“Mair, I willna last long. Dear God above, ye are the most desirable woman I have even seen.” He wanted to thrust into her and take her hard but he knew could not do that. She was completely innocent and her body was untried. He forced himself to breathe and slow down. “Relax, mo chridhe. Let me enter ye slowly. I dinna want to hurt ye and I ken I am a large mon.” He wrapped one arm around her waist as the other hand guided him to her entrance. Once he pushed the tip into her, he moved his hand down to rub her pleasure nub. His other hand wrapped around her as well and he used three fingers to enter her sheath. He slowly and gently rocked his hips forward to slide in all the way. Once he was in completely, he stilled. He waited to see how Mairghread reacted to having him in to the hilt.
“Are ye well, mo ghoal?”
“Aye. It is unlike anything I have felt before but I like it. I feel so full.” She wriggled her hips slightly and Tristan groaned. The feeling was almost more than he could bare. He wanted to thrust and spill himself but he did not want to end this before Mairghread found her release too. She looked back a Tristan and her brow wrinkled. “Is—is this it?” She asked timidly.
Tristan could not hold back any longer. Her innocence drove him wild. He growled and pulled back slightly. He rocked his hips, still mindful to be gentle and not thrust. Mairghread pressed her hips back to meet him. His fingers were firm and steady as he worked to bring her to her climax. Mairghread began to pant as the mixture of pain and pleasure overwhelmed her. Her moans increased. She bit her bottom lip to silence herself but they still escaped. Tristan pulled his fingers free and pulled her body upright. He turned her chin towards him and covered her mouth with his. Their kiss was rough and passionate. He swallowed her moans but could not suppress his own grunts and groans. She broke off the kiss to pant, “I’m so vera close. Dinna stop. Please just dinna stop.”
Tristan did not think he could have short of the keep being under attack. He could feel himself creeping closer to the edge. He was struggling to hold back his release until Mairghread found hers. He kept rubbing her and his fingers entered her again. He worked her from the front and the back. He suddenly felt her entire body tense. Her muscles squeezed him almost painfully but he knew she was coming. He could not wait any longer. His release was longer and harder than he could have ever expected. Mairghread’s body went limp in his arms and he gently leaned her forward onto the bed. He pulled out of her as gently as he could and climbed onto the bed next to her. She did not make a sound and did not move other than to breathe. She lay there for so long that Tristan was beginning to fear that something was wrong. He gently pulled on her shoulder to make her turn towards him. She did not want to budge.
“Mair, what is it? Did I hurt ye? Why willna ye look at me?” He was truly feeling frightened that he had pushed her too far. “Please, tell me what is wrong. I canna help ye if I dinna ken what’s wrong.”
“Naught is wrong.” She whispered. He raised up onto his elbow and leaned over to see her face. Tears streamed down her cheeks. He wanted to grab her and force her to look at him but he knew that would help nothing. Instead he sat up and scooped her into his arms.
“Mairghread, I am so vera sorry. I didna mean to hurt ye. We never have to do that again. I am so, so sorry, mo ghoal.” He was beside himself to think that he had hurt her. He had tried to be gentle and he had thought she was enjoying it. Had he truly misunderstood the sounds she made. He had thought they were made out of pleasure, but had they really been made out of pain?
“Ye didna hurt me. That isnae why I cry.” She would not explain more than that. She tried to pull away and climb off of his lap. They had to hurry to get ready before her brothers came looking for them.
“Dinna pull away from me. I dinna understand what is wrong. I canna fix it if I dinna ken.”
“I dinna need fixing.” She growled.
“Mayhap ye dinna need fixing but something between us does.”
She puffed out a breath and looked up at him. The look of concern on his face was so genuine and so deep that she could not turn him away. She took a deep breath again before beginning.
“I havenae ever felt so close or so connected to anyone in ma life. Our bodies were finally one and I enjoyed how it felt more than I thought I could. At first, I wasnae so sure about whether ye taking me like that would be enjoyable for me too. I wanted the closeness that it would bring us but then ma mind wandered.” The tears began to come faster even though she made no sounds. Her silent crying was almost worse for Tristan than sobs. He suspected that he knew where she was going when she said her mind wandered.
“Tristan, I dinna hold ye past against ye. Truly. What ye did before ye kenned me is ye own business. Everything we do is so new and special to me but there is naught that is new and special to ye. I ken ye’ve done it all before many times. There is naught left that is just fer me. There is naught aboot making love that every other woman who has been with ye doesnae already ken aboot ye.”
Tristan took her face in his hands and gently kissed her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, her eyelids, and then he brushed his lips against hers.”
“Mairghread, ye are right but only partially. I have done all of this before. I have coupled with other women the way I did with ye. I preferred it actually.” Mairghread ripped her face away from his hands and tried to scramble off of his lap. “Nay. Stay and let me finish.”
Mairghread shook her head and pushed away from him. He wrapped his arms around her.
“This is nae a conversation that I thought we would have right at this moment, but it is a conversation that ye started and I will finish. Now be still.” He growled and held her until she stopped wiggling. She gave up simply because she knew she was not strong enough to break his hold. She refused to look at him. He would settle for her not fighting him. “I preferred this way of coupling because it decreased the chances of me catching the pox or anything else, and it guaranteed that I sired nay bastards. I have never spilled ma seed in a woman’s sheath. I willna until I am wed. That means that ye will be the only woman with whom I will do that. I amnae saying that I havenae tupped a woman in the traditional way, but I have never made love to a single woman before. I did that for the first time just now. Every time in the past was purely about a physical want. It was about finding a release and physical pleasure. There was never, ever any true emotion invested in it. That is why I have never had an official mistress. I have never met a woman before ye that I wanted any type of commitment with. I canna change what I did before ye and ma experiences have benefited ye in that I ken what I am doing. But what I just shared with ye is something that I havenae shared with anyone else. I have never loved another woman and I have never poured ma heart into lovemaking. So ye are wrong in thinking that there is nothing new or special between us. It is all new and all very special.”
Mairghread heard every word that he said. While some parts made her want to crumple up inside, she understood what he was explaining. She looked at him and saw the truth and honesty in his eyes. She laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. She breathed in his scent that was unique to him even though they had just bathed. She turned her face towards him and kissed his chest over his heart. She could not bring herself to move from that position.
“Tristan, I love ye so vera much. Each time I am with ye, it is even more intense than anything else I have ever experienced. These feelings along with everything that has happened in the past day are overwhelming. They were simply too much fer me fer a moment. I dinna regret what we just did. I was simply scared that I felt more than ye did. That I feel more than ye ever will.”
“I love ye with all that I am. I have never felt anything like this before and all of it is just between the two of us.” He kissed the top of her head and run his hand up and down her back. He could understand how she felt. He knew that he would be a jealous beast if the situation were reversed. If there had been any men who had touched her before him, he would have been driven to kill them.
Twenty Five
They dressed quickly and gathered their few belongings. A maid had brought up a kirtle for Mairghread to wear when she came with a tray from which they broke their fast. It was a sure hint that her brothers were becoming impatient for her if they sent food. They were not going to wait any longer once they arrived below stairs. They were in the great hall in less than ten minutes from when everything was brought to them.
Callum, Alexander, and Tavish glared at Tristan and Magnus just smirked at Mairghread. She shrugged and smiled innocently. Her oldest three brothers looked ready to murder Tristan but she wrapped her arm around his and led him outside. Laird McDonnell was waiting for them in the bailey. Lady Beatris and Sorcha were thankfully nowhere to be seen. Laird McDonnell’s face looked the worse for wear. His eyes were blackened and his nose was swollen and crooked. He had a large bruise on his jaw. Mairghread looked at him and then each of the five towering men who surrounded her.
“Dinna look at me. I was with ye the whole time,” Magnus whispered to her.
“Laird McDonnell, thank ye for taking me in and providing me with a gown in which to travel.” Mairghread tried to be gracious but her comment was met with quiet grumbles. She looked around and saw that none of the men were feeling as thankful or forgiving as she was. She decided it was best to leave it at that and say no more.
“McDonnell, thank ye.” That was the most that Tristan was willing to say to his neighbor. He knew that McDonnell was not completely responsible for what had happened on his land or in his keep but his lack of awareness had nearly cost Mairghread her innocence and her life. He was not quite ready to let that go.
The McDonnell simply nodded his head and bid them goodbye. Mairghread saw that there were only five horses left without riders. One was not available for her so she turned to Tristan and followed him. She felt hands wrap around her waist from behind and she could not help but squeal. Magnus carried her towards his horse and was ready to lift her onto the horse’s bare back when she kicked him in the shin.
“Put me down ye wee beasty!”
It was clearly laughable but it was a term she had used since they were close in size many moons ago. It had stuck much like the horse named Tavish. She slapped at this hands and pried his fingers off of her.
“I amnae riding with ye and ye ken it.”
“Dinna ye think ye spent enough time with yer future groom this morning? The sun is almost overhead and half the day is gone.”
The sun was barely over the horizon despite how long they had spent alone in her chamber. She simply pointed to the sky and shook her head. She twisted loose from his grasp and marched over to Tristan’s horse. She pushed him out of the way and put her foot in the stirrup. She hoisted herself up and settled into the front of the saddle. She removed her foot from the stirrup and leaned forward. She looked expectantly at Tristan. He laughed and mounted behind her. He reined his horse around before anyone could nay say him and they rode out.
It took the large group several hours to cover the land between the McDonnell keep and the Mackay keep as they avoided the forest. Mairghread became sleepy and leaned back against Tristan. It was a warm day for early fall but there was a slight nip to the air.
“Swing yer leg over and rest against me, mo chridhe.” Tristan found that he enjoyed using different terms of endearment and finding more than one way to let Mairghread know that she was his heart. Mairghread adjusted her position and he unpinned the top part of his plaid. He wrapped it around her just as he had that morning on the battlements when he had asked her to stay and consider marrying him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled into his shoulder.
“This is the happiest place on earth fer me.” She sighed and closed her eyes.
“On the back of ma horse in the middle of nowhere?” He teased.
Without opening her eyes, she responded, “In yer arms is the best place to be.”
Tristan kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her more tightly. If this was the happiest place on earth for her, he was not about to deny her.
They continued riding for a couple more hours, only stopping to rest and water the horses. Mairghread was deeply asleep and did not seem to notice when Tristan handed her to Alexander while he dismounted. Tavish took Tristan’s horse along with his own, and Tristan found a shady spot to sit with Mairghread cradled in his lap until it was time to mount up again. Tristan had never felt such contentment as holding Mairghread in his arms. As desperately as he wanted to marry her, he almost wished the keep was further away so he could hold her a little longer. This fierce and strong woman, who was able to defend herself in many ways, seemed so very small and vulnerable when he held her. In some ways it was difficult to reconcile the two images but he realized that it was her trust in him that allowed herself to let go and fall so deeply asleep in his arms, to be vulnerable before him. He swore to himself in that moment to never take her for granted and to always protect her. He had failed her miserably and it had nearly cost them everything. He would never let that happen again. He would not make the same mistake twice.
As they crested the hill in front of the Mackay keep, they heard the bells ring when they were spotted. Mairghread finally stirred and opened her sleepy eyes. She looked up at Tristan and smiled. He could not believe the sight that met his eyes. She was the most incredible mix of sensuality and innocence. He prayed that she never quite lost all of the innocence and that this would be the look that he awakened to every morning. He leaned forward and kissed her. It was a lingering kiss and would have continued if Callum had not spoken up.
“Da is coming and looks fit to be tied.”
It was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on both of them. Mairghread sat up so fast that she banged her forehead on Tristan’s chin. She spun around to see her father galloping towards them with Alasdair not far behind. They met each other halfway and reined in. Liam Sinclair jumped from his horse and ran to Tristan’s. He pulled Mairghread from Tristan’s arms before she could even reach for him. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. Mairghread felt her father shaking as she tried to pull her arms loose to hug him.
“Da! Da, I canna breathe and I canna hug ye.”
The Sinclair loosened his hold only enough for her to wrap her arms around his waist. She could still feel him shaking and something moist dripped onto her nose. For the first time in her life, she saw tears rolling down her father’s cheeks. His shoulders shook from the sobs that racked his body.
“Mo nighean leanabh, mo nighean leanabh.” He could not stop repeating himself as he held her. She was still his baby girl no matter that she was a woman fully grown and to be married soon.
“Da, I am well. Truly. No real harm came to me. Ma brothers and Tristan saved me and I am here.” She breathed in her father’s scent and felt the safety of his arms. She realized in that moment that she would miss this when Castle Varrich became her home. She would no longer be able to seek shelter in her father’s arms. No matter how comfortable and safe she felt with Tristan, nothing could quite replace the feeling of being held by her father. It was simply a different sensation.
Tristan quietly walked up behind them. He put his hand on her back and leaned in to murmur in her ear, “We will visit ye family as often as ye wish.” He continued walking over to Alasdair to give and get a report on what had transpired while he was away.
Liam Sinclair had heard his future son-by-marriage’s promise and he loosened his hold slightly. He had been worried that he had run out of time with his daughter but Tristan’s reassurance made him breathe more easily. He wiped his face and looked over Mairghread’s shoulders to his sons. He held out his arms to all of them. He had been a loving father their entire lives but affection in the way of hugs for his sons had ended many years ago. However, they did not hesitate to walk into his embrace. The six Sinclairs hugged for a long time in relief for their safety and to mark the end of an era. By nightfall, Mairghread would be a Mackay.
Twenty Six
They returned to the keep and each person had a different task set before them. Mairghread went straight to the kitchens to inform Annag, the cook, that there would be a wedding that afternoon and feast that evening. She reassured Annag that anything she could prepare in time would be wonderful but to enlist the help of every available woman as the great hall would be full. Once she had done that, she went to her chamber to air out her wedding gown. She had bathed just that morning and she shivered as she remembered just what happened in and out of the tub but she was covered in dirt from the road and smelled of horse. She was going to need to bathe again. She asked Morag to have the tub and hot water sent to her.
Tristan, meanwhile, went to track down the priest. He found Father Peter in the sanctuary. It seemed to come as little surprise to Father Peter that Tristan wanted the ceremony to be performed that afternoon. In fact, Father Peter had started preparing for the special Mass the moment the bells had begun to peel.
Laird Sinclair and Callum went to collect the purses with Mairghread’s dowry and the deeds for her dower land. Tavish, Alexander, and Magnus went to the brewer and vintner to make sure enough barrels and casks of ale, wine, and whisky would be available. They made sure to sample each for quality control. All of them wobbled a little by the time all of the men made their way to the loch for baths.
Tristan looked around at his soon to be extended family. His mother had died before he could really remember her. His father had died when he was only a lad of five and ten. He had become laird and had grown up quickly. He had already been a trained warrior and been to battle but the weight of being laird was not something he was prepared for until it was thrust upon him. Alan and Beatris had been next to no help at all. Lady Beatris had done the bare minimum to keep Castle Varrich running and took little interest in household matters. While Alan had turned out to be a fine and strong warrior, he was a disappointment as tanaiste and as Tristan’s second. It had been assumed that Alan would fill those positions once he was old enough and was trained for it; however, it never came to be. Tristan could never rely upon him enough and so with the approval of the council of elders, he had named his lifelong friend, Alasdair, as his tanaiste and second. Tristan had not thought himself lonely because he was always surrounded by clansmen and he was never without a willing woman to keep him company, but he now realized that it was all very superficial. As he watched Laird Sinclair and his four sons laugh with one another, he longed for the same sense of family and comradery.
His Highland Lass (The Clan Sinclair Book 1) Page 16