by P. J. Sky
“It’s shallow, you don’t have to.”
“The current, it’s too strong.”
“Up ahead I think there’s a weir.”
“The fall. I told ya, I can’t swim.”
Starla squinted downriver. It didn’t look high, or at least she didn’t want it to look high. Really, she'd no idea. She looked back at Ari. “I think it’s only shallow. We should make it to that and then climb over.”
Ari’s teeth were chattering. “I dunno.”
“Well, are you going to stay here then? It’s the only way and you know it.”
Ari screwed up her face and nodded. “Okay.”
“I’ll take your hand. Then we let go.”
With her wrinkled fingers, Ari gripped Starla’s hand. She looked scared, her pale eyes wide.
Starla squeezed Ari’s hand. “Let go of the rock.”
Ari let go and they were moving fast with the current again.
Ari and Starla spun in the water, anchored by each other. Starla was pulled under and came up gasping but still she gripped Ari’s hand. They struck a rocky ledge at the edge of the fall and the heavy water rolled over them.
Starla reached desperately over the ledge with her free hand and heaved herself up onto it. Once up, she pulled at Ari’s hand and between them they both climbed up onto the ledge. Ahead, the fall wasn’t too high.
Starla was closest to the shore; she started crawling along the ledge towards it. Ari followed. Coughing and spluttering and soaked through, they made it to a little dusty beach. Starla lay back on the grey sand and closed her eyes, listening to the rush of water beating passed them down the river. Ari collapsed next to her and, for a while, they both lay there, recovering and shivering.
Gradually, Starla’s heart started to slow. She felt a sickness at the back of her throat. Her belly felt full of river water.
Then Ari sat and held her head between her hands. “We lost the supplies,” she said. “An’ the gun.”
Chapter 18
Max Panache stood beside the opening of a small cave. He held a torn off scrap of blue velvet in one hand and a broken piece of glazed white pottery in the other.
The blue fabric caught the sunlight and glinted. Max rubbed his thumb against the fabric, feeling the thousands of tiny bristles. The pottery had blue markings on it that looked like part of a bird.
From out of the cave appeared a guard in a light blue uniform. He carried what looked like an empty hessian sack. On it was a small, dark stain.
Blood.
“Sir?” asked the guard.
Max Panache walked over to the guard. He looked down at the sack.
“Should we test it?”
Max shrugged. “I think you should knit your underwear with it, but let’s try your idea.”
∆∆∆
For some time they sat on the beach and watched the water rush by. Finally, Starla broke the silence. “Is that it then?”
Ari shrugged. “Maybe.” There was a slight shake in her voice.
We’re screwed now, thought Ari. Ain’t no point going on. And who does this girl think she is? Leaping in and saving me. I didn’t need no saving. That’s not how this works. I woulda been fine. I ain’t never needed nobody’s help before and I don’t need hers now.
But doubt crept into her mind.
I was weak when I needed to be strong.
Starla spoke again. “Well, I’ve still got my canteen, and we’ve got plenty of water now.” She nodded towards the river.
“Yeah, well maybe you should get us to Alice with ya canteen.”
Starla raised her eyebrows. “Well you’ve still got your canteen too. What else have you got?”
Ari sighed and rolled her eyes. She didn’t even know who this girl was now.
Seriously, does Starla even need my help? The way she’s acting, she might as well just go off and find her own way to the city.
But to humour Starla, Ari reached in her pocket and pulled out her metal fire-starter and flint and a couple of bush coconuts. In the other were the two lashes; she quickly closed her fingers over them and put them back in her pocket. Strapped to her ankle, she still had her blade.
“Can you find more of those?” asked Starla, pointing at the bush coconuts.
“Sure. Ya can find ‘em everywhere.”
“So, we got food, we got water, we can make a fire. I reckon we can still do this.”
Ari sucked at the corner of her lip. Starla was probably right, and that annoyed her even more.
I can’t believe I let that happen, she thought. It’s embarrassing it what it is. And how am I supposed to know how to swim? Ain’t no place to swim in Cooper. Ain’t no water like this anywhere but here. But here, you can’t swim in the water because it’s too fast and, for pretty obvious reasons, you can’t swim down river. Not unless you want to be eaten. Out here, ain’t no reason to learn to swim. Maybe the water didn’t beat me and maybe Starla didn’t beat me. Maybe I beat myself? And look at Starla now, all high and mighty and full of herself.
You coulda died out there Ari. Died like the man back at the rocks.
She pushed away the memory.
And what about the supplies. Was that my fault?
She remembered the way the blade scraped against the edge of each rib.
It don’t matter either way now. The supplies were lost, somewhere down the river. Maybe they’ll turn up, maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe’s no use though, maybe leads to hoping and then you’re gonna fall. The gun’s probably lost completely and just when we could use it most.
“Fine,” said Ari. She got to her feet. “Come on then sister, you lead us to Alice.”
But, before she gave Starla a chance, Ari walked on ahead along the edge of the river.
∆∆∆
Head down, Ari walked ahead. Starla simmered.
Why was Ari so ungrateful? She hadn’t jumped into the river so that Ari would thank her, but she deserved at least some acknowledgment.
But you need her, thought Starla. But do I? I jumped into the water and saved her.
But Ari is the one who knows the way. Without her, you’re lost out here.
Starla called ahead to Ari, “Look, whatever your issue is right now, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” said Ari.
Well I’m pleased about that, thought Starla. She knew everything was not fine.
A little later Starla tried again. “Listen, whatever it is…”
Ari cut her off. “There’s no issue right. It’s fine.”
They continued onwards in silence.
The valley opened up into a large crater full of white gumtrees, surrounded on all sides by a rocky shelf. The sun was setting and the air was growing cooler and the crater was almost entirely in shadow. They followed the river into a clearing where a rusty vehicle sat decaying under a tree.
“Alright,” said Ari. “We camp ‘ere tonight.” She walked off into the trees and Starla was glad of a break from Ari’s sombre mood.
Starla explored the vehicle. It might have once been a car with a bench at the front and another at the back. Preceding the front bench was a thin wheel and a series of faded, rusty dials. The bench itself was a twisted mesh of rusty wire and exposed springs, but the rear bench still had a dusty plastic covering, heavily worn and almost white. There were no doors, only spaces like missing teeth where doors must have once been. The four wheels, one on each corner, had all but rotted away leaving only stumps behind so that the chassis sat on the ground. This was not a car that would be going anywhere far any time soon.
I wonder how this came to be here, abandoned and left to rot. I wonder who left it here. I wonder if they made it much further.
She shuddered and pushed the thought from her mind. She climbed through the empty doorway and into the back. It smelt musty but not unpleasant, like the back of an old wardrobe, and the springs, lumpy under their plastic covering, were not uncomfortable. It was nice to be under a roof again. She sat back, resting her head agai
nst the backrest, and closed her eyes.
When Starla awakened, it was almost dark and Ari was sitting by a gently crackling fire that spat embers into the night air. Starla climbed out of the car and sat down by the fire. Without looking at her, Ari passed her a stick with some kind of charred lizard skewered on it.
“Thank you,” she said and Ari nodded in reply and went back to staring into the fire.
Starla ate quietly. The meat was sweet if chewy. Before this afternoon, she might have protested at such a meal, but now she accepted it without question. This was what there was and there was no use arguing. It was them or the lizard. If she wanted bush coconuts instead, she probably should have found them herself. That was how it was now. And she didn’t want bush coconuts. The lizard was surprisingly edible. She washed it down with water from her canteen, which she’d topped up from the river. It was still ice cold.
Once she’d finished, she returned to the back seat. Moonlight glowed through the empty rear window behind the bench. It was comfortable here and strangely homely. It was being inside, under a roof. It seemed like a long time since she’d been anywhere that felt remotely homely. But here was a place made for and by people. A human burrow.
She leant back in her seat, ready to fall asleep, when Ari climbed into the seat next to her.
Chapter 19
Starla jumped.
In the darkness, Ari wriggled around in the seat for a few moments then was still.
“Kinda comfy,” she said.
“Yes,” said Starla.
“Look,” said Ari. “Thanks for, ya know, in the river.”
Now Starla felt petty for having ever wanted any kind of acknowledgement. It didn’t matter at all as long as Ari was okay.
“That’s okay,” said Starla.
“Thing is, I ain’t really used to havin’ anyone lookin’ out for me. I never needed no one’s help before.” She fell silent for a moment and averted her eyes from Starla’s. “Thing is, I don’t know how to swim.”
“That’s okay.”
“It’s not, I nearly drowned out there. It was stupid, goin’ down that slope by the river. We didn’ have to go that way but, I dunno, I thought it’d be quicker.”
Starla reached out and took Ari’s hand. It was warm and dry. For a second she thought she felt Ari flinch. “It’s okay, really.”
Ari looked up and her eyes caught the moonlight. “So where’d ya learn to swim anyway?”
“Years ago when I was little. We’ve got swimming pools in the city. And these huge lakes full of fresh water that you can swim in to cool off.”
“Sounds crazy.”
“There are rivers too, that run through the arboretum. The trees are a lot greener than these. You can swim in those too and the water is so warm it’s like taking a bath.”
Ari rested her head against the top of the backrest and stared upwards out of the rear window. The twinkling stars looked like tiny holes in a dark blanket.
“I don’t remember ever havin’ a bath.”
“Not even in the city?”
“I was only little when we left,” said Ari.
“Why did you leave?”
“Well…” Ari seemed to hesitate. “It was a long time ago an’ it ain’t a happy story.”
“Not every story’s happy.”
“Well, this one sure ain’t. See, it was all down to my folks. Ya probably know that back in the city, if city folk disagreed with anythin’ then they gotta leave. First time I saw ya, I figured it were probably the same. An’ once ya leave, there ain’t no goin’ back.
“Well, that was my folks. I don’ even know what they disagreed with. We had this apartment. I remember it had blue walls an’ purple doors an’ these lights that shone up from the floor. An’ we had this little floor with railin’s that looked out over the city. At night there were so many lights, of every colour ya could think of. An’ we ate the syntho cubes. I liked the yellow one. I don’t even know what that tasted like now.”
The corner of Starla’s lip curled. “I like the yellow syntho.”
“But that’s it,” said Ari. “What does syntho even taste like? It tastes like yellow or green or blue or whatever. But it all tastes good right. An’ I had this dress, it was yellow too. But I hated the dress. I always wanted to dress like the boys. I don’t know why. Anyways, that’s what Alice is to me. It’s never bein’ hungry an’ it’s my folks bein’ happy an’ everythin’ being fine. An’ then one day my Mum wakes me in the night an’ says we ‘ave to leave. I don’t know where I’m goin’ or anythin’ like that. They just say we ‘ave to leave. They pack some of my things in a bag an’ then we go outside an’ there’s a car waitin’ for us with a friend of my Dad’s. We drive to the city wall an’ my Dad’s friend leaves us there an’ we carry on driving.”
“What happened to your parents?”
“Ya want the whole story?”
“Sure.”
Ari sighed. “Well, at first it’s okay. We moved into this hut out in the desert away from everyone. My Dad took the car out one day an’ came back with this horse. He told me it was a pony an’ I thought it was the best thing ever. He used the horse to go get supplies an’ that’s how we lived. We just kinda pretended we were still in the city. I actually found it all kinda exciting. I got to feed the horse an’ learn to ride ‘im an’ my Mum got better at cookin’ all these interestin’ foods. I didn’t like ‘em at first but ya get used to ‘em an’ ya start to really like ‘em when ya cook ‘em right. My Dad built this whole other room on the side of the house for me. He build this chimney out a’ rocks an’ mud an’ we could ‘ave fires inside an’ that was really great… But then my Mum got sick. She got so sick she couldn’t get out a’ bed. So my Dad said he was goin’ into town to get medicine… an’ he never comes back.”
“What happened to him?”
Ari seemed to shake her head.
“Dunno. He left an’ I never saw ‘im or the horse again. For a while I thought he left us but now I reckon somethin’ else happened. Like somethin’ happened to ‘im in town. Maybe be got robbed. Maybe he fell off the horse an’ something happened. Guess I’ll never know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Anyways, Mum just got sicker. I didn’t know where to go for help or what to do. She was coughin’ up blood and couldn’ hardly breath. She looked so old an’ her skin was pale an’ yellow an’ so cold to touch. Ya could see her bones through her arms. She couldn’ eat nothin’ then. One day she takes my hand an’ I’m kneeling by her bed an’ she says ‘Ari, you have to leave me, this is the end for me.’ Anyways, I weren’t goin’ nowhere. I stayed right there by her side, givin’ her water. It was about all I could do anyways. Weren’ no help to her otherwise, couldn’ do nothin’ else. But I wasn’t goin’ anywhere.”
∆∆∆
Ari stared up, through the back window. Her eyes glazed over and she was far away, in another time, another place. Then they sharpened and she was looking far beyond the stars into the depths of space. She stared into the infinite emptiness found at the end of all things.
“Then one mornin’, I woke up an’ she was dead.”
∆∆∆
Starla squeezed Ari’s hand. “I’m sorry.”
The moonlight caught the tears that trickled down Ari’s cheeks. A lump formed in Starla’s throat.
“It’s okay,” said Ari. “It’s not ya fault. It’s their fault. They left the city. They moved to some hut in the middle of the desert. They were stupid. They shoulda’ been closer to town. Closer to fresh water.”
“Still…”
“Still, whatever ya do people die. That’s what they do. They live, they die. That’s what everyone does. Don’ take much. People are weak. Ya gotta be strong, ya gotta look after yourself. My folks were weak. It was their fault.”
Ari fell silent.
“I’m so sorry,” said Starla.
Ari exhaled slowly.
Starla said, “But you can’t think th
at about your parents. That it was their fault.”
Ari looked at Starla. “I can’t? I can’t?” She pulled her hand away. “Who are you to say that? You ain’ never lived out ‘ere. I ‘ave. An’ they were my folks. They shoulda’ been there. They shoulda’ looked after me. I should be in the city.”
Ari’s shoulders began to shudder and she dipped her head.
“Hey,” said Starla, taking Ari’s hand again. “I’m sorry, look, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it ain’t okay. I tried ya know. I tried to go back. I went to the wall an’ they wouldn’t let me in. They wouldn’t let me in.”
Ari’s voice was breaking. Starla put her arm around Ari’s shoulders.
“It was their fault. They were so stupid. An’ I hated them for it for so long... An’ I miss them… I’m sorry”
“That’s okay,” said Starla. “I’m sorry too.”
“I do miss ‘em. Sometimes I dream about ‘em. Sometimes I dream about our home in the city.”
“Here,” said Starla. With her thumb, she tried to wipe away the tears on Ari’s cheeks. She remembered the evening in the cave, so long ago now it seemed, when Ari had done the same for her. “And you know, trust me, sometimes I hate my father too.”
“Thanks,” said Ari.
“That’s okay.”
“But seriously, out ‘ere ya gotta be strong. Out ‘ere ya just another wild animal tryin’ to survive.”
“You know,” said Starla. “Sometimes, in the city, I felt like a zoo animal. Like the whole city is one big zoo, locked in behind the wall. I have my cage in the tower. And no one wants to leave the zoo now. We’re like pet birds that have lost the will to leave their cages. Out here though, well I guess I’m free.”
“Maybe,” said Ari. “Maybe it’s better in the cage though. At least they feed ya there.”
“You know,” said Starla, “I never knew my mother.”
“What do ya mean?”