by Finn, Emilia
Kane knows what I feel; somehow, within thirty seconds of knowing me, he figured it out when none of the other guys have. And considering he’s not the chatty type, I figure my secret is safe with him.
I’m not sure if Jess knows. I get the feeling Kane tells her what she needs to know, and she doesn’t need to know about this.
He doesn’t lie to her, exactly, and he doesn’t keep things from her, exactly. I figure it’s more of a filtering system.
It’s just who he is. He comes from a dangerous world, and his prior profession was about keeping others safe. He can’t hurt her any more than I can hurt Laine, so he’s the gatekeeper of all things Jess is exposed to.
I doubt he’s told her, simply because it’s not important. I’m not with Laine, I just have a silent and unrequited relationship with her, which is basically… a non-issue.
It’s not worthy of passing on.
But if she does know, she doesn’t let on. She simply stands from the chair beside Laine’s hospital bed and allows me to sit.
It’s the chair closest to Laine.
The chair closest to her dangling hand – the hand with needles, but without the stitches. And considering the reason we’re in here, it’s not even odd when I take it in mine and stroke her slim fingers.
Laine was brought back to a room somewhere around eighteen hours ago. She’s yet to wake, but the doctors say she’s not in danger anymore. She’s just choosing not to come back.
I get the feeling she’s too scared to face her family.
Luc sits on the floor with his back against the wall and his knees bent, and right beside him, Kari leans in close and whispers things that the rest of us don’t understand.
Not sweet whispers of love and devotion, but medical stuff, like how her blood pressure is fine, how her platelets are coming up, and how her heart is healthy.
She’s talking to the worried brother in the only language that’ll help him right now.
Jess steps into Kane’s arms, and though Luc’s eyes flash up and watch them every few minutes, he doesn’t object to the tattoo covered almost-stranger hugging his baby sister. He’s too stressed to care. Or maybe he trusts his sister’s judgement. Or perhaps he’s scared of saying something, since we all know Kane carries a weapon everywhere he goes.
The other guys, my best friends, stand around the small room. Everyone is here for their own reasons, and everyone has held her hand at some point today, so me sitting down and stroking her fingers is perfectly acceptable.
They just don’t know the thoughts that flash through my mind while I do it. They don’t know that I’m a traitor. A thief.
Isn’t one of the seven deadly sins about coveting what’s not yours?
I’ve coveted Laine Lenaghan for longer than Scotch’s kid has been alive.
What about thievery? I’m certain that’s one of the sins that’ll banish me to the seven circles of hell. But it doesn’t scare me. Given half the chance, I’d steal her away and show her a life where she’d never want for anything again; material possessions, love, attention. If I could just have one chance, I could make it better for both of us… but I can’t.
Laine’s not allowed to be alone.
At all.
The doctors were here a few hours ago, and the police, too. She’s been placed under a mandatory hold. Seventy-two hours minimum, where she won’t be left unsupervised for a single second.
She’s a danger to herself – she tried to kill herself.
I take a deep breath, glance away from her almost translucent eyelids, and study the cracked ceiling. I count the breaths that pass through her lips. I count the beeps that come from the machines that monitor her heart.
But I can’t look at her. I need a minute.
I’m furious that she’d try to leave.
I’m devastated that she’d try to leave.
I’m terrified that she might hate me for not letting her go.
But most suffocating of all, is the fear that she’ll try again. Eventually her hold will end. She’ll be released into an outpatient clinic of some sort, then after that, she’ll be discharged and sent home.
Her family is large and overbearing enough that we’ll be able to watch her for a while, but she’s spent two years pretending everything with Graham is okay. She’s been acting for two whole years, so who’s to say she won’t act again? A year from now, a thousand smiles and a pat on the hand that says she’s okay, at some point, we’ll trust that she’s okay…
Is that when she’ll finish what she started?
And for that year, will she hate me in secret because I was the one that ruined her plans?
“Ang?” Scotch, my best-best friend, draws my attention. “You wanna go home for a bit? Have a shower.” He nods to my hands; stained with grease, stained with her blood. “Clean up and catch some sleep. You haven’t taken a minute since you got here.”
I shake my head and turn back to Laine. Her lips are puffy. They always have been; puffy, full, sensual, with that little bow in the center.
“Ang…”
“No.” I clear my throat and lean into Jess when she places her hand on my shoulder. Maybe she does know. Kane might not have told her, but maybe she knows anyway. I’ve always felt pretty obvious about it. “I don’t wanna go.”
“There’s a shower over there.” Jess nods toward the private bathroom.
“You first.” I pat her hand and let her pretend it’s not shaking. “You didn’t rest yet either.” I nod to the single recliner in the opposite corner to where I sit. “You didn’t leave. You shower first, then I’ll go second.”
“You promise?” She squeezes my shoulder to demand my attention. “Do you promise to shower after me? I’ll go first, you go second.”
I study Laine’s twin sister. Kane stands right behind her, the sentinel that’ll protect her with his life. I thought Luc was weird about Kari. Hell, even Scotch and Sammy are pretty gooey about each other, but I’ve never in my life met someone as intense and scary as Kane Bishop.
He’s ready to fuck anyone up if they look at Jess the wrong way. But, strangely, where the other guys watch him and stay on guard in case he decides to pull a weapon, I kind of love him for it.
I’m not in love with Jess, but I love her enough to want her taken care of.
“Okay.” I pat her hand. “Tag team. You first, then tag me in.”
“Alright.” She leans forward and drops a kiss on the top of my head. “Can we talk later?” Her lips hover near my ear. “You can text if you want. I just… I need to talk it out.”
I swallow.
I’m not sure I can talk about it. I’m not sure I can live with what I saw.
Her breath catches. “Please, Ang?”
I nod and pray she doesn’t force me to follow through. “Okay, Jessie.”
She drops a second kiss on the crown of my head and steps away. She collects a plastic bag of clothes and toiletries from the corner of the room, and taking Kane’s hand, she walks toward the bathroom.
I never in my life expected a guy to walk into our family, set the world on fire, flip all of Jess’ brothers off, and just follow her into a bathroom.
And no one says a damn thing to him.
This is the same family that had a six month feud, arrests, and hospital visits because of Luc touching Marc’s sister.
Yet, Marc and Luc just watch the couple walk away.
The world has gone crazy, and I don’t know what it means for me. I don’t know what it means for Laine.
I turn back to her and continue stroking her wrist.
I don’t really care about what everyone else is doing. I don’t have the energy to think about anything except the woman who lays in a hospital bed in front of me. A vibrant, beautiful woman that thought suicide was her only way out.
5
Laine
Just Live
“Hello!” Holding a short glass of vodka tonic in my left hand, I raise my right when the handsome stranger steps into our g
roup on the dancefloor.
“Hey.” He flashes a beautiful smile and looks me up and down with an appreciative smile. Not all men can be beautiful, but this man with the fancy haircut, short and neat, and gleaming white teeth can. Fit, with broad shoulders and narrow hips, he’s handsome in a way I’m not used to knowing. “I saw you.” He nods back in the direction he came. “I saw you dancing and I just had to meet you.”
My girlfriends continue to dance around us as I accept his hand with a grin. This isn’t our first rodeo – or in our case, he’s not the first man in the history of the world to approach our group to try his luck – but it becomes somewhat commonplace when your best friends are as beautiful as mine.
When our hands touch, he squeezes and pulls a smiling, “I’m Laine,” past my lips.
I can feel warm eyes burn the back of my head, the band playing on the stage, my brothers watching us as they play deep, gritty music that makes it easy to fall in lust and get carried away dancing in a man’s arms.
The stranger wears all black except a shiny belt buckle, and a surprised gasp shoots up my throat when he pulls me in until our hips clash. “I’m Graham.” He slides his hand around my hips and begins swaying to the music as fluidly as if we’ve been dancing together forever. “And you’re so unbelievably beautiful, I nearly choked on my drink when I saw you.”
“Oh.” With a nervous laugh, I step in closer and hide my face near his neck. I’m beautiful in the traditional sense; long, sleek, platinum blonde hair. The real platinum, not the bottle kind. I have bright blue eyes that my daddy likes to call vacation eyes – because they remind him of the ocean – and a slim hundred and forty pounds on a five-seven frame.
I’ve spent my life skating in my friend’s backyard, so I’m fit, and I spent all that time with boys – brothers – who always told us we were beautiful.
I don’t suffer with low self-esteem, but this handsome man makes me blush.
His hand slides lower on my back.
Lower.
Lower.
Until the tips of his fingers slide over the swell of my ass and his firm hold pulls my dress up half an inch. “Don’t brush my words off.” His lips touch the shell of my ear. “You’re stunning. I’m new to town, and I could really do with a friend.”
I chew on my bottom lip and meet his eyes. “I could be your friend, I guess.”
“You guess?” He flashes a pretty grin. “You guess? I’m lonely! I have no friends. I get lost in my own house, and I still haven’t figured out where the grocery store is. I need a friend, or I might starve to death.”
Laughing, I step back in and hold on tight when a piano solo plays through the club. “Okay, fine. We can be friends. I’ll help a pal out.”
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Slitting my eyes open, I study the shadows in silence and process the never-ending beeps in the air. I don’t move. I don’t let on I’m awake, because I’m not alone.
I feel my company, and the warm body that takes up space near mine.
With my eyes only, I study the shadowed room. Windows line the wall opposite me, but curtains block everything except the square of light around the edges. The door is closed, but another rectangle of light moves around it. Flashing colors from the machines illuminate a recliner chair on my right, and turning onto my side, slowly, silently, my eyes meet an awake and watchful Angelo Alesi.
Tears rush forward when I remember.
What I did.
Who found me.
The angel.
Curled on the open recliner with his legs pulled to his chest and his coat draped over his body, Ang watches me watch him. Slowly, as a tear slides over my cheek and soaks into my white pillow, he brings his finger to his lips. “Shhh. You’re okay. It’s just me.”
The frantic beeping coming from the machines around me give away my building panic. “What are you–”
“Shhh…” He reaches out with a permanently grease-stained hand and thumbs the moisture from my cheek. “You don’t have to talk. I won’t ask questions you don’t wanna answer. I’m just sleeping, and you can go back to sleep, too, if you wanna. I won’t tell anyone you woke.”
I try. I try with all my heart and soul to slow the torrent of tears that rush over my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Ang. I’m so sorry for what I did.”
“You’re okay now.” Despite the fact my tears continue to flow, he pulls back and snuggles under his coat. “I’m gonna take care of you, okay? You don’t have to worry about anything else.”
“Why?”
Silver-gray eyes watch me, but with a frown, he tilts his head on the headrest of the recliner. “Why, what?”
“Why are you taking care of me?” My voice cracks. “Aren’t you mad?”
His lips pull up just a little. “Because we’re family, and family take care of each other. Family love each other.”
I use the hospital blankets to dry my constant tears. I have an oversupply that won’t stop until I’ve cried them all out. Two years of hell, two years of silence brings me to this dark room, and when I look around, I’m both relieved and hurt that it’s all but empty. “Where’s everyone else?”
“They had to go home,” he whispers. “Your room has been full all day. Lots of people love you, but the babies were getting fussy, and Jessie was falling asleep on her feet. She didn’t want to leave you, but Bish made her go. She promised she’d come straight back as soon as she wakes.”
“What’s the time?”
His coat rustles as he digs through pockets and pulls out a cellphone. Touching the screen, the light illuminates the stubble coating his jaw. “Half past midnight. Everyone slept here last night. We’re not supposed to be here, but family’s family, and Jessie gets what she wants.” His lips twitch. “She slept in your bed last night, even when the nurse said security would toss her out.”
My soft laughter comes out choked and desperate. “She wanted to snug.”
“There was no convincing her to get out of your bed. Not even Kane could talk her around.”
“Kane…” My lips wobble.
Kane is… I don’t even know. He’s back, and I hate him for taking my sister when I needed her the most. But in that same breath, I love him for saving her. Not from bad guys, but from her misery. She might’ve been sitting in a shower with me if he never came back.
She deserves happiness. She deserves him.
“There’s no one on this planet that scares that dude,” Ang murmurs. “Except Jess.”
I swipe an arm beneath my nose to wipe away boogers, but the rough bandaging reminds me of what I did, what I’d let myself become. Pain roars through my arm, and in an instant, my eyes snap back to Ang’s.
He knows me. He knows my thoughts. “Hey, it’s okay. Relax.”
“Angelo, I–”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, and you don’t have to explain. You don’t have to do anything except live. That’s my only request; just live.”
“I don’t know if I can.” My lips tremble. “I don’t know if I want to.”
“You do.” He pushes his coat off and sits up. “You do want to. You have to. Because if you go, you take your family with you.” Sitting forward on the chair, his calloused hand comes up to cup my jaw. “You might think it’s all too hard, you might think you have nothing to live for, you might be mad at your own life, but never forget your family. We’re enough, and we demand you stay right here.”
“Ang…”
“I demand you stay,” he snaps. “There’s no second option, Laine!”
I back away from the hand on my jaw and ignore the way Ang’s eyes flash with anger. Taking a hint, he sits back on the chair and fixes his coat. I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want a man’s hands on me again.
Ever.
I distract myself by studying the way his hair hangs in his eyes as he makes himself comfortable. The room is cool, maybe in the late sixties, so he pulls his coat close and snuggles in, but his eyes don’t leave mine. He doesn’t l
et me go. He refuses to release me.
“Why are you here, Ang?”
He yanks the coat over her shoulders and glowers. “Because I love you. Because I refuse to let you waste your life. Because it matters to me that you’re happy.”
I frown and burrow deeper into my blankets. Away from his anger. Away from his hurt – hurt I caused. “What day is today?”
“Saturday. Well,” he takes a deep breath. “Sunday, now.”
“You guys didn’t play your set at 188?”
He tosses his phone onto the set of drawers beside my bed. “We have better things to do right now than play a set at the club. We called in sick, and Tink’s smart enough to figure out an iPod. She’s got it under control.” Fixing his coat, his dark eyes come back to mine. “Go to sleep, Laine. I’m staying all night.”
“Why don’t you date?” I pull my blankets up and distract myself with trivial shit rather than the slimy sensation that rolls through my stomach. “You never bring girls home for us to meet. I’ve never seen you with a girl at the club. You didn’t have to work tonight; you coulda gone out…”
Almost like he’s disappointed, he lets out a shaky sigh. “Because I’m invisible. Because I don’t want them, and because most girls are brainless and giggly. I’m not interested in brainless gigglers; they’re boring.”
“So you’d rather hang out with us instead?”
We giggle. We’re silly and immature.
“Yep.”
“Ang–”
“I know you’re scared and uncomfortable right now, but I didn’t sleep much last night, so I’m tired, okay?” His steely eyes flicker across my face. Long hair that he normally keeps tied back now tickles the underside of his grinding jaw. “Can we just sleep? I won’t ask you questions, and you don’t ask me. I’ll respect your space and privacy if you promise to respect mine.”
“Respecting my space and privacy is not going into my house without my permission.” My snapped words are barely more than a whisper, but the way his eyes narrow, you’d think I was screaming. “I didn’t invite you in, Angelo. I didn’t ask to be saved.”