Cannon crashed into my back side, sending me sprawling into the cold water.
I growled and rolled over, only to have him slip on the mossy rocks and fall on top of me. He was heavier than he looked, and I found myself pinned to the rocky bottom of the shallow creek. I was able to keep my head lifted above the flowing water.
Cannon shifted back and looked down at me sporting a huge grin.
I shifted back too, and the sudden awareness of naked skin on naked skin was like electricity jolting through my system. His hard body slid against mine easily in the water and all my reserve dissolved. I needed him.
I rolled us so he was under me and I was behind him. On our hands and knees, I ran my hand over his short hair and growled low in his ear. “I’m taking you.”
He cried out as I pushed my hard cock into his body at the same time I sank my teeth into his neck, marking him as we joined. Neither of us lasted very long. It was quick and rough, and in the water with the dark of night surrounding us, I claimed my mate.
16
Cannon
Matt claimed me back. It was a big step, but unfortunately, not much changed after that. Most nights I ended up at The Cave hanging out with friends, waiting for nightfall so I could sneak over to Matt’s. Drinking to bide my time usually ended with me getting drunk to tamp down frustration and anger. I was feeling the effects of keeping Matt’s secret in more ways than one. Even with my shifter healing abilities, there was only so much drinking I could do before I ended up sloshed. If things didn’t change soon, I’d be headed for a 12 step.
Another thing that ate at me was that Carter was almost finished packing. I spent all my free time with Jellybean until she fell asleep, and that was coming to an end. I tried to stretch the time with her as late as possible, but she always fell asleep early, which meant I had plenty of time to get drunk.
One positive aspect was that I’d gotten close to Sam and his friends, who’d all figured out that Matt was my mate. I refused to talk about it because I didn’t want to feel like I was betraying my mate. Matt was the only person who seemed to have an issue with us, though.
My strategy was avoidance. I just tried to ignore the issue and go on with my life. That wasn’t always easy, especially when Matt started hanging out at The Cave more and more. I knew he wanted to see me, but still wasn’t willing to come out, so we’d just sit in the same bar, trying not to look at each other too much. It was fucking killing me.
Ah, but there were the stolen moments. Matt followed me into the men’s room one night and I ended up with my hand clamped over his mouth as I took him against the door. Another night, we didn’t make it out of the parking lot. The nights we did make it to his house, we fucked like the wild animals we were on every surface possible until we fell into bed just as the sun was rising.
Something had to give. I was barely able to tolerate this secret romance. It was wearing me down. The more taboo shit we did, the more taboo our relationship felt. I didn’t want that. I wanted normal. I wanted to be a family. I wanted date nights, holding hands, hell, even grocery shopping together. Sneaking around was making me feel sinful. We loved each other. Why couldn’t we be together and make a life with one another. What was wrong with that? There was nothing to be ashamed of about our love and I hated that it was starting to feel like there was.
Instead of voicing my concerns and frustrations, I just went along with things. I wasn’t sure what else to do. I went into the relationship knowing that I wasn’t going to get my every demand handed to me on a platter. I just didn’t think compromise would be this draining.
It didn’t make me feel any better the evening I sat across the table from Matt, in between Sam and Wyatt’s mate, Georgia. I’d quickly learned that Georgia had majored in bossy with a strong concentration in nosiness. Even with Wyatt on her other side, trying to keep her attention, she was focused on me.
Surprisingly, it appeared that Wyatt hadn’t divulged Matt and my little secret to her. She wanted to know who’d given me my wild claiming mark and where my surely sexy mate was. “It’s crazy to keep it a secret. At least, from me. You can tell me. I’m just meek little Georgia.”
Wyatt snorted. “Meek and Georgia are two words that do not belong in the same sentence, and I doubt anyone at this table would disagree with me.”
She narrowed her eyes and leaned towards him, and away from me for the moment, to focus her intense attention on her mate. “You have a problem with my temperament, bear?”
Presley peaked around Sam and smiled at me. “She’s never met a secret that she didn’t need to know.”
I shrugged and kept my eyes from Matt. Looking at him could be my undoing. “I’m a vault. She’s wasting her time.”
Sam slapped me on the shoulder and grinned. “Well, whoever your mate is, I’m excited to meet him. I like having gay men around. Riles my bear up less not having to worry about them with my little sex kitten roaming around.”
Presley giggled as his fingers tickled her sides. She practically threw herself into his arms. When she was settled on his lap, she sighed happily and dropped her head to his shoulder. “I’m still waiting on the stereotype that I always heard about. Cannon, you’re not that great of a dresser and you never once even complimented me on my clothing choices, much less helped me pick out a cute outfit.”
I snorted and grinned at her. “I’m so sorry to disappoint, Ms. Presley. Allow me to rectify the situation. That outfit is adorable on you. And my help? Do Sam a favor and unbutton that next button. Put him out of his misery. He’s being trying so hard to get a little peek down your neckline since you sat down.”
Sam bumped fists with me and grinned at his mate. “He’s gay. You have to take his fashion advice.”
Georgia came back to the conversation. “No, don’t take fashion advice from Cannon. He’s the worst gay dresser I’ve ever met. Look at his shirt.”
I looked down at my shirt and shrugged. “What’s wrong with my shirt?”
She grabbed the hem and held it out. “There are old stains and half of it is washed out.”
From across the table, Allie fanned herself and covered Veronica’s eyes. “How many abs are you sporting there, Cannon? Jesus.”
Thorn growled. “Not funny.”
Georgia lifted my shirt higher and leaned forward to see my stomach. “Whoa, you need to be in a firefighter of the month calendar or something.”
Presley tipped forward to look. “That’s not from being a firefighter.”
Sam and Wyatt both growled then, pulling their mates back to them. Sam shook his head and flexed an arm. “I’m just as hot as him. He just has to work harder because he’s still trying to impress his mate. I’ve already got you, baby.”
Georgia tapped her finger on the deep mark on my neck. “He’s already got his mate, too. He just won’t tell us who the mystery man is. Is it someone we know?”
Wyatt cleared his throat. “Leave the man alone. He’s got a right to his privacy. When he wants to make a public announcement, he will.”
My eyes glanced over to Matt. His face was dark, his teeth clenched. To anyone else, he probably just seemed bored, but I knew his face. He was frustrated and angry. He’d been quiet since getting pulled into sitting with us.
I could see that he felt uncomfortable and out of place, but I also knew they were feelings he put on himself. Each of the people sitting at the table with us liked him. Most of them knew his secret already and wanted desperately for him to come out, so we could be happy.
“How was work, Matt?”
His eyes flew up to meet mine and seemed to warm. There was an invisible cord between us, linking us with so much chemistry that I felt like I could reach out and touch it. His bottom lip slipped into his mouth, caught between his teeth, before he released it and forced a smile. “Busy. I’ve got a ton of strays right now that we’re taking care of and trying to find homes for. Someone came in with a case of Parvo, as well, so that was a scare.”
Presley sat f
orward on Sam’s lap. “Have you thought anymore about asking for volunteer help?”
I perked up. “You need volunteers?”
Matt, looking panicked, shook his head. “I’ve got someone in mind already. You’re busy enough as it is.”
The rejection struck me like a blow to the gut and I slowly nodded, trying to let it go. We were at a table surrounded by our friends, yet with a secret like ours, every emotion had to be carefully guarded.
17
Matt
I kept looking for the best way to make a smooth exit. The mood had shifted after I’d turned down Cannon’s help. Everyone seemed to be glancing around the table sharing quiet looks. I understood. They loved Cannon and I’d just turned down help from him. I’d like to be able to say that I was a bit offended at how he’d come in as the new guy and already mattered more to my friends than I did, but I saw his pull.
He was outgoing, fun, easy on the eyes. He could put a smile on someone’s face just as easily as he breathed. His easy, laid-back charisma was magnetic and he had a gift for prompting laughter. Yet, he sat here looking defeated, despite the smile pasted on his face.
It was my fault. That sadness in his eyes was my mark, even more pronounced than the mark on his neck that he refused to hide. He was proud of me, wanted to show me off. Yet, my own was hidden beneath a high collared shirt. It had been since he gave it to me. A hundred degrees outside and I was covering my neck like it was my job. I was so unworthy.
Deep waves of self-disdain washed over me. I looked around the table again. I didn’t know how to leave without calling attention to myself. I needed to get out, though. I couldn’t hide from the way Cannon’s eyes darted over me then quickly looked away to avoid giving us away. Giving away the secret I insisted on keeping. He was in pain, and I was the cause. I couldn’t hide from what I was doing to him when I was sitting straight across from him.
He’d agreed to what we were doing, in less words, but it didn’t make me feel any better. I was hurting him. I couldn’t help it, though. I’d worked so hard, struggled for so many years to get where I was, and not just career wise. It had also been a long, uphill battle to overcome the shame and self-loathing of that scared kid I once was. The one who had been dropped off on a street corner in a strange town, broken and bloody, without a penny to his name.
I couldn’t let Cannon go, either. I would leave, go home and wait, hoping to god he showed up. Worries melted away when our mouths were melded in a kiss. Temporarily.
Cannon pushed his glass away and sent a fake grin around the table. “It’s been fun, but I’m going to head out early, and spend some time with Carter tonight.”
Georgia furrowed her brow and scowled, “She still won’t hang out with me. She’s stubborn.”
He smiled. “She is. She’s still in fight-or-flight mode. Not all of her demons died with her ex-husband, unfortunately. She’ll come around, though, in time. Maybe not here, but somewhere else, somewhere new untouched by memories. She’s a joy when she’s her normal self.”
My eyes grew misty and I stared into my still full glass of beer. Maybe I wasn’t the only thing saddening him. Carter leaving him was going to hurt, I assumed. We hadn’t talked about it. I didn’t know what his thoughts were about saying goodbye to his sister and niece. One more thing I was guilty for. I hadn’t been there for him at all. How could I, when I was so worried we’d be outed? I was failing my mate in so many ways.
Veronica put her hand over her heart and cooed at him. “You’re a wonderful, kind man, Cannon. Whoever your mate is, he’s lucky to have you.”
Cannon rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’m lucky to have him.”
Sam wrapped his arm around Cannon and landed a wet kiss on the side of his head. While everyone else laughed at the shocked expression on Cannon’s face, I watched Sam. He looked at my mate with respect and a brotherly love clear on his face. “I’m glad to have you in the family.”
My heart stopped and my face flamed, but no one else reacted. He’d just meant the family of friends sitting around us, right?
Cannon wiped his face and laughed. “Touchy-feely family, huh? I’m heading out. See y’all tomorrow.”
I watched him leave and waited until Sam and Presley got up to dance before I stood. “I’ve got to turn in, too. Big day tomorrow.”
Presley grinned. “Sure. See you later, Matt.”
I shook off the feeling of being utterly transparent, figuring I was just paranoid, and hurried out of The Cave. I caught Cannon as he was climbing into his truck and smiled up at him. “My place?”
He pulled his door shut, separating us, and shook his head. “I really am going home, Matt.”
“Your place?”
“The only one I’ve got. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I had to step back as he started the truck and slowly backed out of his spot. My mouth hung open and sheer panic flooded me. Feeling anything but rational, I yanked open his passenger door and hopped in before he could drive away.
“What are you doing?”
I turned to face him. “Attempting to fix this.”
He looked over my shoulder, out the truck behind me, and chewed on his lower lip. “So, no more hiding?”
I stuttered. “N-No. That’s not what I meant. I just wanted to clear up the volunteer thing, if I’d hurt your feelings.”
He nodded and when he did meet my eyes, the fire between us cooled for the first time. “Go home, Matt. That’s where you want to be, right? Home? Safe and sound in your bed, hidden away from exposing yourself to the rest of the world? I’m not stopping you.”
I reached out and touched his arm. “I want you there.”
“In private. After I park on the side of the road two miles from your house and hike there.” He sighed and ran his hands down his face. “Matt, I need the night off from lying and hiding and feeling like there’s something wrong with me. I’m tired.”
My panic edged higher. “I can’t sleep without your snoring.”
In a burst of anger, Cannon reached out and forced my phone out of my pocket and pushed a few buttons before handing it back. He reached over me and grabbed the door handle, thrusting the door open. “There. A white noise app to help you sleep and some chivalry to help you out. I can’t do this tonight, Matt. It’s not easy to be rejected in front of everyone constantly. Not after feeling desperately needy for you the rest of the day. I need a break or I’m going to say things that I’ll regret. Go home. Get out of my truck and go.”
My mouth open and shut, searching desperately for words to make it better, but nothing came.
“Please.”
Feeling unable to voice any argument, I slipped from the truck and shut the door. I leaned in to say something, anything, but he pulled away.
With nothing else to do but watch him drive away, I did just that, my heart in my throat. I didn’t notice the time passing until I heard voices behind me.
Sam stopped next to me and looked up the road from the end of the parking lot, as if he could see Cannon driving away. He couldn’t, of course. Cannon was long gone. “We should talk, Matt. Catch up.”
I cleared my throat and nodded. “Sure, Sam.”
“You look like you just lost your best friend.”
I cleared my throat again, my heart still lodged there, making my voice crack with emotion. “Nope. All good, here.”
“Then why are you standing here alone staring down an empty road?”
I felt the question he didn’t ask. Why wasn’t I with my mate? He wasn’t asking that, but my bear sure was. Why wasn’t I with my mate when he needed me?
I didn’t have an answer and I told Sam as much.
He shook his head and hugged me suddenly, a fierce hug that took my breath away. He held me longer than necessary and when he pulled back, he kept his hands on my shoulders. “I love you, man. You’re family. Nothing will ever change that. Stop standing here and go do what you need to do.”
18
Matt<
br />
Not all of Sam’s words registered. “Go” is all I focused on. Had the other words sunk in, I might’ve thought twice about them, but I was set on getting to Cannon. All I’d needed was a little urging. I couldn’t lose him. I didn’t want to lose him. Without him, I might cease to exist. Mates were created to be with one another.
I parked close to his house and snuck around to a lit window in the back. Like a creeper, I peered through the sheer curtains. It was a bedroom, and there was Cannon sitting in the middle of the bed against his headboard, his knees propped up, a book dangling loosely from his hand. Sexy as hell.
He was staring dejectedly at the wall across from him. His expression broke my heart. Without thinking of the consequences, I pushed up the window and easily hoisted myself in.
Cannon jumped to his feet. “Matt! What are you doing here?”
I stood up, brushed off my jeans, and grinned before turning to close the window and pull the curtains shut. “Trying. I couldn’t leave it like that.”
His face hardened and he moved into his attached bathroom and turned the shower on. “Of course, not. It wasn’t the way you’d have it end. Which is what? Another quick fuck in the dark?”
His words stung, but I deserved them. I shut the bathroom door and crossed my arms over my chest. “I came to talk. I’m sorry. I felt bad. I feel bad.”
He pushed me against the wall behind me, not hard enough to even faze me, and pressed into my space. “I don’t want to talk.”
I gritted my teeth. He was as stubborn as a damned mule. I’d do anything to get through to him, though. I desperately wanted him to understand. I pushed him away from me and glared back at him. “What do you want, then, Cannon?”
He was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling too fast. His hands shook at his sides, his eyes wild and glowing. When he came back at me, I was ready for him. His mouth slammed into mine, less passion and more bruising demand. His right hand deftly unbuckled my belt, while the fingers on his left dug into my bulge through my jeans.
Bears of Burden Complete Series Box Set Page 55