by HMD
For instance when I was running this morning, I saw a bird and I thought to myself I wonder if Grace has a favorite bird and if she does which is it? Does she even like birds? Is she allergic to birds and if she is, does that mean she’s allergic to down feathered jackets or pillows. Then I started thinking if she’s allergic to down feathered pillows does that mean she has regular cotton stuffed pillows, and how many pillows would she have on her bed. Is she a throw pillow kind of girl or is she more of the bare necessities kind of girl and it went on like that the entire run.
My mother snaps her fingers in front of my face and I gently smack them away.
“Oh good you’re with us.”
I roll my eyes and take another sip of my breakfast. I wonder if Grace likes smoothies. Dear God someone stop me.
“Yes mom I’m still here.”
“So your night?”
“I already told you it was fine.”
“Well Janice called me last night said she had a lovely time with you and Grace, that you two were a cute couple.”
Ugh old women and their gossip.
“Mom, leave it alone please,” I shout Tyler’s name so he can hurry up and stop messing with his hair and save me.
“I would just like to know about what’s going on in your life sweetheart there’s so much you already don’t tell me. So are you and Grace a couple?”
“No! I don’t know…No. Maybe. Ugh! Mom stop. We are just taking things slow, like going to the zoo together with Ty. We’re just spending time together. When I figure it out and it’s serious I’ll send you a postcard telling you all about it.”
“You don’t dance with your maybe girlfriend’s when you’re here,” My mother says in a sad tone. Really, how on earth is that even a thing to be sad about?
“I’m sorry mom, next time Grace’s here we’ll put on a two woman show for you, kay? Kay good. Ty let’s go!” I shout with urgency, backing my way out of the kitchen. For the love of God boy come on! I sigh in relief when I see my little brother running down the stairs. “Bye mom!” I yell, grabbing Tyler and practically running out the door.
--
“This place is awesome,” Ty stops, turning in a circle as he takes in his surroundings.
“It’s only the entrance buddy,” I chuckle at him. “How about we go look at some animals, yeah?”
“Sure,” He nods and smiles wide. He skips a few steps ahead of Grace and me as we follow closely behind.
“Thanks for inviting me out with you guys today,” Grace turns to me with a smile.
“Actually, this little guy invited you,” I correct her, nodding my head in Ty’s direction.
“Yup, all me!” Ty says in front of us.
“Well thank you,” Grace chuckles before turning back to me. “But you didn’t have to ask me, so I’m glad you did,” The tone of her voice is doing things to me right now. Or it might just be me remembering last night’s events.
“It’s my pleasure,” I mirror her face as she easily slips her hand in mine and then she leans over to give me a chaste kiss. My eyes flutter shut at the feeling. I don’t think I could ever tire of this feeling.
The kiss is over way too soon and I think I whimper. The giggle that escapes Grace has to be the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
“We always have later,” She leans over and whispers in my ear. “And trust me, I want more,” She adds before releasing my hand and jogging a bit to catch up with Ty. That meanie!
I smirk at my… hmph…um… my Grace as we walk further into the zoo.
--
Well today has been amazing… for Ty and Grace at least. He stole her! He stole my Grace! And the fact that he’s so freaking adorable with her kills everything in me that wants to pull her away to be with me.
After seeing all the lions, tigers and panda bears, we saw some penguins, elephants, and fed a ton of barn animals, during which I had a run in with a goat. Seriously! That goat attacked me.
I think I was ready to go an hour ago, but Ty and Grace are both having a blast still so that’s all that matters.
The more we hang out the guiltier I’m feeling. I have to tell her that I’m set to leave in twenty days’ time. I’m not a hundred percent sure how she’s going to take it and that’s what’s scaring me. But I’m being selfish. I love how she’s making me feel. The fact that before her I felt nothing and now I feel everything is just too much to lose.
I’ve come leaps and bounds since I first got here and none of it would have been possible with her.
We sit down on a bench as we watch the woman discuss the giraffe habitat. Ty is in his own little world listening so I take this as my opportunity to tell her. I mean she rode here in my car so she can’t really just get up and drive away.
“Grace,” I say softly. She turns to me with the most loving smile I think I’ve ever seen on her. My heart pangs. I close my eyes and sigh. When I open them her smile is gone.
“Emma what’s wrong?” She leans in and whispers.
The weight of the words I’m about to speak are too much. I don’t know exactly how she’ll take it and I really don’t want to hurt her, not when she’s been so amazing to me.
“Well, um,” I clear my throat softly. Don’t be a punk Emma! Just tell her!
“Em look I’m feeding the giraffe,” Grace’s gaze breaks from mine as we both focus our attention on Tyler. I smile and then pout as he calls Grace over. She tells him to hold on and she’s back on me.
“What’s the matter?” Her hand grips my wrist softly and she pulls me a bit closer to her. I nibble on my bottom lip and contemplate if I should do this right now or wait. She sees that I’m having trouble deciding on what to say. Her hand drops mine and she gently caresses my face. “You can talk to me about anything you know that by now right?”
I just nod because I do know that, but that doesn’t make the situation any easier. I nod towards my younger sibling and tell her to go. She hesitates but I lean in a kiss her softly and mumble the command against her lips a second time. I feel her smile before she turns to join Tyler. I watch the both of them realizing that leaving has never been this hard before. She’s given me so much life and now I want to live it, but prior commitments have me in a bind. I’m more than positive that she’ll understand. She doesn’t seem like the overbearing, unreasonable type.
I sigh and drop my head, resting my arms on the banister between me and the giraffe cage.
I look up at the animal and smile. “Got any advice for me?” I ask it playfully. It stares at me like it’s looking into my soul. It never takes its eyes off me as it lowers its head to grab a tongue full of leaves and back up. It’s freaking me out a bit and I turn away, I flinch in surprise as I see that Grace has returned. She’s laughing at me.
“Don’t worry I ask Doc for advice all the time but I mean a giraffe is a good choice too.”
I shake my head and turn her around wrapping my arms around her and we slowly walk back over to Tyler.
“So what were you asking the giraffe advice about?” She asks me curiously and I’m almost honest with her.
“When I should tell you about leaving, you two look like you’re having a blast and I don’t want to ruin the day,” See? Almost honest.
We end up staying at the zoo for another two hours. I never want to see another animal again. I’m all zooed out for a while and I’m just ready to be alone with Grace. I pull up to her house and she turns around to say bye to my little brother. She looks at me and confirms our plans for tonight.
“See you at seven,” I answer and she smiles. A quick kiss and she’s out of the car. Tyler climbs over the console into the front seat and puts his seat belt on. He flashes me a smile because he knows I am not a fan of him up here. “I’m going to drive like mom if you sit up here.”
“Cool, more time for us to spend together,” He jokes and put my car into drive taking my time to pull away from the curb. “So does she know yet?”
I steal a quick g
lance at him making sure to keep both eyes on the road. I’m pretty sure I’m going twenty in a forty. I really don’t give a damn to be honest with you. My little brother is in the front seat and I’m just keeping him safe. It’d be better if he wasn’t asking me such adult questions and causing me to hyperventilate. I say a quick no and check my rear view mirror. There’s a line of cars starting to form behind me. They can go around.
“Why not?”
Oh the innocence of children.
The simple question of why always produces such complicated answers. He has so much to learn in making things more complicated than they have to be.
“Because I don’t want to make her sad.”
“But wouldn’t it make her sadder if you didn’t tell her and then just left?”
Horns are starting to blow and the only thing breaking my concentration is Tyler’s third degree.
“I don’t know maybe.”
“I think it will. I think that if I didn’t find out and walked in your room one day and you were gone. That’d make me super sad.”
Great! Hey guilt. Long time no see. Oh what’s that? You couldn’t bear to be away from me anymore. Yeah well I wish I could say the same about you. I sigh in defeat. The little twerp got the best of me. I pull off to the side and seven cars zoom past me.
“I’m going to tell her,” I start to explain. I’m not entirely sure why. He’s only seven and I don’t have to make my life clear to a seven year old. Maybe saying it out loud will make it clear to me. “I’m not going to disappear anymore Ty. I promise. I like her a lot.”
“Like a lot a lot?” his brows raise as he awaits my answer.
“More than that,” I say and he whispers out a ‘wow’ in astonishment. “Yeah. I know. So I will tell her it’s just that sometimes we have so much fun together I don’t want to ruin it. Like today at the zoo when you were feeding the giraffe and we told you we were leaving soon.”
He giggles. “Yeah but then you let us stay even longer.”
“Exactly because I knew leaving would make you and Grace sad and I just wanted to make you happy. Make the both of you happy.”
“Yeah but Em, even though we had to leave at least I know we could go back so it’s not all bad. Maybe just promise Grace that you’ll be back so that way even if what you tell her makes her sad you can still make her happy.”
I’m floored. I stare at him. Is this like a Benjamin Button situation where he’s older than he looks or something? I shake my head as I sit straight in my seat.
“How on earth did you get so smart?” He doesn’t answer he just laughs and I seriously think he’s an evil genius. I shake my head and smile at my little brother.
“Get back in your booster seat buddy,” I nod my head towards the back seat. He groans, but does I say nonetheless.
“I’m too old for this thing,” He whines as he buckles himself in.
“I agree, but it’s the law buddy,” I watch as he buckles his last strap in the rear view mirror then put the car in drive and head home.
--
“How was the zoo, Ty?” My mom asks as we walk into the kitchen. Tyler climbs onto a stool, grabbing an orange from the fruit bowl on the island.
“It was so awesome!” He shouts, full of enthusiasm. “Grace and I fed the donkeys and the goats and then Emma got chased around by a baby goat,” My little brother laughs, probably reliving the moment in his head. My mother’s head snaps to me.
“Animals have never liked you baby, ever since you were a kid,” She shakes her head and laughs.
“Ah,” I tut and pout. “That’s not true. Grace’s dog Doc loves me,” I tell them matter-of-factly.
“Well that goat didn’t,” Ty chimes in, bursting into laughter again. Okay, I think I’ve had enough of this for today.
“I’m gonna go,” I shake my head at my mom and little brother.
“Aw come on Emma, we were just kidding. Stay and have treats with us,” My mom begs, Ty joining in.
“No thanks,” I hold my hands up. “I’ll be back later tonight. I’m gonna take Grace out later.”
“Speaking of Grace, when will I be seeing her again? Oh I know,” My mother claps her hands together like she’s just thought of the best idea in the world. “How about you invite Grace over tomorrow and we’ll spend the whole day together as a family,” She suggests. I cringe at the thought. Do I really want Grace spending an entire day with my family? “Oh fix your face Emma, we’re not that bad.”
I choke out a laugh. “Yeah okay mom,” She rolls her eyes, turning back to the stove to grab her apple pie, I’m assuming from the delightful smell that’s filling the air. “Plus have you ever thought that maybe I just wanna spend time with my girlfriend alone before I have to get shipped overseas again,” I scoff. I narrow my eyes as my mother turns quickly to look at me with wide eyes. “What?” I question as a smile appears on her face. “Mom, stop being creepy,” I glance at my little brother and he’s sporting the same smile as my mother. Seriously, what’s going on right now? “Will the both of you stop being creepy and just--”
“You called Grace your girlfriend,” Tyler speaks up.
I did no such thing. I shake my head and scoff at my little brother. “You’re hearing things bud,” I grab an apple from the bowl on the island as my mother nods and smiles wider.
“You did,” She confirms.
“I did not,” I shake my head, looking back between my mom and brother as they both nod ‘yes.’ “No I didn’t,” I practically shout. “You people are crazy, I’m out of here,” I say then pretty much run out the house to my car.
–
I walk up the path, feeling like I haven’t been here in forever. I sigh when I reach the creek we used to play in for hours upon hours.
“Hey guys,” I greet my friends with a smile. I imagine George chasing McKenzie and me with some creek creature he’d found, knowing the pair of us hated it. “I feel like it’s been forever even though it’s only been a couple of days,” I say then look down at my hands.
“Love does that to you,” A faint voice says. My head shoots up, looking around.
“George?” I call to my friend. His voice sounds so real. Not like it was in my head at all. A slight breeze blows my hair at my shoulders and I flinch. “George is that you?” I call again. I hear his laugh as I close my eyes. I’ve never felt him so close before, it’s like he’s right here next to me. “George, are you here?”
“I’m here,” My eyes shoot open. That was George's voice. I know that voice anywhere. Seriously I’m getting really freaked out right now.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper softly. I don’t know if this is my subconscious playing tricks on me right now but I don’t care. My friend is here and he’s talking to me. I feel him, I hear him and that’s all that matters.
“Tell me about Grace,” I smile at the mention of her name.
“She’s amazing,” I breathe out, closing my eyes again as I picture her face. “She's funny and smart. Oh and she likes to write. She's been the most amazing ray of sunshine in my life for a long time.”
“Not to mention she’s really pretty,” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Isn’t she?” I sigh, opening my eyes.
“How are you?” I ask stupidly. I shake my head at the sheer dumbness of that question.
“It’s not a stupid question,” He chuckles. “I’m good. You know just, hanging around.”
“I miss you. Both of you,” I tell him honestly as my heart constricts a bit.
“We know,” I can see him nodding in my head. He walks closer to me, kneeling down in front of me. “We miss you too, Emma, so much. But we want you to be happy, we want you to live your life and we’re glad that Grace is helping you do that.”
“Speak for yourself.” I hear McKenzie’s voice and the tears I felt building now fall.
“Kenz?” I question.
“Yeah I’m here.”
“Stop it McKenzie and tell the girl you’re
happy for her,” George scolds our friend and I can’t help but chuckle at them.
“I’m happy for you Emma. I really am. Grace seems like an amazing girl.”
“Say it with a little more enthusiasm,” I laugh sadly, wiping the tears from my face.
I can see her shrug, “That’s the best I got,” A smile appears at her lips and I swear I can see all this as though they’re both right in front of me. “I’m happy you’re happy Emma, that’s all I ever wanted, it’s all I ever want. Grace makes you so happy so I’m glad you found her,” McKenzie nods and turns to George.
“She’s gotta go, Emma,” He looks at her then back to me.
“What why? No stay, both of you,” I beg.
“I’ll see you soon,” She tells me then walks away until I can’t see her anymore.
“Why’d she have to go?” I ask my friend, wiping the tears that continue to fall.
“Wanna know something funny,” George says, avoiding my question. I nod and he gives me a sad smile. “I think I always knew she never loved me.”
“She loved you,” I tell him. He chokes out a laugh before shaking his head.
“She didn’t. But that’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it. She loved you, I think I always knew that,” I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m more perceptive than you think. I guess I was just in denial or selfish,” He shrugs, “One of the two.”
“I’m sorry , I didn’t mean for it to happen that way,” I tell him honestly because as much as I loved McKenzie I’m not sure what I would have done if the time came for me to choose a relationship with her or a friendship with him.
“It’s okay,” He shakes his head, waving me off. “I know what you’re thinking and I know you would have made the right decision,” He smiles. “Speaking of right decisions, you wanna tell me why you haven’t told Grace you’re leaving in 20 days yet?” He pops a brow, waiting for my answer. I stumble over my words and he just shakes his head chuckling at me. “You need to tell her Emma, it’s not fair for you to keep her in the dark this long.”