by Kelly Risser
***
While Mom registered us at the hotel and got the room key, I stayed in the car and thought about what I wanted to ask her at dinner tonight. I was less than thrilled about the big move to Canada. And I hadn’t broached the subject of my grandparents. They scared me to death. What kind of people kicked out their only daughter because she got pregnant? Not the kind of people I wanted to know, let alone live with.
We had another day of solid driving left, and I needed to prepare myself for what was coming. Tonight was the night. I gave Mom some space the first couple of days on the road, but now it was time that I knew whatever there was to know. I wanted answers, and I was banking on the fact that she would be more open to talking about things now. Mentally, I prepared a list of questions—a long list.
The hotel was located in a nice, middle-class suburb, and there were several restaurants nearby to choose from. Mom liked Chinese food and noticed a restaurant near the hotel. When she suggested that we walk there, I agreed. Long legs and road trips were not friends. Plus, it was a balmy evening, and the sky was clear—the perfect night for walking.
Deep red, brocade tablecloths and shiny, ebony and gold accents filled the inside of the restaurant. A middle-aged Chinese couple smiled and greeted us. The woman led us to our table and introduced herself as Min. Mom asked for a glass of wine, and I ordered one as well. Mom shook her head at me. Can’t blame a girl for trying, I thought, changing mine to a Diet Coke.
Mom read the menu, but I closed mine. I already knew what I wanted. Nothing said Chinese food like sweet and sour chicken and an egg roll. I ran through my mental checklist of questions again while I waited for her to decide, applauding myself for my patience. She finally set her menu down, and Min took our order. When she walked away, I fired off my first question. “Mom, why did your parents kick you out when you were pregnant with me?”
Her eyes widened. “They didn’t kick me out. I left.”
Seriously? This was news. So maybe not horrible, evil grandparents after all?
“Why would you do that?” I blurted, bewildered.
“I left when I married Phil.” Phil was Mom’s ex-husband. She married him when I was a few months old, and we lived with him in Chicago. We moved to Wisconsin when they divorced. Mom said Chicago wasn’t big enough for both of them.
I shook my head. “I don’t get it. That doesn’t explain why we don’t talk to them or visit them, or why they never came to see us…” I trailed off. Mom looked uncomfortable.
“Peggy’s Cove is a small town, a simple fishing village,” Mom said, and I sighed. Great, she just reinforced what I thought. How boring was my life going to be now? She continued, “My dad’s a fisherman, and my mom stayed home and raised me. My pregnancy embarrassed them, especially since David left me—”
I interrupted. “Why did David leave?” My grandparents sounded like jerks, so I focused on my father. She never talked about him. I was surprised she mentioned him now.
I could tell she didn’t like where this conversation was going. She paused to take a sip of wine, and then said, “He never planned to stay.”
“Why’d you go out with him then?” I asked.
“Mmm,” she murmured, eyes going soft. “I’m not sure I had a choice.”
That was a funny answer. She seemed more open tonight. I could never get her to talk about him. Maybe she would now? “Mom, can you tell me about him? About David?”
She straightened in her chair. Looking at me for a minute, considering, she began. “I met your father the summer after I graduated, when I was eighteen. He was staying in town, helping at the docks for the summer, and I was working at the bed and breakfast where he happened to be staying. The first time I saw him, he took my breath away. He was so beautiful. I talked to him and found out that he was as smart and funny as he was good looking. He was so cultured and mature. I fell for him right away.”
She paused to drink more wine, and I didn’t want to interrupt her train of thought. I waited, and she continued. “Your grandparents didn’t like him at all. They were leery of strangers. ‘Outsiders’ they called them. The fine citizens of Peggy’s Cove see many people coming and going during the summer months. They’re not fond of tourists.”
She frowned and gulped the rest of her wine.
“You obviously loved him. Did he love you?”
Again, she seemed surprised by my question. “Meara, your father loved me. I know this for a fact. For a time, I think he loved me more than anything else in his life. But, David is not like other men. I couldn’t hold him.”
“What does that mean? Who leaves the woman he loves pregnant and alone?” A thought occurred to me, and I added before she could answer, “Did he even know about me?”
She worried her lip. “Of course your father knew about you. You weren’t the reason he left.” She squeezed my hand. It didn’t reassure me. “Meara, your father stayed with me as long as he could. He picked your name, you know.”
“No, I don’t know. You never told me that before.” I crossed my arms, and my foot twitched. Why had my mom kept all these things from me?
“I didn’t?” Her brow creased.
“Mom,” I said, “you never talk about him. Where did he go?”
Mom hesitated. “I don’t know.”
I couldn’t tell if she was lying or not.
“Has he ever tried to contact you?” I pressed. “To come see us?”
“No. Never.” Mom wouldn’t meet my eyes. She was lying. She never lied to me. I decided not to call her on it, not wanting to fight with her tonight. Min brought our dinner. I pushed the food around on my plate, no longer hungry. I’d lost my appetite.
While I pretended to eat, Mom chatted happily, filling me with stories about her childhood and her best friend, Lydia. Her best friend she hadn’t mentioned before today. I tapped my foot faster as I fought to stay calm. I nodded every now and then so she’d think I was listening, but my mind raced. Where was David, and why was Mom lying?