“I’m Captain America,” I tell them, looking down at the costume that cost me way more than I wanted to spend.
“But you’re Russian,” Evan says, and I look at him dressed as Batman.
“I’m American.” I shake my head, and we walk into the dressing room and it looks like a comic con.
“Okay, people,” Oliver says. “We are opening the doors and letting the fans in,” he says, and I look at Evan.
“They invited four hundred special guests from the hospital,” he says. “Max’s sister Denise runs the kids’ ward.”
“Yeah, I met Zack.” I mention Zack, who also retired the year after he got here. His son, Jack, is a cancer survivor, and they moved here just to get Denise to take his case.
“It’s part of the Horton Foundation,” Evan says, and I just nod.
“All of the players will line up and give out candies,” Oliver says, and we make our way out of the room and onto the ice. The lights are dim, and everything is decorated with hanging bats and flying witches. The ice is covered and looks like it’s all grass with pumpkins everywhere.
I stand in line next to Evan, who’s looking for his wife, no doubt. “Where is she?” he asks, and I start looking around, but I don’t spot her. I do spot Zoe, though, and she is standing there in a black latex outfit. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she has thigh-high boots on. “I spot Zoe,” I tell him, and everyone looks up at her.
“What the fuck?” Matthew says from behind me. “Who let her in like that?”
I roll my lips, trying not to laugh. “She’s practically naked,” Max adds. “This is not good. It’s a kids’ event, and now half the guys are going to be walking around with semis.” He looks around also. “If she brought a whip, she’s grounded.”
“Hey there.” I look over to see Zara, followed by her group of girls minus Zoe, who stands there talking to some guy I’ve never seen before. I try to tear my eyes away from her and focus on the girls arguing with Max and Matthew, but my eyes go to her, then move away every fifteen seconds. Then she turns and struts over, literally.
“Happy Halloween,” she says with a smile, and I look at her, then at the guys seeing them glare. “Oh, come on.”
“Who bought you that costume?” Evan asks, and she shrugs. “Burn it.”
Oliver runs over before the bickering starts and looks at us frantically, then looks at Zoe. “If I was straight, I would so date you.” He points at her and then turns to Max. “They want you to say something.” He looks at Max, his hands going up and down. “I didn’t prepare for this. I don’t have a mic or anything.”
“It’s fine,” Max says. “Just breathe. It’ll be okay,” he says, and everyone walks away to handle the situation.
“I see the foot has healed,” Zoe says, smiling and then looking around. “Don’t tell them, but I fucking hate this costume. I have sweat forming in places I didn’t think was possible, and if I didn’t think they would make a big deal, I would go change. But now …”
“Now you have to stand your ground,” I tell her, shaking my head. “I know it’s last minute,” I say, and then I actually hear the words coming out of my mouth, “but tomorrow, I’m having a little dinner in order to celebrate.”
Her eyes go big. “Count me in,” she says, and then she hears someone calling her name. “I have to go. I promised I would help a couple of the kids.” She looks back at me. “But count me in,” she says and then grabs my arm. “So happy that you are doing something. I’ll text you later for all the info.”
I don’t say anything as I try to ignore the heat from her hand on my arm. I’ve had women touch me in more intimate places in my life, yet her touch runs through me.
Chapter Twenty
Zoe
“And if that wasn’t enough, when I finally did get the costume off, it looked like I was taking a sausage out of its casing,” I tell Zara while I walk around my bedroom.
“I told you it was a bad idea.” She laughs at me. “It took four of us to zip you in it, and you had to lie down to do it.” I shake my head, thinking about how it took the four of them with two pushing it together and two zipping it up. “I thought it was going to bust open when you bent down to pick up Alex.”
“Can you imagine? I would have died,” I tell her, and I cut the conversation before she asks me where I’m going and then proceeds to let me have verbal diarrhea about Viktor and my non-relationship with him. I get dressed in my black jeans and dark gray long-sleeve sweater and matching booties. As I make my way over to his house, I know I’m an hour early, but I wanted to decorate. I knew he wouldn’t let me if I asked, but if I show up with it, he can’t say no.
I call him right when I get there. “Hey,” I say when he answers. “I kind of need a little help.”
“Okay,” he answers. “With what?”
“I’m downstairs, and well, you just need to come and help,” I tell him and look over at the truck of balloons that I had delivered. He comes out a second later dressed almost like me, except his shirt is pushed up to his elbows and he has sneakers on his feet. His hair looks like he just ran his fingers through it, and I wonder if it’s as soft as it looks.
“What did you need help with?” he asks me, and I stand here with a cake box in my hands courtesy of my driver.
“Don’t freak out,” I tell him, “but I need you to take this box upstairs, and then I need you to go into the cinema room and only come out when I tell you to.” He looks behind me at the truck with the words PARTY DECORATIONS across it. “Trust me.”
“I was thinking low-key.” He leans in and whispers to me.
I lean in really, really close to him. “Me, too,” I whisper back to him. “Now go so we can get the show on the road.” He shakes his head at me, and I shoo him away.
I wait for the guys to get out of the truck and hand me two bunches of balloons and then the man brings in a tank and the rest of the balloons. I lead him to the apartment, and I see the cake on the counter and see that Viktor isn’t there, so I let the guy in. I let the balloons go and they float to the high ceilings one at a time. I separate them and look at the fifty blue balloons I ordered. He is just finishing up blowing up the balloons that spell 6 MONTHS.
When he finishes tying the balloons together, I shake his hand and call out for Viktor. I hear the door slam and then hear him walking down the stairs. “Surprise,” I say, throwing up my hands.
He smiles and looks at the balloons. “You have a thing with balloons, you know that?”
“I do,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “I think I always did; it just screams happiness to me.” I look around. “And also, let’s celebrate, bitches.”
He shakes his head and puts his head down, then he looks up at me, and I take him in. He’s different than he was at the beginning. In the three months since I’ve known him, he feels a bit less constricted, a little bit lighter on his feet. His eyes are lighter, the circles around his eyes are almost nonexistent, and he smiles and laughs more. “You really are the ray of sunshine.”
“I don’t know about that,” I say, and I’m suddenly nervous around him. My heart beats a touch faster, and my hands are clammy. I rub them together in nervousness. “What time is everyone else coming?”
“I only invited four people,” he tells me. “Well, six actually. With us, it will be eight.” The buzzer blaring lets us know someone is here. I look around and see that he set up a bar in the corner with some wine, vodka, rum, gin, and scotch.
“Sorry we are late.” I hear Zara and look at her. “There was traffic, and Matthew is parking the car.” She shrugs off her jacket, and then she looks at me. “Fancy seeing you here,” she says, and I look down and feel like I’ve been caught by my parents doing something I shouldn’t be.
Evan is right behind her, handing Viktor his coat. “Matthew and Karrie are fighting about where to park, so they should be up in a second.” He then looks around. “Jesus, Zoe, did you need to get so many?” Evan says, shaking his head. “Nice place.
” I stand here and watch them chitchat, then look at Zara who walks over to me.
“Don’t,” I whisper to her. “Not right now.” I look down, and I try to steady my breathing, then I look up. She must see the emotions I’m going through. I’m too close. I’m lying to myself and to him. I like him, I like him a lot, and he’s unattainable. “You feeling okay?” I ask her, trying to change my thinking, and she just nods and grabs my hand, making it a little worse.
“Breathe,” she whispers. “Go to the bathroom and fix yourself.” I nod and make a quick exit to the bathroom. Running the cold water, I wet my hands and put them on my face to bring the redness down and blink away the little tears about to form. I hear laughter, and I’m about to open the door when a soft knock sounds. “It’s me.”
I open the door, and Zara comes in. She is wearing black pants with a black shirt that molds her body, and you can see her five-month belly that is slowly becoming bigger. I sit on the toilet and look at her. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“That makes two of us.” She leans against the counter in front of me. “This isn’t good.”
“I know,” I tell her. “It’s fucking insane,” I whisper. “He’s so emotionally out there it’s crazy.”
“You need to walk away, Zoe,” she tells me. I know she’s right, but it hurts, and I don’t want it to hurt. “Before you get so far in that you can’t go back.”
“I’m trying,” I tell her honestly. “But it’s just …”
“A pull,” she answers me. “You’re pulled to him, and you don’t know why. You can’t explain it.”
“Yes,” I tell her, nodding. “That all that …” She’s about to say something when there is another knock on the door. “Is this a meeting?”
She opens the door, and Evan comes in holding a bottle of water and looking at her and then at me. “What’s wrong?” His eyes go big. “Are you okay?” he asks, his hand going to her belly.
“I’m fine.” She smiles and turns to me. “I was trying to get the baby to kick so Zoe can feel it.”
“When are we finding out what it is?” I ask her, and she shrugs.
“We want to be surprised,” she finally says, “so we aren’t finding out.” I’m about to roll my eyes and yell at her when there is another knock on the bathroom door. Evan opens it, and I see it’s Matthew and Karrie.
“What’s wrong?” Matthew says, looking at us. “What happened?” He pushes into the bathroom, then sees me. “I didn’t know you would be here.”
“I’m his realtor,” I tell him, standing up and nodding to Karrie. “Now, can we go back out there before he thinks we’re crazy hiding out in his bathroom?” I say, walking out in time to see him open the door for Jeffrey.
“Welcome,” he says with a smile and moves out of the way for him to walk in with a beautiful woman. “You must be Becky,” Viktor says to her. “The better part of him.”
“Knock that shit off,” Jeffrey says, blocking his wife from Viktor’s outstretched hand, making us laugh. Jeffrey comes in and smiles when he sees me, and then Viktor introduces him to everyone.
The buzzer rings again, and this time, it’s the food. Two people come in and set up in the kitchen. “Can I get anyone anything to drink?” Viktor looks around. “Sorry, I’m new at this hosting gig,” he says nervously, and Jeffrey just slaps him on his shoulder.
“Relax,” Jeffrey says to Viktor. “Everyone here knows that it’s a big day for you,” he says, and I see Evan reach over and hug Zara, pulling her to him and kissing her head while her arms go around his waist. I look over at Matthew, who has Karrie in the same position. “It’s a day that you need to celebrate and acknowledge. I’m the first to know that it isn’t easy. Every single day is a struggle, and some days are easier than others, but as they say, it takes a village.” He looks at his wife and then looks at each of us. “Surround yourself with people who can help you up and who can carry you when you fall down. Not the ones who help keep you down.” Zara lets one hand fall from Evan’s as her hand reaches for mine, and I try to blink away the tears. “My sponsor said that to me on my six months sobriety, and looking around at the people who were there for me, I knew he was right.” Jeffrey looks at me. “Looks like you have a good village.”
“Damn straight,” Matthew says, and it has all of us chuckling. “We are here for anything you need.”
Becky walks over to Viktor and hugs him. “You can do it.”
“Dinner is ready to be served,” the guy in the kitchen says, and we walk to the table. I let everyone else take their seat and stand back with Viktor next to me.
“You can do this,” I tell him. He puts his arm around my shoulders and brings me close to him.
“I think I can,” he says. I don’t move from under his touch. I stand here for as long as I can. Feeling his touch is like a lightning bolt going through me.
“This looks delicious,” Zara says, looking down at the plate in front of her.
“Let’s go grab a seat,” he says, and his fingers grip mine and pull me to the table. I ignore the tingle that it leaves on my fingers. The meal is light with the guys telling stories from the road. I look over at Viktor who sits right beside me at his eight-person square table.
After the food is all eaten, the cake is served. When Karrie yawns, Matthew gets up, and I follow suit. “We are going to head out,” Matthew says, and I look over at him.
“Will you give me a ride?” I ask him, and he just nods his head at me. I hug Jeffrey and Becky goodbye and then walk to the door to get my purse and see the small box on the top. I leave it on the counter instead of making a scene with everyone watching. “Thank you for inviting me,” I tell Viktor and walk over to him and give him a hug. It’s actually the first time I’ve hugged him. I don’t know what I expect, but I’m not expecting to be taken into his arms into a big bear hug. He hugs me with both arms, pulling me close to him. One hand going to his back while I hold my purse in the other dangling next to me.
“Thank you, Zoe,” he whispers. “For everything.”
I don’t say anything to him. I can’t because the lump in my throat stops everything and anything from coming out. Instead, I do the only thing I can. I smile and nod, then turn and walk out the door. Zara walks next to me on one side and Karrie on the other side. Both of them are there to hold me up, regardless of what they know. The men are oblivious to what just happened, and even if they asked me, I couldn’t answer.
Chapter Twenty-One
Viktor
“Thank you for coming.” I hug Becky and ignore the way my head feels like it’s going to explode. Having everyone here was everything. Knowing I could count on these people means everything. The pull of wanting to go to Zoe and just grab her face and kiss the ever-loving shit out of her was more than I thought it would be.
She was off the minute her sister walked inside the place, or maybe a touch before that. I can’t pinpoint it, but I knew there was a shift, and I didn’t like it. She was usually the one cracking jokes, and tonight, her smile didn’t make it all the way to her eyes. “You take care,” Jeffrey says, grabbing Becky’s hand and ushering her out.
I close the door after them and look around. The chairs are still out as everyone left them. The caterer left the kitchen just as he found it. I walk to the table and push in the chairs and pick up the last of the straws and glasses, bringing them into the kitchen and putting them in the sink. My eyes landing on the little white box on the counter with the blue bow. I walk over and pick it up, turning it in my hand.
I pull the satin bow, and it falls to the floor and I pull off the cover. My heart stops when I see that it’s another key chain. This time, it’s a circle with the words.
I believe in you
05-01-19
I grab it out of the box and that, too, falls to the floor, and I don’t notice or care. My finger runs over the words. I believe in you. Four words that push me over the edge. Four words and I know I have to build a wall around my heart, if not for he
r than for me. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone who doesn’t have a cloud over his head the whole time. She deserves to have perfect, and that isn’t me. I grab my phone and send her a text.
Me: Thank you for the key chain.
I wait for her to answer me, but she doesn’t. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad when she doesn’t.
I’m in the middle of packing my bag the next day for a six-day road trip when my phone finally buzzes.
Zoe: Glad you like it.
I sit down, and my hand itches to reply to her. I rub my finger over her name on my phone, and then I put it down gently, walking away from it. Six days away is going to help; it’s going to be a good time. I make sure the days are spent either on the ice or in the gym. I spend extra time on the ice each day by myself or with a few other people. I get my head in the zone, washing away everything that is going on.
The nights are still a mess. The hours that I do sleep are filled with Zoe in them—her smile, her laugh, her glare, even her rolling her eyes. It’s the only time I let myself go, the only time I let my guard down, and she sneaks in.
“Good news,” Evan tells me halfway through the road trip. “I spoke with Candace, and she says she can take you on.”
“Great,” I tell him. “I tried to venture onto Facebook two days ago, and I swear there just were so many red notifications that I closed out of it.”
“Yeah, I just stick to Instagram,” Evan says. “It’s easier. Anyway, I’m going to text you her number,” he says, and my phone goes off. “She’s waiting for your call.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking down at her number.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks me quietly. “You’ve been a little withdrawn lately, and I know how much being on the road sucks,” he says quietly, and I look around and see that no one else is paying attention to us.
“Yeah, it’s been okay. Nights are rough, but nothing I haven’t done before,” I say, looking down at my phone.
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