by John Updike
In this skit the Lone Ranger has a wife. She stamps around a cabin saying how she hates housework, hates her lonely life. “You’re never home,” she says, “you keep disappearing in a cloud of dust with a hearty ‘Heigh-ho, Silver.’” The unseen audience laughs, Rabbit laughs. Nelson doesn’t see what’s so funny. Rabbit tells him, “That’s how they always used to introduce the program.”
The kid says crossly, “I know, Dad,” and Rabbit loses the thread of the skit a little, there has been a joke he didn’t hear, whose laughter is dying.
Now the Lone Ranger’s wife is complaining that Daniel Boone brings his wife beautiful furs, but “What do I ever get from you? A silver bullet.” She opens a door and a bushel of silver bullets comes crashing out and floods the floor. For the rest of the skit Carol Burnett and Gomer Pyle and the man who plays Tonto (not Sammy Davis Jr. but another TV Negro) keep slipping and crunching on these bullets, by accident. Rabbit thinks of the millions who are watching, the millions the sponsors are paying, and still nobody took time to realize that this would happen, a mess of silver bullets on the floor.
Tonto tells the Lone Ranger, “Better next time, put-um bullet in gun first.”
The wife turns to complaining about Tonto. “Him. Why must we always keep having him to dinner? He never has us back.”
Tonto tells her that if she comes to his teepee, she would be kidnapped by seven or eight braves. Instead of being frightened, she is interested. She rolls those big Burnett eyes and says, “Let’s go, que más sabe.”
Nelson asks, “Dad, what’s que más sabe?”
Rabbit is surprised to have to say, “I don’t know. Something like ‘good friend’ or ‘boss,’ I suppose.” Indeed come to think of it he understands nothing about Tonto. The Lone Ranger is a white man, so law and order on the range will work to his benefit, but what about Tonto? A Judas to his race, the more disinterested and lonely and heroic figure of virtue. When did he get his pay-off? Why was he faithful to the masked stranger? In the days of the war one never asked. Tonto was simply on “the side of right.” It seemed a correct dream then, red and white together, red loving white as naturally as stripes in the flag. Where has “the side of right” gone? He has missed several jokes while trying to answer Nelson. The skit is approaching its climax. The wife is telling the Lone Ranger, “You must choose between him or me.” Arms folded, she stands fierce.
The Lone Ranger’s pause for decision is not long. “Saddle up, Tonto,” he says. He puts on the phonograph a record of the William Tell Overture and both men leave. The wife tiptoes over, a bullet crunching underfoot, and changes the record to “Indian Love Call.” Tonto enters from the other side of the screen. He and she kiss and hug. “I’ve always been interested,” Carol Burnett confides out to the audience, her face getting huge, “in Indian affairs.”
There is a laugh from the invisible audience there, and even Rabbit sitting at home in his easy chair laughs, but underneath the laugh this final gag falls flat, maybe because everybody still thinks of Tonto as incorruptible, as above it all, like Jesus and Armstrong. “Bedtime, huh?” Rabbit says. He turns off the show as it unravels into a string of credits. The sudden little star flares, then fades.
Nelson says, “The kids at school say Mr. Fosnacht was having an affair, that’s why they got divorced.”
“Or maybe he just got tired of not knowing which of his wife’s eyes was looking at him.”
“Dad, what is an affair exactly?”
“Oh, it’s two people going out together when they’re married to somebody else.”
“Did that ever happen to you and Mom?”
“I wouldn’t say so. I took a vacation once, that didn’t last very long. You wouldn’t remember.”
“I do, though. I remember Mom crying a lot, and everybody chasing you at the baby’s funeral, and I remember standing in the place on Wilbur Street, with just you in the room beside me, and looking down at the town through the window screen, and knowing Mom was in the hospital.”
“Yeah. Those were sad days. This Saturday, if Grandpa Springer has got the tickets he said he would, we’ll go to the Blasts game.”
“I know,” the boy says, unenthusiastic, and drifts toward the stairs. It unsettles Harry, how in the corner of his eye, once or twice a day, he seems to see another woman in the house, a woman who is not Janice; when it is only his long-haired son.
One more beer. He scrapes Nelson’s uneaten dinner into the Disposall, which sometimes sweetly stinks because the Penn Villas sewers flow sluggishly, carelessly engineered. He moves through the downstairs collecting glasses for the dishwasher; one of Janice’s stunts is to wander around leaving dreggy cups with saucers used as ashtrays and wineglasses coated with vermouth around on whatever ledges occurred to her – the TV top, a windowsill. How can she be helping untangle Mildred’s mess? Maybe out of the house she’s a whirlwind of efficiency. And a heigh-ho Silver. Indian affairs. Poor Pop and his rumor. Poor Mom lying there prey to poison tongues and nightmares. The two of them, their minds gone dry as haystacks rats slither through. His mind shies away. He looks out the window and sees in dusk the black lines of a TV aerial, an aluminum clothes tree, a basketball hoop on a far garage. How can he get the kid interested in sports? If he’s too short for basketball, then baseball. Anything, just to put something there, some bliss, to live on later for a while. If he goes empty now he won’t last at all, because we get emptier. Rabbit turns from the window and everywhere in his own house sees a slippery disposable gloss. It glints back at him from the synthetic fabric of the living-room sofa and chair, the synthetic artiness of a lamp Janice bought that has a piece of driftwood weighted and wired as its base, the unnatural-looking natural wood of the shelves empty but for a few ashtrays with the sheen of fairgrounds souvenirs; it glints back at him from the steel sink, the kitchen linoleum with its whorls as of madness, oil in water, things don’t mix. The window above the sink is black and as opaque as the orange that paints the asylum windows. He sees mirrored in it his own wet hands. Underwater. He crumples the aluminum beer can he has absentmindedly drained. Its contents feel metallic inside him: corrosive, fattening. Things don’t mix. His inability to fasten onto any thought and make something of it must be fatigue. Rabbit lifts himself up the stairs, pushes himself through the underwater motions of undressing and dental care, sinks into bed without bothering to turn out the lights downstairs and in the bathroom. He hears from a mournful smothered radio noise that Nelson is still awake. He thinks he should get up and say good night, give the kid a blessing, but a weight crushes him while light persists into his bedroom, along with the boy’s soft knocking noises, opening and shutting doors, looking for something to do. Since infancy Rabbit sleeps best when others are up, upright like nails holding down the world, like lamp-posts, street-signs, dandelion stems, cobwebs . . .
Something big slithers into the bed: Janice. The fluorescent dial on the bureau is saying five of eleven, its two hands merged into one finger. She is warm in her nightie. Skin is warmer than cotton. He was dreaming about a parabolic curve, trying to steer on it, though the thing he was trying to steer was fighting him, like a broken sled.
“Get it untangled?” he asks her.
“Just about. I’m so sorry, Harry. Daddy came back and he just wouldn’t let us go.”
“Catch a nigger by the toe,” he mumbles.
“What sort of evening did you and Nelson have?”
“A kind of nothing sort of evening.”
“Anybody call?”
“Nobody.”
He senses she is, late as it is, alive, jazzed up, and wants to talk, apologetic, wanting to make it up. Her being in the bed changes its quality, from a resisting raft he is seeking to hold to a curving course to a nest, a laden hollow, itself curved. Her hand seeks him out and he brushes her away with an athlete’s old instinct to protect that spot. She turns then her back on him. He accepts this rejection. He nestles against her. Her waist where no bones are nips in like a bird dipping. H
e had been afraid marrying her she would get fat like her mother but as she ages more and more her skinny little stringy go-getter of a father comes out in her. His hand leaves the dip to stray around in front to her belly, faintly lovably loose from having had two babies. Puppy’s neck. Should he have let her have had another to replace the one that died? Maybe that was the mistake. It had all seemed like a pit to him then, her womb and the grave, sex and death, he had fled her cunt like a tiger’s mouth. His fingers search lower, touch tendrils, go lower, discover a moistness already there. He thinks of feathering the Linotype keys, of work tomorrow, and is already there.
The Verity Press lives on order forms, tickets to fund-raising dances, political posters in the fall, high-school yearbooks in the spring, throwaway fliers for the supermarkets, junk-mail sales announcements. On its rotary press it prints a weekly, The Brewer Vat, which specializes in city scandal since the two dailies handle all the hard local and syndicated national news. Once it also published a German-language journal, Der Schockelschtuhl, founded 1830. In Rabbit’s time here they had let it die, its circulation thinned down to a few thousand farmers in odd corners of the county and counties around. Rabbit remembers it because it meant the departure from the shop of old Kurt Schrack, one of those dark scowling Germans with whiskers that look tattooed into the skin rather than growing out of it to be shaved. His hair was iron but his jaw was lead as he sat scowling in the corner that belonged only to him; he was paid just to proofread the Pennsylvania Dutch copy and hand-set it in the black-letter fonts no one else was allowed to touch. The borders, and the big ornamental letters used on the inside pages, had been carved of wood, blackened by a century of inky handling. Schrack would concentrate down into his work so hard he would look up at lunchtime and talk in German to Pajasek the Polish foreman, or to one of the two shop Negroes, or to one of the Angstroms. Schrack had been likable in that he had done something scrupulously that others could not do at all. Then one Monday he was let go and his corner was soon walled in for the engravers.
Der Schockelschtuhl has gone and the Vat itself keeps threatening to take its custom to one of the big offset plants in Philadelphia. You simply paste it up, ads and photos and type, and send it off. Over Verity hangs a future that belongs to cool processes, to photo-offset and beyond that to photo-composition, computerized television that throws thousands of letters a second onto film with never the kiss of metal, beamed by computers programmed even for hyphenation and runarounds; but just an offset press is upwards of thirty thousand dollars and flatbed letterpress remains the easiest way to do tickets and posters. And the Vat might fold up any week. It is certainly a superfluous newspaper.
BREWER FACTORY TOOLS COMPONENT HEADED TOWARD MOON, is this week’s front-page story. Rabbit sets, two-column measure, his white fingers feathering, the used matrices dropping back into their channels above his head like rain onto tin.
When Brewerites this Sunday gaze up at the moon,
it may look a little bit different to them.
Why?
Because there’s going to be a little bit of Brewer on
No. Widow. He tries to take it back but the line is too tight to close so he settles for the widow.
it.
Zigzag Electronic Products Inc., of Seventh and Locust Streets, City,
Oops.
Locust Streets, city, revealed to VAT reporters this week that a crucial electronic switching sequence in the on-board guidance and nabifiation computer was the on-board guidance and navigation computer was manufactured by them here, in the plain brick building, once the cite if Gossamer Hosiery Co, that thouing, once the site of Gossamer Hosiery Co., that thousands of Brewer citizens walk unknowingly by each day.
If the printed circuits of their switches—half the size of a postage stamp and weighing less than a sunflower seed—fail to function, astronauts Armstrong, Aldrin and Collin will drift past the moon and perish in the infinite vacuum of so-called “deep space.”
But there is no danger of that, Zigzag Electronics general manager Leroy “Spin” Lengel assured the
Jump after twenty lines. Switch to single-column lines.
VAT reporter in his highly modern, light-green office.
“It was just another job to us,” he said. “We do a hundred like it every week.
“Naturally all of us at Zigzag are proud as punch,” Lengel added. “We’re sailinggeatoin added. “We’re sailing on a new sea.”
The machine stands tall and warm above him, mothering, muttering, a temperamental thousand-parted survival from the golden age of machinery. The sorts tray is on his right hand; the Star Quadder and the mold disc and slug tray on his left; a green-shaded light bulb at the level of his eyes. Above this sun the machine shoulders into shadow like a thunderhead, its matrix return rod spiralling idly, all these rustling sighing tons of intricately keyed mass waiting for the feather-touch of his intelligence. Behind the mold disc the molten lead waits; sometimes when there is a jam the lead squirts out hot: Harry has been burned. But the machine is a baby; its demands, though inflexible, are few, and once these demands are met obedience automatically follows. There is no problem of fidelity. Do for it, it does for you. And Harry loves the light here. It is cream to his eyes, this even bluish light that nowhere casts a shadow, light so calm and fine you can read glinting letters backwards at a glance. It contrasts to the light in his home, where standing at the kitchen sink he casts a shadow that looks like dirt over the dishes, and sitting in the living room he must squint against the bridge lamp Janice uses to read magazines by, and bulbs keep burning out on the stair landing, and the kid complains except when it’s totally dark about the reflections on the television screen. In the big room of Verity Press, ceilinged with fluorescent tubes, men move around as spirits, without shadows.
At the ten-thirty coffee break Pop comes over and asks, “Think you can make it over this evening?”
“I don’t know. Janice said something last night about taking the kid to a movie. How’s Mom?”
“As good as can be hoped.”
“She mention Janice again?”
“Not last night, Harry. Not more than in passing at least.”
The old man sidles closer, clutching his paper cup of coffee tightly as if it held jewels. “Did you say anything to Janice?” he asks. “Did you search her out any?”
“Search her out, what is she, on trial? I hardly saw her. She was over at Springer’s until late.” Rabbit winces, in the perfect light seeing his father’s lips pinch in, his eyes slide fishily. Harry elaborates: “Old man Springer kept her trying to untangle his books until eleven, ever since he started selling Jap cars he’s a slavedriver.”
Pop’s pupils widen a hairline; his eyebrows lift a pica’s width. “I thought he and his missus were in the Poconos.”
“The Springers? Who told you that?”
“I guess your mother, I forget who told her, Julia Arndt maybe. Maybe it was last week. Mrs. Springer’s legs they say can’t take the heat, they swell up. I don’t know what to tell you about growing old, Harry; it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“The Poconos.”
“It must have been last week they said. Your mother will be disappointed if you can’t come over tonight, what shall I tell her?”
The bell rings, ending the break; Buchanan slouches by, wiping his morning shot of whisky from his lips, and winks. “Daddy knows best,” he calls playfully. He is a sleek black seal.
Harry says, “Tell her we’ll try after supper but we’ve promised the kid a movie and probably can’t. Maybe Friday.” His father’s face, disappointed and unaccusing, angers him so he explodes: “Goddammit Pop I have a family of my own to run! I can’t do everything.” He returns to his machine gratefully. And it fits right around him, purrs while he brushes a word from his mind (“Poconos”), makes loud rain when he touches the keys, is pleased he is back.
Janice is home when he comes back from work. The Falcon is in the garage. The little house is ha
zed by her cigarette smoke; a half-empty glass of vermouth sits on top of the television set and another on one of the shelves between the living room and the breakfast nook. Rabbit calls, “Janice!” Though the house is small and echoing, so that the click of the television knob, the unstoppering of a bottle, the creaking of Nelson’s bedsprings can be heard anywhere, there is no answer. He hears steady tumbling water, climbs the stairs. The upstairs bathroom is packed with steam. Amazing, how hot women can stand water.
“Harry, you’ve just let a lot of cold air in.”
She is shaving her legs in the tub and several small cuts are brightly bleeding. Though Janice was never a knockout, with something sullen and stunted and tight about her face, and a short woman in the decade of the big female balloons Hollywood sent up before it died, she always had nice legs and still does. Taut perky legs with a bony kneecap that Rabbit has always liked; he likes to see the bones in people. His wife is holding one soaped leg up as if for display and he sees through the steam the gray soap-curdled water slopping in and out and around her pussy and belly and bottom as she reaches to shave the ankle, and he is standing at the top of a stairway of the uncountable other baths he has heard her take or seen her have in the thirteen years of their marriage. He can keep count of these years because their marriage is seven months older than their child. He asks, “Where’s Nelson?”