by Wells, K. C.
“Congratulations.”
Ben’s smile showed off his white teeth. “Aw, thanks, Will.” He took a sip of his beer. “We haven’t seen much of you around here. You been busy? How’s the ‘escort’ business?” He crooked his fingers into quotation marks and leered.
Will grimaced. “Sore point. I haven’t done a lot of work for them recently, to be honest.” He glared at Ben. “And I am a fucking escort, so watch what you say, bitch!” His grin made it clear he was joking.
“Wait a minute,” Oli interjected. “Didn’t you have a night of rampant hot sex with a guy? I seem to recall getting a text from you that you were about to have your first client—literally.” His forehead creased into a frown. “Did I get that wrong?”
Will sighed. “No, you got it right. And it was only the once.”
Ben snickered. “Was it that bad?”
Will chuckled. “Oh, the irony.” Both men looked puzzled. “Actually, it was that good. In fact, it was probably the best sex of my life.”
Oli’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”
Will shook his head. “I wish I was,” he said sadly.
Oli gazed at him with concern. “What happened, babe?” Ben’s face wore a similar expression. Will was suddenly glad of the opportunity to get the whole mess off his chest. For the next ten minutes or so, he related the story, finishing with the morning’s event.
Ben stared at him. “Let me get this straight. You finally told this middle-aged bitch to stop sexually harassing you, and outed yourself in the process?” He guffawed. “Only you, Will.”
Oli gave him a dig in the ribs. “Show him a bit of sympathy. Can’t you see he’s hurting?”
“Ouch!” Ben rubbed his ribs, frowning. “Aren’t you being a bit overly dramatic, babe? I mean, it’s not like it’s going to drastically affect his life there, is it?”
Oli rolled his eyes. “Oh, for a highly intelligent man, you can be so thick sometimes.” He kissed his partner tenderly on the lips. “Will’s in love with his boss,” he explained patiently.
Will gave a start. He hadn’t said that—had he? Oli was watching him intently, a sympathetic expression on his face. His beautiful eyes grew round as he saw Will’s reaction.
“Oh my God,” Oli said softly. “And here was me thinking Ben was blind.”
Will simply stared at him. In love with Blake?
Oli smiled. “Will, the way you look when you talk about Blake, the way you sound… Hate to break it to you, babe, but it’s obvious. You’re in love with him.” He gazed fondly at Will.
Will suddenly felt hollow. “It doesn’t matter,” he said dully. “He’s going to marry Melissa.”
Ben snorted. “And you’re just going to sit back and let that happen? Like hell!”
“Well, what the fuck should I do? Got any suggestions?” Will demanded. “’Cause from where I’m sitting, there isn’t a fucking thing I can do about it.” His cheeks grew hot.
Ben grinned evilly. “Get him within three feet of me and I’ll make him see what a complete ass he’s being.” His expression changed. He gazed earnestly at Will. “He’s about to make the biggest mistake of his life, Will. Can you imagine the horror his life will be from now on? Married to a total bitch who’s not only in it for the money, but also wants him to play it straight. No boyfriends in secret, either. And all because he’s afraid to come out.”
“Now, hang on,” Oli said, laying a hand on Ben’s arm. “I can totally see why Blake is doing this. I mean, there’s his company at stake.” He shifted his attention to Will. “But Ben’s right, love. Your Blake is about to ruin his life.” There was that sympathetic look again. “If you love him, you can’t let him do this—not without telling him how you feel about him.”
Will groaned. “Oh hell.” They were right, of course. “But what if I tell him and it changes nothing?”
Ben’s voice was gentle. “That’s a risk you have to take. But think about this: what if telling him changes everything?” He locked eyes with Will.
Will gazed back at Ben. It was a possibility he didn’t dare consider. It was too much like tempting Fate. Ben slapped his hand down onto the table.
“Enough thinking. Let’s change the subject before you go mad. I’ve got something else for you to think about. Want to come to Stephen and Darren’s place next week?” He leered. “It’s gonna be wild.”
“Ooh, yeah!” Oli bounced on his seat. “Come with us. It’ll be like old times.”
Will knew without being told what was taking place at their mutual friends’ home. Stephen and Darren were famous for their sex parties. Ben and Oli had actually met at one of their parties just over two years ago.
“The mood I’m in, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Besides, it wasn’t something that particularly interested Will. He’d been once, as a guest of Oli and Ben, but group sex wasn’t really his thing. He knew the couple played, often sharing a third, but they only played together.
“Aw, please?” Oli shifted along the bench and stroked his hand down Will’s chest, before cupping his cheek and kissing him on the lips. “We haven’t played with you for ages.” His eyes glittered with lust. Will hesitated. He didn’t want to offend them, but he wasn’t sure he could do that. It felt too much like betrayal.
“It’s only cheating if you’re actually in a relationship, babe.” Damn Ben’s intuition. Ben nodded knowingly. “Don’t deny that’s what you were thinking about. I know you too well.” That was true. He and Ben went back longer than he cared to remember, before Oli had come into his life. Ben tilted his head. “Is it something that might interest Blake?”
Now that had Will thinking. “Possibly.” He remembered Blake all those weeks ago, watching the orgy on his computer. “When is it?” Not that he was going to attend. But it couldn’t hurt to know when it was happening. Just in case.
“Next Wednesday.” Ben met his gaze. “If by some miracle you do get him to come along, you’d better make sure he knows how it works.” Oli was nodding next to him.
Will knew what he meant. Anyone who attended a sex party had to know what was expected of them beforehand. He wasn’t sure he could go through with it. But if it was something that Blake wanted to do, Will would suck it up and go along. It might be a nice parting gift, their last time together before Melissa got her claws into him. Oli’s idea of telling Blake how he felt was romantic, but this was real life, not romance. There was no way Blake was about to give up his company. And it didn’t matter if Will was in love with Blake. Blake didn’t love him. He couldn’t. Because if Blake loved him, he wouldn’t be about to give Will up.
Will gazed at the couple. “I’ll think about it.” That was as far as he was willing to go. Besides, it was a moot point. For him to invite Blake, they’d have to talking to each other, and based on his experience this past week? Wasn’t gonna happen.
Chapter Nine
I miss him.
For about the umpteenth time that Monday morning, just like every day for the past week, the thought flashed across Blake’s mind. He missed Will so much, he ached. And just like every other day, he berated himself constantly. Why the fuck didn’t you stand up to Melissa? Well, duh. If you’d told her where to get off, you could be with Will right now. Blake glanced around his bedroom, remembering Will in his bed, his body curved around Blake’s, cock sliding between his cheeks as he fucked him slowly, leisurely.
But it’s not just the sex you miss, is it? God, that was so true. Blake missed Will’s smile, his sense of humor, the way his eyes lit up when Blake walked into his office. He missed the easy way they used to talk, the way Will anticipated him. He missed the man’s efficiency, his confidence. He missed his voice, that rich, deep voice that made him grow warm inside.
Oh fuck. What have I done?
What you needed to do.
Blake wasn’t so sure anymore. This past week had really brought home how much Will had come to mean to him. With each new day, the pain increased. He watched Will surreptitiou
sly, noting the dark circles under his eyes, the pallor of his cheeks, the careful way he held himself when Blake was there. Will was hurting. And that was Blake’s fault.
And it was beginning to dawn on him the magnitude of what he was agreeing to do. Was the company worth so much to him that he was prepared to be miserable for the rest of his life? He couldn’t even comfort himself with the idea of divorcing Melissa after a convenient period of time had passed. Once she got her claws into him, Blake doubted she would be willing to let him go. There would forever be hanging over him the threat of telling his father.
One thing was certain. He couldn’t take the cold silence that he’d let build up between them anymore. At first he’d blamed Will. It was all Will’s fault. If he hadn’t gotten it into his head to fuck Blake in the office, then Melissa would never have caught them out and none of this would be happening. He’d started this ball rolling. And then he’d come out to the entire office staff. What the fuck? All this because I can’t be certain if my father is a homophobic asshole. What if he’d got it wrong? What if Justin Davis turned out to be a perfectly reasonable man who would be delighted to know his son was happy being with a man? Some pretty big ifs there, including the one he didn’t dare to voice, as if the mere act of saying it might in some way jinx it. But this was a time for honesty. Fuck it.
What if I’m about to throw away the one man who completes me?
The thought left him weak.
But even if Melissa hadn’t come along that day, you wouldn’t have done anything to jeopardize your future with the company, would you?
Lying there in the quiet of his bedroom, Blake could be honest. Will had become important to him. But important enough to come out for him?
Well, I’ll never know now, will I?
Blake clutched his pillow. If Will was going to be out of his life, he couldn’t let him go with this chasm between them, a chasm of his making. So what if he’d blamed Will initially? He didn’t blame him anymore. He needed to clear the air, let them part on friendly terms. And the least he could do would be to find him a new position with another company, and give him a glowing reference.
Tomorrow. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.
The thought didn’t lessen the ache inside him.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Blake pulled open the adjoining door and peered around it. Will sat at his desk, staring at his computer screen, clearly concentrating on whatever he was doing. He hadn’t even registered Blake’s presence.
“Can we talk?”
Will gave a start, his eyes widening as he caught sight of Blake. “Sorry? Did you say something?”
Blake came into the office and approached Will’s desk. “I said, can we talk?”
Will looked startled. Blake couldn’t blame him. Blake had been an automaton in their conversations the previous week, keeping things strictly business. “Sure. Here or in your office?” God, the way Will held himself so rigidly. I did that. A brief feeling of self-loathing filled him.
“My office. Why don’t you grab us both a coffee and then come on through.”
Blake couldn’t miss the hopeful expression in Will’s eyes. “Okay.”
Blake gave him a brief smile and then retreated back into his office, trying to ignore the fluttery sensation in the pit of his stomach. When Will came through bearing two mugs of coffee, Blake directed him to the sofa and then sat down next to him. Neither of them spoke for a moment or two, until Blake couldn’t take the awkward silence any more.
“Look, first of all, I—”
“Can I just say that—”
Both men regarded each other and then promptly laughed. Will waved a hand. “After you—you’re the boss.” He spoke lightly enough, but Blake noted the nervous swallowing. He’d run through this conversation so many times in his mind during the night, but now that he was actually here, words failed him momentarily. Will regarded him expectantly.
Blake looked into those warm brown eyes and finally find his courage.
“Will, I’m sorry. I had no right to shut you out the way I have done.”
Will stared incredulously at him. “No, you had every right! If it hadn’t been for me, we’d never—”
Blake silenced his words with a single finger laid gently over his lips. “Let me finish.” The words came out much softer than he’d intended. Will became very still, his gaze fixed on Blake. Blake withdrew his hand. “I admit, at first I blamed you. But I have to be honest here. I’m a coward.” Will’s eyes grew large, his lips parted. Blake smiled. “No, it’s true. I mean, look at me. I’m thirty years old and still in the closet. There are only two people in my life who know I’m gay—I don’t count the nameless guys I’ve fucked—and both those people mean a great deal to me. One is Dave Thurston, my photographer friend.” He paused and took a deep breath. “And the other is you.” He heard the hitch in Will’s breathing.
“Blake,” he breathed.
Blake held up his hand. “Still not finished here.” His eyes sparkled. “It took this last week to make me realize how much I’ve come to trust you, respect you, l-like you…” His voice caught on that last part. “I value our friendship too much to let it end like this.”
“Is it going to end, then?” Will’s face fell.
Blake’s heart sank. “I don’t see a way around this, babe.” The endearment slipped out before he could stop it. He watched it register on Will’s face. “I’ve gone over this so many times in my head. The one stumbling block is not knowing how Dad will react. If I had any indication that he’d accept my life, I’d tell Melissa where to get off.”
The hopeful light was back in Will’s eyes. “Can you be sure he’d react badly? Maybe you’ve got it wrong. Maybe—”
Blake silenced him once more with his fingers. Will’s lips were warm and silky to the touch.
“I can’t risk it. This company has been my life for the past six years. I’ve put so much of myself into it, that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. There’s still a hope, forlorn thought it may be, that one day he’ll look at me and say, ‘Blake, I’m so proud of you, of what you’ve achieved with Trinity. I think it’s time to share that achievement with the rest of the world.’” He felt a tear prick the corner of his eye and he wiped it away. Yeah, some hope.
Will’s eyes had never left him. “I understand, I really do. But if you do this, you’re denying a huge part of yourself. You’re going to be living a lie.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Blake’s voice rose. “Do you imagine I haven’t lain awake all this last week, thinking about how my life is going to be with that bitch?” He gave Will a bitter smile. “I can’t even console myself by thinking she’s doing this because she really wants to be with me. She’s in this strictly for the money.”
Will huffed. “I whored myself out to survive. What’s her excuse?”
“Never, ever refer to yourself as a whore again in front of me, do you hear?” Blake spoke with quiet vehemence. Will became still. Blake softened. “I mean it.” Several seconds passed and then Will nodded.
“So where do we go from here?” he wanted to know.
“I’m going to find you a new job, for starters.” Blake locked eyes with him. “You’re damn good at what you do, and I’m going to make it my business to find a company that will appreciate you, and help you to further your career. Which leads me on to my next point.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew the metallic black USB flash drive. He held it up. “Let me publish this.”
Will gaped. “You’re serious.”
Blake chuckled. “Did you think I was kidding? Hell, no. I want your permission to pass it on to Beth to be edited. You can talk to Peter about any ideas you have for the cover. But I wanted to know—do you want to publish it under your real name or a pseudonym?”
Will smiled. “My real name. No question.”
Blake gazed at him with concern. “I only wondered if you might be worried how your parents will react when they—”<
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“My parents gave up their right to have any say in my life when they threw me out of theirs ten years ago.” Will’s lips narrowed. “I don’t give a fuck if it makes them feel uncomfortable. Let the world see what they did to a fifteen year old kid.” His lip quavered.
Blake clasped Will’s hand tightly. “This is me you’re talking to. They’re still your parents. You can’t forget the first fifteen years of your life just like that.” He stroked Will’s fingers, gazing down at their joined hands. “Have they ever tried to find you?”
“If they did, they certainly didn’t try very hard. As far as I know, we still live in the same city.” Blake watched Will’s jaw tighten as he straightened. “Anyway, enough of them. About me leaving here. How much notice do I need to give?”
“Don’t worry about that. You’ll stay here until the right job turns up. That bitch can just put up with it.” Blake scowled. “She’s getting what she wants—she can afford to be a little magnanimous.”
“Do I get my say now?” Will asked, smirking.
Blake laughed. “By all means.”
“Thank you.” He gazed earnestly at Blake. “Okay, I agree. You can publish it.” Blake’s heart soared. Will snorted. “As if I could stop you anyway.” Will paused. “I’ve loved every minute working here, with you. I’ve made some good friends, too—well, with the exception of Karen.” His face fell slightly.
“Oh, I meant to ask. How has she been with you since your… outburst?”
Will’s expression grew gloomy. “I never thought I’d say this, but I actually preferred her when she was flirting outrageously with me. Nowadays, every time she sees me, she’s looking daggers at me. And I can’t get a civil word out of her.”
Blake whistled. “Be careful there. You know what they say, ‘a woman scorned…’”
Will shook his head. “Tell me about it. It’s making life very uncomfortable around here. My only consolation is that it seems it won’t be for much longer.” He swallowed.