by Finn, Emilia
“Bish…” I shake my head. “It’s not that easy.”
He scoffs. “When you live my life, when you’ve died and come back again, you realize all those games aren’t worth a second of your time. Fuck them and their ‘I’m bigger and badder’ bullshit. I’m busy living my life and taking care of my girl. I’ve relieved them of their big brother duties, so they can fuck off and get busy sucking each other’s dicks for all I care.”
“Dude…” I knock my hat back when I brush a hand over my face. “I know you see the world how you see it, and a guy who’s lived the life you have probably isn’t inclined to change, but Jess is a family girl. She’s not gonna let you banish her family just because you wanna keep her to yourself. Graham already tried that, remember? Don’t be naïve enough to think it’ll happen a second time.”
The girls, squealing and rolling in the sand, draw our gazes back to them. “So you’re saying marrying her while on vacation…?”
I laugh. “Not a good idea. Let her brother escort her to you. It’s better that way.”
“Will he?” He turns to me. “Will he approve? That’s important to her, and whatever is important to her is important to me.”
“He will.” I lift my beer and finish the last drops as the giggling girls wander toward us. “He already does. He asked me this morning if you can be trusted. Luc trusts me, I said yes, so now you’ve got a new best friend.” Fifteen feet away, Laine’s shy eyes meet mine from under her lashes. “He told me yes, too.”
“You? No way?”
“Yep. He said I have his blessing… if I ever decide to make a move.”
Before Jess can reach us, Kane bounds to his feet and walks backwards. “The night’s young, Ang, and you got permission. Don’t fuck this up again. Jessie…” Kane snags her around the waist and dips her back. “Come swim with me, beautiful.”
Laine drops down in the seat Kane just left, and dragging in lungfuls of air, she watches her sister and brushes a hand through her hair to dislodge the sand. “Are you having fun?”
I sit my empty beer in the sand and search in the cooler for something for her. “I am. You want a soda? Beer?”
“Neither, but thanks.” She pulls her legs up until she can hug her knees.
She’s wearing nothing more than scraps of bikini, so her legs are bare right up to her ass, and her torso and arms show off toned lines when the fire reflects back onto her.
“You cold?” Frowning, I look around our space, but I didn’t bring a hoodie. We have no blankets. We have nothing but the fire.
She makes a noise of pleasure in the back of her throat and burrows deeper into the chair. “Not cold. It’s getting late, it’s dark and the breeze is nice. The fire’s toasty warm. I’m not cold, but it sure feels like cuddling weather, don’t you think?”
Mmm.
“I don’t remember the last time Graham cuddled me just for the sake of cuddling.”
“Laine…”
“It’s okay.” She reaches across the space between us and pats my arm. “If I never say his name, if I pretend he doesn’t exist, then I give him power. But if I force myself to say it, if I force myself to be brave, then each time I say it, in theory, it hurts less.” She grins. “Like Voldemort.”
“Is it working?”
She gives a contemplative nod. “It is. I don’t feel as scared anymore. He’s just a guy, an asshole. He’s a bully, and in his heart, he must be so miserable, because happy people wouldn’t do what he did. Happy people want those around them to be happy, too.” Turning her head only, her eyes meet mine. “I’ve realized he’s an unhappy coward, and I have a really good life. I have my family, my friends, a beautiful car that I helped rebuild, a beach vacation, and a job I truly love, despite the psycho kids that sometimes drive me to drink. Do you know what I actually feel for Graham?”
Do I want to know? “What?”
“I feel sorry for him, because his life must really suck.” She shrugs. “Anyway, I was only thinking, this seems like cuddling weather. I don’t remember if Graham and I ever hugged just because we wanted to bring each other comfort. At least, not after the first bit of time; the dating phase. And I haven’t let Luc and the others close in a long time. Jess hugs me a lot, but it’s different, ya know? She’s bony and giggly and it’s not like when a big, strong guy does it.”
I frown. “You want a guy to hug you? Like, not a brother, but a real guy?”
She snickers. “A real guy. How many fake guys do you know?”
I cast a glance along the beach and catch glimpses of the man-seagulls. “There are loads around, Laine. You draw eyes everywhere you go, so it’s usually pretty easy to find the guys who are watching.”
She grins. “I think that was a compliment, so thanks.”
Chuckling, I drop my chin to my chest and reseat my hat. “You’re not plain. You’re not standard or boring. Everywhere you go, men watch. You forget the years I watched you and the girls dance at Club 188. You think I didn’t notice the billion drinks being sent to your group from guys wanting to say hey?”
She grins. “In my entire adult life, I think I’ve only ever bought a couple drinks.”
I shake my head and work hard to ignore the tightening in my gut. “All four of you, dancing the way you do, dressing the way you do, laughing… I was stuck on the stage, and Luc was busy playing, but he’d nearly blow a gasket every time drinks were delivered.”
“We found a blind spot in the club.” Smiling, she looks up at me. “We knew you guys were watching, so we scouted out that club, and we found a blind spot so we could dance and drink without you guys watching.”
“I could always see.” She frowns at my admission. “I was on the edge of the stage, and when you girls moved, all I had to do was arch my neck. I saw the night Britt met Jack.”
She grins. “You did? She went upstairs with him that night.”
“Mmhmm.” I’m not interested in discussing any of their sex lives. “I saw her. I saw him. I knew who he was when he walked up to you guys. But seeing as he zeroed in on Britt and not the rest of you, I felt it was okay to let it happen.”
Blonde hair falls over her face when she snickers. “That was very charitable of you.” Giving up on rubbing her legs, Laine simply pops up from her seat and looks down at me. “Do you mind?”
“Do I…” I swallow hard to loosen the ball in my throat that takes up residence when her belly button stops on the same level as my eyes. “Do I mind what?”
Instead of answering, she steps onto my chair and plops down in the gap between my side and the armrest. Fiery hot skin touches mine when her smooth back touches my chest and her long legs slide along mine.
“I already told you; it’s cuddling weather, and I was really lonely over there.” Snuggling in, she grabs my arm and yanks it over her hips until we’re practically spooning on the chair. “This is okay, right? We’re sharing a bed for almost a whole week. Jess and I spoon all the time.”
“Um…”
“I could ask Jess to snug, I guess. But where Jess goes, Kane goes. So then Kane will wanna snug, too.”
“Nope. I got it.” I pull her in until we touch from top to toe. I bury my nose in her hair, tuck my hand under her hip, and when she tangles her legs with mine, I do nothing to stop it. I simply sigh, because she has no clue what she’s doing to me. “Better?”
“Mmhmm.” She slides her fingernail along my forearm and draws patterns in my skin. “Much better. I didn’t wanna snug with Kane either, so thanks.”
She’s gonna kill me. She has no clue that this isn’t a couple siblings hugging on the fucking beach. This is a man who’s hopelessly in love with a woman, and each time she moves, I have to restart my countdown from a million to get the blood flowing away from my dick.
“Ang?”
Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight.
Laine taps my arm. “Ang?”
“Mmm?”
Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-seven.
“If you saw everything, then you must’ve seen Graham approach me.”
I don’t have to count anymore. “Yeah, I saw him. Slimy fucking prick deserves a bullet between his eyes.”
She snickers. “Geez, tell me how you really feel.”
“I just did. I saw him come to your group. He saw you and Jess, and he thought getting a double was some kind of grand prize.”
When the softly sighing, quietly chuckling girl turns to stone in my arms, I realize my mistake.
Laine flips in the chair and faces me, but with such little room, her nose is only two inches from mine. “How do you know what he was thinking? Ang?” When I avoid her gaze, she does what her sister so often does to Kane; she grabs my face and forces my eyes back to hers. “How do you know what he was thinking?”
Tell her, and become her hero?
Keep it to myself, and spare her brand-new nightmares?
“I’m assuming. It’s what most guys see when they look at you two.”
Her eyes narrow. “So I’m only valuable if I come in a twin pack?”
“No.” I lay my head back and close my eyes, because she’s so fucking close, and I could have been her hero if I’d told the truth.
‘Because I wanted them both,’ Graham said. ‘Like a collection.’
“You and Jess are two completely different people, and the right kind of guy doesn’t want both. He’ll love you both, because you’re so close and it’s important he does, but he won’t want to bang you both. Just like how Kane loves you, but he’s in love with Jess.”
“And what about you?”
I open my eyes and stop on her ocean blues. “What about me?”
“Are you in love with anyone? You’re getting to be an old man–”
“Hey, now. You don’t have to be mean.”
Snickering, the tension slowly leaves her body. “Sorry. I just meant… all of your friends are settling down with babies and girls, and then there’s you, chaperoning a road trip because I was a loser who couldn’t travel without a babysitter.”
“You’re not a loser.” Somehow, my hand ends up on her naked hip so my thumb strokes the bone. We’re so close.
If I just leaned forward two inches…
“Why haven’t you found a girl yet, Ang?”
“I’m just…” I shrug. “I’m waiting for my turn.”
“Waiting for your turn for what?” she whispers.
“The right girl to see me.”
Silence falls over us for a full minute. It doesn’t feel awkward – fuck, I hope it’s not awkward in Laine’s head – it just feels contemplative. Like maybe she’s seeing me. Finally seeing me.
Could all my dreams finally come true?
Would she step outside?
“Would you… would you not judge me if I asked for something right now?” Her words are no more than a whisper. “No panicking allowed, no judgement, no worrying about what everyone else thinks. It can just be between me and you, just a friend doing another friend a favor.”
Friends. “Um…” I don’t pay attention to the way my hand massages her hip, or how my heart races in my chest. I don’t notice the way her pulse thunders against her throat, or how her foot slides along my leg. “Sure. Maybe. What do you need?”
“I want a re-do.”
“A… what?”
Her lashes kiss the tops of her cheeks as she avoids my eyes. “I want to replace what I know. The last man that ever kissed me still hurts me in my dreams. I just don’t think he deserves that throne, ya know? I hate that the last man to kiss me is a horrible human being, and I’m too stubborn to let him keep that title.”
“Laine…”
“You’re a good man.” She meets my eyes. “A really, really good man. You treat people right, you protect people you don’t even know, and you’re one of my best friends in the whole world.”
Again with the friends. “Okay…”
Her voice shakes. “Would you kiss me?” When I stare in silence – because my heart screams yes fucking please! But my brain throws up all the stop signs and declares it’s a trick – she rushes on. “It doesn’t have to be weird. It doesn’t have to ruin our vacation or make things awkward between us. It’s just a symbolic thing, a way to flush him away. You could help me do that, and because you’re such a good man, I can’t think of anyone better…”
Jesus. Fuck. Fuck. Kill me now. “Laine…”
Her eyes sparkle with emotion. “Please?”
“Will you regret it tomorrow?” I slide my hand along her ribs. “I’ll do anything for you, but I won’t risk you.”
“I won’t regret it.” Closing the gap between us, staring directly into my eyes, she gives me no choice.
She presses trembling lips against mine and sets my body on fire. Too many years of wanting. Too many nights of wishing. Now she’s in my lap and asking to erase her past and replace it with me.
Friends. Only friends!
And yet, I meet her lips with my own and show her how a true gentleman is supposed to kiss a woman. I show her tenderness. I show her what it feels like to be treasured, to be valued. And I do it all in the single minute she gives us, so when she sighs into my mouth, my heart gives its final knocks and declares everything over.
I’m so fucking in love with my friend, it hurts.
Pulling back with a shy smile, her cheeks flame, making her that much more beautiful. “Thanks.”
“Um…” I can still taste her on my tongue. On my lips. In my fucking soul. “You’re welcome. I hope I helped.”
Giggling, she buries her face against my chest and nods. “You did.”
32
Laine
Let’s Go Out
The next evening, after another relaxing day sitting on the beach and pretending I’m totally cool and unaffected each time Ang’s eyes would come up and meet mine – which was often – I apply a final coat of mascara in my bathroom mirror and grin when Jessie walks in and slaps my ass.
“You look beautiful, Baby.”
“Thanks.” I study her reflection and take in the tiny denim shorts showing off her thighs and the cute top that, when she turns, shows off the entirety of her back from the thin strap behind her neck to the waistband of her shorts. “I love your top.”
She flashes a grin and works her hair back into a half up-half down do. “You would. It’s yours.”
I laugh and keep working on my mascara. “It’s of the pre-psychological-abuse-Laine era. Very vintage.”
“I like your dress.” She slides her finger over the ball of my shoulder. “I know you picked this out just for him.”
I smile. “Swear to God, if he doesn’t notice it, I’m gonna strangle him with a towel. I bought this dress after years of paying attention to the things he’d say; favorite colors, favorite cut, favorite heels and hair. This outfit is ten years of market research curated just for him. If he doesn’t tell me I’m pretty, then I’ll stab him. I don’t want a blind man, anyway. He’ll be the boyfriend that needs me to find the remote even though it’s right under his nose.”
“Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
I lift a brow. “Exactly.”
Jess leans toward the mirror and flashes a smile to inspect her teeth. With a quick slide of her finger beneath her bottom lip, she turns. “Let’s go.”
Snagging my hand, she leads me away, making me drop my mascara brush to the counter. She pulls me into the fancy suite, snatching up a cell and tiny purse, before walking toward the door with a huff when my anxiety starts to catch up with me and I start digging my heels in.
“Nope. We’re going, Baby. We’ve been waiting for this.” She snatches my purse and frowns at the unexpected weight. Tossing it into my arms, she swings the door open and slingshots me into the hall. “We have to go out.” She doesn’t release my hand as she leads me to the elevator at the end of the hall and straight in
.
I turn to her when she presses the lobby button. “Where are the guys?”
“They’re coming in a minute. I told Kane I wanted time with you first. I’ve been a shitty sister, so we needed time alone first.”
“I doubt he took that well.”
She snorts. “Kane rarely takes anything well.”
When the elevator stops at the bottom, she refuses to release my hand, dragging me toward the revolving front doors and into the street outside. The soft ocean breeze instantly blows our hair back, but since it’s summer and only eight in the evening, the sun is still up and annoyingly hot.
“He has attachment issues,” she continues with a smile. “But it’s not unwelcome or anything. I love it about him.” She turns to me and shows off a pearly white grin. “He always wants to snug, and he gives the best hugs. He loves to show his affection, and when he presses a kiss to my forehead…”
I roll my eyes. “Can you stop?”
She snickers. “Sorry. I know there’s been chatter in the family about me and him. I dunno, especially after everything that happened with you, it’s important to me that you know I’m happy.”
“I know that.” I squeeze her hand. “Everyone knows that. We know happiness when we see it.”
“Are you happy for me?”
“Yes.” I pull her in until we’re hip to hip. The beach is just across the street. Twenty steps and our feet would be sinking into warm sand. “Yes, I’m stupidly happy for you. Your happiness has helped me the last little while, because instead of swearing men off completely, watching you and Kane has reminded me that good men exist and not all relationships are poisonous. I haven’t seen Graham in ages, and in the grand scheme, it’s probably not enough time, but–” I still kissed Angelo last night. I asked for it, then I made the move. I spent the night – in a bed right beside him – wondering if it’s too soon, if I should still hate men, if I’m going to have nightmares, but instead of Graham, Angelo would be the star…
“There are no rules,” Jess murmurs. “You don’t have to follow anyone’s timeline except your own.”