by Stella Rhys
He knew I was hurt.
But he was still choosing to stay silent. To protect whatever truth he had with Lyla Townsend.
So, fuck it, I thought.
If he didn’t care enough about me to give me an answer, I was going to do my best to care less about him.
30
ADAM
It was like the last night in Palm Beach all over again, but worse.
By miles.
For starters, we weren’t at some buttoned-up Engelman fundraiser. We were at a party being thrown by one of the biggest lingerie brands in the world. The vibe of the room was distinctly different than that of the room in Palm Beach. There, we had chandeliers, a grand piano, servers gliding around in vests.
Here, we had a dim-lit club, a quasi-burlesque theme and women wearing dresses that could’ve doubled as lingerie. There was more sexual energy floating in the air than I’d ever felt in one room, and I would’ve been more than enjoying it if things tonight had gone as planned.
If I could’ve been not only with AJ, but letting my hands roam freely on her body. Slipping that blazer off her shoulders so I could see what she was wearing underneath, and knowing that it was mine for the taking.
Because when I’d left her at the office this evening, that was what I had felt in my bones.
That she was mine.
But as I watched her from across the room, it was obvious that she thought otherwise.
“Something you need to tell me?”
I heard Iain’s question a second before he leaned against the spot at the bar in front of me, effectively blocking my view. Instead of craning my neck to adjust, I took a drink of my whiskey, because despite my instinct to look at Iain before, I didn’t actually know what he knew. I hadn’t told him shit.
But when he smirked and leaned his back against the bar, not only clearing my view but turning his head to look at AJ and Gavin, I realized I hadn’t actually done the stellar job of keeping my business a secret the past couple weeks.
“It’s pretty obvious what’s going on between you two,” he said. “Kind of got the sense when you magically stopped talking about AJ after a weekend of desperately wanting to fuck her brains out.”
“I told you it was a fluke I’d get over.”
“And I believed you till you stopped talking about AJ altogether whenever we were on the phone. I usually hear one or two stories about her, something she did, something funny she said. But suddenly, I was getting nothing despite the fact that you guys weren’t arguing, and considering it hadn’t been like that once in the past five years, it wasn’t really hard to figure out what was happening,” Iain said, wearing the exact kind of easy smugness of his face that AJ frequently wanted to kill me for. Now I understood that rage. Especially as Iain laughed. “I mean it was obvious enough that Holland figured it out mid-sentence at dinner.”
“Alright, take it easy. I’m in a shitty spot right now and you’re having the goddamned time of your life over here.”
“Sorry. I’ve just never seen you like this and I do feel for you. But it’s also hilarious.”
I shot Iain daggers. “Why.”
To my deep irritation, he turned and ordered a drink before answering. “Because something’s always been there between you two. For years. Holland’s known it. I’ve known it. She makes jokes all the time about bringing a butter knife when she goes to hang out with you two.”
“I don’t need to know punchline of this.”
Iain smirked. “To cut the sexual tension.”
For fuck’s sake.
“Right.” I nodded, somewhat amused but unable to smile, because a movement in the corner of my eye seized my attention, and when I turned, I saw AJ doing what I’d been dreading all goddamned night.
“Ah, shit. Here we go,” Iain said, grabbing his drink off the bar and turning to watch with me as she gently arched her back, still talking as she let that blazer slide off her smooth shoulders and down her arms.
Leaving her in a dress that made me want to punch a hole in the wall.
“Fucking Christ,” I growled between gnashed teeth, white-knuckling my drink as I stared, because I had no idea what the fuck that dress was, but I knew she’d worn it to make me want to rip it clean off her body.
I couldn’t tell if it was an illusion, but it looked totally sheer around her waist and ribs, and a little bit down her hips. It had me pretty fucking certain she wasn’t wearing panties, which was double the torture, because I already knew she wasn’t wearing a bra. The lacy cups holding her tits looked just a little too small, pushing her cleavage up in a way that was impossible not to look at.
And that made my temper rise fast, because she wasn’t standing beside me in that dress like she was supposed to. She was standing with some guy who was grinning like an asshole, barely trying to hide the way his eyes lit up like he’d won the jackpot.
“You look like you’re going to have an aneurysm.”
Iain’s remark pierced my consciousness but did nothing to piss me off more, because my fury was already at capacity.
“If he touches her, I’ll kill him.”
“Please don’t do that,” Iain said flatly. “We don’t do that shit anymore.”
I slid my eyes to him and that rare reference to our rowdier past. “You don’t,” I said, making him snort.
“Neither do you, jackass. We both have careers now. And women in our lives who’ve made us better. Smarter.” From the corner of my eye, I saw him take a drink, still watching me before he asked it. “What did you do to fuck up?”
“She found out about something she wasn’t supposed to know.”
“You gonna tell me what?” he asked.
“No,” I said, and he simply nodded, because if anybody did, Iain understood having private matters you just didn’t talk about. He’d had plenty of his own. We’d both battled our demons side by side during college and law school. We had our shitty ways of dealing, had been through a thousand stupid, reckless decisions together. We both knew what it was like to have to blow off steam pretty much every night, because there were things in our lives that were never going to be settled.
The difference was that I was the one person who knew all about Iain’s past. At least before Holland came along. I knew why my best friend once had that taste for chaos. Trouble. Being reckless.
Iain, however, knew nothing about my life before I met him. Nobody knew.
Except for the people involved.
Leaning back on the bar, Iain took a leisurely drink. “You’re wasting time,” he said.
My stare shifted to him, but I said nothing. He looked at me.
“If you want her, Adam, tell her the truth. All of it,” he said, still relaxed but fully serious now. “Everyone has a past. Doesn’t mean we have to live in it. I’m telling you this, because I know now. I kept secrets too. I lived a double life. I did all the same things you’re doing, because we’re the same person in too many ways. We’ve always known that.”
My gaze drifted as I thought about it, because I knew he was right. We were both at least a little fucked in the head. It was probably what drew us to each other in college.
But now he was out of that place.
And I wasn’t.
“It took you long enough to realize she was the one. Don’t let it take longer,” Iain said, watching me as I watched her. “It’s not worth losing her. You know I can tell you that from experience.”
I did know that. I knew exactly what kind of darkness he had been through. What my sister saw him out of.
I also knew I was never going to let AJ leave with anyone but me.
I’d known it since the moment I’d sat next to her at dinner. Knew it even after she stopped speaking to me. What I felt for her wasn’t something that was going to go away. Ever.
And I’d be damned if I let anyone think for a second that she wasn’t mine.
“Easy,” Iain said as I watched that asshole touch her hip.
In a flash, my temper
flared. It came back angrier than before as I stared at her. As images flooded my brain. Our bodies tangled in my sheets. Her naked pussy under that dress.
Her smile was nervous. I could see it. And I knew exactly why.
Because like she always did, she sensed my gaze.
She didn’t look my way. I doubted she knew where in the crowded room I even was. But she knew I was watching, waiting for him to try it again.
And as soon as he did, I was off.
31
AJ
It wasn’t good to force things.
But I’d tried it.
I’d smiled and flirted. Told myself I like the way this man looked. He was polite and courteous. Interesting. He did his best not to look when I shed my blazer, but I could see in his eyes, in his smile that he liked the way I looked in this dress. Maybe even as much as Adam did.
But probably not.
I’d felt his eyes on me as soon as I’d gone off with Holland, having her introduce me before she got whisked off for work. His attention had been so rapt on me that I’d felt it practically sizzling on my skin, making me so hot that I reasoned it was his fault.
A part of me had decided to keep the blazer on the whole party. To stay covered up since I’d only gotten dressed for Adam.
But then I was burning up. From his stare. From my own anger. So off went the blazer, but somehow, it only made me feel hotter. It made me feel urgency spiking the air. From Adam. From Gavin. He’d been reserved with his flirting before, but once I had all that bare skin showing, he kicked it up a notch.
When he slid his hand along my hip, I actually felt Adam’s fury.
Mine too.
Because it was at that very second that I knew this was pointless. That I felt nothing here. Wanted no part of this man. I wasn’t going to succeed at forcing anything here, which meant I was leading someone on, and even if it was for just ten minutes, I hated that.
I hated this whole situation. That his touch had only made me crave Adam’s.
There was no shortage of things to be pissed about, and I did such a bad job of hiding it that Gavin noticed. Asked if I was okay.
Then he touched my hip again, and I felt my heart leap out of my chest.
Because I knew Adam was coming.
From which direction, I wasn’t sure, so I excused myself. Heart pounding, I angled through the crowd, my heeled feet clacking against the floor as I made my way to the downstairs restroom that Holland had told me about when the line for the regular one was too long.
I was pretty sure it was for Minx employees only, but I didn’t care. I needed somewhere to go to catch my breath and force my thoughts to settle, because they were on a rampage right now, fully and furiously realizing something that I wished I could know with full happiness.
That he was the only one.
That there was no one in the world who could make me feel as good, as whole. As alive. Everything in my heart and my mind pointed toward me being with Adam and nobody else, and all I wanted was to feel the joy of all this without feeling the hurt of his secret as well.
I just wanted to love him without feeling stupid. And lied to.
“God,” I hissed under my breath despite the fact that I was alone once I got downstairs.
At least I was in this area. It was a small room separating the hall and the restroom, with just a long table and mirror on one wall and a tufted satin bench against the other. I plopped down on the bench for a little, staring at my own flushed reflection for about ten seconds before I realized I had no capability whatsoever to sit still. My skin was hot, my muscles were restless, and my blood was thrumming in my veins. The stark silence of the room made the sound of my pulse unbearable so in a flash, I was on my feet, taking two hard strides toward the door before it flew open, forcing me to stop so hard in my tracks that my heart threw itself against my chest.
I reeled from the thump of pressure as I stood there frozen, staring at Adam, my eyes wild but my throat unmoving as my breath stayed hitched inside.
The only movement came from the door falling shut behind him as he stood before me, fury emanating from his visibly tense body. His jacket was off and his shoulders looked rigid, ready to bust the seams on his shirt. Fire lit the deep blue of his eyes as they fixed tightly on me. But when he spoke, his voice, albeit steely, was firm. Controlled.
“I met her today,” he said as the door clicked shut behind him. “I’ve never met her before. I don’t know her. I don’t think about her. She’s not the reason I went after Knox. I understand what you think you saw, AJ, but you have to know it isn’t that, because I would never in my life do anything to betray your trust. I would never do anything to embarrass you or hurt you. Ever.”
The certainty in his voice made my heart pound.
“There’s no one in this world I need like I need you, AJ. There’s nothing that matters the way you matter to me. You’re the only one I’m ever going to want or need. You have to know that.”
My heart ached and soared at the same time.
I wanted to believe him. In fact, I already did. But my pride knew I needed to demand some kind of proof. A better explanation. “Why did you need to sign Knox then?” I asked, my voice firm despite the slight tremble. “And why did you have those tabs up if not for her?”
The hollow of Adam’s cheek flexed as he clenched his teeth. “It’s a long, complicated explanation,” he said as he took a step forward. “And I’ll give you every word of it tonight. Once we’re alone.”
“We’re alone right now,” I said, solely to be resistant. But I could see the way it backfired as Adam’s wolfish eyes dropped down to my dress.
“I’m aware,” he said, his husky voice forcing a hammering in my heart, an unwanted throbbing between my legs.
My pulse jumped as he took another step forward, forcing me to back up. “I don’t want you right now,” I blurted.
He lifted his hard stare. “Who do you want then? Him?”
I swallowed. I knew who he was talking about but I’d already forgotten that guy’s name.
I shook my head. I didn’t know what I was saying no to anymore. I wanted Adam. I wanted answers. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I just knew I had every emotion inside me crashing together, bubbling to the surface and forcing hot anger and need to burst from my lips as Adam pushed me up against the wall and jerked my hips into his body.
I gasped as his tongue licked a torrid line up my neck, and though I struggled against him, trying to push him off of me, I couldn’t resist once his hands dropped down and ripped my dress up, exposing my bareness to the cold air and making me immediately ache for his touch.
“Tell me who you want.” Adam’s fingertips parted my folds, teasing the length of my wetness, drawing his touch gently back and forth before pushing his fingers inside and muffling my cry with a kiss. “Tell me the truth,” he hissed, our lips brushing together, moving against each other as I confessed.
“You.”
I moaned as my answer deepened the stroke of his tongue in my mouth and his fingers in my pussy. My arms clung tight around my neck as I both gasped for breath and kissed him back, feeling the hot pleasure flood my body, my brain, till I couldn’t think about anything but him. His touch and his taste, and the hot desire thickening the air in the room. It made it feel like a sauna as Adam tunneled inside me, forcing me to moan into his mouth as he fucked my pussy with his fingers while rubbing my clit with his palm. I was so wet I could hear it and as my walls contracted around him, I felt Adam groaning from the sheer pleasure of knowing he had me. I was warm all over, seconds from exploding as I grasped him tightly.
“Let me hear it,” he whispered, so I gave it to him. My cries were muffled against his mouth as my orgasm rocked through me, making me crumble against his hard body. And as he held me tight, he murmured against my mouth, into my skin, telling me everything I wanted to hear. That I was his and nobody else’s.
That he was mine and nobody’s else’s.
He
kissed me as he pulled my skirt back down over my thighs, and I lost track of how long we stayed there with our lips locked, my palm flat on his chest and my other hand in his, our fingers locked tightly at our sides.
There was one more thing I wanted him to tell me before we left, and considering we hadn’t been at this party for long, I didn’t think I would hear it. But when Adam was finally able to tear his lips from mine, he looked me in the eye and said, “We’re going home.”
I didn’t argue.
32
ADAM
I’d passed Iain talking to a few others at the bar on the way out with AJ. We’d exchanged a passing nod, but I didn’t stop to say bye nor did he expect me to.
But I did get his text as soon as AJ and I got into a car.
IAIN: Atta boy. I’ll tell Holland you said goodnight.
I laughed.
And thankfully, it was enough to lighten my mood a little. To ease the tension in my shoulders and remind me that I was good now. I had AJ with me, sitting next to me in the backseat, our hands still intertwined.
I had yet to explain a thing to her, but she trusted that I was telling her the truth nonetheless, and I was beyond grateful for that, because it had been all of three hours tonight that I didn’t feel like I had her. Her friendship or whatever else.
Three hours and I couldn’t take it.
It made it easier to swallow the fact that I was going to tell her something I’d never told anyone—not even Iain during one of our thousands of mindless, hammered nights in college. Even when my brain was annihilated, blackout drunk, it had never come out.
Maybe because I was that ashamed. Or because it was just too difficult to explain.
I was actually grateful when AJ spoke up first.
We were stuck in traffic for a little, and at a random red light, she said, “I know it has to do with Jeannie.”