by HMD
“Gross guys, get a room.”
My dad laughs and lifts his face so I can kiss his cheek. I do so then do the same to my mom. I pour food into Doc’s bowl and he digs in happily. I grab a glass of juice and head towards the living room.
“Grace no news!” My mother shouts.
“Okay,” I shout over my shoulder as I walk through the hall and into the living room turning on the television and it opens to the channel I left it on last night.
I’m about to change it but hold for a moment as I see a shot of a collapsed building and debris. I turn the volume up, knowing my parents will tell me to turn it down, but I don't care I need to hear this. The channel changes the picture to a group of people having a candlelight vigil with the subtitle. 'Family holds a candlelight vigil for fallen soldiers in Afghanistan.' My heart stops as the newscaster begins talking.
“That's just hard to watch, Sally.” The caster says to his cohort who just nods her head. “A raid gone wrong a couple of weeks ago and our news team has just been able to get into the area and surveillance the damage. From what we've been told here at MSNBC is that there were a few different units acting under order from an anonymous tip that there was certain activity which involved a potential threat to the United States and unfortunately it was a setup and a suicide bomber took down the building with some soldiers still inside.”
My heart races as I wait to hear any mention of anything involving Emma’s unit. My mouth goes dry as I hear more details about the casualty. I send up a silent prayer begging that this isn’t close to home. It can’t be. She promised.
“This is shocking news John.” The female caster adds with a head nod. “Clearly a deliberate attack on US soldiers. Like you said there were a few different units involved and sadly quite a few causalities because of this. We're now going to take you guys back out to the candlelight vigil being held in Springfield, Missouri as we display the names of the fallen soldiers across the bottom of the screen here. We will be gathering more information on this event and fill you all in as we find out. Here we go...” She says as the screen goes back to the group of people standing outside holding candles for their fallen loved ones.
I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves as I see both my parents and my dog come up behind me. I silently thank them for not making me turn off the T.V and for being here for support. I search the bottom of the screen, praying that Emma's name doesn't cross it as a family member of a soldier talks.
“He was as loving as they get. Never a bad word to say about anyone. He only joined because he wanted to follow in his father and grandfathers' footsteps.” The woman chokes up as she talks about her son. I keep my eyes focused on the names flashing across the bottom of the screen. There's so many...“He was a good boy. He fought hard for this country and I'm sure he died with as much integrity as he lived with.”
The woman pauses, clearly getting choked up. But I can't pay her any mind right now. I have to keep my eyes focused on the names. I’ve memorized every name Emma has mentioned in past conversations. I'm searching for anyone she's ever talked about.
“But I guess the only solace we can find in this heart wrenching time is that we know that our son is coming home so we can give him a proper burial. Some families are not able to do this at this time. We understand that some soldiers are still unaccounted for and we just want to send a prayer out to all the families still waiting to know... we are with you.” I glance up at the woman, as the final names display across the screen. I haven't seen Emma's or anyone that was in her unit. Thank God.
“I'm sure the families out there are very appreciative.” The reporter says to the woman who nods.
“God bless you all and God bless my son, Sergeant Zachery Conrad. You will forever be in our hearts.”
I stop scanning just as the name flashes across the screen in unison with the woman's words. I know him... I know that name. Emma has talked to me about him. He's in her unit and he's...
I feel myself break. I see the man on the TV lips moving but I hear nothing. I can’t move, I can’t breathe, and right now. I’m pretty sure everything within me has shattered much like the glass of juice that goes crashing to the floor.
Chapter 26- The Toll of War
“Daniels, you got another care package, and some more letters. My goodness someone got very popular during their leave.” I giggle as I’m handed all my stuff from home.
“Thanks Phillips.” I shuffle through the letters and notice a bunch are from Grace, as to be expected. I open with gusto, excited to read what she has to say. I lean back into my bunk allowing myself to relax. I’ve been on detail for the last twenty seven hours and though I’m exhausted, I miss Grace too much to not hear from her.
It’s been eighty one days since I’ve left home. Forty two since I’ve been deployed overseas and my letters back home aren’t as frequent as I’d like them to be. Everyone has been amazing sending me letters and my mother with her large packages. My platoon buddies who have been bringing the mail have been pleasantly surprised at the volume. Before my return home I didn’t give my family the information to send me anything. It was selfish, but I couldn’t face anything when it came to Santa Barbara. Somehow now, I can’t get enough of it.
I breathe out a laugh as I read Grace’s letter as she talks about how she gets betrayed by her father and lets Tamara take her out of the house. I’m glad she’s doing stuff. The last thing I want is for her to mope around. Don’t get me wrong if I weren’t as busy as I am, I'd probably need someone like Tamara to get me to move. I miss her like crazy. When I don’t need to focus as much she’s all I think about.
I laugh out loud as I notice a paw print on another page. Grace explains how Doc wanted to say how much he misses me as well. She put his paw in some ink and before she could clean him up he made a mad dash. I laugh harder as I read that she thinks he did it on purpose to keep her occupied.
My face hurts from all the smiling that I’m doing. My heart feels so light to have heard from her. I gather up the energy to write back. The delivery of letters can take up to two weeks and I try my best to send them all at once. Work makes it difficult. I know everyone understands but I still want to make the effort. They are.
As I write my response letter to Grace I feel someone lightly knock my boot and lean out from my bunk to get a good look. I smile at Sergeant Conrad. Given the rank he has over me he doesn’t exploit it unless necessary. Unless we’re on detail or combat he’s extremely lax. My unit and I are extremely lucky, and it allows us to treat him with even more respect whenever he does enforce his authority.
“How you doing Daniels?” I stand up and salute him. He chuckles but mirrors my gesture. “At ease.” He orders with a smile, he points at my bunk and I look down at my enormous stack of letters and unopened package.
“Yeah my family.” I say with an embarrassed chuckle. He nods in affirmation and scratches his well-kept beard.
“How’s your leg?”
I jog lightly in place to show its durability. “All good.” I tell him honestly.
It healed very well actually. My physical therapist says that the fact that I’m so physical definitely helped with the healing process. I was excited to be out of my cast. It felt good once I was able to run again. However it was a while before I picked up my normal distance.
“Good to hear it. I just wanted to check in I know you had a long detail.”
“Yes sir I’m fine. Just winding down now.” He nods and crosses his arms over his chest widening his stance to get more comfortable.
“I’m glad you’re getting so many things from your family. It’s good to see you smile Daniels, I don’t know how you did it before but now with the support of your family you’re even stronger than before.”
I try my best not to blush at his compliment. I just nod and say thank you. I see his eyes dart towards the box and I smirk.
“The truth comes out. I know why you’re really here.” I say with a laugh. He guffaws and places
a hand over his heart.
“I am hurt Daniels. I am your commanding officer and I am just checking in with my unit and to think that I have any other intentions…” I’m glaring at him playfully and he breaks out in laughter. “Alright you caught me, did your mom send cookies?”
I laugh and drop into my bunk and pull out my knife to open the box. He drops onto the floor and waits patiently for a treat.
“I really did come to check on you though I wasn’t…” He quickly tries to explain and I dismiss him politely.
He doesn’t need to explain, I know full well that he didn’t just come for cookies. This is another reason why everyone in my unit is so fond of him. He doesn’t let the events of what’s going on here change who he is. He knows how to act in every situation. I open the box and smile as I see a package of cookies with his name on it. My mother is so awesome. I turn around with the snack in my hand.
“Apparently there’s a set literally with your name on it.”
He whoops and happily takes the baked goods from my hand and rips it open. He takes a bite a moans in delight. I’m brought bake to the moment I first saw Grace eat a brownie. She was so cute reveling in how good a simple dessert was. I miss her so much. Everything reminds me of her, even a grown ass man eating a chocolate chip cookie.
“How does she keep it warm?” He asks in shock and I just shake my head clearly not knowing the secret.
Another memory flashes through my mind. I remember how my mother shares the fact that she’ll share that very secret when Grace becomes my wife. Yeah I said when and not if. It’s that serious.
He waves his half eaten cookie in the air. He says thank you with a full mouth and stands up. He finishes off the treat.
“Tomorrow, o five hundred, be ready.” He winks and I stand up again to salute him.
He does as well and turns to walk away shouting an order for me to thank my mother for him. I drop back into my bunk and pick up my letters, opening my own package of cookies. I’m starting to miss home more with every passing day.
___
“Mom stop moving the screen.” I say with a laugh and she continues to fuss with the laptop. “Ma, let Ty do it.”
I watch as my little brother takes over and adjusts the screen of the laptop and it focuses perfectly with everyone in camera. I widen my eyes as I notice that everyone is there. By everyone I mean everyone. My family, the Williams', Diaz's, and of course the Cassidy's are all standing behind my family. My girl is smiling widely in the corner and I try my best not to ignore everyone. I miss them all terribly but she’s stealing my heart more than I’ll admit in front of them.
They all shout hello and I even hear Doc in the background barking his greeting. I swallow the lump in my throat. I’m close to tears at the gathering of people and I'm so blessed to have them all there to say hello. I greet them all and make sure to have a few minutes to talk to each person. It’s hard though they all want to talk for so long but I’m only allowed a certain amount of time. I want my longest time to be talking with Grace. I get through everyone relatively quickly and they all disappear from the camera. I finally get to her and my heart stops. She’s so beautiful. She’s breathtaking every time I look at her.
“Hi.” She greets bashfully and my heart flutters at how cute she is.
“Hey beautiful, how you doing over there?”
“I’m good. Hanging in there. You?”
I just nod and give a small shrug. “I’m doing alright. Looking forward to be being back home with you.”
“Me too. It’s crazy how we’re already in September but still have so much time left.”
“I’ll be home before you know it. How’s the writing going?”
I try to keep our conversation normal. I try to give off the illusion that I haven’t left. I’m not sure if it’s for her or for me but it helps for the time that we do it. She tells me about her newest projects and that she’s writing letters to publishers. She’ll get picked up quick I have no doubt in my mind. She’s amazing at what she does. She’s amazing at everything, when it comes to the girl on the other side of this screen there isn’t anything she isn’t amazing at. More specifically she’s amazing at loving me.
“I’ve been counting down the days until you get home.”
I laugh and lick my lips. “Yeah me too baby.”
I hear my name called from behind and I look to see one of my platoon buddies point to his watch informing me that my time is almost up. We’ve were able to talk for almost forty minutes. I’m grateful my family and everyone else were so willingly to talk quickly so I can have a longer conversation with Grace. It doesn’t matter though because no time seems long enough. I just nod and my heart breaks as soon as I see the disappointment on Grace’s face. I touch the screen wishing I could touch her face instead.
I see tears well in her eyes. I fight the ones that are threatening to spill from mine. I force out my warning.
“There’s no crying. You’re going to see me soon. As soon as I get home you’re stuck with me. You’re gonna start trying to figure out ways to get me away from you.” I joke and she chokes out a laugh through her tears.
“Doubtful.” She answers me seriously.
We reluctantly say our goodbyes and she calls everyone back over to give me a farewell greeting. I tell everyone the same thing I said at the party they gave me before I left. I keep my eyes on Grace though making the promise more to her than anyone else.
“I’ll see you later.”
She nods and I sign off. I stand up from my seat and rub my sad face. It was so much easier before. I’m not sure if easier is better but it is a lot less painful. I feel a gentle pat on my back.
“Hey Samuels.” I greet one of my platoon buddies and she walks with me, her arm around my shoulder.
“How was your talk with your family?” She quirks her brow subtly letting me know that she’s referring to my girlfriend. I chuckle and nod.
“It went well. Everyone is looking forward to my return.”
“Totally get it. It’s hard being away from your loved ones, best feeling is seeing them after all the time passes by. We really appreciate the time with them when we get back. Just hold on. It doesn’t get easier but it is completely worth it.”
“You’re creepy.” I tell her playfully because it’s like she just read my mind. She runs her hand through her buzzed cut hair and lifts her shoulders, taking her arm away in the process.
“I’m just wise beyond my years Daniels.” I laugh as we head back toward our bunks.
–
I wipe the sweat from my forehead as I walk patrol. The sun is beating down hard on my unit and I. We are just doing our normal routine, making sure everything is secure. Phillips starts singing some random song making the rest of us laugh.
“Come on Daniels, belt something out for us.” He says once he’s done.
“Pfft. Don’t even.” I say as I readjust my pack. “Your bad singing is enough torture for everyone, no need to bring me down with you.”
Everyone laughs and I smile at how good it feels to actually be a part of the unit. I just fought alongside them but being able to joke and laugh and be with them in a way I didn’t attempt to before, makes it easier. I finally understand the second family aspect of this and I guess I had to get reacquainted with my original one to be able to be a part of this one.
After a long day we all sit and eat together and I think about how my mother is probably having the Cassidy's over for dinner. She’s made it a weekly thing and I’m grateful because Grace’s presence will be beneficial for both of them. They have each other to look after. I think about the letter that I sent Grace in the stack that I sent my family and wonder how many times she’s read this one.
In one of the letters from her father he told me she’s been obsessed with watching the news. I wish she wouldn’t. It’s bad enough missing her. I don’t want to worry about all the things they show her through the media. She’s going to make herself crazy but I know Grace. She
is a consistent person, and stubborn. Once she’s got her mind set on something she’ll do it. So I know even if I told her to stop, unless I’m back home she’ll do everything in her power to know if I’m okay. This is just another reason I send her as many letters as I can aside from missing her, it’s to give her peace of mind.
–
I eat my dinner quietly listening to my mates joke and tease each other. My mind is busy thinking about Grace. I’m looking forward to seeing her in my dreams. I can’t stop reliving the memories of our times together, think about how quickly I fell in love with her. I’ve spent more time away from her than with her and it doesn’t feel like it. People could mistake our bond for a couple that has been together for years. The emotions moved so quickly that I can’t disagree with how it looks because it feels that way.
I retreat to my bunk, dropping onto my bed; staring at the roof of the tent that’s covering my bunk. I rest my hands behind my head as I think about my girl. I think about everything that got us where we are. The idle mind does what it does best as I think about how things could have been different if I never lost George and McKenzie. I think about my past feelings and compare them to the ones I have now.
Would I have broken McKenzie’s heart if I met Grace in passing? How different would my life be if I never came to the army? Would McKenzie and I have lasted as long if we had gotten together? My mind reels with unnecessary questions. I get up to grab a blank sheet of paper and start to write Grace and honestly tell her how my mind has been thinking about my best friends. I tell her how I’ve been missing them, think about how things would be if they were alive. I tell her how I think I would have still fallen for her and still made the promise to her of forever. A letter isn’t enough though, I haven’t spoken to her for sometime so I put in an order for some phone time. Now all I have to do is wait for the okay. Waiting seems to be all I do and time doesn’t seem to be moving as fast as I would like. Half way through October and there is still so many weeks keeping me from being where I crave to be. Next to Grace.