by JS Harker
Flynn froze in place. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”
And Derek didn’t mean to make him look so sad. “It’s okay. But I’m trying to drive, and you’re super distracting.”
Flynn settled into his seat, but he wasn’t smiling as much.
Derek was the Grinch wrecking Christmas, complete with horrible red sweater. But he didn’t see where anything they drove past was all that interesting.
Then again, he’d seen the same road hundreds of times in his life. In fact, he hadn’t seen much of anywhere else. He probably never would. His mental track officially murdered the rest of his good mood as it dwelled in the lands of upcoming responsibilities and pending adult life. In a couple of years, he’d have his college degree, and his parents would expect him to have his path sorted out. Get a job. Husband. Settle down somewhere close by. Life.
Only life was going to be an absolute bore fest.
Derek glanced at Flynn and jumped when Flynn turned out to be inches away instead of where he should have been. His eyes were bright blue even with the cloudy sunlight the day offered.
He tapped Derek’s forehead. “You’re thinking too hard again.”
“Okay, no touching the driver either. I have to get us there in one piece.” When Flynn took a deep breath, Derek added, “Which means I don’t want us to get into an accident.”
“I wasn’t going to ask that. I wanted to know what was on your mind.”
Derek shrugged and focused on the road outside the car. He didn’t want to sound like a whiner.
“Derek,” Flynn pleaded.
“It’s not anything major.”
“You have the tiniest crease between your brows.”
Roughly a week and a half of dating and Flynn had already figured out his tells. “I can’t really remember the last time I went somewhere new.”
“Don’t humans vacation?”
Derek was beginning to believe Flynn was either a time-traveling foreigner or an alien sent to investigate the human race. His odd turns of phrase and odder questions seemed like they should be common sense. Derek didn’t mind answering them, but he couldn’t help feeling like Flynn didn’t really share details about himself.
And then there was the tiny fairy he wasn’t sure he imagined or not. It seemed too coincidental that he’d spotted her at the mall and in Flynn’s cabin. Flynn ducked any questions about his roommate, which was another layer of weird. Derek didn’t want to accuse Flynn of being a liar, and if the roommate thing was some elaborate game, he wasn’t quite ready to figure out why Flynn was playing it. Maybe Flynn was lonely for someone he knew.
“Some people travel a lot,” Derek said. “But my family doesn’t. We used to go to the Dells every other summer, and my parents are probably going next year, but I plan on taking another class and working.”
“What is so fascinating about these Dells?” Flynn asked.
Derek shrugged. “Nothing, really? I mean, there are water parks and rock formations. Tourist traps everywhere. You’d probably get a kick out of it.”
“Sounds like a summer place.”
“Kind of.”
“I’m not interested in that.” Another snow-covered farm outside the window caught Flynn’s attention.
Huh. Derek thought Flynn wanted to see the entire world. “How come?”
“I don’t enjoy the heat.”
That explained the temperature in Flynn’s cabin.
Flynn turned toward him. He was still fidgeting, but at least it was slower and less erratic. “Where would you go, if you could?”
A million different places Derek could never get to. He didn’t want to think about his old hopes and dreams. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s never going to happen.”
Flynn went to poke his side and stopped short. Apparently car rules could work on him. Derek would have to think if he had any more to add before they made the return trip.
Flynn settled into his seat. “Every child has dreams. What were yours?”
“It’s going to sound boring compared to whatever yours were.”
“We’re not comparing,” Flynn said. “And you don’t know. I might have very boring dreams in comparison to yours.”
Derek rubbed his forehead. He kept his eyes on the road in front of him, but it wasn’t getting any shorter, and Flynn was likely to bring the conversation up again. “Promise you’re not going to laugh.”
“I won’t.”
“Hyrule.”
Flynn frowned. “I don’t know where that is.”
“It’s not a real place. It’s in a video game. When I found out it was fake, I was crushed. So then I wanted to go to the moon or Mars or something.”
“That’s something that can be done?” Flynn asked.
“Not in my lifetime, by the looks of it, which is depressing as hell,” Derek replied. “Not like I’d ever qualify to be an astronaut anyway. Too fat. Too stupid.”
Flynn scowled. “All right, if I’m going to sit still, you’re not going to insult yourself.”
“I might legitimately be too fat for space. Besides, it’s competitive, and I don’t know. Just not what I want to do.”
“Because what you want to do is fix computers and stay here?” Flynn asked.
Derek shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “We’re almost to my parents’ place.”
A long moment of awkward silence filled the car, and for once, Flynn stopped fidgeting altogether. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No. I just—the future’s a complicated sticky thing. It’s like the fudge. I’m at the stirring-like-crazy stage, and I’m not sure anything is going to turn out like I want, but I probably didn’t use enough of the right kind of chocolate, and, well, soon it’s going to get dumped into a pan and it’s going to set, and I don’t know if that’s what I want to be.”
Flynn went back to staring out the front window. He had a serene expression on his face. He was strikingly handsome in his profile, and Derek still couldn’t believe his luck that Flynn actually wanted to spend time with him.
“I don’t think life works that way,” Flynn said.
Derek waited, but Flynn didn’t expand on his thoughts. “No profound philosophy?”
“I think I’m too young to have one yet.” Flynn grinned. “I’ll let you know if I come up with anything.”
Anyone else would have needed to give their opinion on how he was wrong in detailed length. Flynn simply stated a difference and moved on. He was so relaxed and calm Derek felt a part of him unwind.
Why had he given up hope of going anywhere or doing anything? Initially he’d wanted a degree in comp sci because he liked video games and wanted to explore making them. Somewhere in the last two years, someone convinced him to manage expectations and shoot for something attainable. Profitable. He wasn’t so sure the idea wasn’t his, but it didn’t feel like him.
Flynn made daydreaming seem like the obvious suggestion. Like there wasn’t any reason not to think about all the possibilities.
Derek couldn’t help being more nervous about bringing him home to meet his parents.
Derek’s hometown was less of a town and more of a village. A whopping three hundred people made up the community. They didn’t even have a post office. How they managed to have a gas and convenience store stay open was one of the greater mysteries of Derek’s youth. Derek turned off the highway and onto the narrow road that would lead them to his parents’ place.
Christmas lights decorated the two-story house and the line of bushes across the front of the yard. The large living room window displayed the tree, which was already lit with cheery multicolored lights, and more light emanated from other windows. His family was home. Derek was home, even though he didn’t want to call it that. But he knew he could always return and feel loved. He and his mom didn’t always get along, but she was the one who’d bought him a Pride flag to hang in his bedroom and looked at every website or program he designed just to se
e if he could. She taught him how to cook and let him stay home when school stressed him out.
As much as he hated to admit it, Derek needed to come back more. He wasn’t sure where he’d go after college. He was going to miss home and his family.
Lizzie had created her usual snowman army in the front lawn. Deep gouges of snow were rounded into the balls of no less than eight figures. Some of them were slightly melted, probably because they were from the first real snowfall. Lizzie would do her best to maintain them, but they’d be sad-looking in no time.
Derek pulled his bag out of the car and balanced a few of the pans of fudge. Flynn took the rest, and his sense of balance made it look easy despite the occasional slick spot on the walkway to the front door. He even strayed out into the yard across the snow.
“My sister likes snow almost as much as you do,” Derek said.
“These are interesting,” Flynn said, walking around one of the sculptures.
“Not as good as your castle.”
“But they’re made with care.”
“Yeah, probably. Lizzie loves her snowpeople.” Derek nodded at the house. “Come on. I’m getting cold.”
Mom opened the door before they reached it. She ushered them inside as if it was their fault the cold weather was seeping into the house. Derek stomped his feet a couple of times to knock any accidental snow off his shoes. Flynn didn’t, but then Flynn didn’t seem to have any snow on his shoes. Which was weird since he’d walked into the yard.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Mom asked as she took a pan of fudge from Derek.
“Oh, um. This is Flynn. Flynn, this is my mom.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Flynn said.
“How long have you been dating?”
“Mom,” Derek said.
Flynn blinked, oblivious to the interrogation his mother was beginning. “Almost two weeks.”
“And what’s your last name, Flynn?” Mom asked.
Derek wanted to kick himself for not asking such a basic question.
“Winter,” Flynn said.
That seemed like too much of a coincidence. Either Flynn happened to like what his family name was, or he’d chosen it to be his last name. When Flynn frowned at him, Derek tried to ease his own frown. Derek kissed Flynn’s cheek, hoping to smooth away the worries in his head. Coincidences happened.
“We’ll put the fudge with everything else we’re taking, and then you boys can run your things up to Derek’s room,” Mom said.
“Something smells good,” Derek said.
“Meat loaf for dinner. You’ll help me in the kitchen?”
“Uh, yeah,” Derek said.
They dropped off the fudge with the pile of cookies and board games stacked on the end of the sofa. Then Derek led Flynn up to his room.
Not much about it had changed since Derek graduated from high school. Other than packing things for college, he had kept everything else as it was. His parents were only just beginning to talk about renovating the space after he got his bachelor’s, though Mom was convinced he’d need the room while he job hunted. He was hoping she was wrong.
Though everything was familiar, he tried picturing it like Flynn would see it. The rainbow flag on his wall flanked by movie posters. His dresser had a few of his old action figures, along with a bunch of receipts and other old things he’d dug out of his pockets and left. The walls were pale green, and the brown carpet was getting a little worn. He only had a twin bed. Mom had left a sleeping bag on the floor by it.
Flynn eased his bag off his shoulder and put it on Derek’s bed. He continued staring at the big posters, and his ear twitched while he frowned. “These are movies, right? Not images for worship?”
Worship? Where was Flynn from? Derek set his bag beside Flynn’s. “Yeah. My favorites. We can watch them anytime if you haven’t seen them.”
Flynn nodded, and the tension in his shoulders eased. “I’d like that.”
Derek frowned at him. It wasn’t like Flynn to be nervous about anything. “Are you okay?”
“This is a lot to take in,” Flynn said. “There’s so much I don’t know.”
Derek wanted to comfort him but didn’t know what to say or do to make him feel better. He took Flynn’s hand. “Knowing everything is overrated, but I’ll tell you anything I can.”
Flynn squeezed his hand in return. He had a warmth in his gaze that stole Derek’s breath away. “Thank you.”
After a short, familiar kiss, they headed downstairs. Derek steeled his nerves for his mother’s voice, but his nine-year-old sister Lizzie raced around to meet them at the bottom of the steps. She hadn’t changed for the party yet; instead she seemed ready to head outside before dinner to add more to her snowpeople collection. She put her hands on her hips and got the daring look in her eye that meant she wasn’t going to stop until she got an answer. Usually that meant Derek would have to bow to her whims.
“You have to come outside and play with me,” Lizzie said.
“I can’t. Mom wants my help in the kitchen.” Which was a bonus for once, in Derek’s opinion. It was cold outside, and he didn’t feel like running around playing games with his sister before he had to deal with unsympathetic adults.
Lizzie scrutinized Flynn. “All right. What about you?”
Flynn met her gaze, and Derek felt a subtle shift in him. He had an expression closer to the one he wore while at work. A sort of distance he hadn’t had before.
Derek had missed the moment Flynn stopped using that expression on him. They’d started blending their lives together as much as their time allowed in the last week and a half, and the whole relationship was happening so fast he was beginning to think they were skipping steps.
Like learning last names and where Flynn had lived before moving to the cabin.
“Lead the way to the snow,” Flynn said.
“You don’t have to,” Derek told him.
Flynn shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
Of course he didn’t. Flynn loved the cold and the snow. Derek squeezed his hand and looked to his sister. “Be nice. Don’t shove snow down his pants.”
“I’ll make sure to save a big handful for you instead!” Lizzie called as she ran off to grab her snow boots.
“Seriously, if she annoys you, pick her up and toss her in a snowbank or something,” Derek said.
Flynn squeezed Derek’s hand. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Flynn donned his coat and shoes and then raced after Lizzie to the outdoors. Derek was almost jealous of how carefree he was and that he was escaping the house, only he’d had enough of the cold for the moment. He went into the kitchen.
This time of year, Mom’s baking took over the kitchen. Even as she prepped dinner, extra bags of flour, chocolate chips, sugar, and other baking goods crowded one of the counters. Her recipe book lay open to her oatmeal raisin cookies, one of her favorites, and Derek resisted the urge to flip through the book. He needed to copy out a few and start making his own book.
“Help me out with the mashed potatoes.” Mom left a knife next to the cutting board along with a pile of half-peeled potatoes.
Derek took the knife and began peeling the rest of the potatoes. Her inevitable questions would start any second, but at least Flynn wasn’t around to face the interrogation personally. He caught himself holding his breath and forced the pent-up air out. Unfortunately his stress didn’t go with it so easily. His mother meant well, and she was right about Gregory. Maybe he was overreacting and she wouldn’t find anything wrong with Flynn.
Mom was doing her best to seem preoccupied with her cooking, but Derek caught her glancing his way. For once she was waiting on him. Maybe she did listen.
Derek finished with a potato and picked up the next. “Okay, ask away.”
She let out a grateful sigh. “How did you meet?”
“I ran into him after work,” Derek replied. “I gave him the bag of cookies you left for me. He liked them.”
“At least he has
good taste.” Mom checked on the meat loaf. “Is he a vegetarian?”
“No.”
“Any allergies?”
“Not that I know of.”
Mom made a hmph noise. Disapproving of Derek’s lack of knowledge. He wondered what she’d think if he told her they’d slept together. Maybe she assumed they had, and that was why she had her Disappointed Mom face on. Any moment she would pass judgment on Flynn. Derek continued cutting potatoes and hoped they could stick to silence after all.
Mom took in a deep breath. She was ready to deliver judgment, for good or bad.
“He’s a strange one,” Mom said. Her tone was surprisingly light. “Handsome but strange.”
“And is that a bad or a good thing?” Derek asked.
“I’m trying to figure that out. When you’re done with the potatoes, get them in the pot.” Mom fished out a box of mac ’n’ cheese from the cabinets. “I’ve never seen a grown man decide to join in a snow fight.”
“You’ve never been on a college campus right after a snow,” Derek said.
“Those are practically still children.”
“Flynn’s the same age I am. I think. Which makes him the same age as most of the guys getting into midnight snow brawls.”
“Honey, you don’t know how old he is?” Mom asked. As if he’d failed in due diligence by not having every single detail before dating someone. “What if he’s a high schooler?”
“Okay, you just called him a grown man, and now you’re trying to take it back and accuse me of dating a child. Besides, I’ve seen him working during school hours. He’s not in high school.” There were a lot more signs, like a high schooler wouldn’t have the gaps in knowledge Flynn had about idioms and pop culture. He didn’t act like someone younger.
But the first tendril of doubt crept through Derek’s thoughts. He knew so little about Flynn, and he definitely didn’t jump into long explanations about himself. Derek assumed it was some sort of awful past Flynn didn’t want to talk about. Maybe he wasn’t that comfortable sharing the details yet.
He wasn’t shy about his body or anything else, though.
Derek rubbed his forehead. He hated talking with his mother. Doubt always crept in when they had a conversation lasting more than a few minutes. Flynn never made him doubt. If anything, he made him feel stronger.