by Stella Rhys
It filled me with a twisted sense of satisfaction, which was actually a pretty familiar feeling when it came to Adam.
Well, how about that? We’re officially back, I thought with delight as I returned to my seat at my desk.
We weren’t back to normal, per se.
But whatever this was, I could handle it.
14
ADAM
I woke up on Saturday to the sound of my phone ringing off the hook—to Holland’s ringtone, which she’d unfortunately set to “Barbie Girl” the last time I saw her.
With a groan, I shot my hand out, grabbing my phone off the nightstand. And before the song could play again, I picked up, grumbling, “Why did you do this to me?”
Holland’s giggle made me laugh despite myself. “It’s been the most effective way of getting you to pick up the phone. Were you asleep?”
I rolled onto my back. “Yeah? It’s 6AM on a Saturday,” I said, though as soon as the words left my mouth, I remembered all the alarms I slept through.
“Uh, it’s actually a quarter past eight,” Holland snorted. “And I wouldn’t have called if you weren’t usually up by the crack of dawn every morning. Were you out crazy late or something?”
I winced as I stretched. “Yeah,” I lied, since that would make a lot more sense than the truth.
Which was that I’d been wound up tight after a full day of catching AJ’s lingering glances and having to will down my own dick every twenty minutes or so. It was fairly exhausting, so after getting out of work late and bailing on a client’s birthday party by 10PM, I went home, jerked off in the shower, then lay sleepless in bed, staring at the ceiling and getting painfully hard every few hours.
Not exactly a story to tell anyone, let alone Holland, so I quickly changed the subject.
“So, what’s going on with you this morning?” I asked, earning myself an instant sigh.
“Oh, nothing, just dealing with Dad calling me all morning because Mom’s in another tizzy. She tried to visit me at work yesterday, but I told security not to let her up.”
My eyebrows shot up as I blinked several times, feeling officially awake. “Christ. Are you kidding? How’d she find out where you worked?” I asked, though I should’ve known that this aspect of my sister’s life would eventually get out given that she worked at a company as high profile as Minx.
“I’m not sure. I’m guessing it’s Google-able information now, especially with the promotion. It was only a matter of time before she found out, but security’s been briefed on the situation and luckily, she still doesn’t know my home address,” Holland said, sounding so casual that I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt, because already, she was used to living like this.
And the only reason she lived like this was because of me.
Having grown up the bad kid, I’d set the stage for her life. I’d never gotten along with my mom, Jeannie, and I was such a nightmare that when I was ten, she gave birth to Holland and raised her to be her perfect do-over child who was quiet and docile and basically everything I wasn’t. Since I was deemed a lost cause, I got to run free throughout my childhood and adolescence while Holland was just about chained to the house. She basically lived the life of a human doll with Mom dictating the way she dressed, controlling her every move and isolating her from friends—all because she couldn’t let “another Adam” happen again.
So… yeah.
Thankfully, my sister was smart enough to plot her escape by working secret jobs while commuting from home to college every day, eventually saving up enough money to move out upon graduating college last year. Of course, she didn’t tell anyone but AJ and me till about twelve hours before leaving.
And needless to say, our mom didn’t take it too well.
If she was crazy when I was growing up, this incident had her fully unhinged. Unable to put any other spin on her abusive ways. She made everything from harassing phone calls to threats and eight months later, she was still bothering everyone she could to get in contact with her precious baby Holland, and while Holland and I both had her number blocked, she did occasionally break my dad down enough to make him do her bidding.
Which sucked.
A lot. Because I did love my dad. Our relationship was as good as it could be, given the way I grew up, and all I wished was for him to leave. To just cut off contact like Holland and I did. But because he wouldn’t, Holland and I were never going to get a clean break from our mother.
A complicated situation for sure, but it was basically background drama that we lived with every day. It was by no means ideal, but we didn’t let it disrupt our lives. Of course, there were exceptions on the days that Jeannie was “in a tizzy” as Holland called it, or when she actually managed to make contact.
“Anyway, no biggie. I just wanted to warn you in case Dad calls today. I said I wouldn’t text Mom, so he’s probably going to try to get you to convince me. But you know how he is,” Holland said breezily, referring to the fact that my dad generally respected our boundaries. Only on occasion did he cave to his wife, but rarely ever for more than a day.
“Yeah, I know. But thank you for the heads up,” I said as I sat up in bed. It was on days like these that I was especially grateful for my best friend. As much as I thought about Holland and worried about her, it wasn’t anywhere near as much these days since she had Iain, and I knew he’d never let anything hurt her. “So. How’s the workaholic?” I asked with a grin.
“Iain? He’s good. He’s taken the weekend off three weeks in a row,” Holland said with audible pride that made me laugh, because I knew she was the sole reason behind my best friend’s new interest in not living at the office. “But hey, speaking of work, what… the hell is going on with you and AJ?”
The sudden shift in her tone made my pulse jump. “What do you mean?” I asked, on edge for a second.
“I mean are you guys bickering or something? She called before and sounded more annoyed than usual at the mention of you,” she said as I laughed and let go of the breath I was apparently holding. “Are you torturing her more than usual this week? I know you’re making her come into work today. Not cool.”
“Look, things are busy this week, so it can’t be helped. But I assure you I haven’t been torturing her,” I said, though I had to give a bit of a wince at my own answer, because it wasn’t entirely true. I’d been torturing AJ plenty this week, in ways I never had before.
In fairness though, she’d been giving it right back.
“Fine,” Holland said with a huff. “But you better not be, Adam, because it’s always been my greatest fear that someday you’ll legit piss her off enough to drive her away.”
“Really? Of all the things in this crazy-ass world, that’s your greatest fear?”
Holland laughed. “Yes! But in my defense, it’s because you basically ignored me before she came along.”
“Ouch,” I said playfully, though it was actually a pretty genuine ouch. “Ignored you? Come on. I wasn’t the most protective older brother, but I could never ignore you.”
“Adam. Iain was the only reason you talked to me when you guys came home for the holidays, and then once you guys weren’t living together anymore, it was radio silence for… awhile. Basically till AJ was hired. But even then, I had to wait six months before she had enough influence on you to make you call me back sometimes.”
Holland’s tone was still light and playful, which was something I wanted to take comfort in, but it was hard with this subject. I knew I’d been an absent brother to Holland. Aside from the fact that my mom was fiercely possessive of her, she was eight years old when I moved to California and never looked back. Most days, when I wanted to be able to live with myself, I chalked up the lost years of our relationship to those two reasons.
But on other days, when I was forced to really think about it, I knew I could’ve done more to be there for her. But I had trained myself to be distant. Growing up, my circumstances had forced me to wire my brain all wrong.
&nbs
p; And I was still working these days to get it right.
“Um. Adam?” Holland said, breaking what I realized was a good five or six-second silence. “I totally didn’t say that to upset you. Did I? I only brought it up because I’m just extra grateful for you two since I moved out. Mom is Mom, and I was never close to Dad, so it’s like…” Holland trailed off, her voice getting quiet and sheepish in the way that always reminded me of when she was a kid.
“It’s like AJ and I are your surrogate parents now?” I teased, making her snort.
“No! But also kind of. It’s like you and AJ are the closest family I have left. How about that?”
“Definitely better. Less creepy.”
Holland laughed and for the last few minutes of our conversation, I got to talk to her about work, her promotion and the new location of Minx opening up in Los Angeles in a few weeks, which would mean her visiting for the first time in several months. And when we finally did hang up, I had a smile on my face the way I generally did after talking to my sister on the phone.
Of course, I had the usual guilt as well, and it was bigger than ever today—mostly because I’d been the one urging Holland to cut off Mom for years. To make this good but admittedly extreme decision to leave behind the closest family she had. I’d assured her everything would be fine. That we’d be here to take care of anything she needed after.
But I was realizing now that I always said “we” because I knew I needed AJ’s help.
Aside from the fact that Holland loved her, she was the only one who kept my head on straight. She called me out when I ignored Holland’s calls for too long. She refused to let me slack on my role as a brother, which made her basically the glue that kept what little family life I had left together.
Considering all the shit my sister had been through, I knew it meant everything to her.
But I’d just put all of it at risk to indulge my own pleasure.
Palming my hand over my head, I got out of bed, cursing myself a little before getting into the bathroom. Splashing some water on my face, I looked up at my reflection.
Alright, asshole.
Time to stop fucking around.
15
AJ
I woke up this morning feeling uncertain. In a bit of a limbo.
Yesterday had technically been a success in that Adam and I had finally started talking again. It was clear we’d restored the back-and-forth bickering aspect of our relationship, but it was also clear we had yet to reach normal, since we were bickering about the most sexual topics possible.
But I told myself that was natural.
Because the other night had been crazy. Absolutely wild and insane, and understandably, we needed time to react. Acting like it never happened would be like keeping that wall of miscommunication up between us, so in order to truly move on, we had to acknowledge the fact that we’d had sex.
Hence yesterday’s dirty talk warfare in Adam’s office.
Slash the reason that I may or may not have brought an extra pair of panties in my purse today.
I was convinced that didn’t mean anything though. Had that conversation turned me on? Yes. Did I still find Adam deathly attractive? Yes. But were we far enough past the hump of awkwardness for me to be myself again at the office?
Totally.
In fact, I had high hopes for today to be our first official day back to normal, and I was only further encouraged when I got out of the shower to find the usual text Adam sent on the Saturdays that he made me come into the office.
ADAM: Put your order in now or you’re getting French toast
I snorted.
The Saturday routine was that Adam played a game of basketball before heading into the office. I usually worked remote for limited hours on these days, but in the event that he needed me in person, the agreement was that he had to buy me baked French toast or some other delicious meal from his secret breakfast spot that literally everyone at the office had tried for years to get him to divulge.
But because Adam liked having a place to sit before work where he ran into absolutely no one from Engelman, he never told and had sworn me to secrecy as well.
Hilariously enough, the place was no hotspot. It was just Gizzy’s Kitchen in Santa Monica, a small, super casual cafe that looked like a little beach shack. It was definitely worlds different than Adam’s usual kind of restaurant and I knew he was treated like a king there, because whenever I was tasked to pick up our food because he was busy, the waitresses all asked me about him, and the owner was so eternally wrapped around Adam’s pinky that she was willing to cook pretty much whatever he wanted.
It was one of the rare times Adam’s killer smile benefited me as well. I could request literally anything right now and the last Saturday I worked, I’d done exactly that, having been in a weirdly sudden and aggressive mac and cheese mood.
But today, I went with the usual.
ME: It’s a French toast kind of morning
ME: Should I remind you how I take mine?
ADAM: No need to insult my intelligence.
ME: Sorry it’s just last time you forgot the whipped cream
ADAM: That wasn’t me that was the kitchen and they were slammed
I laughed as I dried my hair, because I found it funny and weirdly charming that when it came to Gizzy’s, Adam was a forgiving man.
Anyone at the office would get barked at if they forget anything he asked for. “I don’t care about excuses, just do it” would be the line he hit them with. But Adam was a different person at Gizzy’s, and I always thanked God for that place’s existence, because I was pretty sure it was the only thing that made him tolerable by the time he came into the office in the morning.
“Hey, you. Cute dress,” Liza remarked when I got into work.
I smiled, giving a “thank you” as I passed The Pit to get to my desk.
The office was a third full on a Saturday with everyone in more casual attire, including me. I had on a light grey, almost white tie-waist dress—another piece from Georgia’s closet that I was borrowing till I could get my real wardrobe back tonight. After a full week of living off borrowed clothing, I was finally going to get my things from my old house today after work, having confirmed with a mutual friend, Seth, that Caspar would be out.
I was in the middle of confirming the whole thing with Seth when I heard Liza’s chipper voice down the hall.
“Good morning, Adam!” she said brightly.
It served as a good warning for me, giving me ample time to steel myself before looking up and laying eyes on Adam.
Dammit, I cursed to myself wryly, because I’d half-hoped to find my level of attraction at least somewhat lowered, but nope.
Not when his tan looked especially good today against that crisp white shirt that he wore with the first few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up. Oof. One-two punch, but it’s okay. You got this, I thought, giving myself a little pep talk as my eyes raked through his hair.
It was still a little wet from the shower at the gym and I could literally tell how good he smelled right now just from looking at him. But you may not take a whiff of your boss today, I told myself firmly. Or ever, I added as I watched him nod hello to the handful of others who were in today before looking up and locking those blue eyes on me.
He didn’t smile with his lips, but I could see one twinkling in his eyes as he held up the take-out bag and nodded into his office—my sign to follow him in and chow down. So popping up from my chair, I did exactly that.
Fake it till you make it, baby, I reminded myself as I got in, acknowledging Adam’s little once-over of my dress with only a smirk before I kicked us off with a typical Saturday question.
“So. How was your game?” I asked, happy to have something to do as I approached his desk and unpacked the food as usual.
“Pretty damned good.”
“That extra sparkle in your eye tells me you embarrassed Josh MacMillan more than usual today.”
Adam gave a short laugh
as he hit the space bar on his keyboard. “You know me well,” he said, a crooked smile touching the corner of his mouth.
It was a small smile. Not his usual grin from ear to ear. He was already looking at his computer too, which led me to conclude that he was a bit subdued today. More serious.
I knew this mood.
I’d seen it a good handful times in the past five years, and it usually meant something in his personal life was weighing on him. Most likely something to do with his family, since his mother provided no shortage of drama. But since “what Jeannie did this time” was a topic that was strictly dungeoned, I never asked about it. I generally just talked about whatever else there was to talk about until Adam cracked a real smile.
And thankfully, I was pretty good at that. All it took today was running through what few messages there were before asking Adam if Josh wore his personalized J-Mac jersey this morning with the matching and completely unnecessary arm sleeve.
There we go, I suppressed a triumphant grin when Adam answered with a yes and a laugh, and though he didn’t take his eyes off his screen, we talked for a few minutes, our usual chit-chat about nothing in particular.
At least until I made the critical mistake of licking whipped cream off my finger.
Mid-click, Adam cut his gaze to me—and with such laser swiftness I actually froze mid-lick, eyes wide and suppressing laughter till he shook his head, averting his eyes back to his screen. He gave another few clicks of his trackpad before he said, “If you’re going to eat in here, I’m going to need you to do it less attractively.”
His sternness made my eyebrows lift with both surprise and amusement. “Okay, let me just chew with my mouth wide open then.”
“That, I’d fire you for.”
I smirked. “Someone’s cranky today. It’s not my fault you don’t eat your French toast with strawberries and whipped cream the way you’re supposed to.”