She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Joel’s number. It rang and rang, but there was no answer. The fiery ball of anger that had formed in her stomach flared. She didn’t like to trust people, and she didn’t like to disappoint her daughter. She always wanted Millie to know that what she said would happen, would happen, and she never made empty promises. Now, here, when the stakes were at the highest, when she needed Joel to come through—he picked now to let her down.
“This was a bad idea,” she mumbled to herself. What was she going to do with Millie now?
Millie’s small tears were turning into full-fledged sobbing, and Emmeline picked her up. She was getting too big for this, but Millie leaned in and smeared purple lipstick all over her mom’s white shirt, while wiping her nose.
Emmeline tried to comfort her and apologized a hundred times. Better not stay here, she thought, and walked back toward the car, cursing the money she had put in the meter to park in front of the building.
Joel came running out of the building and down the street, slightly out of breath as he caught up with them.
“Emmeline!” he said. “I am so sorry! This is just a mess.”
Millie looked up at him. Her lip jutted out and she squinted her eyes at him.
“Mommy,” she said abruptly, “is this a stranger?”
“No,” said Emmeline, her words tight and cool as she tried to control her temper. “This is not a stranger, it’s Mommy’s friend, who is here to explain why we weren’t allowed in.”
Joel looked pissed and frustrated, with a tinge of desperation. “I told my manager that you were coming a few days ago, and he was totally cool with it. I didn’t see any problems. But Cynthia is at the front desk today. Pedantic, honestly. I forgot to tell her, and then she came where we were setting up and asked if we were allowing people in the building while shooting. When I looked at my manager, I must have smiled before I said your name. She went nuts, and then went on and on about how we aren’t to let people in the building who don’t work there. She’s crazy.”
“Mommy, are we allowed in?” There were more tears freefalling down her cheeks.
“Just a second, Millie. Joel and I need to talk. So, are we in or out? If we’re out, I’d like to take Millie away now. She’s had enough. And I don’t want to prolong this. She’ll just get more upset.”
“Please don’t be mad. After Cynthia went off on my manager, well, he agreed. She’s the granddaughter of the man who owns that parent company that owns us. No one dares to cross her. And well, she’s a bit jealous.” His words trailed off, getting a little squeaky at the end.
“Jealous of what?” She eyed him suspiciously.
“Well, I broke up with her when we started seeing each other.” He then quickly threw in, “We weren’t serious or anything. Just, well, I thought it was casual. It seems like she was more into the relationship than I was.”
“So let me get this straight: Millie and I are being punished by the snot on the other end of the buzzer because you’ve been a jerk to her. Great!”
Joel winced.
“It would have been nice to be warned ahead of time! How many other people were you seeing when we got together?” she asked, louder than she had meant. “Millie, get in the car.”
Millie climbed in and Emmeline slammed the door, watching the color drain from Joel’s face.
“I was dating a few; nothing serious. Cynthia had hinted that she wanted us to be a bit more exclusive, but really, I just wasn’t into her, and kept putting her off. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see anyone exclusively. Then that day at the bakery when you asked me out—I don’t know, something just clicked. I broke up with her after our first date.”
“And the other girls?”
“History. Really, there’s just you. I’m just angry that Cynthia is taking it out on you. I told her the truth, that I was seeing someone new. She must have caught on right away that it was you when you guys showed up.”
Emmeline didn’t know what to say. She mostly wanted to deck him, or maybe throw up. What does this mean? What else was he hiding from her? How was she supposed to trust him when his first meeting with her kid ended with Millie sobbing?
This couldn’t be happening! He was so perfect. Maybe too good to be true.
Chapter 30
Emmeline couldn’t wait to get home. She wanted to jump into the shower, put on a pair of sweats, and distract herself with a movie marathon with Millie and Ginny and forget that Joel even existed. It was the first time Emmeline had to disappoint her kid like that. She hated the feeling. She worked so hard to make sure that Millie could depend on her, only promising things she could make good on. The fact that Joel made her let her kid down left her feeling like she wanted to vomit. She went out of her way to protect Millie from everything, and now it was falling apart.
On the way home, Millie cried quietly in the back seat. Emmeline automatically turned right at the ice cream shop. Just before they got inside their house, Millie lectured Emmeline about picking her friends better.
How could they come back from this?
Thank goodness Ginny showed up an hour after they returned.
“Jerk,” said Ginny, pouring them each a glass of wine.
“Thank you!” Emmeline said. “That is what I was thinking, except…” She started to chew on one of her fingernails.
“I feel a but coming on…”
“Well…you should have seen the look on his face when he came out after us. He looked devastated. I don’t think that was what he meant to happen. Didn’t stop the situation from being so crappy, though, or excuse him from treating Cynthia like that. He should have just been honest from the beginning.”
“So you have to tell me, do I hate him or do I love him?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. We have so much fun together, we get along so well, and he is such a freakin’ good kisser, but how am I supposed to trust him with Millie? If it was just me, you know, it wouldn’t matter. But if you saw the look on her face—it broke my heart. I think that the best thing I can do is break up with him. Millie’s not ready to have these sorts of disappointments in her life. Things are hard enough on her. And she is so focused on this play, determined that the director is going to hand the reins over to her. She’s not happy that she has to be up on stage. She still thinks she should be running the whole show.”
“That kid is hilarious, seriously.”
“She’s a handful. She has no idea that she’s seven, or even what that means.”
“So, no Sugar Boy?”
“No, I don’t think so. Maybe for the best…” Emmeline gulped down the rest of her wine and poured herself another glass.
“When are you going to tell him?”
“As soon as I get the nerve.”
Millie came down the stairs with an old hot pink dress and a pile of packages of miniature plastic gemstones.
“How are you doing, kiddo?” Ginny asked.
“Fine.” She was unusually curt. “I’ve decided that if I have to act in this play, then I am going to design my own costume.” She stood up a little straighter.
“Does the director know?”
“Not yet. I have to show him that I can do it. He doesn’t believe me yet. I have to come up with a bunch of good ideas, and then he’ll want to let me do it.”
“That is pretty smart! You know, I’m pretty sure that’s what your dad would have done too,” Emmeline said, picking up the skirt that Millie had brought down. It was plain, and Millie had hardly worn it. “What are the packages for?”
“The dress needs more sparkles. Could you show me how to sew?”
Emmeline wrapped her arms around her daughter and kissed the top of her head. “Of course. Ginny, do you know how to sew?”
It was Pernella who came to the sewing rescue. She sat them all down with a needle and thread, teaching them how to knot it at the bottom so that it wouldn’t come apart and how to make the gemstone secure. Emmeline and Ginny sat side by side lo
ng after the other two went to bed, attaching each one of the hundreds of gems that Millie had wanted in the pattern that she had decided upon. Together they opened another bottle of wine and sipped away. Soon both started to feel a little tipsy.
Emmeline’s anger bubbled up to the surface again as the night wore on.
“He lied. He made me feel like I was the only one. He never mentioned another girl. And then he’s all like, ‘I’m sorry, it’s not my fault that the girl I screwed over was mad and took it out on you.’ Well, that’s what happens. She should have taken it out on him! I’m going to do it for her! Me and Cynthia, we’re going to be like this.” She crossed her fingers.
Ginny started a pot of coffee.
“I’m not going to put off breaking up with him any longer. That’s it, give me the phone.” Emmeline picked up the phone and dialed Joel’s number.
“Hello!” she shouted in the phone.
“Oh, thank God you called. I’ve been worrying all night,” Joel said. She could hear the nervousness in his voice.
“Listen! We have to talk! Ginny and I have something we want to say you to, ah! You to say!”
“Is Ginny there?”
“Yes, why?”
“I’m coming over,” he said, and hung up the phone.
Emmeline must have looked bewildered as Ginny asked her what was going on.
“He’s coming here,” she said, unsure if she was furious, or terrified, or relieved.
Twenty minutes and an empty oversized mug of coffee later, there was a knock at the door.
Emmeline’s heart stopped. She was mad, she was disappointed, and mostly just confused.
“Can we go for a walk?” he asked. Emmeline looked at Ginny, who quickly nodded her head.
“Go, you two, I’m good here. I think I might have just found another package of gems I can sew on Millie’s dress.”
“Thanks, Ginny. I’d like to take the time to really meet you, but I think Emmeline and I better talk first,” Joel said.
Emmeline grabbed her coat and went out into the abnormally humid night air. They had only walked a few feet, and the tension cut hard between them when Joel asked, “How’s Millie?”
“She’s okay. We stopped for ice cream. She’s back to trying to figure out how to get her instructor to let her direct the play.”
“Thank goodness. You have no idea how bad I felt. I never thought that…”
“That’s the problem,” Emmeline interrupted. “You didn’t think. You really, seriously thought that you could parade your new girlfriend in front of your old girlfriend and there would be no problems. None at all? Really?”
“When you put it like that, I sound like a complete idiot.”
“If the shoe fits.”
“It’s okay. I think I deserved it.” His voice was low and quiet. “Are we going to be okay?”
Emmeline shook her head. “I think that it will be better this way.”
One look in his eyes, and she could feel the anger begin to ebb away. She cursed herself. She knew deep down that this was what she needed to do. What good would it do either her or Millie to be relying on someone who couldn’t be trusted? She closed her eyes and felt hot tears burning the corners. She had been so lonely for so long. She had seen everyone else running around with their families, Mom and Dad and the little ones running around their feet. She wanted to let Joel in, she wanted to, but how could she? The first time she truly let her guard down and this is what happened. What a mess.
“Please, I didn’t know Cynthia would react like that. It’s not like we had some sort of grand romance—it was casual, I had no idea that she felt anything real for me. Well, not until today. She came up to me after the shoot and apologised for throwing such a fit, pushing her family name on the manager, and for being such a jerk. She said she had been jealous, and when she saw your face on the intercom’s screen, she just lost it.”
“My face?”
“You have to be the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. You must have noticed how nervous I was around you in the bakery when we first met.”
“No, me?”
“Yeah, I didn’t even have the guts to ask you out. I should have done that weeks before.”
“But you did.”
“Not until you asked me out first.”
Emmeline blushed at the memory. She still felt like a moron every time she thought about it. She could feel her resolve melting away some more. She tried to stiffen her body, but then he reached out and caressed her face.
“Listen, I don’t want this to be over. I don’t mind even waiting a little longer to meet Millie, you know, for real next time. I’ll take any minutes I can get with you. I can’t stand the idea of being without you. I don’t think that I could take it. You’re so beautiful, but that’s just the surface. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re strong, and brave. I admire what you’ve done, and how you put Millie first. I really believe we have something together that is really special. Look at me, you’ve turned me into a babbling idiot, and I’m supposed to know how to use my words.”
“You sound more like me,” she teased gently. This was it, it had to be it. She couldn’t help but feel pulled to him. When the smile that she loved so much had disappeared from his face, it broke her heart. She always loved…“Oh no,” she gasped out loud.
“What? What did I do?” His eyes were pleading.
“No, nothing…” Please let it go, please, she silently begged. Those were the last words she wanted to say tonight. She was supposed to be breaking it off with him, not telling him that she loved him. Where was her head? Why did he have to look at her like that? Like he was on the verge of losing his entire world. Why did she feel the same?
“Tell me, I can take it,” he said, moving closer to her. His eyes were watery. Emmeline could smell his faint cologne curling into her nostrils, reminding her of the first time they had kissed. No, he wasn’t playing fair. He knew it drove her wild.
“I was just thinking, your smile is gone. It breaks my heart. I love your smile.” She leaned in as she said this, despite herself. Closer, to get another smell, closer to feel the heat of his body. She raised her hand and put it on his rippled chest. He relaxed slightly. That was it. Before she could even think, her lips crashed onto his and locked into a smouldering kiss, desperate and passionate.
This wasn’t like with Nicholas. She so young when they got together, she hardly knew anything. She thought she loved him. She did love him, but it was so long ago, and she was a different person now. She knew who she was now, and what she wanted. She wanted Joel. She wanted to spend every day kissing him, touching him. She wanted to hear him talk about food and recipes, fighting over who got to make dinner that night. She wanted to hear about all the places he had been and the people he met. She wanted to hold his hand, to know what it was like to wake up next to him. He brought her joy and excitement. Her entire body tingled when she was around him, and when he touched her, it was like a million tiny explosions of intense desire.
She clung to him, digging her fingers into his back, never wanting to let go. Tears began to stream down her face as she wrapped her arms around him He placed his hands firmly on her bum, squeezing. She knew that she couldn’t let him go, there was no way. She would have to make this work. She needed to.
He pulled away slightly. “Oh, baby, I can’t do this knowing that you’re just going to walk away. Please tell me before we go any further that this is the beginning and not a goodbye.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, leaning in to nibble on his ear. “I can’t, I think I might just love you.”
“Love, that’s it! I love you, Emmeline. I don’t think I knew that until this second. I love you, I have since before I knew you. You were the one I was dreaming would come into my life.”
Emmeline giggled and they kissed again. How was she going to explain this to Ginny? She had just spent the whole night complaining about him.
Yet again, my mouth has made me look like an i
diot.
Emmeline didn’t make it home until after two in the morning. She found Ginny fast asleep on the couch, with Millie draped over her. Emmeline felt a tinge of guilt for not being there when her daughter woke up in the middle of the night, but it was obvious that she was okay. Emmeline picked up her sleeping kid, wearing her princess jasmine top and a white tutu with rhinestones freshly sewn onto the hem. She must have been up for a while and convinced Ginny at bedazzle a few more things. She carried Millie up the stairs to her room and then returned to cover Ginny up with a blanket before going into the kitchen for a drink of water. She was tired and raw. The whole day had been a rollercoaster of emotions.
The kitchen looked freshly scrubbed and organized. Emmeline couldn’t help but be in wonder of Ginny; she was a force. Emmeline couldn’t understand how she could get so much done in so little time. It blew her mind. Part of it was that Ginny never questioned what she did, she just did it. She was kind of like Pernella that way. Just do, consequences be damned. Emmeline wished she was more like that. She thought about everything too much.
Even the pile of papers on top of the fridge was freshly organized. There was a stack of unopened letters on the table with a post-it note that said, “Read these,” and another stack with bills and a note that read “Really, you don’t even open these?” One more was set aside, and Ginny had scribbled on the envelope, “Open now!”
It was bad enough that she had to leave Joel in the first place, but to come home to the brutal reality of bills was too much. She climbed the stairs, undressed, and slipped into bed. There was no doubt she would sleep well tonight.
Chapter 31
Morning came far too early. Even though Millie had gone to bed late the night before, she still came bounding bright-eyed into Emmeline’s room before seven. Emmeline groaned, wishing she could go back to sleep, feeling as though she had just closed her eyes, but avoiding the temptation to pull the quilt back up over her head.
“Morning, sweetie,” Emmeline mumbled as she forced her eyes half-open. She closed them and then tried opening them again. Millie was sitting on the bed with red lipstick plastered from one end of her mouth to another, and her whole face was dusted in a dark cream-colored powder.
Crush: A YA Romance Collection Page 62