by J. S. Cooper
He stopped right in front of me. “Hi.”
“Hi. I was actually just about to call you.” I swallowed hard, my hands were clammy.
“You were?” A small smile hit his face. “Really?”
“Really?” I smiled back at him. I moved towards him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“What was that for?” He was surprised.
“I think I just wanted to say hello properly.”
“Well, that was a very nice hello, thank you.” He grinned, the happy light back in his eyes. “What did you want to call and talk to me about?”
“What did you want to come to the office and talk to me about?”
“I don't know.” He shrugged, “I just needed to see you. I'm sorry that I got angry on the phone earlier. It's just been a really long day and I was stressed.”
“I thought the meetings with the bank went well?”
“They went okay. I mean, I don't really know what's going to happen.” He suddenly looked despondent. “I haven't really shared this with anyone else, but we kind of need this merger to go through.”
“Oh no. Is your bank in trouble?”
“Let’s just d say we don't have the reserves that we used to. And you know, we're a small town bank. We kinda need this merger...”
“But I thought everything was going well. I thought...”
“You know, appearances can be deceptive, Birdie, everything isn't always as it seems on the surface.”
“I know,” I nodded. I grabbed his hand. “Can we go and talk?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Just come with me.” I pulled him towards the back of the building and we walked outside to a courtyard.
“This is really nice. I am surprised you have it here.”
“Yeah, I guess they make some of the buildings have green space. I don't know if it’s a city ordinance or something.”
“Oh cool.” He smiled and I led him to a bench at the back corner of the small garden.
“So Hunter?”
“Yes. Birdie.”
“I don't know what to say anymore.” I laughed nervously.
“You haven't said anything yet.”
“Do you want to speak first?” I asked him, hopefully not really sure what to say and how to start. “I mean, if you have something to say...” He just stared at me and I licked my lips and continued. “So I was thinking about everything.”
“Yeah and?”
“And I think I did us a disservice.”
“Oh,” he looked shocked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when everything went down in the locker room, I shouldn't have just left like that. We should have had an actual conversation. I should have expressed to you in person how hurt and sad you made me. I should have explained exactly why you hurt me and why I was leaving and why it was over. I owed you that after dating for such a long time. I'm sure I hurt you when I blocked you.”
“ You ghosted me, Birdie.” His tone was bleak. “It hurt a lot.”
“I know. And I'm sorry. I mean, I wanted to hurt you obviously, because you hurt me. But now that I look back at everything, I guess I could have done it a little bit better and at least had a conversation with you. I should have owned up to the fact that I had a lot of insecurities about you and other women.”
“But I never gave you any reason to have any insecurities. There was never any other woman that mattered to me.”
“I know, but like Victoria Venice...”
“You know I wasn't interested in her. I was never interested in her.”
“Yeah. But then I saw the Instagram video of you guys dancing in...”
“Birdie did you really watch that video?”
“What are you talking about? Of course I did.”
“Because if you would have watched it, you would have seen that I was standing there and she was dancing up on me. I wasn't dancing back. No, I didn't push her away from me, but I wasn't dancing with her. She was the one that was grinding up on me. And if you would have watched it for a little bit longer, you would have seen me walking away in disgust.”
“Oh,” my heart was racing. I tried to think back to the video that I'd seen so many years ago, had he just been standing there? I could remember Victoria running her fingers down his chest as she danced and grinded on him, but not much else. Had I gotten it wrong? Had I jumped to conclusions? I couldn't remember what he'd been doing. I could just remember his face looking distant as tears rolled down my face. I didn't really remember the video. I shook my head. “I guess I just remembered her touching you and grinding. And I just assumed that you were okay with it because you let her...”
“I don't like to disrespect women and I don't want to hurt anyone. Yeah. She danced on me and I walked away literally about a minute after she started dancing up on me”. He sighed. “If you don't believe me, I....”
“I believe you.”
“Well, that's good. You leaving really hurt me. You know? I mean, I know that I fucked up and should have said something to the guys immediately, but there’s something you don't know, Birdie.”
“What?”
“After you left the locker room, I did realize that I was an asshole and those guys were dirtbags.”
II blinked at him. “What are you talking about?”
“As soon as you stormed out, I really thought about what the guys had said and I got into a fight.”
“You got into a fight?”
“I started beating them up. I was enraged and I was mad at myself that I'd laughed and chuckled. And let them speak about you like that. I shouldn’t have just let it go. I got into a really bad fight. The reason you didn't hear from me later that evening was because I got arrested. They called the cops.
I beat up three guys. I broke one guy's arm. Remember Robert?”
“Tall, Robert from Michigan?”
He nodded. “No way.” My jaw dropped. He’d never told me.
“You never give me a chance to tell you any of this.”
“But you never called me.”
“I couldn't call you. I was locked up. I was in the cell for two days.”
“What'd you mean you were in the cell for two days? You didn't get out on bail?”
“My dad wouldn't pay my bail, Birdie. He wanted to teach me a lesson. He told me that I almost fucked up everything in my life. He said it could have been a felony and that it would have followed me forever.”
“Oh,” my eyes widened. “I had no clue, why didn't you ever...you never told me ...you.” I sighed. I was too emotional to get out the words and thoughts in my head.
“I didn't have a chance to tell you. I was in jail. When I got out of jail, I went home and I tried calling you and your phone just rang out. It went directly to voicemail. Why didn't you leave me a voicemail?”
“I don't know. I guess I was going to the party and I hoped you'd be there. I figured we could talk there.” “But I didn't go to the party.”
“I realized that as soon as I got to the party and I looked around and you weren't there. Victoria Venice came up to me before I could leave. She started dancing on me. I walked away about two minutes after she started dancing. I asked some people if they'd seen you, they hadn't. So I went home. Then I tried calling you the next day. And the phone just kept ringing and ringing. It didn't even go to voicemail. You blocked me. I got mad. I was pissed. I nearly went to jail for you and you blocked me.”
“You could have come and seen me and talked in person.”
“I was angry. I couldn't go and talk to you right then and there. I just needed to resolve my anger because I was mad at myself and I was mad at you. I just needed a little bit of time to figure everything out. And then when I wanted to have a conversation, you were gone. You just up and left and you went to San Francisco and you never even told me.” He rubbed his forehead and I could hear the hurt in his voice. I felt like an asshole.. “A piece of my heart felt like had been ripped out when I realized you’d left the st
ate without even saying goodbye.”
“I didn't do it to hurt you.”
“But you had to know it would. We were in love. I loved you. And I thought you loved me. I knew I fucked up but I tried to make amends and I wanted to apologize in person. I realized that as soon as you walked out of that locker room, I was an immature idiot and I nearly did hard time for you.”
“Did you dol jail time?”
“No, I'm a Beauregard. My dad ended up taking care of it. He made a sizable donation to the police force and he paid for Robert's hospital bills and some other payoffs. I don't know exactly what, but I was let go of a warning. And my dad told me that, no woman was worth beating up anyone over, but you know what?”
“What?” I stared at him wide eyed. I couldn't believe everything that I was hearing.
“I would have done it all over again. It was worth it to me because those guys, they disrespected you and they had no right. You are the best, most beautiful, purest woman I've ever known. And the fact that anyone dared speak about you in that way, I would never let that happen again. Never. I was a boy then, but I am a man now, Birdie. I am a man that would protect your heart with his life. And I'm man enough to own up to the fact that yes, I messed up, but you hurt me as well. You really hurt me. And even though I'm here and even though I wanted to see you again, and even though being with you has been so magical, I still hold that hurt inside. How could you just leave me like that without even having a conversation? I thought I meant more to you than that. And I know I should just suck it up because ultimately I was the one in the wrong, but it's still hard.”
“Oh Hunter,” my voice cracked. As I listened to him, I could see tears in his eyes. I'd never seen him so emotional. I'd never seen him so sad. I knew in that moment that as much as he hurt me, I'd hurt him as well.
“I'm so sorry. I didn't know any of this.”
“And I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to know that if we had a chance together, it was because you forgave me for everything and you wanted to come back to me. Not because...”
It was my term to silence him and I pressed my finger against his lips. “You know why I was coming downstairs to call you ,Hunter.”
“Why?”
“Because I realized that I hadn't been fair to you either. I realized that I was immature as well, and I let my own personal self-esteem issues and worries about our relationship create fears in our relationship.”
“We were both so young.”
“You didn't give me any real reason to believe that you would cheat or leave me. I guess I just felt like, why wouldn't you? You were like the man and I was just me, Birdie.”
“But you're wonderful, Birdie. You're beautiful. And you're funny and you're generous and you're gregarious and you're sexy. And don't you know, that there has never been anyone else for me, never! From the first time we kissed to losing our virginity with each other, every moment of our lives together was perfect. And you know what? When I joined the football team in college, yeah. I let it get to my head. Yeah. I was part of something that was also magical, but it wasn't more magical and it didn't mean more to me. Nothing could ever mean more to me than you.”
“Oh, Hunter. I didn't know that you felt that way. Forgive me. “
“I can only forgive you, if you can forgive me. If you can really and truly forgive me and promise me that no matter what happens from here on out, if there ever is an issue between us, whether all we have is friendship or whether I'm lucky enough for you to give me a second chance, we need to always communicate.”
“Hunter, what are you saying?”
“I'm saying that if there's ever an issue, I want you to come to me first to not run away.”
“Do you want to get back together?” I asked breathlessly. I needed to know what he really wanted? “Don't you get it, Birdie? I never wanted us to break up in the first place. That was your choice. I've always wanted you. I've always loved you. I still have the ring that I bought.”
“What ring?”
“A ring that I bought, that I was going to propose to you with....Anyway, I don't want to talk about that now. I just want to know if you'd ever give me a second chance. I still love you, Birdie. I love you more than I've ever loved you. And I want to be with you. I want to make you happy. I want to make you laugh. I want to make you smile. I want to make you sing. I want to make you orgasm. I want to make you scream out my name. I love you so much. There has never been anyone else for me. There will never be anyone else for me. You are a part of my DNA. Don't you understand that?” I just stared at him in happy shock. I didn't know what to say. My heart was racing and I felt happier than I'd ever felt in my life. And yet I didn't know how to tell him what was in my brain for once in my life. I was wordless. “Speak to me, Birdie.. I could see the worry in his eyes and finally I spoke.
“I'm sorry, I was in shock. I love you too, Hunter. I've always loved you. Maybe part of me was scared that I loved you so much, that I was only that it was only inevitable that I was going to get hurt. That you were going to leave me for someone better, because what we had was so perfect and the feelings I had for you just felt so powerful. But I know now we’re the lucky ones. A lot of people don't have what we have. We met when we were young and we fell in love and it was the real thing. It was the real deal.
And we both messed up because we were young and we were immature and we didn't know how to talk these things out. And we didn't know how to give each other that leeway to make mistakes because everyone in life makes mistakes, Hunter. And I know that now. And I realized that I used to look at my friends' relationships and be envious of them. I used to look at their relationships and think I can never have anything as great as that, but you know what? All of their guys messed up at some point, none of them were perfect. And yet their relationships right now are perfect. And I've been too hard on you. And I've been too hard on myself. People make mistakes Hunter. We most probably will make plenty more mistakes and that's okay. We can't take it personally. We can only grow together. We can love each other. And our love is strong enough. I know that now, I see that. We’ve just got to let the past live in the past. I'm not going to hold that incident in the locker room against you anymore. Not just because you've told me that you beat up the guys afterwards, because yes, that shows me that you realized that whole situation was awful. You didn't speak up for me, but that's okay because,” I paused and I stared at him. He was looking at me with such love in his eyes that I couldn't continue speaking. I leaned forward and I kissed him hard, slipping my tongue into his mouth. And he kissed me back and we melted into each other. The energy between us was electric and I felt like my entire body was on fire.
His hands were in my hair and my hands were in his hair. And we were holding on to each other as if we couldn't believe we were in this moment right here, right now in love. So in love. I pulled back and stared at him. “So where do we go from here?”
“I think you know the answer to that, Birdie.” He chuckled.
“No, I don't know the answer to that. What's the answer?”
“I think that means that I am now officially your boyfriend again, and you are officially my girlfriend again.”
“But how are we going to make that work? I live in San Francisco and you live in South Carolina and ...”
“We're going to make it work, Birdie. There is no distance that is too far for our love. We will work it out.”
“I love you Hunter. You know that right?”
“And I love you too. Birdie, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And I will never stop.”
Epilogue
Two weeks later
Birdie
"Hunter, are you sure that you want to come with me to this event?"
"Of course, I want to come with you." He looked at me like I was crazy. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Because you know Mawmaw and my granddad and my parents and everyone is going to be all over you and ... "
"And what?" he grinned. "You th
ink I can't deal with it?"
"But they're going to ask us what happened and I'm sure they might question you about the events of the past and everything else."
"Hey, it's okay. I can take it. I mean, I have to answer those questions at some point, right?"
"I guess so," I laughed, "but everything's so new. I just don't want you to-"
"It's fine, Birdie," he said. "And it's your Mawmaw's anniversary and you know I wouldn't miss that for the world."
"I know. She's going to be so happy that you're here."
"I'm glad." He squeezed my hand as we walked up to her front door. "The last two weeks with you have been magical, you know that right?"
"Really?" I laughed. "You seem to use that word magical quite a bit, Hunter."
"Because it's true."
I knocked on the door and then opened it slightly. I could hear the sound of laughter coming from the back of the house. We walked inside and made our way to the back "Mawmaw!" I called out.
"Birdie, is that you?" She strode out of the kitchen, a wide smile on her face. And as she looked over at Hunter, the smile only grew even wider.
"Oh my darling Birdie and Hunter, you're here," she walked up to me and gave me a quick hug and then turned to him and gave him a hug as well. "Oh, I'm so glad that you two finally figured out your issues and you're back together. I've been waiting, waiting so long. I guess soon I'll be able to have some great grandkids."
"Mawmaw!" I said laughing. "We just got back together. And how did you know we were back together?"