by Kelly Risser
It was almost unnatural the way that David folded into the fabric of our lives. He was frequently at dinner. Tonight was no exception. There was only one wrinkle in this fabric. My grandfather, Jamie.
“Jamie, can you pass the potatoes?” David asked my grandfather, who continued to eat his food and act as though no one spoke. I bit my lip to keep from smiling and exchanged a glance with Evan. It was his first dinner with us as a family. I couldn’t wait to get his thoughts about it later.
“Dad?” My mom—the peacemaker. “The potatoes?”
“Oh? Did you want some, Sharon?” Grandpa Jamie passed her the bowl. Irritation flashed on Mom’s face, but she took the bowl and handed it to David.
I considered my grandfather’s current behavior an improvement. When David first started coming to dinner, Grandpa Jamie wouldn’t stop talking about how David was bound to leave us again. They argued about anything and everything. The outright confrontation eventually settled into Grandpa Jamie just ignoring him. I sided with my grandfather. I didn’t trust David.
“The food is delicious, Mary, as usual.” David knew the way to Grandma Mary’s heart. With his frequent compliments on her meals and even bigger appetite, she seemed almost as charmed by David as my mom did.
She beamed in reply. “Can I get you anything else, David?”
David swallowed his last bite of potatoes, smiled, and patted his stomach. “No, thank you. I’m quite full.”
Grandma Mary laughed and stood up. “I hope not too full for dessert.”
David stood as well. “Let me help you, Mary.”
I watched as David and my grandmother walked to the kitchen. With his thick, dark hair and youthful appearance, David looked closer to my age than Mom’s. He only looked a few years older than Evan did. Why did he look so young? Why wasn’t it strange to everyone else? So far, no one had commented on it, not even Grandpa Jamie.
“Are you okay?” Evan asked. “You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine.” I smiled at him and hoped it was convincing. I was saved from saying anything else, because my grandma and David returned from the kitchen.
“I made apple pie,” Grandma Mary announced. “And we have vanilla ice cream, too.”
She winked at me, and I was touched. Grandma Mary made this meal just for me. She even invited Evan to surprise me. She cooked turkey and all the fixings. Technically, it wasn’t American Thanksgiving, since it was a Saturday night, but it was close enough. And I was grateful to have my family and my boyfriend with me. I was even okay with David being here. This time.
The pie was delicious, with the ice cream on top melting to perfection. Grandpa Jamie smile as he bit in. “One of my favorite desserts,” he said.
Mom laughed at something David said, and I looked at her. Ever since her trip to the hospital, I found myself watching her closely. In the morning, she was stiff and slow. Pain darkened her eyes and pulled at her features. When David appeared, she changed. It was as if his mere presence eased her pain and discomfort. At those moments, she was at her happiest, almost carefree. Her skin flushed prettily, and her eyes glowed.
While I appreciated the effect David had on my mom, I was suspicious. As far as I was concerned, he had a motive and I needed to find out what it was. Poisonous thoughts filled my head, and suspicion clung to me like a well-woven cloak. Why was he here? When would he leave again? I practically choked on these questions, swallowing them bitterly as I watched my mom thrive in his company.
“David found an apartment in Halifax,” Mom announced to no one in particular. “He moves in next week.”
“So, David,” I said casually, toying with my pie. “How long are you planning on staying this time?”
Grandpa Jamie had asked Mom this question numerous times. I felt him watching me, but my eyes were on David and my mom. Mom’s eyes flashed in anger, and she scolded me. “Meara, what kind of question is that?”
David covered her hand to stop her from saying more. “It’s okay, Sharon. It’s a reasonable question.” His gaze was measuring while he gave me a small smile. “To be honest, I’m a bit amazed it’s taken Meara this long to ask.”
What did he know about me? He knew me mere months, not years. I glared and waited. Finally, he answered, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay as long as your mother wants me to stay.”
“Convenient, then, isn’t it?” I responded curtly.
He seemed confused by my words. “How so?”
“Well,” I paused. “You shouldn’t have to wait too long. Her days being limited and all.”
I regretted the words the second they left my mouth. But there they were, and I couldn’t take them back. Mom gasped, visibly paling as though someone had slapped her. Essentially, I had. David’s mouth set in a thin line. Disappointment. My grandparents stared at me, mouths gaping. I hated myself at that moment. It was by far my lowest point. I couldn’t even look at Evan.
“Excuse me,” I murmured, pushing back my chair and running from the room.
I knew someone followed me, but I didn’t turn to see who it was. I could have headed to my room, but that would have meant staying in the house, hearing the ramifications of my outburst, and seeing the hurt on my mom’s face. I went to the front door, yanking my coat off the hook on the way out. Then, I ran toward the shore. I didn’t stop until I was a foot away from the rocks. A sob shook my body, and I dropped to the ground.
I felt myself pulled backwards into a lap while arms wrapped around me. In my despair, it took me a minute to register who held me. It was David.
“Meara.” His voice was quiet. Soothing. He smelled like the ocean. It was comforting. I stiffened, because I wanted to relax into him. He didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he continued. “Don’t hate yourself. I’m the one to blame. If I hadn’t abandoned you and your mother all those years ago, you would have no reason to doubt me now.”
I didn’t turn to look at him. Why was he being kind now? My eyes welled up, and the tears streamed down. “I di-didn’t mm-mean w-what I s-said!”
He stroked my hair and rocked back and forth, as if he were comforting a small child. “Of course you didn’t, honey, of course you didn’t. Everyone knows that. You’re under a tremendous amount of pressure. Your mother is worried sick about you.”
I sniffled and turned to look at him. “That’s exactly why I’m such a horrible person. She is dying, and she worries about me. Who do I worry about? Myself!”
“Is that true?” By the tone of his voice, I knew he didn’t believe it. He pulled me back again, resting my head against his chest and stroking my hair. “Were your words tonight for you or for your mom?”
When I didn’t answer, he answered for me. “You worry about her. For all those years, you just had each other. It’s natural that you have such a strong bond. Your mother loves you. I love you, too, Meara.”
I pulled away to look at him. His pained eyes searched my face. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you both. It’s unforgivable, and unfortunately, there is no way for me to explain why I did it.”
“Can’t you try?”
He shook his head. “Not tonight, although you, out of everyone, may get the closest to understanding me.”
“Why not tonight? When is this perfect time you’re waiting for?”
“You’re not ready. I’ll tell you soon. Then, it will all be clear to you.”
“See?” I stood and pointed at him. “This is what I don’t get. You speak to me in rhymes or phrases that don’t even make sense. Why the secrecy? Why can’t you just tell me everything, so I can understand?”
He stood and turned away from me as if to head back to the house.
“David? Are you going to answer me?”
He looked back at me. His eyes were sad. “You’re not ready yet.”
“You keep saying that. What do I have to be ready for? Does insanity run in your family? Is it that bad?” The way he was acting, the way I was feeling, mental illness didn’t sound that far off.
> “I can’t answer that for you. That’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself.” He turned to leave again. When he was about halfway to the house, he called back, “Take your time out here. I’ll let everyone know you’re okay.”
“David?” I asked. He paused again. “Can you send Evan out?”
“Of course,” he said.
I turned back to the sea, lost in my thoughts. I didn’t have to wait long before I heard Evan approach. He stopped just behind me, but didn’t touch me. I wondered how repulsed he was by my obnoxious behavior.
“Meara.” He sounded quiet. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, not turning, wrapping my arms around myself. Evan placed his arms over mine and rested his chin on my head. He didn’t say a word, so I broke the silence. “Do you think less of me now?”
“Why on earth would you think that?” He spun me around and stared into my eyes. I felt myself tearing up again, so I broke his gaze and started to pace.
“Because I was horrible in there,” I said. “I shouldn’t have said that. Did you see my mom’s face? I broke her heart.”
“Meara, stop it!” Evan held my arms to stop my pacing. He waited, forcing me to look at him before he continued. “What you said was no worse than what everyone else has thought since your mom’s birthday party. Of course you surprised your mom, surprised us all, but no one blames you.”
“I shouldn’t have said her days are limited. It just slipped out.”
“I know that, and your mom knows that, too,” he said. “Give yourself a break. Your mom is dying. A few months ago, she was all the family you knew. You’ve been thrown into this new place, and then, from out of the blue, comes your father who abandoned you at birth. How differently do you think anyone else would react in your shoes?”
I paused. He had a point. Evan continued. “Obviously, even David feels he should shoulder the responsibility, since he followed you out here. What did he say to you, anyway?”
I smiled. It was a bitter smile. “He started by saying practically the same thing you did, and then he lost me.”
“What do you mean?”
“He started talking about how someday I may understand why he did what he did. That I share traits with him…” I trailed off. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember the rest of our conversation.
“What kind of traits?”
“I don’t know. He wouldn’t say.”
“Odd.” Evan shook his head. “So, when’s he planning to enlighten you on all of his secrets?”
“I don’t know that either. He told me I’m not ready.”
“Ready for what?”
“I have no idea.
Evan laughed. It wasn’t a happy sound. “Geez, Meara. No wonder you’re frustrated. The guy talks in circles.”
“Exactly.”
“Do you feel better now?” Evan stepped closer.
“Yes, thank you.” I watched as his face drew near. He lifted my chin in his hand.
“I love you, Meara,” he said. My heart beat erratically, and my face flushed. Did he just say he loved me?
“You love me?”
He smiled. “I do. Never doubt that.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
“I’ll never get tired of hearing that,” he murmured, just before his warm lips covered my own.