by Bella King
Cindy waved her hands as the jocks all laughed. “Hey, boys, chill out. Faith isn’t that kind of girl,” she said loudly, before turning to me. “Are you?”
I shook my head furiously.
“That’s what I thought, so don’t try anything guys,” Cindy said. “Toss me my cigs,” she yelled at Jeremy.
He picked up the pack and threw it to her. While I stood there, still in shock, Cindy offered me one. “Want a smoke? You look stressed?”
“No thank you, I think I’m going to go home,” I blurted out, turning around and dashing across the field away from the group of rugby players. As I heard the cruel laughs from the team, I knew that I had made a mistake coming out there with Cindy. She seemed to handle them alright, but I couldn’t deal with that kind of treatment, not after being bullied in the past.
I got to the school parking lot, only to look back and see Troy jogging across the field toward me. Did he come after me to apologize or something? I waited in the nearly empty lot for him to catch up. His large muscular legs brought him to me quickly and with ease. He hadn’t even broken a sweat.
“Hey, Faith,” he said, standing in front of me now with his hands on his hips. “I was only making a joke.”
I faked a smile. “I didn’t think it was that funny,” I replied.
Troy grinned at me. “You want to know what is funny though?”
“What?”
Troy reached out and grabbed my bookbag, yanking it off my shoulders and nearly throwing me to the ground in the process.
“Hey,” I shouted as he unzipped it aggressively and dumped my books out onto the asphalt. “Why are you doing this?”
Troy threw my now-empty bag to the side and placed his hands back on his hips. “Don’t make me look like an idiot in front of my team next time,” he barked at me.
Tears welled up in my eyes. “Fucking hell Troy, I didn’t do anything to you.”
“Yes, you did,” Troy said, glaring at me. “Maybe you don’t understand the pecking order here at Greywood because you’re new. Let me give you the scoop. You laugh at my jokes. If you don’t, then I lose respect in the eyes of my team, and that’s when things get ugly for you. Do you understand me?”
I nodded my head, but all I wanted was for him to go away. Why did guys have to be so cruel to me all the time? I honestly didn’t think I did anything wrong, but even Cindy didn’t make a big deal about it. Maybe I was just a big baby for getting offended but what he was doing was wrong. I hope he knew that.
Troy seemed to feel a little sympathy for me as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Hey, don’t cry about it. That’s how things are here. You’re lucky that you offended me and not some of the other guys here. People have literally been killed over shit like that.”
Troy got my bag from the ground and handed it to me. “Pick up your books and get out of here. If you have any sense, make sure you know who is popular here and don’t cross them. It’ll get you into more trouble than it’s worth. Believe me,” he said, a little softer this time. He turned around and walked back down to the bleachers were the rugby team was still talking and smoking with Cindy.
As soon as he had left, I gathered up my books and ran to my car, wishing that I had never even met Cindy or agreed to her stupid ideas. I didn’t need friends if that’s what they would do to me.
I went home that night and balled my eyes out. I knew that I would have to be tough this year if I was going to finish without any major bullying, but I was still so soft and innocent. I didn’t know about the pecking order, as Troy had put it, nor did I really understand what that meant. I was a bit socially inept.
Things were a lot more complicated at Greywood Academy than one might expect, and I was beginning to discover that a smaller school didn’t mean fewer issues. In fact, it might have meant more due to the tight cliques and more defined order among the staff and students. I had already noticed that people looked up to Troy and that Mrs. Snow favored the rugby team.
In a way, I think that what Troy had done to me in the parking lot may have helped me. If not for him, I may have offended someone far worse. He talked about getting killed, but I didn’t know if that was an exaggeration or an actual risk involved with angering students there. I didn’t really want to find out.
I decided that even though I would be avoiding the jocks from now on, I would still seek out Cindy again to figure out about this pecking order that Troy had talked about. This time, I wasn’t going to let myself fall into bullying again. I needed a plan.
I dried my tears into my pillow and thought about how terrible my experience at my previous high school had been. People literally threw punches at me in the hallway on the way to class, laughed as I got slammed into lockers, and threatened to do horrible things to me almost daily.
I had survived a lot of trauma, but it had left its mark on me. I had cuts all across my upper thighs, hidden from other students and even my parents. I was ashamed that I had cut myself so much, but the pain gave me a rush and made me feel okay. I had been in control of the pain, not my bullies, and that was the only thing that mattered to me when I cut myself and watched the blood ooze down my legs on the cold bathroom floor at home.
I had stopped the cutting, but scars don’t disappear overnight, and some don’t ever fade completely. I still had them on my thighs, constantly paranoid that my skirt would ride up in class and someone would say something about them.
It was my secret, and I didn’t want anyone to know. I was embarrassed that I had done something so ugly to my body, which was otherwise quite beautiful. I swore to myself that this year would be different. I was an adult and I needed to take care of myself. I couldn’t let things get that bad again.
The main reason that I had been bullied in the first place was that I was an outcast. What I needed to do now was to find a group at school that would stand up for me. There was strength in numbers. When you’re all alone, you’re too easy of a target. I would have to find people other than the jocks to get along with. I could ask Cindy for help with that. She was the only person I knew so far.
Chapter 4
The next day at school, I took Cindy aside to question her. She seemed happy to see me, but I took a different approach, trying not to show my weakness over the situation the previous day.
“Cindy, what the hell is wrong with Troy and his gang?” I asked her by the lockers.
Cindy frowned at me. “What are you talking about?”
“Troy made that stupid joke, as he called it, about me fucking the rugby team. Then, he came up to me and dumped my books onto the ground in the parking lot because I didn’t laugh at it,” I explained furiously.
Cindy shrugged. “You need to learn to stop offending people. Lighten up.”
I groaned. “Doesn’t that seem cruel to you though? What, am I supposed to just bend over and take it while Troy makes stupid jokes about me in front of a bunch of braindead jocks?”
Cindy shook her head. “If you can’t roll with the way things are here, then I suggest hanging out with a different crowd. Try the cheerleaders. Contrary to popular opinion, they don’t actually like the jocks at all. There’s some kind of war going on between the two groups right now, I think.”
“A war? I just want to find friends, not get involved in drama,” I replied. “I also wanted to ask you about something that Troy had mentioned to me in the parking lot.”
Cindy raised her eyebrows at me, retrieving a pack of cigarettes from her locker and pulling a slender white tube from the container. She tucked it behind her ear. “Go on…”
I crossed my arms and sighed. “Troy said that offending the wrong people here could get me killed. Is that true?”
Cindy let out a laugh. “Jesus, you’re so dramatic. Troy is fucking with you. He does that to everyone.” She patted me on the shoulder. “Come on and have lunch with me. I owe you one for the cigs.”
“Okay,” I replied, feeling a little foolish for having believed Troy. I guess he was nothing more than
a run-of-the-mill bully. I best keep away from him and I would be fine.
A went with Cindy to the lunchroom. I didn’t need her to buy me lunch, but she did anyway. It wasn’t like my parents didn’t already pay for this stuff, but I know she wanted to get me back for buying the cigarettes for her.
I wasn’t really sure if I could trust Cindy after what had happened with the rugby team, but I suppose I may have been a little over-the-top about it. She was just trying to fit in like everyone else. Getting to know her better wouldn’t do me any harm because I could avoid her social circles while learning more about the school and how things worked there. It was advantageous for me to have a contact on the inside.
“So,” I said as we sat down at an empty table together, “Tell me about the different groups here. Who is safest to hang out with?”
“Oh honey, life isn’t all about being safe. If you wanted to be safe you would hang out with the beta boys that would probably pay you to lick your feet. No harm there, but you’ll likely end up watching cartoons after class with a bunch of guys that don’t wear deodorant,” Cindy said with a chuckle.
“Ew, okay, no,” I said, shaking my head and biting into a butter roll. “I think I can do better than that.”
Cindy took a sip of her soda and nodded. “You sure can, Faith. I think someone like you could probably join the cheer team. You have nice legs.”
I looked down at my lap self-consciously. I had never had someone compliment my legs. My bullies used to tell me that they were fat and ugly.
Cindy noticed my shyness and laughed. “Come on girl, hold your chin high. I bet you could pop some testicles around this school if you got into one of those cheerleader uniforms. Troy would blow a load in his pants when he saw you.”
“Gross, Troy is a jerk,” I said defensively.
“Woah, chill. He’s not that bad. Just don’t make him angry,” Cindy said.
I snorted with bread in my mouth. “I think it’s too late for that.”
Cindy shrugged. “You should talk to the cheerleaders anyway. They don’t really like the rugby team either, so you’ll fit in. Which is again, weird, because they cheer for them every game. I guess they love the team, hate the players. Something like that.”
I smiled. “Yeah, that actually sounds alright. Do you know any of them you can introduce me to?”
Cindy made a face to indicate she was thinking back into the cobwebs of her brain. “Yes, I think Morgan might be able to help you. We can totally skip gym class and talk to her then.”
I didn’t want to go skipping classes during my first week of school, but a lot of people apparently skipped gym class in favor of other extracurricular activities. It was allowed as long as you actually had something to do, such as sports practice. Trying out for the cheer team sounded like a good enough excuse to me.
I gulped down my drink and wiped my lips with a napkin. “Alright, let’s do this.”
Cindy smiled, her dimples showing in the harsh overhead lights of the lunchroom. She looked better suited for the cheer team than I did, but I wasn’t going to argue with her. It was about time I started believing in myself. This year was going to be bully-free.
Cindy and I sprung up out of our seats and left the lunchroom, heading to the field to meet with Morgan.
Chapter 5
Morgan was the cheerleading captain, nearly six feet tall, and drop-dead gorgeous. Her hair was long and dark brown to match her eyes, and she had a body like a goddess. I was in awe of her the minute I saw her, and more than a little intimidated.
Cindy pushed me toward her and did the introductions. “Faith, this is Morgan, the cheer captain for The Greywoods” she said. “Morgan, this is Faith. She’s interested in becoming a cheerleader.”
I smiled awkwardly up at Morgan. “Hi.”
Morgan gave me a pretty smile and looked me up and down. “You ever cheer before?”
I shook my head.
“Hmm, well we might have a place for you since Bethany broke both her legs in a ski accident. Between me and you, though, I don’t believe it was an accident,” Morgan said, leaning in toward me.
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“I mean, I bet the guys on the rugby team had something to do with it. They were there, you know.”
Cindy’s eyes got wide. “Not Jeremy though, right?”
Morgan rolled her eyes. “You’re still fucking around with that glue sniffer? No, I don’t think he was there.”
Cindy wiped her brow in relief. “Woo, I was about to have to have a talk with that boy.”
Morgan didn’t seem amused. She looked back at me and squinted. “You’re not fucking any of those jocks, are you?”
I recoiled. “No way!”
Morgan nodded approvingly. “Good. I think you’ll fit on the cheer team just fine. Hate the players, love the game. Most of the seniors on the squad are friendly enough. Don’t fuck with Jennifer, though, she’s a lot stronger than she looks.”
I tried to take all of this in as quickly as possible and stash it in my brain somewhere I wouldn’t forget it. Jocks were the enemy, Morgan was the captain, and Jennifer was on our side unless I pissed her off. It was simple enough.
“When do we start training?” I asked, looking up at Morgan innocently.
“Right now,” Morgan said, going over to a duffle bag and pulling out a cheerleading uniform. “This should fit you,” she said, tossing it to me. “Feel free to strip right here unless you’re too shy for that.”
I was, but I didn’t want to admit it. Showing weakness so early on wasn’t going to get me far on the team. It was better that I held my own and didn’t sink too low in the ranks. I respected Morgan, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. I felt that she was a good woman to have on my side.
I pulled down my skirt and took off my shirt in the field. Thank god I decided to match my bra and panties that day. I felt like cheerleaders might judge me for a mismatch. We all came from rich families. There was no reason not to dress like it.
I felt Morgan looking over my body as I quickly put on my new uniform. Cindy didn’t have a care in the world, lighting up another cigarette and taking a drag while Morgan analyzed my figure.
I finished dressing and stood up straight in front of Morgan. She circled around me, looking me up and down a few times before nodding. “You’ll do fine. Half the job is just looking pretty, and you already have that down. We can’t teach looks, but we can teach you how to cheer.”
“Thank you,” I said, surprised that she thought I was pretty enough for the team. I didn’t have a very positive self-image.
Morgan waved at Cindy to leave. “Let’s get down to business, Faith. You’re going to be sore tomorrow but you’ll be ready for the team in about a week.”
Cindy flicked her cigarette in the grass and flashed me a smile. “Good luck, Faith. If you want to hang out with the rugby team and I later, just let me know.”
I most certainly didn’t, but I smiled and waved at her just the same. Morgan shook her head as Cindy walked away. “She doesn’t a single brain cell in that pretty blonde head of hers. Anyway, let’s begin.”
Morgan and I went over some basic cheer techniques and things for me to practice at home. It wasn’t so much difficult as it was tiring. I felt that this would be a test of my endurance rather than technique. I wouldn’t be at Greywood Academy long enough to be a supporting cheerleader, and that was okay with me. I just needed some way to pass the time and keep myself away from bullies.
I should have known there was a lot more going on between the cheer team and the rugby team than I was initially led to believe. The story about Bethany having her legs “accidentally” broken by the jocks had me seriously concerned about how high the tensions were between the two cliques, and if I was going to be involved with this, I would either need to keep my head down or grow a pair and stop crying about bullies. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do the latter.
Bullying had affected me in more ways th
an people would expect. It had me immediately jumping to conclusions about people based on how they looked at me. I saw people as threats before I saw them as friends, and even the slightest harsh words or stupid joke could send me running. While most people could shrug stuff like that off, in my experience it led to beatings and torment. I couldn’t just shrug off what I was as red flags to violence when they appeared.
In a way, being bullied in the past set me up for more bullying in the future. There wasn’t much I could do to change who I was because of it, and people could sense my weakness straight away. The nice people would think little of it, but the cruel would see me as their next target.
I felt a bit safer having made an alliance with Morgan. I wasn’t quite sure if I could remain close with Cindy after my encounter with the jocks, but I cautiously continued to seek out her help and advice in the days following my acceptance to the cheerleading squad. She was a very social person and seemed neutral in the grand scheme of things.
Greywood Academy began to feel more like home after my first week there. I went to class, went to cheer practice, and wasn’t bothered by Troy or any of the jocks at all. I felt comfortable getting to know some of the other girls on the squad, and I began sitting at the cheerleading table during lunch, not talking as much to Cindy unless she decided to make an appearance at our table instead of the rugby team’s. Things were going just fine.
Chapter 6
Morgan approached me directly after practice on Monday, looking serious. My immediate thoughts were that I had done something wrong.
“There’s a rugby game tomorrow. The Greywoods are playing against a rival school, Crimson High. We’ll probably win like always, and I think you’re ready to participate in some real cheering. What say you?” Morgan asked.
I nodded happily, wiping away sweat from her forehead. It was the end of summer, but still quite hot outside. “I’m down for it.”