by V.K. Sykes
* * *
Holly sat in front of the teetering stack of patient files on her desk, trying as hard as she could to pull herself together. She’d woken up feeling as if she’d spent much of the night drinking and crying. That was hardly surprising, since that’s exactly what she’d done. And dawn hadn’t brought with it any more answers than the night. All the self-doubts, all the ugly self-recriminations remained.
Should she have backed Nate into a corner? Should she have shrugged off his refusal to give her a commitment? Should she have been willing to give it more time? The questions she threw out kept coming back at her like boomerangs, smacking her in the head.
At times, she felt her behavior had been righteous. Other times, it seemed like she’d been mostly a pushy bitch.
But she had come to one firm conclusion—she had no intention of groveling. No intention of running back to him. She wouldn’t be the one to make the first move. Obviously she’d caught him by surprise, but so what? He’d made a complete hash out of answering her question, a question she’d had every right to ask. In hindsight, her timing probably hadn’t been the best, but he should have respected her feelings and worries. Instead, she felt like he’d blown her off.
Why do women always want to make things more complicated than they need to be?
That moment had been so gut-wrenching and awful, and yet she hadn’t even given him a verbal slap for saying those words. She’d been so dumbfounded that her tongue had twisted up in her mouth. What she should have told him was that falling in love with someone is complicated. Loving another person creates expectations. Always. Things are only uncomplicated if you don’t give a damn.
When you ain’t got nothin’, you got nothin’ to lose.
Maybe Nate didn’t think he had anything to lose with her, and that was the worst thought of all.
Even so, she’d almost called him half a dozen times. And she never stopped wishing the phone would ring, and that it would be him on the line. In her mind, she could hear him saying how sorry he was, how she meant everything to him, how he could never let her go, how he’d never be with anyone else.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He hadn’t called. Why? Was it just his masculine pride? Or did he really not give a damn? Maybe he’d even called up one of his old girlfriends last night after he dropped her off. That recurring thought felt like an arrow through her chest. She didn’t want to believe he’d be that shallow, but most of all she couldn’t stand the idea of him in another woman’s arms.
But life always intervened and Holly had no choice but to get back to work. All the rescheduling she’d done to spring herself loose for the long weekend in Florida had resulted in a schedule even more crammed than normal. She’d just have to shake off the fuzzy brain, cover up the red eyes, and get herself organized for the long day ahead.
After all, some very sick children and their parents depended on her, and that’s what counted most. Always had, and probably always would. Nothing was more important than that. Not Nate, and not her foolish, broken heart.
Holly had only gotten halfway through the first file when Canizaro poked her head inside.
“Welcome, back, Dr. Bell. Ready for rounds?” the resident asked in a cheery voice.
With a quiet sigh, Holly closed her files and rose. “Yes, Katie. Let’s get it done.”