My explanation did not convince the taxi driver at all. “A junkie,” he seemed to be thinking. “I’ve picked up a filthy junkie. What can you expect in this part of town? He probably spent the night in the park fighting with other junkies. When will I learn? Let’s see if with a little luck I can get out of this with no trouble.”
“Do you think you have change?” I asked, taking out of my wallet a fifty-euro bill.
“I don’t know ... I think so.”
“Ah! No matter. Look. I think I have a twenty. And it looks like I also have a ten!”
“Well, no, he’s not a fucking junkie,” the driver’s eyes now seemed to say, which I observed with some amusement in the rear-view mirror. “It must be true that they just tried to mug this poor boy. No ... he doesn’t seem like a bad guy, in spite of everything. But they sure worked him over! Anyway, how does he have so much money if they just tried to rob him? Maybe he’s the thief? I gotta get out of this as soon as possible ....”
“J.J., don’t shoot! It’s me, J.J! What’s the matter with you? Fuck! I told you I’d ring the doorbell three times before I opened it. Put down that fucking gun! Okay? This is not a B movie. Heavens! Fuck! J.J., enough! It’s me!”
“And who are you, if I may ask? I don’t know you! Get on the ground, let’s go! Get on the ground or you’re a corpse in two seconds!
“No, fuck, J.J! What’s the matter with you now? What do you mean, who am I? It’s Ramón! Your friend Ramón! The owner of this house! What a way to welcome me! But what ... what the hell happened? You look a little pale! I’m not surprised, not sleeping all night ...! Are you crazy? Have you lost your memory or what?”
“What do you mean, what’s happened to me?” said J.J., lowering the weapon. “What happened to you? Have you seen your face? What did they do to you? What did those bastards do to you?”
“Do I look that bad?” I shouted, alarmed. “I promise you ...”
“And why did you take so long? Do you know what time it is?”
“Wow! You don’t mean to say that you missed me!”
“Where’s the car? Did you get the car?”
“It’s all arranged. The fucking car is rented,” I said. “You’ve got it paid for a week. You can get pretty far in a week. It’ll be here in half an hour. They’ll ring the bell for us to open the street door and they’ll leave the keys in the mailbox. Are you happy?”
“Thanks,” said J.J., putting his hand on my shoulder.
“You’re welcome,” I said, turning brusquely. Not even a blowjob. At least a blowjob! What a dickhead I am! I thought.
“I’ll try to make it up to you some day,” said J.J., as if reading my thoughts. “No ... this is not a good time for sex, understand? I ...”
“And who’s thinking about sex?”
Drowsy and exhausted, we sat down on the sofa, each at opposite ends, neither looking at each other nor speaking, and we stayed that way a good while.
“If anything happens to me ...” said J.J., finally, raising his head and looking at me sideways.
“What’s going to happen to you?”
“Those guys could be out there ... And if anything happens to me ... You know ... I want you to get in touch with Dora and ... Look, write down her phone number. Her sister’s phone number. She lives in Majorca. I want you to call her or go to see her and tell her ...”
“You’ll see her yourself. Don’t worry.”
“Write down her phone number, mate.”
“Very well.”
I got up to look for paper and a pen. I put them both on the table and I watched him while he wrote down the phone number. Afterwards, he tore off a piece of paper, gave it to me, and I stuck it in my wallet without looking at it.
“You know, mate ...? I ... I haven’t been good ...” said J.J., getting up and taking a look at the street through the curtains. “If you knew some things about me, I’m sure that ... I ... I ...”
“But no! I don’t want to know anything about you! If you’re going to leave, I don’t want you to tell me anything!” I exclaimed. “I’d rather not know anything about you! I already know too many things about you!”
“Exactly,” agreed J.J. “You already know too many things about me. But there are a lot more things you don’t know, and they’re worse. You couldn’t even imagine ... You don’t know who I am.”
“Oh, no, of course not! But you don’t know who I am either!” I said with disdain, and my words sounded so grotesque that J.J. showed a condescending smile. “What are you claiming now? Are you going to tell me, perhaps, that you’ve killed many people and that you don’t regret any of it? Are you going to tell me how much money they gave you and how little time it took you to spend it? Do you want to shock me or move me? Or are you going to tell me, perhaps, that you killed for love, that you were drugged or drunk, that you didn’t know what you were doing and that you found yourself involved, without wanting it, in one of those Mafia plots, in a drug cartel, or I don’t know what? But no! You’re going to tell me a terrible story, marked by fatalism and superstition, one of those cheap stories about magical realism, where fantastic things happen; or one of those stories with sad and romantic murderers, with pathetic and sentimental losers, in the style of Dashiell Hammett or Raymond Chandler, those guys who, alas, end up betraying and abandoning their lovers ...! Is that what you’re going to tell me?”
“No! I’m not going to tell you that! I’m not going to tell you anything!” burst out J.J., with a look of resentment. “You think you’re very clever, don’t you? You think you’re superior. You think you can judge me. But I’m not going to tell you any of that! I’m not going to tell you anything! You don’t have the slightest interest in my life! The only thing I want is for them to bring the fucking car to get me out of here and get you out of my sight as quickly as possible!”
Wow, you’re really pissed off. Aren’t you? Kiss me! So you’re pissed off. That’s exactly the opposite of what I ... A little melodramatic, isn’t it? Bastard, kiss me! What’s that you say? What are you talking about? He’s going to get violent. Don’t make a fool of yourself. With daring: Kiss me or I’ll kiss you. You won’t be able to escape my kisses one second longer. You’re not going to leave me like this. This is not the best time for ... Those are just excuses, J.J. You’re not going to be able to keep me from kissing you. I’m getting tired of this. With daring: Come on, kiss me! You couldn’t even imagine ... You don’t know who I am. He’s looking at me. What ...? Yes, he is too ... I could fuck all day. We only have half an hour. They said they’d bring the car in half an hour, even though almost an hour has already passed. Hah, look at me! Desire. Always desire. Fucking desire. Now. It’s now. Fuck! I’m going to put my hand there ... I’m going to ... and he won’t pull away from me. No. No. Now. You see? No. See how easy it is? Now, yes, now, now. No, fuck, no, he can’t be ... But if ... Oh, oh! And what a waist! What ... what a scent, his scent! No, I can’t believe it. He ... he ... He also ... I almost can’t believe it. That’s not true. And how tight he squeezes me! That’s not happening. And now I’m going to ... Now, I have to ... Now, now. Fuck! Oh, yes, now. Fuck! Now, now you’re mine. I wanted you, you bastard. Ah, his tongue. What a tongue. There it is. Going in, all the way in. Oh, yes, yes, remove the belt. Quickly. The belt. My God! Can I stand it? What’s all that? No, It’s not possible. Oh, now, you bastard! I’ve got you now, you bastard. No ... no. But what ...? No, please. What ...? No, please, not now. Just a moment, please. No, not now. It’s only a moment. Not now, no...
“Don’t you hear it? The doorbell’s ringing, mate.”
“No, fuck no! Not now!”
“I left the car parked at the corner,” said the guy from the car rental agency through the intercom with a melifluous voice.
“And why didn’t you leave it right in front of the door?”
“There wasn’t any place to park.”
“I know. But, even so, I said you had to leave it in front of the door. Even if you had to double
park. Did you not read the instructions? I wrote them very clearly. I thought you people were professionals! I have to take a disabled person and he can’t travel to the corner!”
“I’m sorry,” said the melifluous voice.
“What an idiot!” I thought. “How can people like that exist? The human being has degenerated to unimaginable extremes!” I couldn’t forgive him for having frustrated the kiss of my life.
“Well, bring it to the door.”
“No ... I can’t,” said the melifluous voice, now almost pathetic. You see ... It’s because ... I already dropped the keys in the mailbox. They said to drop the keys in the mailbox, didn’t they?”
“Yes, but wait a moment. I’m coming down now. Don’t leave the entrance. Stay there inside.”
“Let it be. I’ll go to the corner,” J.J. whispered to me.
“Are you sure?”
J.J. nodded his head.
“Look,” I said to the intercom. “You don’t have to move the car. You can go. It’s all right the way it is. Thank you.”
“Well it’s just that ... there’s a problem ... you know?” said the voice. “I think I dropped the keys in the wrong mailbox.”
“What? Which mailbox did you drop the keys in?”
“Wait while I look ... Let’s see ... Are you ... Antonio Martínez?”
“No! Certainly not!”
“Well that’s the name that’s written on the mailbox where I dropped the keys. I ... I ...”
“That’s my neighbor’s name and I’m not sure he’s even home! How could you have dropped the keys there?”
“I don’t know.”
“How could anybody be so clumsy?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hang on a minute. I’m coming down now.”
“No!” whispered J.J. “It might be a trap!”
“What trap? That guy is from the car rental agency.” All the same, it was starting to seem a little suspicious, even to me. “How did this happen?” I asked him through the intercom.
“I don’t know. Really. I made a mistake.”
“You’re an idiot!” I said, unable to contain my rage.
“I’m sorry.”
“Has anybody ever told you that you’re an idiot?”
“Yes.”
“Well, all right,” I said, calming myself. “Don’t worry. Those things happen. Nobody’s perfect.”
“Least of all me. I’m new on this job. Please don’t tell my boss or he’ll fire me.”
“Okay, okay. Don’t worry. But we have to fix it. Hang on a minute. I’m coming right down to see what we can do. Wait for me there.”
“I’m going with you,” said J.J.
“No!”
“Yes!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“All right. Do what you want.”
The guy with the melifluous voice was tall and strong like a baseball player. Not at all like the weakling that I had imagined. I wasn’t sure it was him, until I heard his melifluous voice again.
“I’m sorry,” he said as soon as he saw me. “The keys are there, in that mailbox.”
“Yes. It’s my neighbor’s,” I said. “But he’s not at home now. What can we do?”
“I don’t know,” answered the guy and he remained quiet, waiting to see what everyone else would decide. He was not the type to offer solutions, but rather one to complicate matters at the least opportunity.
“You can go,” I said in a derogatory manner. “Don’t worry. We’ll take care of it.” And because the guy stayed quiet, like a fool, in the middle of the entrance, I added furiously: “Go! Go on, get out of here!”
“All right. If you insist ...” said the guy. But he didn’t move.
“Let me take a look,” said J.J., walking over to the mailbox. He had his sport bag in his hand and I understood that the moment of separation had arrived.
“Do you think you could open the lock with a paper clip or something like that? Did I bring you down a paper clip?”
“A paper clip?” said J.J., giving a tug and yanking the door off the mailbox. “Who needs a paper clip?”
“Not you, of course!” I exclaimed with admiration. That’s my kind of man!
“What a beast!” said the guy with the melifluous voice. “He destroyed the mailbox!”
“It’s your fault!” I said, and I was almost at the point of adding: “Damned idiot!”
J.J. rummaged through the envelopes and advertising flyers that he found in the mailbox and suddenly pulled out the keys. Without a word, he headed out to the street.
“What ingratitude! He didn’t even tell me good-bye!” I exclaimed, disappointed. “It’ll be red, I suppose, like I ordered, or did you bring some other color?” I said, just to be saying something.
“I’m afraid it’s blue. But it’s not my fault, believe me. I ... I only brought the car they gave me. But the model is the same one you asked for: a Volkswagen Seat Toledo.”
“What? I didn’t ask for a Seat Toledo; I asked for a Ford Ibiza!”
“Well, that’s not my fault. Believe me. I promise you. Not this time.”
“But how can this be? What kind of company is this? I thought you were professional!”
“Maybe there was an icon telling you that the car you chose was already rented, but you didn’t realize it. That happens to a lot of people. In this case the company takes the liberty of sending you another car, unless the customer indicates otherwise. Didn’t you see the icon? It’s a sign like those that say “Do not enter,” very small ...”
“I don’t know what fucking icon you’re talking about! This is the first time I’ve rented a car. Don’t you understand? Fuck! And he took off from here without even a word of farewell!”
“So one car is just like another!” said the guy with the melifluous voice, although now the voice wasn’t so melifluous, but more cynical, sarcastic, than I would have thought him capable just a minute before. “They all have four wheels and they all get you some place, don’t they? Besides, you’re not the one who’s going to drive it, are you? And from what I see, your little friend is not the type to be grateful for favors ... And by the way, where is this disabled person who was going to get in the car? The boy who ripped the mailbox apart doesn’t exactly look disabled.”
“Oh, shut up!” I exclaimed, amazed, unable to take any more of his insolence. “Of course. Right. You win. One car is just like another. Of course. Right. The truth is that I can’t even tell one model from another or one make from another. But he can and what he’s looking for out there is a red Ford Fiesta, not a blue Volkswagen Seat Toledo. Get it? Get it?”
“I get it! Oh, I get it all right!” said the guy with the melifluous voice, now back with the melifluous voice. He was almost on the verge of adding “sweetie”. “So your friend will return when he can’t find the car. Who knows, maybe then he’ll tell you good-bye ...”
Nevertheless, I was not in the mood to wait for J.J. to return. I knew he was capable of finding the car by himself, even though it was a different color and a different make. J.J. was like that. Some guys are clumsy, limited, stupid, the type for whom everything comes out wrong, and some guys are clever (normally also good-looking and pleasant), wide awake, daring, intuitive, for whom everything comes out right. They’re always in the right place at the right time. It can often be said that they’re born under the right star. God helps those who help themselves and these guys help themselves. J.J. was one of these guys. Although, at times, they’re usually so busy organizing their own destiny (and, without being aware of it, the destiny of others) that they forget to say good-bye to their friends. But that’s because they’re used to people forgiving them everything and following them wherever they go. Those are the leaders. They’re the ones who mark the rhythm of life. And the others, if they don’t want to be left out, if they don’t want to remain on the margins, have to follow them. The thing is that simple. I suppose this is why I went running after J.J. Pure vocation of a
satellite. Guys like J.J. create addiction and, when they go away, there is no metaphysical comfort to fill the void that they leave behind.
By instinct, I headed toward the corner, looking for the Volkswagen Seat Toledo. J.J. couldn’t be very far, I told myself. It was then that I realized that bullets were flying around me, some of them whizzing past my head. “Fuck!” I said to myself. “I’m in the middle of a shootout! And now what?” Yes! What? What do you do in a situation like this? Normally one does not react, one remains in the middle, interfering with the natural coming and going of the bullets, until one of them, of course, by pure chance, cuts through a vital organ and kills you. But no. That was not the kind of death I had imagined. Quickly, I threw myself on the ground for protection from the fire and by chance at that moment the shots ceased.
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