being without her.”
“What was life like before Rosie?” Em whispers. “Sometimes I can’t even remember.”
“It definitely wasn’t as good,” Stana throws in, sending a wink my way.
“I second that,” Owen says from behind me. His warm hands stroke up and down my arms. As if Rosie doesn’t want to miss out on all the action, her big eyes shoot open, immediately spotting Owen.
“Looks like someone is happy you’re back,” I tell him as Rosie begins to pull away from Em, her hand reaching out to Owen. He’s quick to jump up and reach for her.
“Hey, little girl,” he coos, taking her in his arms. She grabs his cheeks, and both of them stare into one another’s eyes.
“You’ve got some competition, Lottie.” Em laughs as she watches them.
“Oh, there is no competition,” I say. “This little girl has everyone wrapped around her finger.”
Owen brings her over to me, then sits down on the spare spot by my side. Her back faces his front as she begins to play with her toes.
“Hello, my darling girl, did you have a good sleep?” I ask her, leaning down to rub her little cheek. She gives me a small smile before her attention is redirected to her toes.
“So, when’s the big move?” Reeve asks from next to Em, who is now situated in his arms.
“Next week,” I confirm before looking around the room. “Still a shit-ton to do, but it will be worth it to get out of this miniature flat and give Rosie her own space.”
“That’s so exciting, Lottie!” Em says, her lips melding together right afterward. “Well, I’ve also got some news of my own. Well, Reeve and I do.” Em places her hand over Reeve’s, and I swear Ali’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. What the hell is their news? Stana turns her head to the side, clearly also unaware.
“Reeve and I are moving in together!” She grins as Reeve laces their hands together, a small smile playing on his face. They deserve this; they didn’t get an easy go to begin with, but they well made it.
I hear Ali exhale, clearly his mind along the same lines as mine. Pregnancy. Em wants to be a mum for sure, but she still has so much to do before she’s ready. Her words, not mine.
“Congratulations, guys, that’s so exciting.” I smile before turning to Owen. “I’m assuming you already knew?”
He nods. “Reeve told me this morning.”
Owen and Reeve have lived together for a few years now, and my mind instantly veers to where the hell Owen is going to live. Or is he keeping their two-bedroom flat?
My hand instinctively rests on Owen’s leg and gives it a squeeze. I guess now more than ever it’s time to reconsider what our plan is moving forward.
“Do you know when it will be?” I ask, trying to suss out the situation.
“Our lease goes for another month and a half, plus Em’s roommate, Cora, is already planning on moving next month, so I’d say some time in November,” Reeve answers.
So, I have a month to get my shit together enough to ask him to move in.
Fuck.
“Jesus Christ, Lottie, who let you hoard this much stuff?” Em says as she pulls out another pair of leather pants. Shit, maybe I do have too much stuff. It’s the day after moving day, and Rosie is with Evie. The boys are handling building the new furniture, although I don’t know if that’s going so well, and I’ve recruited the girls to help me organize my room. Apparently I have too much stuff.
“Seriously,” Stana says, shaking her head, “I didn’t know one girl could own this many sequined dresses.”
I laugh, thinking that I should to pull those out again. Despite Rosie being my world, I still need to have “me time,” and expressing myself through fashion has always been an outlet. Now I just have to do something about my overgrown bleach-blonde hair. That’s next on the list after we get all this shit unpacked.
“Did you really need all these tights?” Stana says, holding up a hot-pink pair. Okay, maybe I can get rid of those.
“You think she has a lot of tights,” Em cuts in, holding up a pair of my lace-up heeled combat boots. “You have six pairs of black shoes that look like this. I mean, I know I have a lot of clothes, but Charlotte!”
I hold up my hands in surrender. “Guys, it’s no secret I have a shopping problem. Plus, those boots are all different. See, this pair has zippers and these don’t.” I grab the shoes from Em’s hand and shove them into the back of my new closet.
“Oh, they have zips. Did you hear that, Stana?” Em says sarcastically. I playfully shove her side before going back to the chest of drawers I’m attempting to organize. “Attempting” being the key word as I’ve got no idea how to be tidy.
“How are you girls doing?” Owen peeks his head into the room. “Need help?”
I burst out laughing. “Have you already failed at building the bookshelf, puppy?”
He looks around sheepishly. “I may or may not have drilled the shelf to the outer part, and I still don’t know what that means, but in layman’s terms I’ve been kicked out of the room.”
I hear Stana and Em laughing before I nod, knowing he will need to provide us with entertainment if he’s in here.
“How about a song?” I ask them all. Owen nods, clueless as to what I’m about to do, as I pull out my iPhone.
“Ooh, can you play Lady Gaga’s new one?” Em asks, but I shake my head.
“I’ve actually got a song just for Owen here. I reckon he’s gonna like it.” His head bolts up as if he’s heard the mischief in my voice, his eyes narrowing. A cheeky smirk overtakes my mou
th.
I press Play.
“Fancy” starts blasting through the Bluetooth speaker I have, and Stana and Em both look at me with curious expressions before getting into the song, moving and shaking while still unpacking my shit for me.
Owen gives me a challenging look before he stands.
“Isn’t this your part?” I ask him as Iggy begins to rap. I don’t think he’ll do it in front of the girls, but boy, I shouldn’t underestimate him because it seems like all this boy does is surprise me.
He opens his mouth and starts spitting the rap, giving me the pleasure of seeing him dance too. I hear the girls laughing behind him but don’t turn to see; I’m too engrossed in him.
Eventually I give up and go to him, showing off my best, worst moves. The four of us are a laughing mess when the chorus comes on, screaming it at the top of our lungs.
When the song is finally over, we find Ali and Reeve in the doorway.
“Uh, are you guys okay?” Reeve asks, which earns him a chuckle from Ali.
Owen pulls me into him, still grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Never been better, mate.”
A week later Owen and I are relaxing after a long week of work. These days it feels as if all he does is work late, but despite my wanting to spend time with him, I understand.
After only getting home ten minutes before Rosie’s bedtime, he offered to put her down. He was grinning when he went in yet when he returns, the smile on his face is no longer prominent.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as I grab his hand and lead him to the couch. I hand him a beer before taking a sip of my wine.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, but I don’t want you to get upset.” He leans forward, placing the cold drink on my coffee table. I cross my legs and face him.
“What is it?”
He lets out a breath. “It’s about Beck.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes. I’m over the phase of hatred and anger. It’s just pure annoyance that we even have to bring him up anymore.
Late Love Page 18