Bears of Burden Complete Series Box Set

by Candace Ayers

  “Sorry. My brother is being a giant asshole again and I could really use the stress release. Anyway, tell me what’s going to be innocent?”

  Presley told her and they both nodded. Ophelia clapped her hands. “I have a hot friend from Dallas who’s looking for a place to live. You’re going to need a roommate soon, right?”

  I made a face. “No. I’m a grown man. Once Carter moves out, it’ll be just me.”

  She slapped my arm. “Noooo, you need a roommate. Get it?”

  I sighed. “This is going to cause more trouble.”

  “The man kissed someone else in front of you. A giggly little bitch, from what I heard. In my book, that means war. Show him that you’re just as fierce and strategic a warrior.”

  I sighed even louder. “I don’t think this is a good plan. I’m just going to say it again.”

  “Man up and put on your battle armor, Cannon. It’s called karma, and it’s time Matt got his. Shit’s about to get real.”

  21

  Matt

  It was more than obvious to me that I’d fucked up somewhere. Not somewhere. I knew exactly where. Sam had gotten too close and I’d freaked out. When Jenny showed up to take several of my dogs into a shelter in the city, where they had a better chance of getting adopted, I’d lost it. I’d asked her out and then took her to The Cave to parade her in front of everyone there hoping to kill any suspicion.

  I should’ve talked to Cannon about my plan first and assured him that I wasn’t actually interested in her. To be honest, though, I just didn’t want to argue, or see the look of disappointment in his eyes, about the fact that I was insistent on keeping my sexuality private. I had a right to my privacy, didn’t I? I did, but not if it meant hurting my mate.

  I’d felt Cannon’s pain through our bond. It had been overwhelming, crashing into me in waves of despair. Then, she’d kissed me and his despair had turned into more raw pain than I could handle. How could he not have known that she’d meant nothing to me, that it was all a farce?

  The web I was weaving was growing so entangled that I was entrapping myself and now I seemed to be suffocating Cannon. It hadn’t gone as planned at all. I’d hated every second of the evening. When I realized what I was doing to Cannon, I despised myself.

  By that time, I was already over my head and I couldn’t see a way out. I’d gotten so drunk that Jenny had accused me of being an alcoholic before storming away. I’d ended up passed out in my truck in the parking lot.

  So, not only had I not revealed my plan to Cannon beforehand, but I’d been too drunk to go apologize and try to smooth things over with him afterwards. Who knew what he thought? He probably hated me.

  I felt like shit that morning. I was fighting a monster hangover and Presley had called off, so I was alone. I’d struggled through the day, trying to just make it to closing time so I could work on how to untangle the mess I’d made. Maybe I could make it up to him. If he didn’t completely hate me.

  As soon as night fell, I rushed over to Cannon’s house. I knocked on the front door and waited crossing my fingers he’d at least allow me to explain. I’d grovel if I had to. He deserved groveling.

  Carter opened the door, crossed her arms over her chest, and frowned at me. “Cannon isn’t here.”

  I licked my lips and drew in a deep breath. “Do you know where he is?”

  The frown turned into a scowl. “Why do you want to know, Matt? Haven’t you done enough damage to that man?”

  “I deserve that. I’ve been messing up. I have to talk to him, though.”

  She shook her head. “Seriously, my brother deserves better than this. He’s got some romantic notion about mates, though, so he’s staying here in Burden, where he’s unhappy, to be with you. He loves you and is willing to be miserable. For you. How selfish are you?”

  I looked down at my shoes and shook my head. I couldn’t argue. She was right. “I need to apologize, to try to make things right between us. I love him, too. I want him to be happy.”

  “Then stop hiding like a coward, Matt. It’s that easy. All you have to do is open up and stop hiding. No one’s judging. And if they are, so what? You care more about what people might say about you than you do about your own mate? Isn’t that a little fucked up? My brother is sticking by you, refusing to leave and go somewhere new with me. If you hurt him again, I’ll kick your ass.”

  I took a step back and tried to escape from the truth in her words. “Do you know where he is?”

  She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “He’s at The Cave.”

  “Thank you.”

  I hurried back to my truck and then to the bar. I needed to see him. I needed to figure a way out of this mess I’d made.

  I parked at The Cave and rushed inside. Before I even got the door open, though, his scent washed over me—leather and freedom. It calmed me enough to get me inside.

  Cannon was sitting at a smaller table with a man I didn’t recognize. Their heads were bent over, both of them looking down at a sheet of paper. The stranger said something and Cannon smiled.

  After a few seconds, his head snapped up and he met my eyes. A range of emotions flashed over his face, surprise, pain, anger, and sorrow. Instead of speaking to me, he put his head back down and continued talking to the guy next to him.

  Fury at the stranger pulsed through me. My bear demanded that I rip him away from my mate. I couldn’t do that, though. I moved to the bar instead and found Veronica leaning there, talking to Allie.

  “Who’s that with Cannon?”

  Veronica frowned at me. “Hello to you, too.”

  I forced a smile. “Sorry. Hi. How are you?”

  Allie rolled her eyes and slapped at Veronica with a rag. “That’s a friend of Ophelia’s. I know that Cannon has a mate, but they seem to have really been hitting it off. Weird.”

  I scowled and stared at the two men. Cannon looked tired, but still delicious. He should’ve been with me. I hated the raw jealousy coursing through me, but I couldn’t do anything about it. It was karma that placed me here to watch Cannon flirting with someone else.

  It didn’t mean it was easy to watch.

  In fact I felt the same despair that I’d felt coming from Cannon the night before. Desperate to relieve the ache in my heart, I hurried towards the exit. I was being a coward, not able to handle a percentage of what Cannon had sat through the night before, but there it was. I loved him and I couldn’t watch him with someone else. Hitting it off… My bear’s rage turned to sorrow and we moped towards the exit.

  Letting the door slam shut behind me, I strode across the parking lot, kicking up clouds of dust as I did. The moon was low and dark orange, almost red, taunting old superstitions from my memory. Blood moons meant something bad was coming.

  As soon as the thought occurred, I heard and felt Cannon coming after me. He stomped across the parking lot and didn’t stop until he was in front of me.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He growled out the words, his face dark with anger.

  “Lots of things. Want to be more specific?”

  “You pull that shit last night and then you come here today and don’t even attempt to talk to me? You just give up?”

  I slumped against my truck. “I guess so. I wanted to talk, but you were hitting it off with that guy, according to Allie, so I just… I’ll let you have that.”

  It almost seemed like he grew in size. “Hitting it off? I was talking to him about his sister’s Etsy shop. She makes these dolls that Jellybean would love! It started out as a plan to make you feel a smidgen of what I felt last night, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t that to you.”

  I looked up at the moon and heard my dad’s voice in my head. I wasn’t loveable. I was an abomination of the natural order of things. He’d said it. The man in front of me was trying, but it wasn’t working. “Maybe you should try to hit it off with someone else.”

  “What?”

  “I’m a terrible mate. I’m constantly hurting you and I hat
e myself for it. It was so easy for me to do that to you last night. What does that say about me? I’m no good, Cannon.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He caught my face in his hands and glared at me. “I’ve been fighting for you since day one, but as soon as you might have to fight a little for me, you run away? I never took you for a coward, Matt.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see his face. “I am a coward. Haven’t you realized that, yet? I’m nothing but a coward. I’ll never come out. Do you want that? Do you want this? Forever?”

  When he hesitated, I jumped on it. “Exactly. This is fucked. I’m sorry, Cannon. It was doomed from the start.”

  22

  Matt

  I was on my front porch with Mabel, pounding my sixth can of beer, when Sam pulled into my yard. I wasn’t in the mood for company, even from my cousin. I fought the urge to run inside, lock the door, and draw the blinds. I let out a frustrated breath. I could hide from the world, but I couldn’t hide from my own feelings.

  “I’m pissed at you.”

  I sighed. “Join the club. What’s your beef with me?”

  Sam climbed up the steps and kicked my chair leg, sending me flying backwards. He stood over me, glaring. “You broke up with Cannon! If anything, he should’ve been the one dumping your sorry ass, after that ridiculous stunt you pulled last night! As your closest living relative, I’m seriously considering having you committed for being a complete and total psychotic moron.”

  I blinked up at him. Fuck. How much did he know? It sounded like he knew a lot.

  “Well?”

  I pulled myself to my feet and frowned at him. “Who told you?”

  “Told me? Am I a fucking idiot? I’ve known since the first time I saw the two of you in the same room together. I put two and two together. We all have. We’ve just been waiting on you to get your head out of your backside. It seems that’s never going to happen, though, and I’ve lost my patience. So, here I am attempting to extricate it for you.”

  “You all know?”

  “Well, except Georgia. And that’s just because at some point it became fun not to tell her.”

  I righted my chair and dropped backed into it. My body had skipped trembling and gone straight to full-on shaking. I was nearing panic attack mode. “Everyone knows.”

  “Mostly everyone. We’ve been watching you act like a complete dickhead to your mate. Who, by the way, is an awesome dude. What the fuck, man? It isn’t like you to be so cruel. You’re the guy who’s always willing to lend a hand or a shoulder to everyone else.”

  “No one cares?”

  Sam sat down next to me and stared. “Do you think we’re all uptight bigots? Of course, no one cares. What did you think? That we’d embrace Cannon, but not you?”

  Mabel nudged her large head under my hand, silently demanding that I pet her. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I was having a hard time putting my thoughts in order. “You all know.”

  “Yes!... well, not Georgia. We all know you’re gay and we all know you and Cannon are mates and we’ve all been rooting for you two. Until last night. Now, we’re deciding whether or not to vote you off the island. That was cruel, Matt. How could you hurt him that way?”

  “Did Cannon know that you all knew?”

  Sam nodded. “Yeah. He wouldn’t let us force you out of the closet, though, and he wouldn’t discuss you with us. He knew that it was important for you to be in control of your own secrets, so he let you. He was patient with you even though it was killing him.”

  I put my elbows on my knees and leaned forward. “I fucked up.”

  “Yup. Worse if you don’t fight for him. He’s hurting right now. You’re letting that happen. I don’t get it. You’ve never had a selfish bone in your body and you’ve never been an asshole, Matt. Why are you starting now? And with your mate? He deserves more. You deserve more.”

  “I can’t get Dad’s voice out of my head, Sam. I’m frozen with fear when it comes to this shit.”

  “Well, if you don’t get the fuck over it, you’re going to lose your mate. Cannon can only take so much. You rejecting him constantly is going to break him. He’s a good man. He loves you, Matt. That’s worth getting past your asshole of a father. Uncle Dane was a mean SOB but that doesn’t mean you have to uphold his legacy.”

  “It’s not as easy as just getting over it, man.” I blew out a rough breath and stood up. Pacing the porch settled my nerves slightly. Enough for me to make more sense of what was happening. My worst fear was coming true, but it was the most anti-climactic thing ever.

  “It fucking is. Because everyone already knows. Except Georgia. No one is driving you away with burning crosses or pitchforks. No one is going to shun you, Matt. You’re safe.” He stood up and grabbed my shoulder, stilling me. “Matt, I love you, man. We all love you. It doesn’t matter to us who makes you happy. It just matters that you are happy. You have a mate. That means fate designed you the way you are. You’re perfectly normal. Just because something isn’t common in this small ass town doesn’t mean it’s abnormal. I know plenty of gay shifters. Matter of fact, I bet Uncle Dane did, too.”

  I looked into my cousin’s eyes and saw nothing but acceptance and love. “Did anyone ever wonder why Dad sent me away?”

  Sam shrugged and squeezed my shoulder. “I was too young to care about anything beyond myself and my parents talked about it every so often, but I don’t think anyone really knew. I’d always just assumed you went away to school. Dad tried to find you once, but Uncle Dane found out and threw such a big fit, that he let it go.”

  “I just thought everyone here would feel the same way as Dad. Then, when everyone accepted Cannon, I felt betrayed. I thought that because he wasn’t family, it was okay to accept him.”

  Sam smacked the back of my head and rolled his eyes. “You’re being an ass. How are you going to fix this?”

  I looked down at my hands and bit my lip. I wanted to fix it. I wanted Cannon, of course, I did. I just felt lost. I’d hurt him so much. His sister was right. It was my job to make him happy, but insead I’d been working overtime to make him miserable. “I don’t think I can fix it.”

  “Of course you can, and you’re going to. There is no other option. He’s your mate. If you don’t it’ll slowly kill you both. He’s down right now, but he’ll forgive you. Just ask.” He hugged me tight and stepped back. “I just wish I’d known you were gay when you were pretending to date Presley. It would’ve saved me a shit ton of guilt and I could’ve stolen her from you much faster.”

  “Get off my property.”

  Sam laughed and stroked Mabel’s head before strolling out to his truck. Once there, he turned and looked at me. “You’re family, no matter what. I’ll always love you, but if you don’t fix things with Cannon, I will kick your ass and feel zero remorse.”

  I leaned against the railing and sighed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you liked him better than me.”

  Sam’s smile was playful. “Hey, at least you know the family likes your boyfriend, right?”

  My gut clenched at the word boyfriend and all I could do was nod. Hearing Sam say that word aloud was a shock to my senses, even after the conversation we’d just had.

  Selfishly, I wished Cannon would show up at my house and tell me he understood and that he’d forgive me. Then, we could hide away until I was ready to take baby steps.

  More hiding. More selfish decisions. I’d never deserve Cannon.

  I watched Sam drive away and then sat back down. Picking up a beer, I looked around and noticed some of my neighbors out. They looked over and waved when they saw me, but I was frozen. Did they know too? Did everyone know?

  I knocked my chair over, startling Mabel, in my haste to get inside, away from prying eyes. All my secrets had been laid bare and all I could think about was hiding under a blanket like a panicked child. How was I supposed to win back a man like Cannon when I was so pathetic?

  23

 
Cannon

  “CanCan!” Jellybean’s squeal rang out through the small playground in the park at the edge of town. She was on a swing, soaring higher than I was comfortable with, but she loved it.

  “Jellybean, slow down!” Carter paced in front of the swing, like she was preparing to catch her youngster’s flying body at any moment.

  Her little legs pumped madly and Jellybean shook her head, wild curls flying all over the place. “CanCan, swing with me!”

  Carter chanced a dirty look over her shoulder at me. “This is your fault. She was a normal, quiet child before she came under your influence.”

  I snorted. “There was never anything normal about that child. She never had a chance, she takes after you too much.”

  With a heavy sigh, Carter shook her head, her own blonde hair catching in the wind and sending her light scent of violets over to me. “I wish you’d come with us. She’s going to miss you.”

  A small smile lifted a corner of my mouth. “And?”

  Another sigh. “I’m going to miss you, too. Dammit, Cannon, come with us.”

  “I can’t.” She had no clue how much a part of me wanted to run away with her. She always smelled like baking and warmth, and there were few things a hug from Jellybean couldn’t make better. I couldn’t, though.

  “He hasn’t changed his mind, yet. It’s been almost a week, Can. What are you waiting on?” Her words would’ve been cruel if she hadn’t softened her voice and worn a look of pure concern. “We could start over together. You’ve always been there to save me. Let me save you.”

  I kicked at a lone clump of grass that stampeding of children’s feet hadn’t yet eradicated. “It wouldn’t be saving me, Carter. He’s my mate. He has to come around eventually.”

  “And you’re just going to be sitting by the phone waiting?” The disdain in her voice told me she didn’t like the idea.

  Did I have any other choice? Shit. I’d asked myself the same question for the past few days until I felt like my head was just an endless spinning carnival teacup. Could I walk away from the man who I knew was my mate? The answer was no. He might be able to, but I couldn’t. I was tied to Burden, Texas as for long as Matt was here.