“No, honey. I hate to do this on the phone, but your mom just called—”
Arielle smashed the end call button and threw the phone against the wall, pieces smacking her in the face as it shattered. She ran to the bathroom as a sick taste hit the back of her throat, just in time to throw everything in her stomach back up.
After she’d finished, she stepped back into the dining room with her eyes wide but not focused on anything. She walked past Reed and grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket, calling Mom.
Mom didn’t answer, so she left a voice mail. “Mom, what is going on? Call me back as soon as you can. Aunt Margie called…”
Reed joined her again in the living room. “Ari, what the hell is going on?”
Arielle shrugged, doing everything to keep her calm even though her heart raced so fast it might fly right out of her chest. “I have no clue. Maybe we should head up to the hospital.”
“Mom said to wait here, so I think we should do as she asked.”
“Okay. Then we wait.”
So Arielle sat back down on the couch and flipped through the channels on the TV until she stopped on Silence of the Lambs, which wasn’t the best choice for a night like tonight, but it was one of her favorite movies.
About an hour later, Mom walked through the front door. Her face was puffy and tear tracks lined her cheeks. Her eyes were red and swollen too. As soon as her eyes fell on Arielle and Reed, she burst into racking sobs. Arielle fell to her knees in front of the couch. “No. Tell me it’s not true.” Arielle started crying. “It can’t be true.”
Mom came over and wrapped her arms around both of them. “It is true. He’s gone. The Lord has taken him from us to do his bidding.”
Reed burst into tears too, his voice cracking and making him sound like a young teenager again and not an eighteen-year-old man. “What happened, Mom?”
“It was his heart. It wasn’t strong enough.”
The three of them sat on the floor, huddled together, and cried for the rest of the night. After none of them had any more tears, they lay on the floor together and fell asleep.
***
The next day, family and friends arrived with food. As if anybody could eat. Arielle went upstairs to her room, listened to the door slamming over and over and loud voices ringing from downstairs. She turned her radio up louder and lay on her bed, hoping the music would help erase the pain.
Later, when she didn’t feel quite as numb, she grabbed her phone from her dresser and dialed Blake. He didn’t answer, so she left him a message and told him what had happened. He deserved to know. Dad had loved him and accepted him into the family with open arms, the least she could do was tell him.
Then she lay back down, covered herself up with the blanket, and tried to cry, but she couldn’t. There were no more tears in her body. She worried she might even be dehydrated from the amount she’d cried last night. But she didn’t feel like eating or drinking a thing.
She couldn’t catch her breath and couldn’t inhale enough oxygen to help her calm down. She gasped as her stomach clenched and unclenched, over and over, like she was hungry and then she wasn’t, but if she ate, she would throw up again.
She had no clue how much time had passed when her cell phone rang. She reached over without looking and tapped the screen. “Hello?” Her voice came out monotone, even to her own ears.
“Ari, what is going on?” Blake asked, concern etched into his voice.
“My dad died.” Again, no inflection in her voice. No personality. Her tone had flatlined, kind of like her dad’s heart.
“How? What? What happened?”
All the same questions everyone had been asking. The problem was, she didn’t know how it happened. She was as clueless as everyone else, so why did everyone ask her like she had all the answers? She didn’t…and she was sick of it.
She jerked up in her bed and narrowed her eyes. “How am I supposed to know? All I know is his heart stopped working. Other than that, I don’t have a damn clue and I wish everyone would quit asking me.”
“Babe, I didn’t mean—”
She cut him off. “Don’t call me babe. You broke up with me. I don’t need your ‘babes’ anymore, okay? I wanted you to know because I know you loved my dad, and, well…he loved you too. He pretty much told me so, though in less words.”
“When is the funeral?” Blake asked, his voice softening.
“No clue. I am guessing in a few days, but I haven’t heard.”
“I’ll try to be there.”
“Okay. I’m going to get off here now. Sorry, but I’m not in the mood to talk.”
“It’s understandable, Ari. Get some rest.”
Blake hung up before she could tell him all she’d been doing was resting. Sleep made her think this was all a bad dream, and that when she woke up, everything would be back to normal and she would hear Dad downstairs talking with his southern twang. But that would never happen again. Because he died, was gone forever.
She had to face the facts.
This time, the tears came and she let them. After a while, she fell back asleep, only to dream of the man she looked up to most in her life.
***
When she woke up, her stomach cramped and then growled with hunger. It was time to eat, so she migrated downstairs. The whole house was filled with people and there was so much food they’d run out of room in the kitchen and dining room and had started stacking things on the living room tables.
She went to the dining room and made a turkey sandwich with Swiss cheese, added some chips and some carrot sticks to her plate, and went in the living room to sit down, but there were no seats. Most of the people in her house she didn’t even recognize. All of them offered condolences, so she nodded her thanks, stuffing her mouth with a couple carrot sticks so she would be excused from talking.
Then she walked outside and sat on the old sofa on the porch. Bandit came up and rubbed against her legs. “Hey, boy.” She set her food down beside her and petted the cat’s back. “You know he’s gone too, don’t you? You can sense these kinds of things, huh?” She picked him up and curled him up in her arms, holding him close. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.” She didn’t know if she was trying to comfort the cat or herself.
She didn’t think everything would be okay. In fact, it would be a long time before anything was ever okay again, if ever. Dad had been such a huge part of this family. Mom and Dad had been married thirty years, such a long time. She didn’t know how her mom could be out there, sitting at the kitchen table, talking to people.
Maybe she couldn’t and kept nodding and going through the motions to make everyone think she’d be okay. Kind of like what Arielle had been doing.
Arielle placed the cat back on the porch and proceeded to eat her food. Then she disappeared back into her room. She hadn’t seen Reed at all since the night they’d all slept on the living room floor together. She hadn’t talked to Mom much either, but when she was ready, she would seek them out.
Just not today. She couldn’t do it today or she’d fall apart.
***
The day of the funeral came fast. Blake hadn’t gotten back to her, so she didn’t know if he’d be there, but she figured he would. No, he definitely would be…there was no way he’d miss her dad’s funeral.
If he cared about her at all, he would come.
When Jess showed up, Arielle stood still, frozen. She came over and hugged Arielle, her tears soaking into Arielle’s black dress as she stood by the coffin. “I’m so sorry. For everything. You were right about everything. Damien and I are done. I broke it off with him and I told my parents the truth.” She peered over Arielle’s shoulder at the coffin and what had been a steady trickle of tears turned into a waterfall. “I can’t believe this happened and I wasn’t there for you.”
Arielle hugged her back. “It’s okay, Jess. I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Ari. I screwed up, not you. You were being my frien
d.”
“I’m your best friend…you think I’m going to let something as silly as this tear us apart?”
Jess pulled back, her eyes growing wider. “Really?”
Arielle stuck her hand out. “Best friends?”
Jess shook her hand. “Forever or longer. You want to sit down or something?”
Arielle nodded, tired of standing by the coffin. Mom wanted her up there, but she had to take a break. She whispered to her mom before she went to the seats spread out over the blue carpet and sat down.
The funeral home smelled like chemicals, the stuff that made flesh not decay so fast…formaldehyde, she thought it was called. It also smelled like bleach and other chemicals, like they tried to mask the real scent by cleaning with stronger stuff, but nothing was stronger than formaldehyde.
Arielle sat down, rocking back and forth. She still couldn’t believe this had happened. That it was real. She braved a glance at Dad in the open coffin, who looked like he could sit up at any minute and start talking, which spoke volumes for the makeup artists at the funeral home. It was also deceiving for the family. A sense of false hope that this all might be a big, cruel, horrible joke and Dad would wake up. It didn’t matter. The facts were simple and they all pointed to one truth: he would never be coming back.
Jess grabbed her hand and Arielle linked her fingers with her friend’s, holding on for dear life.
The services started soon after. The funeral home was packed and there weren’t enough chairs for all the people who had showed up. A lot of people from school came, most weren’t even her friends but they came to support her anyway, so she put their faces in her memory so when this all faded she could thank them.
She listened as the priest quoted Bible verses and played special country music her Dad had loved. She sat there while people walked to the podium and spoke of her dad, but she didn’t get up yet. She couldn’t. But she had to. She’d prepared something special she’d written for her dad and she had to share it.
When she stood, everybody watched her walk up to the podium. She adjusted the microphone. “First, I want to say thank you to everyone who came to support our family today. This is such a hard time, but with your support I know we can get through it.” She paused, swallowing around the ball in her throat. “I prepared a poem I wrote for Dad. I want to read it for him as my last goodbye.”
She cleared her throat and set the paper on the podium, straightening it. She stared at it, then started to read.
“Memories. There are so many memories that will never go away. There are so many things that I never got to say. There are so many times that I wish you were here. Many times I’m afraid, but I realize there’s nothing to fear. I will always remember the father you were. Through bad times and good, I’ll remember, as I should. Even though you are gone, I will never let you go. And all these memories are what I have to show.”
When she finished, she looked up and met the eyes of the crying audience. Tears were streaming down her face too. Why had she read the poem? She knew she’d have a hard time, and she hated crying in front of anyone. But it didn’t matter. It was for her dad. And as she descended the stairs and took her seat, she sat a little taller.
But next came the burial. When the coffin was lowered into the open grave, Arielle lost it again. It all hit her: this was real. Dad wouldn’t be coming home this time.
She sobbed, not caring if anyone could hear the rest of the Bible verses the priest had saved for this moment. She sobbed louder when everyone shoveled one sweep of dirt onto the coffin, which was tradition and their way to say goodbye, but she couldn’t take it.
Dad wasn’t ever going to walk through the front door again, a big smile on his face. He would never take her fishing again, giving her one of his deep and meaningful talks. Never would she feel his warm embrace when she needed one of the best hugs in the world. She would miss his famous McDonald’s dinners and the sound of his goofy laugh ringing through the house most of all.
He was dead, the most final end there was.
The worst part was, the person she cared about, the one she loved, never even showed up. Blake didn’t come to support her. He didn’t come to say goodbye to her dad. He didn’t even come to say “screw you” to her.
The most sting-worthy part, though…he hadn’t even had the decency to call and tell her he couldn’t make it.
Her heart sunk to the floor and as she walked to Mom’s car, she kicked it right along with herself, knowing deep down she might never get over this loss. As she opened the car door, her legs gave out and she fell into the backseat. Reed closed the door for her as he slid into the passenger seat. Her ears rang as Mom sat in the driver seat, but when she started the car, it was like the engine screamed and Arielle couldn’t hear anything else. Nothing would ever be the same after today. Every part inside of her hurt so much she couldn’t imagine a day when it wouldn’t.
A piece of her heart had been torn off, like the corner of a piece of notebook paper, and there was a constant ache where that part was missing. One day, maybe it would fade, but she had a feeling it would be there until the day she died.
She’d figured something out, though. Blake would never again be a part of her life. They were done. For good. No way could Arielle ever forgive him for not showing up. Maybe that wasn’t fair…and it probably wasn’t. He’d been with his dad, surely, and couldn’t get away. But it didn’t matter. She’d needed him for this. And he never showed up.
Chapter 22
Renewed Friendships
Arielle tried to move on from the devastating day, but it wasn’t easy. With Dad gone, her heart was broken. Blake hadn’t contacted her once since the funeral either. Sure, she’d made up her mind—it wasn’t worth it any longer—but it would have been nice if he’d called. At least tried to explain himself.
But he hadn’t.
Arielle got a part-time job at a grocery store and gave Mom as much money as she could to help with things. Dad hadn’t had any life insurance, so Mom was having a hard time with bills being on her own.
Reed also got a job to help because Mom…well, she wasn’t doing well.
In fact, she was doing the opposite of well. She’d started drinking after Dad died and hadn’t stopped. Everything was a mess and Arielle didn’t know how to help.
One day after school, she came home and found Mom sleeping on the couch. She shook her to try to wake her, and she didn’t move. Arielle started crying, thinking the worst, and Mom opened her eyes.
Arielle breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God you’re okay.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I was sleeping.”
“Mom, let’s go do something today. Want to go see a movie?”
Mom shook her head and rolled over on the couch. “No. I want to lie here.”
Arielle couldn’t take it, so she went to Jess’s house. When Jess answered the door, she wrapped her arms around Arielle and walked her up to her room. “It will get better.”
Arielle sighed. “I don’t think it will, Jess. I don’t think my mom is going to come back from this.”
“She will. Give her time.”
The rest of the afternoon, they watched a movie in Jess’s room and talked about nothing in particular. When Arielle was about to walk home, Jess stopped her. “Why don’t you stay the night? It’s been forever since we had a sleepover.”
Arielle accepted. She fell asleep fast, but woke up in the middle of the night, sweating and hot from the nightmare she’d had, so she walked outside.
The first thing she smelled was the fresh, cool air. She wrapped her hands around her arms in front of her chest and walked to the end of the driveway. The house across the street had the garage door open and a light on.
Music played from inside, so she walked across the street. Maybe she shouldn’t have. Maybe it had been dangerous, and a small part of her might have deduced the bad things that could happen, but it didn’t stop her from continuing forward until she stood in front of the garage, leaning a
gainst the side of the house.
She stared with her jaw hanging open for a few moments, watching a guy sitting on a chair, playing a flashy red electric guitar. He had dark brown hair, almost bald on the sides and spiked down the middle so high it looked like it might touch the ceiling. It also had blue streaks in it and she kind of liked it, even though it was something she hated on most people. Except Jess.
He had a bit of stubble on his chin, as if he’d shaved recently. He had larger than life eyes, so brown they reminded of her of dark chocolate. His face was full of passion as he played the guitar and it sounded amazing. Arielle clapped when he finished.
He jerked his head to the doorway. “Who the hell are you?”
“Arielle.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Heard the music and thought I would check it out.”
He raised his chin and widened his eyes. “Do you make it a practice to wander onto other people’s property?”
“Not in the least. If I’m bothering you, I’ll go…” She turned and began the walk back to Jess’s house.
“Wait. It’s okay. Stay.”
She turned back around and stepped into the lit garage, pulling up a chair from the corner. It had cobwebs on the bottom, so she wiped them away before sitting on it. The last thing she needed was a spider crawling on her. She shivered. She hated spiders.
“So, what’s a pretty girl like you doing standing outside of some guy’s house at three in the morning?”
Arielle shrugged again. “What’s a cute guy like you doing sitting in your garage at three in the morning?”
He grinned, pointing at her with his free hand. “You got me. I’m working on a new song. Trying to get it right.”
“I think it sounded…out of this world.” Arielle’s face got hot. She didn’t know where her boldness came from, but she kind of liked it. It made her feel more alive than she had in a long time.
“Just wait. You haven’t heard me sing yet. Do you mind?”
Crush: A YA Romance Collection Page 90