by E. C. Stever
A tree trunk smashed into Man-of-Arms, breaking his nose. He spun away, nose bleeding, which was a serious injury for a creature with such a large nose. Blood poured out.
Man-of-Arms coughed. He chopped off his upper right arm until an arm with bandages and medicine grew in its place.
"Okay, I can heal myself," Man-of-Arms said. He sneezed and blood sprayed across Hubward's face. "I think."
The medical arm applied a never-ending bandage to his bloody nose, and eventually stopped the bleeding.
"Got a little excited," Man-of-Arms said, or rather, armpit farted.
"Well there's one really good reason to get excited," Hubward said breathlessly. "Sniff behind you."
Man-of-Arms turned.
Piles of white bones were reforming themselves mid-air. The Sorcerer's spell was completed.
The white bones! He'd forgotten to tell Gulchima about the caverns, and the bones he'd seen in the fizz factory. Now, unfortunately, it all made sense.
The dragon hadn't been murdered. Bayadev was a place where dragons came to die. This place was a dragon graveyard!
How did he know this? Because the bones in the lake bottom were from dragons. Hundreds of dragons had died here. And thousands more were underneath the ground. The dragon bones were in the fairy nest, and the older dragon bones were leaking into the fizz-water. The dragon bones were what gave this place such strong magic.
A dragon graveyard! And the Sorcerer was known as a necromancer. She knew magic to bring back the dead!
Hubward realized her plan a few seconds after the Skeleton Dragon flapped into the air. Of course. The Sorcerer had brought it back to life.
That's why she had come here to Bayadev.
The Sorcerer was creating an army of dead dragons.
Things were bad, but Hubward knew they would get worse.
And he was right. Because a few seconds later, the Skeleton Dragon started to breathe fire.
Chapter 41: Gulchima Rescues Three
Gulchima leapt into the sinkhole.
She fell for an eternity, or perhaps three seconds, and then she was whisked away into the dark, rushing through the cold troubled water. The fish-trangle mud melted away and she was clean. She was herself.
We are the leviathan, we laugh at the rattling of the lance.
As she was carried into the darkness, Gulchima heard those words. They weren't quite real. Gulchima knew this because she could hear them clearly, even though she had to keep ducking her head under water to avoid the rough stone of the cavern roof.
We are harder than the lower millstone. Arrows are like dandelion fuzz to us.
Whose words were these? Who was speaking? Gulchima did not have to think. She knew it was Ash, the Zeitgeist. The Ash of Empires.
We live in the path that birds move, yet we are more real than mud and iron.
Gulchima knew she'd face Ash here, in the dark. Perhaps she had always known this would happen. After her five years away, after what she had seen . . . it was too important to be forgotten. The Great-Clinch. The Joining of Worlds.
And something had warned Gulchima not to tell what she'd seen at the end of her five year journey. Something had warned her that by telling, she would doom the world.
We are kings of all that are proud, we have no tongue for fear.
But why would she trust a Something? Why accept that warning?
For all Gulchima knew, the Something that had warned her was the thing that had trapped her. Why do what magic wanted?
The cold water brought Gulchima exactly where she needed to go. The river slowed, and Gulchima came to a room, lit by three torches. She pulled herself out of the water. She was half frozen now, her legs numb. She struggled to the shore.
Her sister was there. And so were two others.
Lady Keyhide and Jaroo glared at her.
"Gulchima, it's about time!" Lady Keyhide said. Her false smile dropped. "What took you so long?"
✽✽✽
Her sister was there, blindfolded. Isolde was tied to an abandoned machine from the fizz factory. There were dozens of dusty machines in this room, some tipped over, some dismantled. Parts lay strewn haphazardly around the floor.
Jaroo and Lady Keyhide were tied up too. Their blindfolds hung loosely around their necks.
Gulchima crept over to her sister, and her heart swelled when she saw Isolde was still breathing.
"It's me," Gulchima said in a whisper. She took out her knife and cut Isolde free.
Isolde removed her blindfold. She looked dazed. "You saved me?" She stretched her arms above her head. "Don't go getting a big head about it. All you did was jump into a hole."
Gulchima smiled. "Yeah the water did most of the work."
"Exactly. Is Hubward . . . did he survive?"
"He's alive," Gulchima said. "He's taking care of some small things for me on the surface."
"Helloo? Children?" Jaroo said. "Don't forget the two other hostages here."
Should she cut them loose? Lady Keyhide was maybe the Sorcerer and Jaroo was just a jerk. But if so, then why was Lady Keyhide tied up? And why did she have a black eye? Better to play the game, even if she didn't know the rules.
"Where’s the Fizz-Meister and Ninestone?" Gulchima asked, stalling for time.
"Washed away," Jaroo said. "Tragic devotion to their duty I'm afraid. Cut us loose Gulchima, before Menja and Frenja come back. They're possessed."
"Maybe they're angry about not getting paid overtime," Lady Keyhide muttered.
"Perhaps," Jaroo said dryly. "But you must cut us loose."
Gulchima thought hard about the situation. Okay, the Fizz-Meister wasn't the Sorcerer then, and Ninestone had been scanned, so it wasn't her. But something odd was going on. Gulchima asked Jaroo the questions, but she watched Lady Keyhide's reaction.
"What were you doing at the dragon with that glowing ball?" Gulchima asked.
"Casting a spell," Jaroo said. "Or trying to. These metal bracelets allow one to borrow magic for a short time. But it didn't work. The dragon remained."
"Stupid idea," Lady Keyhide said. "I told you the fizz-water would stay corrupted by magic. The problem was festering long before the dragon showed up. That's why I hired you as a plumber, remember?"
"A water filtration specialist," Jaroo corrected her. "But the magic in the fizz-water increased once the dragon crashed. Our filters couldn't keep up."
He gestured at the wire mesh and the pile of yellow cakey stuff near an abandoned machine.
"We derive that from the natural waters, the pool deepest in the caverns," Jaroo explained. "It has anti-magical properties. I tested it on your Outfit and none of you died. So I assume it's safe."
"You tested it on us? When?" Isolde asked.
"That free fizz-water I delivered was my first batch that had been filtered," Jaroo explained. "None of you were sickened by it. As far as I know."
A pile of yellow cakey stuff . . . hmmm.
Gulchima took out her knife. She walked over, then slid the knife blade into the yellow cake. Hubward had told her it was dangerous, especially to magic.
Gulchima walked over to Lady Keyhide, then pressed the back of the blade against Lady Keyhide's face.
Nothing happened. Okay, then she wasn't the Sorcerer.
"My makeup is already ruined," Lady Keyhide said sourly. "I don't think that's going to help."
Gulchima did the same to Jaroo, pressing the back of her knife blade to his neck. Again, nothing happened.
"Give me your metal bracelets, the one you used for magic," she said.
Isolde walked over to Jaroo, and detached his bracelets. She tossed them at Gulchima's feet.
Gulchima pressed the cake covered knife against the metal links. They flashed brightly, then turned into ash.
So the yellow cake ate magic. That made as much sense as everything else.
And it meant that neither Jaroo, nor Lady Keyhide was the Sorcerer.
She tossed her knife to Isolde who cut Jaroo an
d Lady Keyhide free.
The sound of heavy footsteps interrupted her thoughts. Gulchima looked up to see two towering figures standing in the doorway. Their eyes glowed like coals.
Menja and Frenja strode into the room.
"I thought I smell rabbit-poo," Menja said. "That other girl here."
"Good," Frenja said. "Now Brunhild not know about our mistake."
Lady Keyhide and Jaroo cowered away from the two guards. They moved to the edge of the flowing water.
Isolde and Gulchima stood still. They looked at one another.
"There's only two of them, there's four of us," Gulchima said.
"Hmm, migssht want to countsh again," said another voice. A dozen heavily armed bandits entered the room. They all glittered with magic.
Their leader had an evil smile. He was quite handsome, if you ignored his teeth, which were magical teeth, made of diamond. Magical teeth? What a stupid idea. They were pretty to look at, but he sloshed his words around in his mouth.
"Now I'm gonna guessh, one of yoush is named Gulssshima, am I righsht?"
But Gulchima didn't have time to answer.
Because just then, Lady Keyhide threw something at the man.
And then, the battle started.
Chapter 42: Brunhild Gets Stuck
It was a sticky situation.
Often, Brunhild would use that turn of phrase to describe a period of uncertain footing, or a time where caution was warranted. But in this instance, Brunhild knew the phrase was particularly apt. It was a sticky situation, because someone was shooting syrup at them.
And they'd made a small swamp. Well, a small syrupy swamp anyway.
The man called Soltanabad had barricaded himself in a long row of two-story shops in central Bayadev. He was head of the loggers, and he and his crew had been systematically clear-cutting the haunted woods over the last few months. Soltanabad and his men were dressed identically, they all had wild hair, wore purple cork boots, and had an unlimited supply of syrup it seemed. Such garish men, such ridiculous fashion sense. Who wore purple in late summer? Who had that much syrup?
Brunhild stood with Kondo and her River-Hag sisters, watching the attack. Besides this pocket of resistance, most of Bayadev was captured. Parts of it were already ablaze. Once this sticky situation was dealt with, Brunhild could relax.
Above them, a purple-booted man kicked open a window on the second floor, dumped his syrup from a pot, then disappeared before the bandits could get a shot off. Another window opened a few shops down, and a similarly dressed man, dumped a similar pot of syrup on a bandit. It was maddening.
The syrup was extra sticky, she could see why it had slowed her attack. And magic had no effect on syrup. Everyone knew that.
In the center of the homemade syrup swamp, a few of the bandits lay unconscious. Though exactly how that had happened, Brunhild could not imagine.
It seemed as if the bandits were focusing their attack on a very small boy, who stood on a box in the syrup swamp and punched the air. Nothing dangerous or magical about that, Brunhild thought. And though the bandits were slowed, they weren't stopped. They could struggle through the knee deep syrup. The boy couldn't be more than four-years-old. What was the problem?
But Brunhild wasn't particularly worried. Not all of her army walked on two legs.
"Fairies, attack!" Brunhild yelled. She pointed at the shops.
The pack of fairies sped up into the air, darting toward the first open window. The man carrying the syrup pot was surprised, even more so when the fairies yanked him into the street by his nose hair. A bandit grabbed him and tried to push him down, but the bandit was stuck to the man, and they rolled, coating themselves in syrup.
"Delicious," Kondo chuckled.
The fairies darted toward the shop windows again, giggling cruelly. Once the shops were taken care of, Brunhild would have the fairies deal with the young boy.
Suddenly, a figure appeared on the roof.
"Clearwise, with eyes!" the figure called.
He waved his broad brimmed hat in the air, and his golden teeth flashed in the firelight. That was Soltanabad. She knew it.
"Grab him!" Brunhild called.
Several figures popped up on the shop roofs (or was it rooves?). They had those ridiculous backpack sprayers they used in the woods.
"Glacier water won't work on fairies," Brunhild said, an evil smile growing on her face. "This will also be delicious, Kondo."
But then she saw the first fairy fall.
Brunhild sniffed the air. The backpacks contained, not water, but watered down syrup. The fairies fell to the ground, struggling against the syrup.
The River-Hags groaned.
"Not to worry sisters," Brunhild said. "Fairies are strong."
And they were, but not strong enough. The basement doors flew open, and two more of Soltanabad's crew emerged, each carrying bellows, the fan shaped tool used by blacksmiths to blast air.
Except these bellows were hooked up to hoses. Brunhild could smell the hot air wafting from the basement.
"Save the fairies," she yelled.
But it was too late.
The two men stomped on the bellows. Gusts of extremely hot air roasted the fairies, crystallizing them into their syrupy prison. The two men scooped up the candied fairies, jabbed them with a wooden stick, then disappeared back into basement.
"FurnaceFairy for sale! Delicious candy treats," Soltanabad called. "We make small profit only, but guaranteed fairy inside. Great for enemies and tricking bad children. Memento of battle against magic. Good price, good price."
The doors and shop windows slammed shut. Soltanabad disappeared.
Brunhild screamed in frustration.
One of the River-Hags rushed over and pulled on the basement door, but found it was stuck shut with syrup.
"Burn it down!" Brunhild called to the bandits. But they seemed to be occupied.
The four-year-old boy had knocked all of them unconscious.
Did Brunhild have to do everything herself?
"Kondo, take care of that boy!" Brunhild commanded.
Kondo, second in command of the band of bad bandits, strode forward. He held up his magical sword. It crackled with energy.
The boy jumped into the air, kicked twice, spun, awkwardly backflipped, punched twice more, then slapped the air and smiled.
Kondo tensed, but after a few seconds, nothing happened. Kondo grinned. "Looks like your luck has run out."
Kondo threw his sword at the boy.
It stopped an inch from the young boy, and hung in mid-air, still crackling with magical energy.
The boy stared into the distance, as if listening to someone speaking, then he nodded. "Emm, yes. But don't forget the slap at the end."
He turned to face Kondo, and his eyes widened. "Oh and also, the sword should explode, like ka—"
Without warning, Kondo was lifted up into the air, kicked twice in the head and the stomach, then spun and flipped, until he smashed into the shuttered window on the second floor of the shop. Kondo slid down the side of the building, groaning.
The magical sword sparked. It accelerated hilt-first into his stomach, where it shattered in an explosion of sparks and green fire. All that was left of Kondo was an ashy outline.
"Ka—Boom!" the young boy said. He clapped. "Now let's get those other mean ones." He pointed at Brunhild.
"Get the boy!" Brunhild called to the River-Hags.
But her sisters were gone. She saw the last of them, ducking down an alley.
They couldn't be afraid. Could they? Perhaps they had decided to attack a different part of Bayadev, suddenly, without warning.
Brunhild ran and caught up with them, and she realized what was happening.
Uncle Roog, their white-haired tormentor from the houseboat, stood in front of the River-Hags. He was naked, except for his towel, and he was eating a potato. He did not have his cannon.
"Get out of my burgh," Roog sneered. "It's men's sauna time. River-
Hag sauna time is in ten million years." He threw his potato at the closest River-Hag, and it bounced off harmlessly.
Roog's eyes grew wide. He turned and ran.
The River-Hags pursued him, their claws extended.
Brunhild called for them to come back. With the fairies turned into candy and the powerful bandits defeated by a lone four-year-old-boy, the River-Hags were Brunhild's last chance to capture Bayadev. The lunkers hadn't even entered the burgh.
Brunhild ran after her sisters, and away from the sticky situation.
They entered a small courtyard.
It was damp and smoky. It smelled like a sauna. In fact, she could just see the outline of Roog's sauna built into the wall. The door was wide open.
Brunhild realized they hadn't escaped. They'd been herded.
A net was pulled across the entranceway to the courtyard. They were trapped!
She tried to pull down the net, but her hand sizzled when she touched it. The net dripped with a red and orange pulpy slime.
It couldn't be potatoes because she had temporary protection against potatoes. But then . . . what was it?
The River-Hags huddled together.
In the steamy sauna air, they heard Roog's sing-song voice. "Potaaaato. Potaaaaato."
Something hard and vegetal slammed into the River-Hag next to Brunhild.
Her sister fell, unconscious.
"Potatoes don't work, we're immune!" Brunhild cried. But how?
Then she heard the children calling down to them. "Potato! Potato!" they chanted.
The children were standing on wooden walk-walks above the courtyard. They had many cannons pointed down at Brunhild and her sisters. And many more pots of bubbling stew.
"Potato, potato, potato, shoot!"
The vegetables rained down. The River-Hags fell.
It was impossible! Brunhild was going to lose.
But the proof was in the pudding, her voices told her.
And her pudding was made of potatoes.
Chapter 43: Hubward Captures the Sorcerer
The skeleton dragon spewed fire, and the pale blue flames flashed across the fish-trangles, incinerating them where they stood.