by Kelly Risser
"Meara, are you in?”
I looked up and found Jen, Val, and Katie all staring at me, expectant looks on their faces. What did they ask me? My mind was somewhere else entirely, certainly not on the conversation in the lunchroom. “Sorry. What?”
“Cancun?” Katie waved her phone in front of me. A picture of a beach at sunset. “We’ve been talking about it for weeks.”
“My parents said I could go as my graduation present.” Val grinned at me.
“I’m in, too,” Jen added.
I shook my head, knowing that they’d be disappointed. “I…uh, I can’t. Sorry.”
Katie leaned closer. “Why not?”
“My dad wants me to go home with him this summer. Meet the rest of the family.”
Katie knew this already. In the weeks after my mom’s funeral, we talked about it often. I hadn’t said anything to Val or Jen. Apparently, neither did Katie.
“Where’s home?” Val tilted her head to the side and wrinkled her nose. She reminded me of a curious puppy. I stifled a laugh. Val always wrinkled her nose when she was confused. “I thought you lived with him here.”
“I do.” How little could I tell them? The more information I gave, the more questions they’d ask. “He moved here to marry my mom, but he’s from Scotland.”
“Scotland!” Val rested her chin on her hands. “How exotic!”
Katie snorted. “Cancun is exotic, Val. Hot temperatures and hotter men. What does Scotland have? Kilts?”
“Katie.” Jen’s warning got a reaction out of Katie. For once, she actually seemed to regret her words.
“Sorry, Meara,” Katie apologized. “I’m sure Scotland is lovely.”
My friends resumed their graduation trip planning, and I resumed playing with my food. I wasn’t hungry these days. Maybe it was nerves. I pulled out my phone and texted Evan, “Come over tonight?”
He replied immediately. “Sure.”
The weeks following the funeral, my dad wasn’t much company. He looked better. The Change helped him to recover his youthful appearance, but his mood was poor. He slouched on the couch in front of the TV or slept late into the day. His five o’clock shadow was now a beard, and I needed to remind him to shower at least a couple times a week. While school kept me busy, his days were long and empty.
“Go become a seal or whatever while I’m gone. Relax, go for a swim.” I told him one morning, but he said the temptation to stay that way was too great. He was waiting for me to make my decision, and he’d wait as a human. A human martyr, I thought.
“Meara?” Jen stood behind me, her eyebrow raised in question.
I realized I was in the lunchroom. I had to stop daydreaming. “Yeah?”
“Bell rang. You ready for class?” She gave me a sympathetic look and waited while I stood. Jen’s dad died when she was in second grade. More than any of my friends, she understood what I was going through.
“Sorry I wasn’t much company at lunch.” I fell into step beside her.
“It’s okay.” She touched my arm. “I understand.”
We walked in silence the rest of the way to class. Once we took our seats, Jen turned to me. “Are you going to go with your dad then? To Scotland?”
I’d asked myself the same question countless times, weighing the pros and cons. I thought I was undecided, but I realized I’d made up my mind. Slowly, I nodded. “I think I am.”