“I always say it first.”
“That's not true. I've said it first before.” Realizing that my attempts at pulling him down were having little to no effect on him, instead I slipped my hands under his shirt and began tracing invisible shapes across his chest with my fingertips.
His body shuddered lightly and he groaned softly, closing his eyes as he did so. “Violet.”
“Blake.”
He opened his eyes again, and shifting all of his weight onto one arm, he brought his free hand up to push some of the hair that had fallen over my forehead out of my eyes. In seconds, his lips were pressed against mine again. The kiss was sweet and gentle; his velvety lips moving softly against mine.
“I love you.” The words were whispered against his lips, but he still heard them; felt them.
That's when everything was shattered. Blake pulled broke the kiss in mere seconds, frowning down at me with a look of hatred lining his handsome face. Sitting up on his knees, he pulled his hands away from my body, then used them to yank my hands out from under his shirt, and to untangle my legs from around his waist.
“You shouldn't love me,” he growled as he pushed himself off of the bed. In one swift motion, he grabbed his pants off of the floor and pulled them on over his boxers. “You should hate me after everything that I did to hurt you. I don't deserve to be loved by you, Violet.”
My eyes began to water as I pushed myself up. I could feel my heart beating roughly against my ribs, causing my body to shake. “What did you do to hurt me?”
“I cheated on you, and I lied to you. Don't love me, Violet, because I sure as hell don't love you.”
A tear leaked from my eye as I stared at his retreating back. My body was shaking uncontrollably, and all of a sudden Lena's face was in front of mine. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at me, her hands shaking me awake.
“Violet, what's wrong?”
Ignoring her question, I stared around the room, taking in everything from the blue throw rug and the shiny wood floors, to the little plastic stars that covered my ceiling. Lena's curly red hair hung down as she kneeled over me.
“What time is it?” I questioned groggily.
“Time for you to get ready for school. I woke up early so I went downstairs and talked to your mom while she made breakfast. She sent me up here to wake you up, but when I came in you were mumbling Blake's name and crying.”
“I was not crying, I just had something in my eye.” I wiped away the few tears that clung to my cheeks.
“Uh huh, sure you weren't. The bus will be here in half an hour though so you should get ready.” Then she let out a sigh. “Today’s my last morning at the Forrester household.”
I met her eyes. “Really? You’re going home?”
She nodded her head, and forced a smile. “I can’t stay here forever. Besides, I’m ready to go back home.”
I nodded in response. I was happy that she was going to be going back to her family, but I was sad that she was leaving.
Clapping her hands loudly, she repeated her words from before. “Get up, and get ready. The bus will be here soon.”
Groaning, I placed one hand on my forehead. “I don't really think I'm up to going to school today. I'm not feeling well.”
Lena furrowed her eyebrows. “So your boyfriend cheats on you and wants to talk to you about it after school today, and you expect me to believe that the reason you don't want to go is because you're not feeling well?”
“Yes,” I replied, pulling the comforter up over my face. “Turn the light off on your way out.”
“I'll tell your mom why you don't want to go,” she threatened.
“You wouldn't dare.”
“Okay,” she sighed. I felt her weight leave the bed, and to my surprise, the lights went off as she left the room. I snuggled deeper into my bed, trying not to think about the dream I just had. Images of Blake's face kept flashing into my mind. The way that his eyes clouded over when I had told him I loved him was heart wrenching. I clutched the blanket tighter around me as his words flashed through my mind.
“I cheated on you, and I lied to you. Don't love me, Violet, because I sure as hell don't love you.”
Logically I knew that those weren't actually Blake's words, and that they were something conjured up by my imagination, but they seemed so real. Why would Blake love me? If he did love me then he wouldn't have kissed Ella, or lied to me; we would still be together, and everything would be perfect.
The sound of my door opening brought me out of my thoughts. The light to my bedroom flicked on, and the annoying sound of heels came clicking across the wooden floors. I knew instantly that it wasn't Lena, because my mom is the only one in the house who wears heels. Damn, Lena was actually serious about telling on me.
“Violet, it's time to get up.”
“I don't feel well,” I groaned, feigning sick.
“Lena told me why you don't want to go to school.”
That caught my attention. I pushed the covers off of me, and sat up, staring into my mom's brown eyes. “She did?”
“Yes, she did, and it's perfectly understandable why you don't want to go, but you still have to.”
I squinted my eyes, regarding her expression. I didn’t want to say anything in regards to the situation unless Lena had actually told her about what had happened. Even, if she really did know what happened I wasn’t planning on talking to her about it. I wasn’t really ready to talk about it at all. Not even with Blake. “What did she tell you?”
Mom pushed a curly strand of brown hair out her eyes as she took a seat at the foot of my bed. She crossed one long leg over the other, and smiled at me sadly. “She told me about that little accident you had in gym yesterday.” She raised one of her eyebrows knowingly. “I'm sure everyone has already forgotten about it.”
“What accident? I didn't have an accident in gym.”
Sighing, she said, “Violet, you don't have to lie to me. You're a teenage girl that's still going through puberty and trying to learn your body’s natural schedule. You don't have full control of what happens down there yet. It’s perfectly understandable.”
My cheeks flamed as she said puberty. That word was just embarrassing all together. “I'm done going through puberty mom. I didn't have an accident.”
“Sure you didn't, honey.” She patted my thigh gently while smiling reassuringly at me, but I could still tell that she didn't believe a word I was saying. “If you need me to buy you some more feminine products or some new underwear...”
“Okay, I'm going,” I stammered quickly, jumping out of bed in hopes that she wouldn't finish that sentence.
I could already tell that this was going to be a long day.
***
School passed by slowly, and for the first time in my life, I was thankful for that. Ever since I had stepped foot on school grounds, I had been dreading the end of the day. I didn't know what Blake was going to say, or how I was going to react, but one thing was for sure; I sure as hell wasn't forgiving him any time soon. Even if he had super glue on his lips and had somehow tripped and fallen into Ella, he still had lied to me, and that's not something that I was willing to overlook.
Making a quick stop at my locker, I yanked out all of my textbooks, and shoved them into the tiny space inside of my locker. After replacing the textbooks with two notebooks and a binder, I hitched my bag up higher onto my shoulder and pushed the blue metal door shut with my foot. Glancing down into my bag as I turned, I was immediately stopped when my body came into contact with a wall of solid flesh.
“Ouch. First you break up with me, and then you physically assault me in the school hallway?”
My eyes met Blake's, and despite his playfully tone, his eyes were hard. It was almost as if I was looking at a whole new person. Blake's eyes were usually bright, inviting, and friendly, but right now they were cold, and held a sort of sadness to them.
Seeing my impassive face, he added, “Too soon?”
I merely nodded
in my response, then hitched my tote bag up higher on my shoulder and began fiddling with the strap's frayed end just so that my hands were busy. Blake pushed his hand through his dark hair, brushing the fringe out of his blue eyes as he stared down at me.
The moment couldn't get any more awkward than it already was. Here I am, standing in front of my recently-made-ex-boyfriend, playing with my broken backpack, and acting as if a cat's got my tongue.
Suddenly summoning up the strength to talk, I choke out the words, “I like your shirt.” Smooth, Violet. Is that all you could think of? Really? You like his shirt?
Blake pulled the fabric of his shirt outwards so that he could glance down at it. When he saw the huge The Rush logo across the shirt, a smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Of course you do; you bought it for me.”
“I had to buy it. It was your first concert, and you needed a souvenir. Besides, I swear that shirt was calling out to me.”
“Just like how the posters, sweatshirt, and CD that you bought were calling out to you?”
“Exactly,” I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest defensively.
Blake smiled down at me and I couldn't help but to return the smile. Staring up at him, it was almost as if nothing had happened yesterday. Almost as if Blake and I were still dating, and that he hadn't cheated on me, and lied to me, and strung me along for God knows how long. I wanted so badly for him to drape his arm over my shoulder, and pull me into his side so that I could snuggle into the warmth of his body heat. I wanted to tangle my fingers into his soft hair, and pretend like nothing had ever happened, but I couldn't, and I didn’t.
This isn't some bad romance novel where the leading guy cheats on his girlfriend and she takes him back instantly with no repercussions. This is my life, and I sure as hell don't plan on being that weak and spineless girl who lets her boyfriend walk all over her. If Blake wants me back, then he's going to have to prove to me that what I saw in the picture wasn't how it looked. After all, like he said yesterday, seeing can be deceiving.
“So, let's get this show on the road. Are you going to stare at me all day, or do you plan on telling me why you were kissing that skinny, redheaded skank?”
That got his attention.
Chapter 24
The swing set creaked as I swung back and forth slowly, staring at Blake in expectation. We had been at the park for less than five minutes, just swinging. I'd known Blake long enough to know that it would take him a while to say what was on his mind, but the anticipation was killing me. I had already mapped out six different escape routes that would get me out of having to hear about the gory details of why Blake kissed Ella. All I wanted right now was to lay across my bed listening to my iPod on full blast so that it could drown out my thoughts.
Maybe if I bang my head against the wall a few times I'll get amnesia and forget that Blake and I had ever dated.
Blake cleared his throat, and met my eyes. “This summer, before school started, I was walking home from your house and I met Ella. She was lost so I walked her home. I didn't think I needed to tell you about that because it's not like anything happened. We just talked about school, and I showed her where the bus stop was. She told me about Lena and how she was scared that she wouldn't fit in. Everything was completely innocent. I couldn't let her go around not knowing anyone, so I gave her my number and told her that she could call me if she ever got bored or lost again. I know how it feels to be new to a school, and to go around feeling like an outcast. That's how I felt when I first moved here, and I didn't want anyone else to have to go through that.”
“Did you think that I wouldn't understand that? Why didn't you introduce her to me?”
“I don't know. I just, we do everything together, you know? I love that, don't get me wrong, but being around the same person constantly can get tiring. We have all the same friends, we used to hang out every day during the summer, and I guess I just felt suffocated.” He dragged his hand through his hair, effectively messing it up, and causing each black strand to stick up in a way that made him resemble a peacock.
“What the hell, Blake? That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard! If I was suffocating you then why'd you come over every day? No one was forcing you to spend time with me!” My voice shook as I yelled, echoing slightly and enhancing in the silence around us.
“I came over because I loved you. I still do. I was confused. You're the first long term girlfriend I've ever had. I love you, but last summer, maybe the reason I didn't tell you about Ella was because if I told you, then my feelings for her might have become real. I felt guilty. I liked her, but I thought it was just as a friend.”
“Well, in that case I'm glad you didn't tell me about her. What if we had become friends? After all she is only a year younger than us. We could have been friends. That probably would have hurt more than this does. If we had become friends, and then I had found out about this, I would have been devastated.” Blake stood from his swing, moving so that he was crouched down in front of me, staring into my eyes. He reached to touch my face, but I moved my head back, slapping his hand away. “Do not touch me.”
Blake's hand dropped, and he sighed deeply, but remained squatted in front of me. “I never should have kissed her back. She didn't know that I was dating you; she didn't know anything about you.”
“For a smart guy, you really are stupid,” I mumbled, scared that talking at a normal level would make my wet eyes spill over and he'd see that he had the power to hurt me.
“How?”
“If you're hanging out with a girl and hiding the fact that you have a girlfriend, then there is obviously something going on; especially if you were hiding the girl from said girlfriend.”
“I wasn't hiding her.”
“Sure you weren't.” I rolled my eyes at his idiocy. “The thing I'm curious about is how Brianna comes into all of this.”
Blake pushed backwards so that he was sitting on the mulch in front of my swing. “A few days after I had walked her home, Ella called me and asked if I would show her around the neighborhood. You had gone out of town for the week to visit your grandparents, so I had nothing to do and I said yes. We came here, and then we walked to get ice cream, and we bumped into Brianna at the ice cream parlor with Anya. Ella mentioned something about Brianna's outfit so I introduced them. It was nothing really. After that, Ella and I hung out until you got back, and I suppose that was when she started hanging out with Brianna.”
“So when did you kiss her?”
“You mean when did she kiss me?” he corrected. “It was the day before school started. She came to my house to see if I wanted to hang out with her, and she kissed me. We were talking about school on my porch, and I was telling her what teachers she wouldn't want to get. We were just laughing and joking around, when she got a call from someone. Looking back, it had to of been from Brianna, because whenever Lena or her parents called she would ignore it.
“When she answered the call, she excused herself and left for a moment. When she came back she said that she had to leave, so I gave her a hug, but when we pulled out of the hug, she kissed me. I only kissed her back for a moment before I realized that it wasn't right, and pulled away. That was when I told her that I had a girlfriend, and that I was in love with you. We agreed to pretend like it had never happened, but when I saw her on the first day of school she was ignoring me. I felt bad, but when she kissed me I felt nothing. It couldn't even compare to how I feel when I'm with you.”
I could feel his eyes piercing into me, but I refused to look up. I knew that he was waiting to see how I would respond to that, but I didn't even know how to. A few tears had escaped from my eyes and were trailing down my cheeks, but I didn't wipe them away. I just let them stain my skin. I was hoping that Blake hadn't noticed them yet, and that when he stopped staring at me, I could wipe them away quickly and pretend that they had never existed.
“Violet, I love you. I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.”
I didn't know
how to respond to that, so instead of speaking I just continued to look at the ground. My disheveled hair hung down, covering my face like a veil. Shielding my vulnerability from Blake's eyes.
“Please say something.”
“Something.”
An exasperated sigh escaped from him. “I'm serious, Vi. Tell me what you're thinking.”
“I think that you're an asshole. I think that you don't really care what I think, because if you did, then you wouldn't have lied to me from the start.”
“I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“That's bullshit. If you didn't mean to hurt me, then you would have told me about the kiss from the beginning. By hiding it from me for two months, it shows that you did feel something. People who have nothing to hide tell the truth; and you lied.”
“You can't honestly believe that.”
Ignoring his comment, I spoke again. “A wise man once said, 'If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second.'“
“That isn't applicable to this situation, because I don't love her. I love you. I had a small crush on her for a few weeks. That's all! Can you honestly tell me that you haven't had a small crush on someone while we've been dating?”
“Yes, I can! Besides, even if I did, I wouldn't have made out with them and then lied about it for two months!”
“But I love you! Only you. What don't you understand about that?”
Suddenly, I did something that signified the end of our relationship. I brought my hand up, and slapped him so hard across the face that the sound resonated in my ears for a moment before everything went silent. “I don't understand why you keep lying to me. If you loved me, then you wouldn't have hurt me like this. I hate people that string others along just to play with their emotions and to deceive them. How could you do that to me?”
Blake grabbed my hand, pulling me up and off of the swing as he stood up.
Crush: A YA Romance Collection Page 42