Bears of Burden Complete Series Box Set

by Candace Ayers

  The realization left me feeling raw and vulnerable. I leaned against the door and kept my eyes closed.

  Matt stayed silent for the rest of the drive and even as he wrapped his arm around my waist and helped me inside. He led me straight to his bedroom and seated me on the bed kneeling in front of me as he untied my boots, one at time, and pulled them off. He hesitated and then disappeared into the bathroom.

  As soon as I heard the water running, my muscles sagged. I just wanted to crawl into bed, but I needed a bath to wash up and relax. Somehow Matt instinctively knew that.

  He came back out and finished undressing me. He pulled off my socks and then pushed me back on the bed while he unbuckled my belt and unzipped me. Ignoring my half-mast, he pulled my pants down my hips and over my feet. When I was just in my T-shirt, he pulled me up and helped me take that off, too, then helped me to the tub. He undressed so he could sit behind me.

  In the steaming water, leaning back, pressed against Matt’s broad chest, I sighed and tilted my head onto his shoulder. “This is nice. Thank you.”

  Matt rubbed my shoulders, focusing on the knots leading to my neck. “I was worried. Would you perhaps be interested in a job as a veterinary assistant? No, that might still be too dangerous. How about a bubble boy?”

  “Bubble boy?”

  “You know, Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Bubble Boy, Jake Gyllenhaal?”

  “I think I missed that movie.” I moaned when he dug his strong fingers in, massaging an especially rough knot. “It was just a rough day. It’s not normally so crazy.”

  “You mean you don’t normally take a hit to the head that nearly kills you? Not long after suffering a shotgun blast to the chest?” His voice came out gruffer.

  I bristled and tried to pull away from him, but he locked his arms around me and held on. “Now you care?”

  “Of course I care, Cannon. You know I fucking care.” He sighed against my neck and pressed a kiss there.

  “How would I know that? Because you kiss me back when I kiss you? Because you sneak me into your house in the dead of night? Because you were going to allow me to hike over here tonight as long as I parked where no one could see my truck?”

  I shook out of his hold and stood. Stepping out of the tub, I grabbed a towel and roughly dried myself off. “This was a mistake. I should’ve stayed home. It’s been a trying day and I’m not in a great mood.”

  Matt hurried after me, dripping onto his hardwood floor, while I reached for my jeans. “Cannon, stop. You’re right. Please don’t run out of here angry.”

  I balled my jeans up in my hands and looked up at the ceiling. That raw feeling had expanded to every nerve in my body. I was angry and hurt and all I wanted was for him to drop the charade and tell the world about us. I wasn’t going to get that, though. I had to swallow my anger and pride and accept my mate and what he could give me.

  I was already crazy about him. The mate bond worked faster than I even thought possible. I liked everything about him, except his reluctance. I kept noticing all his little quirks and categorizing them away so I could obsess over them later.

  Groaning, I dropped my jeans and sat on the edge of his bed. “This is so different than I thought it’d be, Matt. I thought it would be romance and passion. I thought that when I finally met my mate, he would be as thrilled as I was to have finally met the one person in the world that was created just for him. The secrecy and shame is not something I ever expected.”

  He nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry. It’s all I can offer you, though. I want this. I want you.”

  Standing back up, I pulled the blanket down and climbed into bed, the scent of him engulfing me. My bad mood didn’t stand a chance against the feeling of him slipping into bed behind me. He wrapped his strong arms around me and tugged me against his warm chest.

  He continued quietly, “I’m not doing a very good job at being your mate, but I do want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life. I was fucking terrified tonight. The idea that something could have happened to you made me sick to my stomach. I’ve never felt that way before. This whole situation, though, it’s all so fast, and so life-altering.”

  I linked my fingers with his and tried to hold on to that moment forever, hearing him say he wanted me. Reality niggled its way into my thoughts. “Why don’t you want to come out, Matt? This town is so open minded. They’ve accepted me with open arms, knowing I’m gay. You’d be safe. We’d be safe.”

  He stiffened, but kept his hold on me. “You don’t get it. They accept you because you’re not from here, and you’re not family. It’s different for me.”

  I turned, grunting as my head shot me painful reminder that it’d been whacked with a beam a few hours earlier. “Tell me. What are you afraid of? Has someone hurt you because of you who are?”

  His handsome face shifted into a scowl and he nodded roughly. “No one you know.”

  I growled. “Sounds like something you’d say if you were avoiding my question.”

  He shook his head and brushed a stray clump of dark hair out of his face. “I’m serious. It wasn’t anyone still around. It was… my dad.”

  My chest instantly ached for the sad little boy that Matt must’ve been. “What happened?”

  “Come on, Cannon, you don’t want to know. It’s just stereotypical bullshit.”

  “I do want to know.”

  Matt frowned and rolled over onto his back. “He just didn’t want it. Didn’t want me. He found out about me when I was sixteen. There was this new kid in school, Eric. To make a long story short, he and I hit it off and one thing led to another and we started fooling around. Up until that time, I didn’t really know why I wasn’t lusting after the girls like the rest of the guys. Then, with Eric, for the first time I finally got it. It became so obvious who I was and why I’d always felt a little different, you know?”

  “Yes, yes I do,” he whispered.

  “I’d never felt so free, and it was great until my dad walked in on us in my bedroom. Eric was on his knees and my pants were around my ankles. We all froze. There was probably two full minutes of silence and then I just blurted it out. I told him I was gay, and he freaked out.”

  14

  Cannon

  I pressed my lips to Matt’s chest and spoke against his warm skin. “What do you mean, he freaked out?”

  “Just that. He freaked. Told me that I was a pathetic pussy. Knocked me around. Said that shifters weren’t gay. Shifters were straight and had mates of the opposite gender so they could mate, hence the name, and carry on our race. He beat me until I lost consciousness all the while letting me know how vile and disgusting I was. Claimed I wasn’t his, the whole shebang.” He looked down at me with intensity burning in his blue eyes. “When I came to, bruised and bloodied, we were driving in his truck. He drove me to the tip of Texas and dropped me off. Just dropped me, half dazed, with no luggage, no money, nothing. He told me not to come back until I’d learned to be a man. Said he’d tell people I’d run off.”

  My heart felt like it was shattering when tears welled up in Matt’s eyes. I sat up and pulled him onto my lap. When I wrapped my arms around him, some of the tears escaped and streamed down his cheeks.

  “It was a difficult year, a difficult few years, but I managed to pull myself up. I learned where to find the homeless shelters, got a job, a GED, then college for my undergrad, then veterinary school. One of my biggest accomplishments was graduating from veterinary school with my DVM. I had no friends or family there at the ceremony, but it was a turning point. It gave me some pride in myself. I didn’t come back to Burden until after my father died, and when I did, no one ever asked any questions. I just came back, opened the clinic, and carried on like nothing ever happened.”

  He shook his head and scrubbed his hands over his eyes. “Sorry. I’m supposed to be comforting you. Come on. Let me hold you.” He tried to slide from my arms, but I tightened my hold and relaxed into the headboard behind me. “Holding you is com
forting.”

  Fuck, here I was thinking my mate was a coward. My mate was anything but a coward. Matt was one of the bravest men I knew.

  “I wish things were different. I want to be with you in front of everyone, Cannon. You’re my mate. I just can’t. Can’t this be enough?”

  A lump formed in my throat and I was embarrassed to find that I was close to tears. Can’t this be enough? Such a simple question. Yet, it was heavy enough to bring me to my knees if I’d been standing. Could it be enough? Could hiding our relationship behind closed doors under the cloak of night be enough for me?

  With a short burst of an exhale, I pressed my lips to his head and looked up at the ceiling. It would have to be enough. What else could I do? Be without my mate? That fate seemed far worse, especially considering I’d already marked him. I could only hope that eventually, he’d be comfortable enough to come out.

  “Cannon? Can it be enough?”

  I moved my lips but no words came out. I found myself incapable of answering. It wasn’t enough, even though I wanted it to be. I would try to accept the scraps he was willing to give me, but at the same time, I couldn’t pretend like it was okay.

  Instead, I just hunkered down in the bed, cuddled between the headboard and Matt’s hard body, feeling my headache settle into a dull throb.

  “Cannon?” Matt’s voice sounded strained. “Talk to me.”

  “It’s late. We should get some sleep. I’ve got to report back to the station in the morning.”

  “You’re not answering me.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to relax. “Let’s try to get some sleep, Matt.”

  As if on cue, Mabel appeared at the side of the bed, hesitating only for a second before jumping up and curling into the side of my body. She gave a dramatic sigh and dropped her head onto Matt’s legs.

  It should’ve felt perfect. It should’ve been perfect. Yet, there was something hanging in the air between us, taunting me like a group of schoolyard bullies. Anxiety invaded my normally relaxed brain and chewed at me for what felt like hours. Despite my fatigue, I barely slept.

  Crashing through a small bush, I stumbled over my large bear feet and splashed into the creek that ran through town. I went down face first into the cold water and came up growling. I’d been running through the woods around town for hours, getting all of my pent-up energy out. So far, it wasn’t helping.

  Getting back to my feet, I hurried to the other side of the creek and followed it up the mountain. Only when my muscles burned and my breathing was more pant than anything else did I slow down and finally stop.

  My mood was abysmal. I’d finished my shift at the station and then realized that I couldn’t have the only thing I wanted in the world. I wanted to go home to my mate and make love before crawling under the covers and sleeping for around twelve hours. I couldn’t do that, though, because my mate was on the down-low and wouldn’t be available until it was dark enough that his neighbors wouldn’t see me sneaking into his house.

  I was also sexually frustrated. There was normally a period of time after a mate was marked where the couple just fucked like bunnies, for lack of a better term. I wasn’t getting that time. Between the stress of hiding a mate and getting bashed in the head, I hadn’t touched Matt the night before. Not like I’d wanted to.

  That morning hadn’t gone any better. I’d startled out of a fitful sleep ten minutes before I was supposed to be at work, so I had no time for more than a kiss to his forehead before leaving.

  Stretching out my body, I flopped back on an oversized boulder and roared weakly. Nothing was going my way.

  Carter had even broken the news to me that she’d found a little town she really liked the look of. She said she felt a pull to a little town in New Mexico. She was taking Jellybean away from me and I had no choice in the matter. I couldn’t stop her from going. I even understood why she had to go. I’d just been with my niece for so long that the idea of not seeing her every night was making me feel sick to my stomach. Who would protect them?

  My family was leaving and I was staying behind for a clandestine relationship. I couldn’t help feeling alone. I couldn’t even talk to Matt about it. We’d barely talked at all. What kind of mate pairing was I in? More importantly, what could I do about it?

  Groaning, I stood up and headed back to town. I needed a drink. A lot of drinks, actually.

  15

  Matt

  After work, I waited at my house with Mabel for hours until the sun went down and night fell. I was restless and anxious the whole time and eventually Mabel wouldn’t even sit by me, she was so annoyed by my mood. It’d been a long day at work and I hadn’t been able to get Cannon’s non-answer out of my head. He wasn’t sure that what I was offering was enough. Or he knew it wasn’t enough.

  How long did I have with my mate before he grew tired of my shit? It should’ve pushed me to tell everyone the truth, but I still couldn’t get past the crippling fear that hit every time I thought about it. I’d worked so hard to get where I was.

  I showered and got dressed as the sun set, and waited for Cannon to show up. I paced my house, eager to see him and be reassured that he hadn’t left me. As I waited longer and longer, though, more panic built. I had the stark realization that Cannon wasn’t coming when midnight hit and I was still alone.

  To be fair, we hadn’t made plans, but I’d assumed. I was shaken, hurt and scared that he’d ended things without even telling me, though. Giving up the fight to remain calm, I got in my truck and drove to his house.

  His truck wasn’t outside and there was no sign of him. I went to The Cave next and groaned when I saw his truck in the lot. The lot was still full of vehicles and loud music rang out from the front door.

  I felt like a damned fool as I climbed out of my truck and hurried into the bar, only to find Cannon sitting around a table with Sam and the rest of the guys, laughing and joking and drinking all their cares away. Jealousy snaked through my body and anger bloomed faster than I could think past it.

  I found myself storming over to their table, my lips already forming the words to rip Cannon a new one for keeping me waiting. Then, they all looked up at me at once.

  Cannon’s grin was goofy and crooked as he spotted me. He tilted his head to the side and opened his arms wide. “Matt! Hi!”

  Sam looked between the two of us and grinned. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

  I growled and shook my head. I wanted to, but I couldn’t speak the truth. “Nothing’s wrong. I just came for a drink. Decided to come by and say hello.”

  “You looked like you had something to say,” Sam suggested.

  “Just hello.” I tried to keep the scowl off my face and look friendly and casual, but it wasn’t working well. Maybe they’d had too many drinks to notice. “I’m going to grab that drink now.”

  I forced myself to move away from them and to the bar. I didn’t want a drink, though, so I barely waited for twenty seconds before leaving. I felt like punching my fist through something, but I would go back home and deal with the fact that my fears and demands were running Cannon off.

  Before I got to my truck, I heard the door to the bar slam open. Glancing back, I was surprised to see Cannon standing on the small porch in front of the bar. He met my eyes and teetered before falling into a jog, headed straight towards me.

  I braced myself with one hand on my truck door and looked around to make sure we were alone.

  Cannon appeared in my space faster than should’ve been possible with how drunk he was. “Where are you going and do you want to take me with you?”

  I gritted my teeth in anger. He was fucking adorable, though. The man was sexy as hell, which hurt and angered me even more. “Don’t you want to get back to your friends?”

  He slid his hands into my hair and pulled my face to his. He hesitated and met my eyes, his green ones glowing. “I want to go home and make up for lost time.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath, awareness washing away some of the anger. “You�
�re drunk.”

  He pressed closer to me and brushed his lips over my chin. “Yes, but I’ll be fine by the time we get there. Come on, Matt. Haven’t you missed me? I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

  I swore and half-heartedly pushed him away.

  His eyes sparkled as he pushed back into me and deepened his voice. “You can do me this time.”

  My blood raced; I could hear it pulsing in my ears on its way to my cock. “Get in.”

  I watched in awe as he tipped his head back and roared loud enough to wake up the entire town. Da-yum. I only succumbed to the horror a few seconds later when a dog barked down the street and the bar seemed to quiet. My body warred between lust at my mate’s strength and fear of being caught.

  Cannon grinned at me. “Let’s take the back way.”

  I didn’t have to wait to see what he meant by that statement. I watched as a beautiful brown grizzly burst from his skin, shredding his clothing to ribbons. He shifted where he stood, in seconds. I wanted to object. I wanted to demand we go back to my house, where we were assured privacy, but my bear would have none of it. Cannon’s beautiful bear’s bright green eyes stared down at me in anticipation, calling me in a primal way that left me helpless. My bear would not be contained. He roared and scratched wildly beneath my skin demanding to be freed.

  My shift was instantaneous and uncontrolled, ruining perfectly good clothing. My bear was so frenzied that I charged into the woods beside the parking lot. With Cannon stumbling along behind me, I ran between trees and around brush. I hesitated for a second at the edge of the creek and paid for it.