Crush: A YA Romance Collection

by Lavinia Leigh

  She shakes her head. “Don’t be a Meredith. Don’t be stupid enough to think you’re the one who will change him, make him a better guy. You can’t.”

  “She’s nothing like Meredith,” Toby says. I can’t help noticing that he’s willing to defend me, but not himself.

  Tori ignores him, choosing to focus on me. “The only thing I have over Toby is that I can commit to someone. You may think I only like Ryder because he’s hot, but that’s not the only reason I’m with him. He gets me. He doesn’t try to change me, and he doesn’t care when I fly off the handle about things. He lets me be myself, and he likes me anyway.”

  “Did you ever think Ryder was the relationship type?”

  “I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when this started. I just wanted to hook up with my brother’s hot friend.”

  “So why couldn’t I hook up with your hot friend?” Toby asks. His tone isn’t demanding at all. It’s full of genuine curiosity.

  “Because she’s my friend. Because you’ll hurt her the way you hurt Meredith, and I’ll lose her like I lost Allison. Everyone who’s ever been friends with both of us has chosen you in the end. You’re the better twin, and I’m left by myself. First Allison and then Meredith. But I’ll be damned if I let you take Becca from me too.”

  Meredith? When was she ever friends with Meredith? “Tori, what are you talking about? You and Meredith have always hated each other.”

  “No, they haven’t,” Toby says, but Tori holds her hand up.

  “Don’t! You don’t get to talk about this. You don’t get to spill my secrets after you’ve been keeping this from me.” I’ve never seen her this worked up. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. Her body shakes as tears stream down her cheeks.

  “Tori, calm down. It’s okay. You’re not going to lose me. I promise. You’re my best friend.”

  “I’m not anymore. He is. You’re always with him, studying—or at least that’s what I thought. When do we ever see each other anymore?”

  “I’m sorry. I know we haven’t hung out as much lately, but you’ve been with Ryder too. It’s not all me.”

  Toby steps toward us. “Tell her about Meredith, Tori. She deserves to know.”

  She pulls away from me and glares at him. “Fine. You want to bring up the past? Unleash those demons? Why don’t you tell her? Tell her how you stole another one of my friends. Tell her why I asked you to stay away from my friends. Or are you afraid she won’t want to hang out with you anymore?”

  I turn to him, wondering how bad this can actually be. “What happened? When were Meredith and Tori ever friends?”

  He looks down at his sneakers and sighs. “It was the summer before ninth grade. You and your parents went to Aruba, remember?”

  I nod. My dad had a business opportunity down there, and Mom jumped at the chance to spend the summer on an island.

  “Well, Tori ran into Meredith at the mall. Meredith said her summer was boring and asked Tori to hang out. She even promised to introduce Tori to her other friends.”

  The popular crowd. My God, Tori actually wanted to be in the popular crowd. Just like she wants to now that she’s with Ryder. I replay our conversations in my mind. The comments about those girls who kept calling her looking for Toby—they make sense now.

  “Wait.” I turn to Tori. “Those girls that called for Toby. They didn’t dial you by accident. They had your number from that summer. They were calling you to get information about him.”

  “Like I’d give it to them after what they did.” She shakes her head, and tears fill her eyes again.

  I turn back to Toby. “What happened?”

  “Meredith and Tori hung out all summer with some of the other girls. But they always wanted to hang out here instead of at anyone else’s house.”

  “Because they all fell for my perfect brother,” Tori spits out.

  Toby’s gaze pleads with me. “I didn’t do anything. I talked to them because they were here. I never called any of them. I never asked any of them out.”

  “You didn’t need to. You walked around here with your shirt off half the time. That was enough.”

  “You can’t blame him for that. It was summer. You have a pool.” I reach for her arm, but she pulls away.

  “I guess you wouldn’t understand since you fell for him too.”

  “That’s not why. It has nothing to do with what he looks like.” Well, not completely. “I’ve tried to tell you this. I’ve known him all my life. Toby’s a great person.”

  “Yeah, so great that Meredith and her friends decided he was the one they wanted to hang out with. Him. They would call me and ask for him. They’d come over and ask him to go to the movies. By the time school started, they didn’t talk to me anymore. Only him. Everyone chooses him—the better twin.”

  “That’s awful, but don’t you see? That’s their fault. They were stupid for letting you go.”

  She wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Just shut up, okay? I can’t listen to you defend him. It’s obvious you’d rather be with him, so go.”

  “You’re my best friend.”

  “No, I’m not. You don’t keep something like this from your best friend.” Her arms flail again and I step back. “You don’t date your best friend’s brother when you know it’s the one thing she doesn’t want you to do. And you don’t lie about it for—how long has this been going on? You said it was before Meredith. How far before?”

  “It’s not like that. This isn’t just a crush. We didn’t want to tell you right away because we wanted to make sure there was something between us, something worth—”

  “Ruining our friendship for?” she screams in my face.

  “I thought our friendship would be strong enough to withstand this. I thought as my best friend you’d understand that I fell for someone. I love him, Tori. I love him. I wouldn’t have risked our relationship if I didn’t feel this strongly.”

  “You…” Her breath is uneven, raspy. She shakes her head. “You can’t love him.” The word love is strained, like it’s difficult to say.

  “I do.” I step toward her, hoping that the words will sink in, make her understand.

  “I love her too.” Toby stands next to me, but as soon as he does, Tori’s eyes dart back and forth between us.

  “No.”

  “Please.” I reach for her hand, but she jerks away.

  “Don’t. Don’t touch me.” Her eyes fall on Toby’s and then mine. “Either of you. We’re done. Leave me alone. For good.” She rushes for the door, struggling with the doorknob. I try to go after her, but Toby holds me back.

  “Let her go.”

  “No, I can’t.” Tears stream down my cheeks. “She’s my best friend.”

  The door slams shut. She’s gone.

  “Tori.” Her name is like an echo, a memory.

  “She needs time. If you go after her now, it will only make this worse.”

  “I ruined everything. Our friendship, her party. What was I thinking? I should’ve told her when I first had feelings for you.”

  He pulls me to him. “If you had, we wouldn’t be together right now. She would’ve gotten angry, and you would’ve hidden your feelings from me.”

  Is that true? Would Tori have stood between us? Probably. “I don’t think I would’ve been able to hide my feelings for you. Even if she told me I couldn’t like you, I still would’ve kissed you that night in your room. You can’t just turn off feelings, no matter how much you might want to.”

  “I know. I think deep down, she knows it too. You just have to give her time.”

  Time. Just like Kim Kwan had to give her sister-in-law time. I don’t want to lose Tori for years.

  “She wasn’t wrong. She and I are like sisters, and I betrayed her.”

  “Don’t say that. If you two are like sisters, it makes our relationship really weird and complicated.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Sorry.
I was just trying to lighten the mood.” He rubs my arm. “I don’t want to see you like this. I know we both screwed up, but if Tori’s really your best friend, she should want you to be happy, even if it’s with me.”

  I agree, but after what I’ve done, I’m in no position to go making demands of Tori right now. I have to hope that she comes to this conclusion on her own. That she sees losing our friendship over this silly rule of hers isn’t worth it. But I know Tori. I know how much she hates to be wrong. How much she stands her ground. I’m not sure she’ll ever get over this.

  Chapter 25

  I try calling Tori sixteen times on Sunday. She never came out of her room after she caught Toby and me kissing. She missed the rest of her party. All because of me. Her voice mail beeps, and I leave message number seventeen.

  “Tori, please talk to me. Let me explain. I don’t want to do this over your voice mail. I need you to talk to me. I need my best friend back. Please.” I don’t know what else to say that I haven’t already, so I hang up.

  Mom knocks on my open door. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” I stare at my phone in my hands.

  “She still won’t talk to you?”

  I broke down and cried to Mom last night, so she knows the whole story. She knows I’m with Toby. She knows I’m a crappy best friend. She sits down on my bed and pats my knee. “I’ll take your silence as a no.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I’m just…” I shrug. There are no words for how I feel right now.

  “I know. Have you talked to Toby?”

  “Not really. He called this morning to check on me, but that was it. We didn’t think we should hang out today.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. I imagine Tori needs some time to process all this.”

  I look at Mom. She’s the most caring and loyal person I know. “You must be so disappointed in me.”

  She sighs and shakes her head. “I think you should’ve told Tori how you were feeling, but I don’t blame you for liking Toby. We can’t help who we fall in love with.”

  I never mentioned anything about love. “How—?”

  She holds up her hand. “I was seventeen once too. I remember what it’s like.”

  “It’s not fair. I love Tori. She’s the greatest friend ever, but she never would’ve let me date Toby. She would’ve forbidden me from seeing him. And then what? I really would’ve had to choose between them.”

  “Have you told her that?”

  “How can I?” I stare at my phone again. “She won’t answer any of my calls.”

  “Keep trying. You have to show her how upset you are. Let her see she isn’t the only one hurting right now.”

  I nod. “Can I skip school tomorrow?”

  She narrows her eyes. “Why would you do that? That’s the one place she can’t avoid you.”

  I didn’t think of it like that, but it’s true. I know Tori’s schedule. Even if she tries to avoid me, she can’t. I can stay two steps ahead of her, even if it means I’m late to every class and have to spend the week in detention. Toby will be there anyway after his little trip to the girls’ room to see me.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Any time, sweetie. I wish I could do more for you. I hate seeing you so upset.”

  “I’ll be okay.” Somehow, I’ll make Tori listen to me. After that, I just have to hope she’ll forgive me.

  Monday morning can’t come soon enough. I wake up an hour early and don’t even try falling back to sleep. I know it’s pointless. I’m too wired. I get ready and head to Tori’s favorite coffee shop to buy her a large mocha coffee and a hazelnut scone. I’m the first student in the parking lot, and I’ve beaten most of the teachers to school too. I head right to Tori’s locker and wait.

  Thirty minutes later, the first students trickle into the hallways. Everyone’s talking about Tori’s party. That and the massive blowout between Tori, Toby, and me. Apparently some people had migrated upstairs and caught the tail end of our argument. They were nosy enough to tell everyone else. I get several looks from students passing by Tori’s locker.

  Finally, Tori and Ryder walk my way. Tori’s face turns every shade of purple when she sees me. She starts to turn away, but Ryder takes her arm and pulls her toward me. She’ll give him hell for that later, I’m sure.

  “Let go of me, Ryder.”

  “Just talk to her. You’re going to be miserable if you don’t, and then I’ll be miserable too. End it.” He turns her shoulders so she’s facing me head on.

  “Tori, please. I really need to talk to you.”

  She crosses her arms and glares at me. “Do you really think I give a shit what you need? My best friend and brother stabbed me in the back. I don’t really have anything left in me to care what you need right now. Or ever again.”

  “Please, don’t say that. I know I was wrong. I can’t apologize enough, but I don’t want to lose you. You’re too important to me. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. This isn’t a you versus Toby thing. I want you both in my life.”

  “Again, I don’t care what you want.” She turns her head, refusing to look at me.

  “Technically, you said you didn’t care what she needed before, so—” Ryder shuts up the second Tori turns and glares at him. “Sorry.”

  “Ryder, could you give us a minute, please?”

  Tori’s head snaps in my direction. “Oh, now you think you can order my boyfriend around?”

  “No, I just—”

  “Stay, Ryder.” Tori’s voice is commanding, and she doesn’t take her eyes off me.

  “Look, this doesn’t involve me. Toby’s my friend and you’re my girlfriend, so I don’t want to get in the middle. I’ll see you later.” He walks off, leaving Tori gaping after him.

  “Now look what you’ve done. My God, how many other ways can you ruin my life?”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you, but Ryder’s right. He’s friends with Toby and he’s your boyfriend. Don’t you see? It’s no different for me and Toby. I’m your friend and his girlfriend.”

  She scoffs. “You seem so sure he’s the boyfriend type.”

  “Because he is. He’s been great, Tori. He even wrote me a song to ask me to be his girlfriend.”

  Her face twists in disgust. “That stupid song he’s been working on so much, the one he would only play behind closed doors, that was for you?”

  I nod. “I told you this isn’t just some crush. I wouldn’t risk our friendship for a stupid crush.”

  “No, you risked it for a song.”

  How can I make her see how serious this is? “Can’t we all just hang out? You could see us together, and then you’ll understand. You hung out with Toby and Meredith, and you hate Meredith.”

  “Well, then I guess it would seem like I could hang out with you too, since you’re no better than her, but I can’t.”

  Ouch. She knew exactly how much that comment would cut me. “I never chose him over you.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Tori—”

  “Have you ever lied to him? Have you snuck around behind his back?”

  “No.”

  “Then you made your choice.” She turns and starts for her class, giving up on the idea of using her locker since I’m blocking it. I keep in step with her, no matter how fast she tries to walk.

  “I said I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”

  Her classroom is two doors away. She stops and stares at me. I jolt to a stop, almost spilling the coffee down the front of my shirt.

  “I got you something.”

  “You think that’s enough to make me forgive you?” She motions to the bag and coffee in my hands. “Cold coffee and a scone?”

  “No, but I was hoping it could be a start. I know I jeopardized your trust, but—”

  “No, you destroyed it. There’s none left. End of story.”

  “Then at least give me a chance to earn it back.”

  “Why? Because you’re such a good fr
iend?”

  “Yes. I am. I’ve never hurt you before. I screwed up. I get that, but this is the only time I’ve messed up. That has to count for something.”

  “Yeah. It means that when you fuck up, you go all out.” She turns and dodges inside her classroom before I can respond.

  “That was fun to watch,” Meredith says.

  I turn to face her. “Get out of here.”

  She smiles and walks off. Why is she so happy? With everyone knowing Toby and I are together she must be getting some crap for being replaced so quickly—that is if people haven’t already figured out that Toby and I have been together for a while, including the time he was supposed to be with her.

  “You don’t fool me, Meredith,” I call down the hall to her.

  She stops and turns. “Excuse me?” There’s nothing polite about the way she says it.

  “You can pretend you think my misery is funny, but I know I’m not the only one suffering here. Everyone knows about Toby and me, so what does that mean for you?”

  There’s a crowd forming around us. First the show with Tori and now this. I’m becoming the biggest source of entertainment at Lansfield High.

  “This isn’t over. Just know that.” She turns and walks away, holding her head high. She’s got something up her sleeve. Things are going to get ugly very quickly.

  By lunch, I find out Tori went home sick. Sick of me is more like it. I cornered her after every class, and finally she stormed out of the building. I drove her off. Toby and I walk into the cafeteria and look for an empty table. Even with Tori gone for the day, we know we won’t be welcome at Toby’s usual table. Between the people who took Meredith’s side after the breakup and the people who are taking Tori’s side in our fight, we’re both left out in the cold. Literally. We sit outside.

  “The rest of junior year should be a blast,” I say, picking up my slice of pizza, which is already cold from the breeze.

  “It can’t stay this way. It’s only the first day back after the party. Things will get better.”

  I never knew he was such an optimist. Or maybe he’s just trying to put on a brave face for my sake. Either way, I’m not convinced.