by Laine Watson
“Fuck you, ug’glass!” he snarled, leaning in towards me. “Just cuz you light skin don’t mean you fine. You should even be happy I talked to you.”
“I should be happy you talked to me?” I spat back nervously and angrily. “I didn’t want you to talk to me. I wish you hadn’t. Now get out of my fucking way.” I finally pushed through and past the guy. Dan grabbed my ass through my dress quickly, and I snatched myself away from him as he laughed, mocking me. It seemed as if he had gotten away with something and there was nothing I could do about it. I turned around to them.
“I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME!” I yelled, fighting back my tears.
“Shut up, big tittie hoe!” the last boy laughed. They had already been laughing about Dan grabbing my ass. There they came: ugly hoe, big tittie bitch, stuck-up, slut, cunt, dick-suckin’ hoe. My emotional tattoos slid sickeningly over my body. I couldn’t keep my composure.
“Fuck you! You fucking losers!” I said, preparing to stomp off.
“Oh, you called us losers. I’m so offended.” Dan smirked arrogantly. “Suck my dick bitch!” Those words were branded onto my skin. They laughed, taunting me. I was used to it, but it didn’t get easier.
It was different in high school, when people said things in passing, because I had Jack to protect me. It was different at Dodges, where nobody talked to me. There were only a few guys who said things like that to me, and they said them among themselves a lot, but that was fine. But this was happening in public, and nobody cared, and I couldn’t get to Jack. That’s how people talked to me in public and at parties sometimes. Did I just look like I was a prostitute or somebody who didn’t deserve respect?
“Eat my ass, you nasty dick motherfucker!” I scoffed.
“Well, bend over, bitch!” he snarled, and I wanted to cry.
“Fuck you!” I said as I tried not to grab my throbbing crotch as the panic set in
“Hey, what the fuck?” The guy from school frowned, joining the little circle.
“Pat,” Dan replied, looking him over. “This your girl?” Pat glanced at me, completely clueless and defensive, and he stepped over by me.
“Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?” he asked them.
“My bad, no disrespect Pat. She the one out here talking like she a nigga,” the last guy said. Carlos had said nothing. He was the only one of them who seemed to be genuinely interested in me. I couldn’t believe that “Pat” was talking to me. He didn’t at school and I had passed by him many times. He was standing close to me, and he almost had his arm around me.
“That’s cuz she could whoop all y’all.” He laughed.
“Ah, you a lie man, Pat,” Dan said as they all bro hand shook and walked away from us.
Carlos walked up to us last. No one apologized. It was like it didn’t happen, everyone was cool. And then Carlos turned to me.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Lady. I was just tryna see what yo name was…” Carlos explained to me before he looked over at Pat. “My bad, Pat.” He walked away.
“Thank you,” I said awkwardly. I didn’t want to look at him because he was really hot. Not Jack hot, just noticeably hot.
“It’s cool. I’m Patrick,” he said kindly. I looked over at him. He smiled.
“Katie…” I smirked. “Are those your friends?” I was trying to carry a conversation while I thought about being fucked by Jack, hoping he could take all the ugly away.
“Nah, not really, but I do know them,” he replied.
“They seem to like you,” I pointed out.
“Nah, they just, kids…” he shook his head.
“Oh…”
“They’re still in high school,” he explained.
“That doesn’t make it better,” I said.
“Yeah…they just don’t know how to treat someone as beautiful as you,” he said, “You make’em a little on edge. But…” he said, looking into my face, “I was wondering…”
“I’m here with my boyfriend,” I cut in, hoping that he didn’t have any new things to add on my already dirty skin, “And that doesn’t excuse them talking to me like that.”
He smirked. “They’on know how to talk to nobody, fuck them.” He smiled endearingly at me.
I actually smiled back, “I still have a boyfriend though.”
“That’s a shame, cuz I know how to treat a woman. He obviously doesn’t. He wouldn’t have let this shit go down if he did,” he said. I bowed my head. He didn’t lessen the feeling that I had, though I thought it would. He was handsome, and he was being nice to me. But I still wanted Jack. I gulped and tried to keep my hands to my side. It took everything inside of me not to cry and grab my vagina. I smiled awkwardly.
“Well, I was just going to the bathroom,” I mumbled just as awkwardly as my smile.
“Go, head. It’s safe,” he assured me with a smile. My body was on fire. Even though he was really cute, I couldn’t wait to get away from him.
“Thanks.” I smiled, making a beeline to the bathroom. I could feel him watching me as I walked away, as he stood with his hands in his pockets. The bathroom was around the corner in a hidden area off from the rest of the arcade. I walked down the hall and turned the corner,
I opened the doors to the bathroom with a whoosh, and I couldn’t hold it together any longer. I moaned as I pressed my body against the other side of the door. The words flowed across my my skin, flooding my mind and reminding me the distorted things that had begun to warp my mind. Nobody wanted me, that everything was just a lie, and the only person in the whole world who even liked me for me was Jack. My hand traveled from the wooden door to my vagina.
“Jack…” I cried. I pulled my phone out of the middle of my bra and dialed Jack’s number. I swallowed, trying to fix my voice, so that I didn’t sound like I was crying.
“Hello?” Jack said like, “you’re upstairs, why are you calling me?”
“Jack…?” I replied, breathy. He had been laughing, but he stopped at the strangled sound of my voice.
“Hot Rod? What’s wrong?” I imagine that he stood up, his smile leaving his face given the tone of my voice.
“Can you please come upstairs?” I asked. He didn’t question the request. I’m sure, knowing my brother, Jack didn’t just get to leave the group.
“Where you going?” I heard Trey asked as I pictured Jack pulling his almost-baggy pants up.
“Hot Rod, man. She want me to come upstairs,” Jack explained.
“For what?” Trey wanted to know.
“I don’t know. She prob’ly wanna do something up there. It’s like a whole other floor of games and shit,” Jack said.
“Oh, okay,” Trey accepted the explanation with a shrug and turned back to the conversation, and Jack said he was headed up the stairs.
I rubbed the back of my head against the door and sobbed. I felt so helpless. I couldn’t control me, and I couldn’t even help me. It was like when I looked down at my skin, all I saw were those words, not just the words they said, but everything that anyone had ever said about my body, about my breasts, how many times they’ve called me a big tittie bitch, a big head bitch, ugly, big forehead-having, slut, hoe, whore, cunt. Everything from Dodges, everything from college…everything. And there was only one thing that could make it all go away. Jack called me. I got myself together enough to answer the phone.
“Jack?” I said, out of breath.
“Where are you?” he asked.
“In the bathroom.”
“Okay,” he replied and ended the call.
I remembered that I had to pee. As I made my way to a stall, I looked around me. There was a baby changing station on the wall ahead of the door, and a chipped sink to the left of it. The fluorescent overhead lighting glinted off of the metallic trash can and paper towel holder next to it. A dinged-up wooden chair sat in the corner. I peed, flushed, and washed my hands. Pulling out a wad of paper towels, I dried my hands.
A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door. I opened it swiftly, and gulped. Jack
stood there, frowning in confusion. I reached out, grabbing him by the wrist and I pulled Jack in the women’s bathroom. Or what I thought was the women’s bathroom; it was actually a family bathroom, but to be honest, I didn’t care either way.
“Hot Rod, what the fuck?” Jack asked in confusion and disbelief as I pushed him up against the door. My hand slipped past Jack, locking the round, silver mechanism. Jack looked at me as if I were crazy.
“Jack…I need you to…to…” I swallowed. My mouth was dry, and I was breathing heavily. “Jack… fuck me. Okay…” I was anxious, defeated, needy, and helpless.
“Seriously?” Jack said, his eyes wide.
“Yes…now,” I demanded. Jack looked at me.
“This is kinda hot…” he smirked, jiggling his pants open.
“Jack…now,” I begged, taking off my panties.
“Damn…” Jack said, rubbing his already erect penis in his hand. He moved me from the door to the wall, and pushed his penis inside of me. I wasn’t as wet as I needed to be, and it hurt, badly. I moaned out at the friction. Jack moved slowly, thrusting gently and pushing me against the wall. His hand moved to my breast, toying with the nipple through my dress. His mouth was against the back of my neck, his breath hot against my neck. As he thrust, I felt myself get slick.
Jack moaned against my neck, his movements quickening as he felt me begin to release. I panted. My skin felt hot as he began to fuck all that horrible away. He pulled out, turning me, then thrust in again, his hand tangled in my hair as my body was slammed against the wall. When he looked into my eyes, the connection was more than just a sexual one. It was emotional, spiritual, physical, mental. It was everything you could ever feel with a person, and everything that I ever needed.
He kissed me while he pounded all of my darkness away. I felt his teeth graze my lip. The heat upon us made us sweat with adrenaline and utter attraction. My eyes rolled back in my head as I started to orgasm, the walls of my vagina spasming around Jack.
“Jack,” I whispered just as if I had my little blue friend, but it wasn’t. It was the real thing, and it was way better than any masturbating or toy could ever be because it was Jack. It was his groans, his lips, his voice, his hands holding my hips underneath the floral part of my dress. It was his cock inside of me, with every vaginal contraction surrounding it and making it harder for him to last too much longer. And he couldn’t, as he grunted, his hands pushed further onto my hips. It hurt, and I knew he was coming. It hurt, how tightly he was grasping my hips and sides with his hands. He held me against that wall, his hands letting me down to the ground slowly as he took them away from my waist. His body pressed mine up against the wall as he stayed inside of me.
I panted heavily as I looked up at him. His hair was a little wet with sweat, his skin glistening like mine with that same sweat. I looked into his eyes and smiled. He grinned back.
“Thank you…” I sighed.
“For fucking you?” He frowned and smiled at the same time.
“Mh-huh.” I nodded.
“Was this entirely necessary?” he asked, taking a breath.
“Yes…” I insisted.
“You couldn’t wait ‘til we got home?”
“No.” I shook my head and beamed at him. I felt clean and so happy that Jack was Jack.
Chapter Eight: I Like Dirt
Jack had been spending most nights at my house, but I think he was growing weary of being over there and surrounded by my explosion of pink. Trey had been staying at Jack’s house since we hadn’t been there. By now, fall was in full bloom, and I found that waking up to Jack was better than I thought it ever could be. I opened my eyes to see his pale face and rail-thin body lying next to mine. I smiled. He was still fast asleep, his breathing soft and slow.
“Jack,” I called.
“What?” he mumbled sleepily, sitting up like he hadn’t been sleeping.
“Wake up,” I said.
“I am up,” he grumbled.
“Oh, okay,” I teased.
“Damn, what time is it?” he asked, rubbing his eyes and stretching.
“I don’t know.” I smiled.
“Your bed’s uncomfortable as fuck. And small as hell,” he complained. “We stayin at my house from now on.” That was Jack. He said things, and he meant them. You could either dispute it, or be okay with it. I rolled my eyes. He stood up, stretched some more. “Let’s go.”
“What?” I asked.
“Let’s go,” Jack repeated, looking at me. I had on a small tank top that showed most of my midriff and a pair of tiny shorts.
“Damn...Hot Rod,” he said as he touched my arms. They were all bruised up. He ran his hands across the fading bruises on my hips and sides of my waist, as I looked down and noticed them for the first time. I sort of liked them. They didn’t hurt. They only hurt when he made them, but it also let me know, and I’ve said this a few times, that Jack was there, and that he was real. You don’t know how important that was. I stared at him innocently, and he at me.
“Com’on let’s go.” He nodded once. It was sexy to me. I don’t know if he tried to be, or if it was mt natural attraction to him.
“Where?” I asked.
“To my house,” Jack replied.
“Why? Why can’t we hang out here?” I wanted to know.
“Cuz, yo friend a fucking thirsty-ass bitch,” Jack told me.
“What? Becs?” I asked.
“Becs.” He laughed. “Yeah. That bitch.” Jack smirked.
“How is she thirsty?” I asked.
“Cuz she always tryna get a handout,” Jack explained.
“OFWHAT?” I frowned.
“Oh my gawd, Hot Rod,” he said, walking over to me. “Okay, so some girls like to fuck cuz they like to fuck. Like you.” I rolled my eyes.
“You have hoes, who get off on pain and shit. Then you have the selling-pussy bitches. That would be your bitch-ass friend,” he explained.
“Did you guys have sex or something?” I asked. He looked at me with telling eyes. My stomach dropped. I in theory knew that was a yes. I turned away from him and forcefully got up. He snatched me back to him.
“Nah, I ain’t fuck her! She just sucked my dick,” He explained.
“Oh, my gawd, I’m so stupid. That’s why she doesn’t want me to be with you,” I yelled in exasperation. That was not why she didn’t want me to be with him.
“What?” Jack asked me.
“Ya’ll act like ya’ll don’t even remember each other,” I said.
“What?” he exclaimed.
“She gave us a ride home, remember? Her and her friends, when we got stuck up here back in ninth grade,” I reminded him.
“I know what you talkin about…and she know, too. She just acting like that cuz, you know.” Jack shrugged.
“Wait. I’ll be right back,” I snapped, pushing my door open forcefully and stomping up the steps to Becs’ room. I should have knocked on the door. She would have knocked on mine.
“Damn, you can’t knock?” she said. She was holding a rolled bill in her hand. I froze.
“W-what are you doing?” I asked.
“Snorting. What the fuck it look like I’m doing?” she asked and held down one of her nostrils. She put her other nostril on the top of the rolled bill, and sniffed hard as she leaned down. When she was done, she looked at me.
“You fucked Jack?” I asked. I don’t know why I asked her that. Jack had clearly said he had not. She sat up and sighed.
“All that shit like you didn’t remember him. Like you knew him from hanging out with Dylan,” I said accusingly.
“I forgot,” she said.
“No, you didn’t!” I insisted accusingly. She rolled her eyes. She sniffed again.
“Look, Katie. I’m sorry. We didn’t fuck. Yes, I sucked his dick,” she admitted. “I mean, he got a big dick, and that was just so I could get some coke. I don’t give a damn about him. That was like…two years ago, or shit, maybe three.”
“Then,
why did you do it?” I asked.
“I just told you; I wanted to get high. But I ain’t lie to you, he is a fucking crackhead. I don’t care who he used to be, that’s not who he is no more,” she said, looking at me lethargically. “And I see he waited ‘til after he fucked you to tell you that.” She pursed her lips and shook her head. I rolled my eyes and left her room, slamming her door.
“Don’t slam my door, bitch!” she yelled.
“Fuck you!” I screamed, heading down the hall toward the steps. I heard her laugh through the closed door.
Jack was standing on the landing. I didn’t want to talk to him. He was standing there all humble, like he hadn’t done shit, but he was a lie. I ignored him as I walked down the stairs and opened the door and walked out, closing the door behind me. I walked to his car and stood by the passenger-side door. Jack opened the front door and closed it. He walked over to me.
“You mad at me for some shit that happened hellas ago?” he asked. I turned the other way and ignored him more purposefully.
“So, you ain’t fucked nobody?” he went on.
“I fucked a buncha niggas,” I said with an attitude, still not looking at him.
“I bet you ain’t fuck one dude,” he said, pursing his lips. I pursed my lips and turned the other way with my arms folded.
“Hot Rod, stop fucking playing with me. Get your ass in the car,” he ordered.
I pretended like I didn’t hear him. He grabbed me off the passenger door, opened it, and shoved me in.
“Stop…” I said, rolling my eyes. He slammed the door shut.
Same old Jack. You don’t do what he wants you to do, he’s just going to make you. Regular Taurus. Just like my grandmother. Stubborn as fuck. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. That’ll show him. He got in the car.
“…Fuck you mad about?” Jack asked, slamming the car door.
“Cuz you just fucking everybody, but then gone tell me I can’t fuck nobody.” I rolled my eyes. He started the car.
“I ain’t fucking nobody! And you said you ain’t wanna fuck nobody. So, now you do? Now you ‘bout to start selling your pussy, too?” he asked, heated.
“Yup. Can’t wait to,” I said, cocking my head left and right.