I set my mug down and look at Wood across the table. He’s finished eating, his plate scraped clean. Mine is full. I push it away, my stomach knotted. “I’m telling you now.”
My best friend rolls his eyes. “How long for?”
“The full month. You’ll come too, right?”
“I guess,” he says, acting a little too casual. Wood is never casual when it comes to the subject of Erin. I’m pretty sure he’s developed a small thing for her over time, and yet he won’t admit to it. “I mean, it could be fun,” he adds for extra effect, as if he’s only going because he has nothing better to do.
A smirk stretches across my lips. “You don’t have to come. We won’t be doing much. Just hanging out at the beach, sunbathing,” I say, putting the visual of Erin in a bikini in his head. “Swimming, drinking beer, maybe some shopping, and I know how much you hate shopping.”
The sharp planes of Wood’s cheekbones turn a little pink. “I uh, actually do need a few new things.”
“Really?” I shouldn’t tease, but I can’t help myself. It’s fun to see him flustered over a pretty girl. I’m pretty sure Wood would never go there. The three of us are best friends. A casual fling between the two would upset the dynamic. “Last time I asked you to come shopping with me you said you’d rather poke your eyes out with a rusty fork.”
Wood’s gaze narrows on mine, taking my measure, catching on to my game. “I need to buy condoms. Lots of condoms. And socks.”
Jake chokes on his dinner. I give him a thump on the back while I speak to Wood. “Thanks, but you don’t have to buy me condoms. I have heaps. Enough to cover every dick in Australia.”
Kyle outright laughs, startling me. A strangled sound emerges from Jake’s throat. I give his back another thump, and he coughs.
“The condoms are for my dick, Murphy.”
“Don’t you mean your light sabre?”
The table erupts. Of course they’ve heard the story of Wood channelling his inner Skywalker at basic training. Wood isn’t the only one with flapping gums, and a story like that is legendary. It’s almost a crime not to share it. I even picture myself telling it to his future kids one day.
Jake’s palm lands on my upper thigh beneath the table as the laughter and ribbing continues around us. Heat burns in that singular spot, building into a fire that travels straight to my centre. I squirm as he leans in, lips brushing my ear. “I hope it’s just my dick you plan on covering with all those condoms, army girl, and not the entire male population of Australia.”
My body clenches. “Yes,” I whisper thickly. “Hell yes.”
His voice is firm with male satisfaction. “Good.”
I take a breath, feeling a little removed from everyone and everything around me. Jake has stolen my focus. I rise to my feet. “I need to get back to work.”
Jake looks up at me. “Tonight?”
“Yep. I’ll be working nights for a while. The hospital is short staffed.”
“I’ll walk you over.”
He starts to rise alongside me, and I put a hand on his shoulder, halting his upward progression. “No, it’s okay. Stay. Finish your dinner.” He still has half a plate full left to eat.
“Nah.” He pushes his plate away and stands. “I’ll eat something later if I get hungry.”
“Wood?” I look over at my best friend. He’s on shift with me. “You coming?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll be along in a minute.”
Thank you, I say with my eyes, knowing he’s doing it so Jake and I can have a minute of alone time.
You owe me, he replies.
I’ll sneak him a pastry and a hot coffee later tonight when we start flagging.
“You don’t really have to walk me over,” I tell Jake as we step outside.
The back of his hand brushes mine as we start towards the hospital. “I know, but I know how much you like it when I do.”
Pleasure warms my insides, yet I feign indifference. “I guess it’s okay.”
“You won’t give me an inch, will you?”
I snort. “Of course not. I give everyone I like a hard time.”
“Is that your way of testing whether they’ll bother to stick around?” My eyes whip to his, coming to a stop. He halts in front of me. “You have a tough veneer, Jamie Murphy, but it’s not tougher than me.”
I fold my arms, struggling with his declaration. There’s very few in my life who’ve managed to batter down the walls I’ve erected around myself. Bear was the first, by sheer persistence. Then came Erin, who took a chance and ignored my hostile demeanour. Wood was next, and so easy to like, with his gangly limbs and laidback nature. Arash was impossible to resist, with his big eyes and the way he said ‘cool’ as if it was the most important word in the English language.
I let go of a deep sigh. And now Jake. Proving day after day that the perfect man might possibly exist. I decide to give him an inch. A small one. “Remember that night in the bar when I asked why you came over? You said it was because after you saw me, you couldn’t see anything else. I figured it was just a line. One you told all the girls. But that was how I felt when I saw you.” I look down at my feet, thoroughly embarrassed, my face hot against the cool night air. “Like there was no one else.”
I risk a peek. Jake’s eyes are flaring beneath the lights in the street. “It wasn’t just a line. I’ve never had a night like that before with a girl. I never have since.” He reaches for me and stops himself, cursing quietly, before tucking his hands in his pockets. “We should keep walking.”
“We should.”
“So …”
“So …”
We both laugh at the same time.
“Are you really going to take your leave in Perth?”
“If it’s cool with Erin, which it probably will be. I have a standing invitation to crash at her apartment whenever I want to, for however long. I’ll check in with her later and book flights.”
“Does that mean I can take you out?”
My pulse takes a giddy little roller coaster ride. “On a date?”
“Yeah. Dinner. Movies. Normal stuff.”
It sounds incredibly appealing. The normality of it. Spending time with a handsome man, one that gives me flutters in my belly. “Or we could do a beach picnic and swim.”
“That too.”
“Like two dates?”
“Maybe. I mean, I might decide I don’t like you after the first one.”
“Jake!”
His teeth gleam white in the dark. “Ahhh, you can dish it out…” he pokes his finger in my side and I leap away “…but you can’t take it.”
Our private little alley looms ahead, and I bound away, laughing as I disappear into the dark. Jake gives chase. My heart is racing when I glance behind me. He’s bridged the gap and grabs my arm, twisting me and pushing me up against the wall.
His fingers go for my buttons without a breath, starting their way from the top down. He’s never done that before. Usually it’s kissing and hands fumbling beneath shirts. My chest is rapidly exposed, the chilly air penetrating my bared skin. I shiver.
“Warm me up, Jake, it’s cold.”
He ducks his head, his mouth moving along the swell of my breast until he reaches the middle, where my dog tags and necklace rest. He lifts them, impatient, but then his eyes snag on the delicate chain, reading the words that are stamped onto the little metal rectangle. “Little Warrior,” he reads, his brows drawing together in a puzzled frown.
He looks up at me, searching my face for something.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s just …” Jake shakes his head, his gaze returning to my birthday gift.
There’s something about the way he’s looking at my necklace that makes my heart jackhammer in my chest. “Jake, what?”
“It’s nothing. I just thought I’d seen this somewhere before.”
“Seen what? My necklace?”
He brushes a thumb down the letters. “No, not the necklace. These
words.”
I grab his hand, the one holding my silver chain. “Jake, where?”
“I don’t know,” he murmurs, seeming deep in thought. Then he lets it go and my hand falls away. The alarm on my watch beeps, the shrill tinny sound indicating my shift starts in five minutes. I silence it.
Jake sighs and starts re-doing the buttons he almost ripped apart moments earlier.
“Soon,” I tell him, my lips curving.
“Soon,” he replies and plants a swift kiss on my mouth. I press forward when he goes to pull away, extending the intimate caress, lingering just a few moments more.
“Jamie,” he whispers.
“Jake,” I whisper back.
“You totally like me.” His grin is slow. Teasing. It’s on my lips to deny his statement, but I can’t and he knows it. “You give everyone you like a hard time, remember?”
I grab his shirt in my fist, dragging his face to mine. I brush my lips against his, gentle and sweet, and my heart thumps hard and loud in my chest. “I like you.”
His breath catches, the sound so soft it drifts away on the wind. “I like you too.”
My insides melt like chocolate in the sun. Then I remember I have to report for duty. I look down, fixing my rumpled shirt. “Will I see you in the gym in the morning?”
“No.” We walk together, out of the shadows and into the well-lit street. “I have a patrol. That’s why I wanted to walk with you. To let you know I’ll be gone a couple of weeks, and when I’m back we’re shipping home. I’m not sure when I’ll see you next.”
“A patrol?”
Jake nods. “In the mountains.”
He can’t tell me more than that, but he’s SAS. They go in first, before everyone else, doing reconnaissance and gathering intelligence. It’s dangerous but his team is a well-oiled machine. They know what they’re doing.
I brush my hand against his, so brief no one walking near us would notice. I don’t ask him to be safe like I want to. Or tell him to take care. Instead, we reach the hospital entrance and stand just off to the side, out of the way. “Come find me when you get back.”
He raises his fist with a grin. “If I don’t catch you before I ship out—”
I bump it with my own. “Then I’ll see you on the other side.”
Jake winks. “Roger that, army girl.”
16
JAMIE
Drew, you need to be more careful,” I say to the army cook, immersing his forearm beneath the cold water gushing from the hospital tap. “I can’t live without your fried chicken. It’s the only thing keeping me going until I get out of here.”
The poor man winces. He tripped while carrying a small vat of hot oil in the kitchen this morning. “I’m not usually such a fuckin’ klutz, Doc. Danger Mouse was unpacking a box on the ground, and I didn’t see it,” he says, referring to the head cook, named for his round ears and freakish knife talents.
“Well, it’s lucky you fell on your side, otherwise that oil would’ve gone all over your face and chest.”
Drew chuckles, a derisive sound. “That woulda sucked. This face ain’t that pretty. Adding burns won’t help my cause.”
“What are you talking about, Drew?” I pat his shoulder and shift away, grabbing a packaged sterile bandage roll. “You’re married. You’ve already locked that girl down.”
“I’m not so sure,” he mutters.
“What do you mean?”
“This army life. I don’t think it’s for her.” He shifts his stance, inspecting his burn beneath the cold water. “You got a guy, Murphy?”
My mind turns to Jake. “Maybe.”
“Well, let me give you some advice. Make sure your guy understands this life. If he don’t, then strap in because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”
“Oh, he understands it.”
“Good.” Drew nods, seemingly satisfied with the safety of my romantic future. “How long do I gotta keep my arm under this tap?”
I set the bandage on the narrow patient bed and walk over, examining the blistered wound. It’s not third degree, but it’s not minor either. “Give it another five minutes.”
“Five? Doc, you’re killing me.”
“I’m trying not to.”
“I gotta get back. Everyone’ll be screamin’ for their hash browns, and Danger Mouse thinks cookin’ them is beneath him.”
“This won’t take too long. It’s more than just a minor burn, Drew. You’ll have to—”
Squadron Leader Irvine, an Australian doctor at our base’s medical facility, rushes past, stops, and pokes his head in. “Private Murphy. Radio came in. Multiple casualties. Need you on the medevac.”
Wood charges in before I can respond, already suiting up, armour in place, helmet going on. He looks sick, his face whiter than snow. “I got it. I got it,” he keeps saying. “I got it.”
I look to Irvine as Wood jogs off, already disappearing down the hall. “Where?”
“Somewhere in the mountains. Khaz Uruzgan, I think.” He checks his watch. “I have to get to surgery. Seven-year-old girl with massive internal injuries. The local hospital can’t treat her.” He shakes his head and rushes off from where he came.
I turn back to Drew where he stands by the sink, forearm still stuck beneath the gushing water, his expression resigned. The army cook has seen a few deployments already. No doubt he’s heard a thousand stories of combat and casualties. “You on the medevac a lot?”
“A bit,” I say, feigning a smile as I inspect his arm.
“You get shot at?”
It’s still red, blisters popping up everywhere. “Some. I’ve had bullets hit the ground near my feet.”
“Jesus. It takes balls to be a healer in this place. You shot your rifle?”
“I have.”
“Jesus,” he mutters again. “How does that work in your head?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re like a weapon on one hand and a saviour on the other. How do you do both?”
I shrug and take his wrist, turning for a better view. “Knowing how to save a life and end one are two completely different things. It’s like wearing two different hats, I guess.”
Drew’s gaze shifts from his inflamed arm to my face. “Your hand is shaking, Doc. You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Multiple casualties. In the mountains. My lips form a professional smile, and I push Irvine’s words from my head. “It’s been a long shift is all.” I reach over and flick the tap off before guiding Drew to the bed. “Take a seat.”
He eases himself up. I try taking a closer inspection of the wound but Wood’s pale face swims in my vision. I got it. I got it. I blink it away and focus on the blisters. “You’ll need some antibiotics.” I lean across to Drew’s file, where it lies open on the bed beside him. “Tetanus is up-to-date. I’ll just put a sterile covering on the wound, and you can come back and get it checked in twenty-four hours, okay?”
“Okay, Doc.”
I rip open the packet, and the bandage falls on the floor. “Shit,” I mutter under my breath. I crouch for it, picking it up from where it rolled beneath the bed. A wave of dizziness swamps me when I rise.
“Whoa.” Drew grabs me and I brush him away, leaning my side against the bed for a moment.
“I’m okay. Just stood up too fast.”
“You don’t look so good. Maybe you should be up here on the bed, Doc.”
“I’m fine. Really.” I paste on another reassuring smile as I set the bandage aside knowing it’s no longer sterile. I collect a new one and remove the packaging. Beginning at the wrist, I wind it gently around his arm. “Hungry and tired. Bring me some hash browns later, okay?”
“I can do that.”
I finish wrapping Drew’s wound and send him on his way with some ibuprofen and antibiotics. I’m starting towards the medevac station when I’m waylaid by a nursing officer. “I have a wounded Afghan soldier in the intensive care unit and we’re short staffed. Again. I need you to monitor his breathing
for me.”
I change direction, swallowing my rising frustration as I follow her down the narrow hall. The soldier’s head is bloodied and bandaged, tubes winding out from his nose and mouth. I take the stethoscope from around my neck and place the tips in my ears, pressing the chest piece to his torso.
I’m trying to listen but an age-old panic begins clawing its way upward, taking hold of my throat. I take a few deep breaths, but it won’t let go, leaving me jittery and sick.
Something is wrong.
An hour passes unbearably slowly. When I’m free of intensive care, I rush out, jogging towards the medevac station, not giving anyone the chance to grab me for another task.
A sense of urgency engulfs me, pushing me faster. I burst through the doors as the Blackhawk lands, wind and dust kicking up, the early morning sun blasting me in the face. Wood steps out first as I run towards them, his uniform splattered red, before he turns and reaches back inside the big mechanical beast.
Kyle steps out beside him, staggering a little, and my legs almost buckle beneath me. Blood drenches the side of his shirt and pants. It smears his dirty brow and bearded jaw. My eyes search inside for Jake, but I’m too far away to see.
C’mon, Jake. Step out. Please.
The pushy breeze blows hair across my face. I shove it behind my ears, my steps beginning to falter. I slow until I come to a stop, shading my eyes with my hand as another medic steps out. Someone pushes past me, rushing towards the chopper with a stretcher, but I can’t move. My feet have frozen to the ground.
Both Wood and the other medic slide someone out on a portable board. My eyes snap to their patient, and I flinch. Blond hair, tousled and dirty, glinting in the sun. Shirt steeped in blood. Muddy boots still laced and splattered red.
I take a step forward, my eyes shifting to Wood as they start towards the hospital entrance. He reads the question in them, and his lips mash together. He shakes his head.
The stethoscope clutched in my fist falls slowly as my fingers lose their grip. It hits the ground, soundless beneath the deafening whir of the rotor blades.
Fighting Absolution Page 15