“Once she has the DNA test and proves Rhys is the father, there’s nothing you can do. The will is very clear on who inherits.”
“Are you sure? Can you even pretend to find a solution?” Frustration bubbled inside of her.
Dan shook his head. “I’m sorry. No.”
She sensed his disapproval. No doubt he thought she was cruel and heartless. Not that she cared about that. Protecting Bel Après was all that mattered, and to that end, she would do anything.
twenty-seven
Stephanie had trouble shaking her sense of shame and failure. She went through the motions of her life, telling herself that in a few days she would snap out of it and come up with a new direction. Or at least a plan to get a job. But nearly two weeks after the humiliating interview with Elias, she felt no more capable of putting herself out there again than she had the day it had happened.
She did her best to act normal in front of the kids. Carson was all about his friends and sports, and didn’t notice anything was wrong. He’d recently started thinking about playing baseball in college rather than going from high school to the minor league, which meant he suddenly cared about his grades. That was only good news to her.
She was less sure if she was convincing Avery that all was well. She’d caught her daughter watching her a couple of times, but maybe that was just ordinary teenage wondering about how incredibly dumb parents were and why did it have to be that way.
When Kyle called and suggested they have dinner together Friday night, she’d agreed because why not. He was a friendly face and she needed a distraction. He was heading east to Pullman for a WSU home game the next day.
She pulled herself together enough to shower and put on a little makeup, then lost interest when it came to finding something cute to wear. In the end, she pulled on leggings and a tunic top, and slipped her feet into ballet flats.
She was tired from not sleeping well and still getting flashbacks where she relived the horror of the interview. At some point she really was going to have to get her butt in gear and find a job. Her savings wouldn’t last forever.
If only she could know if Elias was going to tell everyone what had happened. It wasn’t as if she could call and ask if he planned to blab about what an idiot she was. But the thought of word spreading, of her mother finding out, haunted her.
Right on time, Kyle knocked on the door. Avery was babysitting for Four, and Carson was at a friend’s house. Stephanie let him in while she grabbed her purse.
“Hi,” she said, hoping she sounded more upbeat than she felt. “How was the drive?”
“Good.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “It’s raining in Seattle, but the skies cleared when I went over the pass.” He frowned. “You okay?”
She started to say she was, then found herself blurting out, “No. I’m a mess.” Tears filled her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but a couple escaped to slide down her cheeks.
Kyle surprised her by closing the front door, taking her purse from her and setting it on the entry table, then leading her into the living room.
“What’s going on?” he asked when they were seated next to each other on the sofa. He angled toward her, his expression concerned.
“I’m such a disaster,” she said, wiping her face. “I thought I was doing better, standing up to my mom and wanting to find a new job, but I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve embarrassed myself and now I may not be able to find a job anywhere near here and then what?”
He frowned. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Start at the beginning.”
She hesitated, not wanting to share the shame, but then reminded herself the man had seen her screaming in pain as she pushed out a baby, not to mention vomiting through the flu, so he could probably handle what she had to say.
“I had a job interview.”
She told him how excited she’d been and how confident she’d felt about her answers and her material. Until Elias had started pointing out her failures.
“He was right about all of it,” she admitted, fighting tears again. “I did a ton of research on the industry but none on his winery. I put so much effort into how to sell the library wines because Mackenzie was talking about the ones at Painted Moon. That’s where I got the idea.”
“So you had a good plan, but for the wrong business.”
She nodded. “And the flyers. Why didn’t I see how my work had gone downhill over the past few years? I’m mortified and I’m terrified Elias is going to tell everyone he knows that my mom was right about me and no one else will hire me and she’ll get to say she was right.”
Kyle pulled her close and held on to her. “He’s not going to go around and talk about you like that.”
“Maybe he will.”
She felt him chuckle. “That’s my little ray of sunshine.”
“I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do now. I have to get a job, but I have no experience out of the wine industry and I’m afraid no one in the industry wants to hire me.” She drew back and wiped away more tears. “I’m a failure.”
He took her hand in his. “You’re not. You had a setback. That’s all. You’ll learn from the experience and do better next time.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re a famous TV sportscaster. What do you know about failure?”
“I lost you.”
“Oh, please. That was a decade ago and you barely noticed I was gone.”
“That’s not true. I screwed up, Stephanie, and I have a lot of regrets.”
While the words were nice to hear, she wasn’t sure she believed him. “Thank you for saying that.”
He squeezed her fingers. “Go work for Mackenzie. She and Bruno must need help with the retail space and other stuff. You already have a plan for their library wines.”
She pulled her hand free of his. “No. I’m not going to ask my best friend to give me a job.” She shuddered. “I want to be hired because I’ll be the right person, not out of pity.”
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. You’re good at what you do.”
She appreciated the words, even if once again she doubted the truth of them. “You want to see the best in me. That’s really nice, but the last couple of years at Bel Après, I was phoning it in. I can see that now. I was bored and frustrated and I didn’t do my best.”
“So you learn from that, too. You have a lot to offer. You’re honest and smart and you raised great kids.” He smiled. “You put up with me longer than you should have.”
She managed to smile back. “I did, but that was because I was crazy in love with you. I didn’t want to walk away.”
She’d kept hoping he would change so that she could stay, but in the end, she’d done the right thing. She supposed that was something to be proud of. Of course she’d continued to have sex with her ex for the next decade, which was so incredibly dumb.
“I’m a slow learner,” she said with a groan. “I’ve got to get better at figuring out the problem and solving it.”
“I have a thought,” he said. “Give us another chance.”
She stared at him, not sure she’d heard him correctly. “What did you say?”
“Give us another chance.” He reached for her hand again. “I miss you, Steph. I miss us. I was so wrong before. I threw away the most important thing in my life and I didn’t realize it. But I do now. I have so many regrets. I’m asking for a second chance. I know I have to earn your trust, but I’m up for the challenge. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
She couldn’t seem to form actual thoughts. There were a handful of words strung together, but they made no sense. In love with her? She couldn’t grasp the concept.
“It’s been ten years,” she said, hoping she didn’t look as confused as she felt.
“All that means is we’ve both had a chance to grow and change. I know I have.” He gave her a
rueful smile. “You were pretty perfect to begin with, so you had less of a journey. I mean it. I love you. I want us to try again.”
He loved her? Since when? And how did she feel about what he was saying? Did she want to get back together with him? How would that work? Avery was a junior in high school. She wouldn’t want to move and Carson had all his friends and—
Stephanie shook her head. No! This wasn’t about her kids—this was about her and Kyle, and what she wanted.
“We could make it work,” he continued. “I could move in here and commute to Seattle. You wouldn’t have to worry about working unless you wanted to. I want to take care of you the way I should have before. I want to be everything you want me to be.”
He sounded sincere, she thought, still having trouble grasping what was happening. He was offering her everything he thought she wanted. Everything she had wanted when she’d left him and run back home. They got along well, the sex had always been impressive and being around Kyle was fun. But was that enough? What about her hopes for her own future? Where would he fit in with those? Not that she had much of a future right now. Part of her was tempted—seriously tempted. After all, he was making it so very easy.
For a second time, she pulled her hand free of his as the truth smacked her in the face. It would be easy to say yes, to avoid all the problems in her life. Getting back with Kyle could solve them all. She wouldn’t have to worry about money or what to do with her life.
But was that enough? Didn’t she want—just once—to be brave? She’d been unhappy in her marriage for years before she’d gathered the courage to leave, and then all she’d done was run back to her mother. She’d taken even longer to try to find another job, and when the cheese place had been a disaster, she’d done nothing. She’d quit on impulse, which wasn’t the least bit brave. And now she was facing the reality of a mediocre skill set and a bad reputation. Rather than get off her ass and deal, she’d been hiding and feeling sorry for herself. Worse, she was considering marrying Kyle because it was the easy solution.
“I’m a complete and total wuss,” she said aloud.
“What?”
She looked at him. “I am. I’ve taken the easy way out my entire life. I wanted you, so I got pregnant to trap you. I left you and expected my mom to take care of me. I hated my job here, but I didn’t do anything about it. I kept having sex with you so I wouldn’t have to find someone I really wanted to be with. I’ve always taken the easy way out.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
“I’m not. Maybe for the first time in my life, I’m being honest.” She sucked in a breath. “I don’t love you, Kyle. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I haven’t for a long time. I think we’re good as friends, but we can’t get back together. It’s been over between us for a long time. We both need to move toward the future, not retreat to the past.”
He drew back, his mouth twisting. “You’re not going to give us a chance?” His voice was laced with pain.
His obvious surprise, his emotional reaction, triggered guilt, but she ignored it.
“I care about you,” she told him. “I always will. We’re stuck with each other and I like that. But as friends. You need to find someone who can appreciate the man you’ve become.”
He stood up and glared at her. “I could have gone national. I stayed with the Seattle station because I wanted to be close to you, and all this time, you didn’t care what I did.”
He was reacting out of anger, she told herself. Best if she didn’t do the same. “I didn’t know you’d had the chance to go national. Can you still? The kids would love visiting you in New York, and so would I.”
As soon as the words came out, she knew they were wrong. He flinched.
“You don’t even care if I’m around, do you?”
“Kyle, no! That’s not what I meant. I want you to be happy. I want you to have whatever you want.”
“Just not you.”
There was nothing she could say to that. The awkward silence grew until he turned for the door. She went after him.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He faced her. “We could have had it all, Steph.”
He was right—they could have. But that chance had ended ten years ago. After all this time, there was no going back.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“Me, too.”
He walked out into the evening. She watched him get into his car and drive away, then she closed the door and leaned against it.
She didn’t feel good about what had happened, but at least she knew she’d done the right thing. For once, she hadn’t taken the easy way out. Now the question was what was she going to do next.
* * *
Barbara drank wine because she loved it, but she drank tequila to get drunk. Sometimes she made a margarita and sometimes she drank it straight. On this particular afternoon, she was at least pretending, so had mixed it with fresh lime juice and Cointreau.
She sat in her family room, off the kitchen, staring out the window, wondering how her entire life had gone to shit so quickly. Everything was a disaster, and nothing made her feel better, not even gazing at her sparkly engagement ring. The idea of planning a wedding made her shudder—she hardly had time for what she had to do in a day, let alone plan a ridiculous celebration. What did her marriage matter—Bel Après had lost its winemaker and she didn’t have a replacement. Even as she sat there, grapes were fermenting and then what? Who would decide what happened next, which were blended and in what ratios? You couldn’t just ferment a bunch of grapes, pour the result into a bottle and expect to have something wonderful.
“No one in the area will work for me,” she said, raising her glass toward her two daughters. She wasn’t sure how they’d gotten there. Lori might have followed her from the office and Catherine had appeared a few minutes later. No doubt Lori had called her, wanting reinforcements.
Barbara had no idea for what. She was sitting by herself, drinking. She was hardly going to burn down the place, so why fuss. But she didn’t say that, because it didn’t matter, either.
“What do you mean?” Catherine asked, looking ridiculous as always in tie-dyed overalls. Dear God, tie-dye? Hadn’t that gone out in the 1960s? “Who won’t work for you?”
“Any decent winemaker in the area. We’re looking in California. We’re going to end up with some loser, but what choice is there?” She swallowed about half of her margarita. It was her third, she thought. Or maybe her fourth.
“Everything is ruined,” Barbara continued. “First Mackenzie leaving, then Stephanie. I miss them both. They were so fun to talk to.” She glared at her remaining daughters, wondering why they couldn’t be more sparkling conversationalists.
“And the lawyer was a disaster. He refused to even consider suing Mackenzie for custody. Why not? I raised four children. She has no experience and she’s an orphan.”
Lori looked confused. “What does her being an orphan have to do with anything?”
“She has no family, no support system.”
“But it’s her baby, Mom,” Lori said, her voice tentative. “You can’t take it away from her.”
“So people keep telling me,” Barbara snapped, wondering why her middle daughter was so tiresome.
“Let’s change the subject,” Catherine suggested. “Talk about happy things. Lori, tell Barbara about Owen.”
Barbara turned sharply to stare at Lori. “Who’s Owen?”
Lori looked flustered, then blushed, which was always a disaster for her. She went blotchy. It was so unattractive.
“He’s an assistant manager at a winery. We’ve been going out for a while now.”
Lori dating? “Since when?”
“A few weeks.” Her daughter looked past her. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk about it, what with everything else going o
n.”
While that was true, Barbara resented someone else deciding things for her. “You should have told me.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“I am.” Barbara finished her drink. “I’m glad he doesn’t care that you’re fat. That’s something, I suppose.”
Lori’s eyes widened the way they always did before she burst into tears. Barbara held in a sigh and braced herself for the onslaught. Seconds later, her daughter raced from the room.
“Really?” Catherine shook her head. “Do you have to be mean all the time? Can’t we limit it to odd-numbered days?”
“She’s weak.”
Catherine pressed her lips together. “You know, a lot of research says that overeating is the result of a bad childhood, so technically her weight issues are your fault.”
Barbara raised her eyebrows. “Yes, it’s very trendy to blame the mother, isn’t it?”
Rather than respond, Catherine pulled out her cell phone and sent a quick text. She smiled at her mother.
“Are you happy?”
The unexpected question unsettled Barbara. She dropped her gaze to her glass, not wanting to respond.
“I am,” Catherine added, her tone cheerful. “Every day. I have Jaguar and my children. My art fills my soul and I live in a beautiful house surrounded by my family. I’m blessed.”
“You certainly don’t require much from life,” Barbara snapped.
Catherine’s calm smile was annoying.
“I require what’s important to me.”
“Oh, please. Jaguar is a mechanic. He’s never going to get into management. Your bits and pieces that you call art don’t sell for very much.”
“Happiness isn’t about money or position. It’s about feeling fulfilled by your life. Jaguar enjoys his job and doesn’t want to move up in the company. He would rather have time with his family.”
“What a shock. You married a man with no ambition.”
Catherine, as per usual, ignored her. “We don’t need much money, thanks to the family trust. I sell my art when it pleases me. The amount isn’t important. I like knowing my pieces make people happy. I’m connected to the earth and creatures around me. My children thrive. What else could I possibly want?”
The Vineyard at Painted Moon Page 29