by Laine Watson
All the things that anyone had ever said to me about him and this ran through my head. There it was, the enemy of man. Maybe I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t. He seemed harmless, calm, and more like himself.
It can’t be as bad as they warned, Right?
Chapter Eighteen: My Jack
Days passed, and I hadn’t said anything to Jack about the other night. He was back to his homeboy ways.
“Yo. What up, Money?” Trey said, walking over to Jack, who was standing next to my car. We had been talking about going over Drew’s house. I had only ever been there a few times. I did not enjoy it, but it was one of his favorite places to go. I was quickly beginning to realize that.
“What up, Trey?” Jack said, giving Trey a bro handshake.
“What’ch’all bout to get into?” Trey asked.
“You know, bout to ride through and see what up with Drew.” Jack smiled.
Trey stepped back and looked at me.
“You takin Katie?” Trey asked suspiciously.
“Yeah.” Jack shrugged. It was clear Trey knew something that I didn’t about Drew’s house. Trey looked at me again. It looked like he wanted to say something, though he didn’t.
“A’ight man. Holla at me later, pimpin’,” Trey said. They shared another handshake, and Trey walked back to Jiggs house.
“You ready?” Jack asked, looking back at me. I nodded. I closed my car doors, and we got in Jack’s car.
We drove from East Reedsville to West Reedsville; the other side of the tracks, if you wanted to call it. We turned into the trailer park where Drew lived. Jack parked in the visitor parking that was about a house away from Drew’s trailer. We got out. I hated going to Drew’s house because all they did was talk about high school stuff. Stuff that wasn’t even real.
“Hey Katie,” Drew greeted me, creepy as always.
“Hi,” I said, feeling uncomfortable.
“He smiled as he watched me walk into the house. I slammed his door shut and looked around for anything worth watching. I’m not sure why, but Drew lived in a different era. He had a tape and DVD player, but I never saw any DVD’s. Drew and Jack pulled lawn chairs up to the side of Drew’s trailer. I sat down on Drew’s yellow, green, orange, and cream sofa with the flowers of all kinds on it.
I popped in a tape of an old movie and started watching. I could hear them talking about all the silly boy things they did in “high school.” It made me smile. He and Trey weren’t that different. It’s funny how you can hang around somewhere, and people automatically think you belong. We spent a few hours there and went back home.
That night, Jack smoked out of the tube again. It was weird watching him. It was like I wasn’t even in the room. Though I didn’t know it then, Jack had spent all day smoking that same stuff with Drew. The same thing happened the next day. We didn’t have sex before or afterwards. It was starting to creep me out a little. Jack was almost like a Zombie.
The next day, we were back at Drew’s. It seemed like, for over a week, that’s all we did. I guess I didn’t notice that while they were talking, they were also smoking that same stuff, every day, for hours it seemed. I was tired of ending up spending the day at some creepy Latino dude’s house.
Jack was in the shower when I woke up one morning. When he came out the bathroom, he looked different.
“Hey. You’re not gonna hang out with Trey today?” I asked as Jack was drying off. A weird red sore had appeared on the edge of the right side of his bottom lip, which made me reluctant to kiss him. His skin looked flaky and chalky.
“No,” he said.
“I was just thinking…” I started.
“We’re going to Drew’s,” he said bluntly, cutting me off.
“Maybe I should go home, and you can…” I began when he stopped me, his fingers wrapped tightly around my arm, stopping my words. I stared at him in shock.
“We’re going to Drew’s,” he repeated. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t cry or yell at him. Jack often put his hands on me. He was often rough, but never as rough as he had been that time. I didn’t want things to escalate any more. I opened my eyes, feeling calmer.
“Jack, you’re hurting me,” I said without moving. I felt like if I moved, maybe it would hurt more. He looked down and saw how red and swollen the skin of my arm was in his hand. He let go of my arm, leaving another handprint on my skin. I rubbed my arm.
“I wasn’t hurting you,” he said. I didn’t say anything. I rolled my eyes. He stepped over to me.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he shot out at me, pushing me a little and walking away from the bed. I held myself because I didn’t feel like Jack was talking to me, or that he was even in the room. He put his clothes on. I didn’t feel like I needed to object to anything he said. I got up out of the bed and started for the door.
“Where’re you going?” he asked hastily.
“T-to get something to drink,” I said, a bit scared. I hadn’t ever seen him like that.
“Oh…” he said and finished rummaging through drawers and getting ready. I walked out of the room and closed the door. I closed my eyes, letting go of some of my fear. I walked from the hall to the kitchen, where I found Stephanie.
“Hey,” she smiled and sipped her cup of coffee, standing next to the counter.
“Hi,” I said, looking at her as if I was hiding something.
“Are you okay? You look…” she stopped and put her cup on the countertop. She walked over to me and looked me over, noticing Jack’s hand print on my arm. I kept my eyes away from hers. She covered her mouth.
“Katie…” she said, closing her eyes, “I’m sorry…” She shook her head.
“Wait…wait…stay right there,” she said, heading toward Jack’s room.
“No…no,” I begged her, shaking my head frantically. “It’s okay. He didn’t try to. He’s just upset.”
“No, it’s not okay,” she said, turning back to me and shaking her head. She continued to his room.
“Please…” I insisted on my tippy toes, reaching out to her. But it was too late. She went in there and slammed the door, but I could still hear them talking.
Oh gawd…no…no…no, I fretted.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Jack?” Stephanie asked him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he said dryly.
“I’m talking about you. Are you doing that shit again?” Stephanie snapped.
“Mom, don’t ask me what I’m doing. It’s none of your business,” he replied. I hated that I loved when he was like this because that’s when he was the meanest, but that’s when he was the sexiest. I loved to be scared of him. I loved to hear his voice; the conviction, the carelessness.
“It’s not my business?” Stephanie asked.
“No!” he yelled.
“Look at her,” Stephanie said.
“Look at who, mom?” he asked.
“Katie,” she said.
“Mom, Hot Rod’s fine, what’s wrong with you?” he asked dryly, uninterested and annoyed.
“She is not fine, she’s got bags under her eyes, she looks like she’s fucking scared to talk, and you stop putting your hands on her,” she stated forcefully.
“Me and Hot Rod have nothing to do with you. Did Hot Rod tell you I hit’er? Fucking lying bitch,” he snarled, causing my eyes to close in pain.
How could he call me a bitch? I thought.
“Don’t you say that about her. She didn’t tell me anything. You think I’m blind?” Stephanie said, walking up to Jack.
“Ma, get outta my face,” Jack replied, guarded.
“You don’t see those bruises you’re leaving on her? You only act like this when you’re doing that shit. You’re gonna lose her just like you lost all your other friends, Jackie,” Stephanie warned him.
“Get outta my face,” Jack repeated.
“You’re gonna lose her!” she yelled at him.
“Get outta my face!” he yelled, moving to hit his mother. Sh
e didn’t move, and he made sure to move his hand out of the way before making contact, “I’m not…gonna lose Hot Rod, she is mine. She belongs to me.”
“She doesn’t belong to you. And if you ever raise your hand to me, or to her again…” Stephanie began.
“Shut the fuck up, mom! You act like I tried to hit you or something. Geez, get the fuck outta my room!” he said, pushing his mother toward the door.
“You listen to me!” she yelled, almost at the door and scrambling to get his hands off her. She pointed her finger dead in his face. “I gave up everything for you, your no good father, a good life, I worked in that gawd awful gas station for years, so you could have something, and you’re not gonna talk to me like that!”
“Talk to you like what?! You’re being a fucking bitc…”
She smacked the full shit out of him, right across his face. Now he was shocked and appalled, holding his face.
“Don’t you ever…” she said and left it at that.
“Get outta my room,” he said once again, and he shoved her into the hall and slammed the door.
I just watched her from the kitchen. She closed her eyes. It seemed like she was about to say something. But I was guessing that didn’t know what to say. She waited there for a while, and then walked back into the kitchen, like nothing happened, like I hadn’t heard every word they had just said.
She sighed, standing in the entrance to the kitchen. She shook her head.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” she said. “He’s gonna be alright. He just, he needs to know what’s important, that’s all. Sometimes he doesn’t know that you are so important,” she told me.
It sounded like she was changing her tune. After all, she had said I wasn’t the right type of girl for Jack.
“You know he does that stuff?” I asked. Her shoulders dropped.
“You heard us,” she deduced.
I nodded.
“Oh, Katie.” She sighed. “I thought he was gonna stop. Since you’ve been back, he’s...he’s been so much better.” She was visibly distraught. She sat down in the chair next to the table. She looked like she was going to cry.
I swallowed.
I sat down in the chair next to her. I didn’t have any words to say to her, but I wished I did. I tried, but no words came out.
“Hot Rod!” we heard from Jack’s room.
She shook her head.
“It’s okay,” I said. “He doesn’t mean to hurt me.”
“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t say that,” she said in slight disgust.
“He doesn’t, he loves me,” I tried to convince her.
“I know that’s true, but…” Stephanie said.
“Hot Rod!” Jack yelled again from the room.
I tried to squeeze a smile as I stood up and left her almost crying in the kitchen. I opened the door to Jack’s room slowly. I entered even more slowly, my heart pounding in my chest. I closed the door just the same. I didn’t want to go in there. I wasn’t sure who he was, but I thought maybe he would hurt me more if I didn’t come when he called.
I stood in front of the door.
“You told my mom I hit you?” he asked, walking over to me. I flinched, lowering my head.
“No.” I tried to smile.
“What are you doing? You think I’m gonna hit you?” he said.
“I-I don’t,” I insisted, straightening up.
“Why’re you so tense?” he asked. I loved his smooth voice. The fear just sort of trickled out of my body, making me feel sexy as he stood next to me. He could feel the sexual tension that was brewing between us. He walked closer and tried to kiss me. Even though I wanted to, I didn’t know what that red sore on his mouth was, so naturally, I turned my face away from his lips.
“You don’t wanna kiss me?” he asked.
“I don’t…I want…I want you to fuck me,” I said. I thought that would be better than telling him no. He looked at me and I averted my eyes, but put them back on him, so he wouldn’t think anything was suspicious.
“Yeah, you do.” He smiled, pulling me closer. I turned my lip up at him. His skin felt so dry and calloused against me. I tried to stay aroused. I gulped.
He laid me on the bed. I tried to keep my face pleasant, so he wouldn’t get angry or upset.
“You want me to fuck you, baby?” he asked in his beautiful voice, and I just forgot about how gross he was. I guess those were the magic words. My body became less tense, more open.
“Yeah…” I said.
“You want it?” he asked. And I did, badly.
He took out his penis. I couldn’t wait for it to be inside of me. He pulled my panties down sensually.
“How bad do you want it?” he asked, sexily leaning over me.
“Jack. That’s not a fair question. How bad do you want it?” I moaned.
“Not as bad as you,” he said, and I looked up at him. He looked serious. It had been a while since I had had those feelings of being a little whore, but for the second time, Jack had made the voices come, the imprints appear on my skin.
“I’m just kidding.” He smiled, but it was too late. I was self-conscious and shy.
“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t do that,” he said as I closed my legs and covered my body as much as I could with my arm. I noticed that his tattoo was perfect on his arm. I watched him warily.
“Hot Rod, you know I was just joking,” he said, “Don’t act like that.”
I looked up at him from underneath my eyelids, pouting.
Ugh, I hate to pout. It’s so….so…demeaning. Like I need you or something. Gross, I thought.
“Jack, I don’t like this,” I whimpered.
Ew, what the hell is wrong with me? I wondered.
“Don’t like what?” he asked.
“I don’t like when you talk to me like that,” I said.
“You don’t like when I joke around with you? Com’on, we joke around all the time,” he said. The words and things were disappearing. I was becoming more comfortable with him again. He leaned over me.
“Com’on, baby. Stop acting like that,” he said softly as he swirled his tongue around my nipple. I grabbed my boobs and moved away from him.
“Ew, stop!” I said, disgusted.
“What?” He laughed.
“I-I don’t like that?” I said.
“Wait, Hot Rod. You’re kidding, right? I mean, you’ve got these big ass round, fucking beautiful things on you, and I can’t even fucking taste them, I can’t touch them? When did that shit start?” he asked, coming closer to me. The way he said it made my legs just open for him. My tenseness left. I didn’t care if he kissed me. That was fine. We kissed. It tasted the way it always did; like smoke.
He eased himself inside me, filling me up. It was like a beautiful acoustic guitar, playing all the hypnotic chords and notes that sway beauty back and forth through you, over and over. Deep breaths, long strides, painful pleasure, so painful, so pleasurable, that to be more of either would be a heinous crime. He didn’t pull out as we orgasmed together.
“Jack,” I moaned, squirming around on the bed after he let loose inside me.
“What?” he asked, out of breath.
“I don’t want you to hurt me,” I said. He held himself up over me with his arms.
“Hot Rod, I don’t try to hurt you…” Jack said, trying to convince me.
“C-can you stop…” I paused. “Can you stop doing that stuff?” I gulped.
“Hot Rod. That’s not why shit happens. That wouldn’t change anything,” he said, sitting up.
“Yeah. It changes you, Jack,” I insisted, sitting up, also. “The way you talk, the way you look at me. Everything.”
“No, it doesn’t. That’s just…how I deal with shit. You know,” he said.
“No…I don’t like you like that,” I told him.
“What? You…don’t…you don’t like me?” he said, eyes turning a bit red.
“I didn’t…”
“I don’t fucking like yo
u, either,” he snapped, pushing me off the bed. I rolled off. I thought he might be playing.
So, I laughed, and tried to sit on his lap. He pushed me into the nightstand, knocking the light off the surface and bruising me where the corners hit my skin. It’s never good to have a fight naked.
I was embarrassed.
“Don’t touch me,” he said, looking forward, seriously. I was confused, glancing over the room as if the answers were on the wall somewhere. Tears started to fill my eyes. I grabbed my dress and shrugged it on. I started to walk out of the room, and he pulled me down onto the bed.
I was scared of him again.
“Why do you say shit like that?” he asked. I knew that my fear showed in my eyes. There was nothing in his. I don’t understand. How can he go in and out of himself?
“Jack, I wanna go home,” I peeped. He sniffed and cracked his neck. I gulped.
“You are home. We’re going to Drew’s,” he said with finality. He dragged me by the hand, made me put one of his jackets on. It looked like a military jacket. It was a light brown color with some green in it. Neither of us showered before he shoved me out of the room in front of him. His mother wasn’t sitting in the kitchen anymore. He shoved me out of the house. No one was outside. I got in his car on the passenger side, and he closed the door for me. He got in on the driver’s side and started the car and drove off.
He didn’t say anything to me on our way. I twiddled my fingers and tried not to look at him. I could feel his anger, brewing beneath the surface as he drove.
We got to Drew’s. It was like he was waiting to get there. He walked me into the house while Drew stayed outside. Jack looked down at me, like he was still very angry with me. He left without a word and went outside with Drew. I didn’t turn on the TV or anything, I just sat there. Everything was eerie, silent. I could see Jack outside with Drew, laughing and smoking from that tube with the bubble.
He’s doing it again, I said to myself, gulping.
They were talking. I sighed. I sat back and crossed my legs and started to think. I don’t know how long I was thinking. Out of my thoughts, I heard Jack’s voice.