by HMD
I shake my head. “Trying.”
“You're set to head back to the states in what a week?” He asks. I nod. “You gonna re-up?” I turn and narrow my eyes at him.
I never thought about it. Honestly, I never thought about any of this in the long term. What am I going to do with my life once I get out of the army if I chose not to re-up? I've never been especially great at anything. I never really had any amazing talents. The only thing I was ever really good at was hanging out and having fun with my friends.
“I don't know.” I shrug.
“Well whatever you decide I think you'd make one hell of a BCT. We wouldn't have to worry about anything with the soldiers you send over.” He chuckles as he pats me on the shoulder.
“Thanks Milton.” I turn away from him as he walks away, watching the last of the privates file in to barracks.
I never really thought about what my life would be like once I left Afghanistan, but maybe it's time that I do.
–
I smile as I sit down at my desk. I finally get to finish up this letter to Grace.
Dear Grace,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been trying but things have been so hectic lately that it's been hard. I know you've probably seen on the news by now about the attacks and the death of Sergeant Conrad. I just want to let you know that I'm okay. Sergeant Conrad died being as brave as he was when he was alive. I miss him... his ridiculous jokes and bubbly personality. He was a good soldier and an even better man. He gave me his dog tags to give to his mom, she lives in Springfield, Missouri. I was wondering if you'd like to go with me when I went to give them to her. She deserves to know how amazing her son was.
They've had me training privates the last few weeks and I must admit, it's been hard. I don't think I was this stubborn when I first got in, these new recruits are ridiculous.
My time here is almost done and I can't help but think of what I'm gonna do once I leave here. I'd never thought about it before to be honest. I don't think I really had a reason to. But now, I have you and my family and I just wanna make sure I'm the best I can be for each of you. And a good example for Ty. Maybe it's something we can discuss when I get home. After we have the longest make out session in history of course.
Would you tell my parents, the Williams', and Diaz's that I'm okay? I will only be able to get out this one letter and I just want them to know that I'm alright. Could you also tell my mom that Conrad said thanks for the cookies and that he loved them. I don't know when this letter will get to you but maybe I'll be home by the time you read it. I love you.
Love, Emma
Chapter 27- Coming Home
Grace’s POV
I wipe my tears away from my eyes. I've been crying for days. It's worse than when I lost James. At least I knew I lost him. This time I'm not even sure. The site of that building was heartbreaking and the fact that I still haven't heard from Emma isn't giving me very much hope.
I just can't help but wonder...what if we haven't heard anything from her or the army because she's still inside that building and they can't find her? My negative thinking is interrupted when I hear a knock at my door. I don't tell whoever it is to come in, but they do anyway.
"Grace honey? Can you please at least eat something?"
I sigh as my mother comes into my pitch black room. I've covered up my windows pretty well. I already feel dark, might as well let it swallow me up and be one with it.
"Not hungry." I tell her honestly.
I haven't had an appetite since I heard and the anxiety I feel every time I hear the phone ring, the mailman pull up, or the doorbell makes it impossible to hold anything down.
"At least try sweetie."
"Mom, please!" I shout.
I feel bad as soon as I do. I've been doing that a lot since she left; snapping at people. I know she wouldn't approve. She doesn't want me to be that way. Being with her brings out the best in me but being without her...I barely recognize myself.
I mumble out an apology and I think she nods. The light from the hallway is piercing my vision. I've held myself up in this room for so long that I don't know what time it is. I don't care. Until I know my girlfriend is okay nothing else matters anyway. That's the worst part, the not knowing, it's like the hospital all over again. I get her back for her to leave me again.
I feel myself getting angry at her and I argue that it's not fair that I do. Who am I supposed to be angry with then? I forget my mother's presence and feel a fresh set of hot tears streaming down my face. I don't fight her as she sits on my bed and grabs me.
I bury my face into her neck, scream my tears out. My chest is constricting, I can't really breathe, my head is pounding but it's been like that since I've heard. My mother coos me, rocking me back and forth. I guess you never really get too old to be coddled by your mother when you're in pain. The love of my life is missing and I feel myself getting lost with every day that passes. I need her back, I need to find myself in her again. She did it for me once before she can do it this time around. She just needs to come back to me... she will come back to me.
Right?
–
“Grace get up.” Tamara pulls me from the bed.
“No.” I mumble, burying myself in my mountain of covers.
“You haven't left this bed in over a week Grace, I know what you're going through right now, I promise you I do. But I need you to get out of this bed and take a shower...” I open one eye to look at her. She's pinching her nose closed and making a face. “...then get dressed. I'm taking you somewhere.”
“No.” I tell her again, turning around to look at my wall. My mom tried this last week. It's not gonna work.
She sighs and sits down on the bed next to me. I feel her place a hand on my back I almost immediately burst into tears. This isn't healthy, it can't be.
“I know that you're worried. But what did you tell me about Emma a couple months after knowing her?” She questions, I turn to look at her tears slowly making their way down my face.
“That she was one of the strongest people you'd ever met,” I get out.
“That's right.” Tamara nods and smiles a little as she wipes the tears from my face. “She's strong Grace and she made you a promise. Has she ever broken a promise to you?”
“No.” I shake my head and sniffle.
“And she won't.” I stare at my best friend, relishing in the truth of her words.
Emma hasn't let me down before and I know that she's not going to start now. She promised to come back and I know she will. I sit up and swing my legs off the bed.
“Thanks Tammy.” I force a smile at my best friend.
“It's nothing.” She shrugs. “That's what I'm here for. Now you seriously need to go shower. I'm not taking you anywhere with me smelling like a dead hobo.” She says seriously, causing me burst into laughter.
“Alright Alright, I got it.” I stand up, shaking my head.
“I'll be waiting downstairs.” She thumbs towards the door as she stands up from the bed. I nod and she heads downstairs.
I'm not sure if my parent's called her or if she came over on her own free will, but I'm so glad to have a friend like her. I smile, lifting my shirt over my head as I make my way into the bathroom.
–
“Thank you for bringing me here Tammy.” I look over to my friend with a sad smile.
It's been almost two weeks since I've visited my spot and I'm bit angry with myself. It's not fair for James to suffer because I want to lay in bed all day and mope about my girlfriend not calling or writing me.
“Sure.” She nods.
“I'm sorry I've been neglecting you, James. I've just been a bit sad that's all. I'm sad because there was an accident with Emma's unit and I'm not for sure if she's okay or not. I'm just having a hard time with the not knowing.”
“Your girl’s a fighter.” I hear James's voice and it's not how it usually is. I mean, his voice is the same it's just... it feels like he’s here with me,
sitting down beside me. I glance over at Tamara and she's just staring out at the ocean. Did she not hear that?
“James?” I call to him in a questioning tone causing Tamara to look at me. She's heard me talk to him before but I know she can tell that this is different.
“I'm here baby sis.” He says I nearly jumped out of my clothes.
“Here, here?” I question. From the corner of my eye I see Tamara smile and stand up from the sand. I think she's giving me some privacy.
“Yes, here.” James chuckles and I fight back a wave of tears.
“How?” I choke out.
I can see him shrug in my head as he moves closer to me in the sand and wrap his arms around me.
“How does anything happen really?” He turns to me with a smile.
“I'm sorry that I haven't been here in a while, I've just--”
“I know.” He nods, cutting me off. “I'm here to tell you to stop worrying. You have to stop Grace.”
“Do you know something?” I turn and look at him. He smiles.
“I know that I need you to stop worrying so much. I told you, you're gonna get wrinkles.” He tries to touch my face and I imagine slapping his hand away.
“I need to know that she's okay, James. I just... I hate that I don't know anything. I'm completely in the dark.” I shrug and drop my head. The pain of that statement piercing my heart.
“You love her right?” I turn to look at him and nod. “Then trust her to keep her promise because she loves you too.” He finishes his statement and looks off toward the ocean. “I think I miss being here with you the most. Watching you bust your ass.” He chuckles and I slap his arm.
“I've gotten pretty good now you know.” I say matter of factly.
“I know.” He nods and stands up. “I've got to go baby sis.”
“So soon?” I stand up with him.
“Duty calls.” He shrugs and puts that goofy grin on his face.
“You're too lazy to have any type of job big bro, no offense.” I smile as he feigns insult.
“I'll have you know I have the most important job any dead person could ever have.”
“Oh yeah,” I chuckle out. “And what's that?” I pop a brow and put my hand on my hip. He smiles wide before leaning over and ruffling my hair.
“Watching after you. I love you Grace.” He says as he starts to walk towards the ocean.
“Will you come back?” I yell after him.
“I'm never more than a thought away, Grace.” And just as quickly as he appeared he's gone. I let a sad smile play at my lips before sighing and turning to head over to where Tamara scampered off to.
“Better?” She asks once I reach her. She knows that coming here usually helps me and I must admit, I do feel a lot better.
“Yeah.” I smile and nod. “Come on, let's go.” I grab her hand and lead her towards the parking lot.
–
“Grace!” Tyler shouts as Tamara and I enter the house. He wraps his arms around my legs and I can't help but smile down at him.
“Well I'm here too Ty.” Tamara laughs and shakes her head at the seven year old.
“I'm sorry.” He shakes his head as he detaches from me. Almost every time I've visited the Daniels house Tamara has been with me and she's of course grown to love the youngest of the clan. “How are you today Tamara?” He looks up and ask as he hugs her legs.
She glances at me and I shrug. She should be used to his advanced vocabulary by now. “I'm doing great buddy.” She ruffles his hair and he just chuckles.
“Hey Grace, you know my birthday is in three days.” He beams up at me.
“I know.” I say as we walk towards the kitchen. “What are you gonna be, twenty?” He chuckles, bending over to grab his stomach.
“Eight, silly.” He continues to laugh as we enter the kitchen.
“Well hello there Grace and Tamara, what a pleasant surprise.” Mrs. Daniels greets us with a hug.
“Hello Mrs. Daniels.” Tamara and I say in unison.
I share a quick look with Tamara and she just nods. She knows I want a minute alone with Catherine. This is the first time in a while that I've been alone with her. The last time we talked it was refreshing to know that someone understood exactly what I am going through.
"Hey Ty how about I beat you on one of your video games." Tamara suggests. He just snorts and grabs her hand.
"You'll only beat me if I let you win." There idle chatter grows fainter the farther they walk away from the kitchen. I grab a seat on one of the stools at the island. I clear my throat and Catherine looks up at me with a soft smile. She stops looking in her cookbook. I admire how well she's holding herself together.
"How are you sweetie.?" She asks me and looks down as I pick at my nails. I just shake my head. I won't allow myself to get upset. If Catherine can stay strong, then so can I. She comes around and sits next to me. She rests her hand against my back.
"How do you do it?" I force myself to ask. I look at her and my eyes are stinging as I keep the tears from falling.
She sighs and sits up straight.
"I remember who my daughter is. Emma is a lot of things and I know that she's not invincible. A mother never thinks their kids are, but Emma will be damned if she allows herself to be proven wrong."
That only helps a little. I know she promised and she's kept them before but the world's a shitty place and there is only so much we can do.
"Did you hear..." I let the rest of the question hang in the air. I know she knows what I'm referring to. She only nods. "Have you heard from Emma recently?"
If anyone would it's her mother but I'm disappointed when she shakes her head. "Not for some time now."
I was afraid of that. I pull my bottom lip into my mouth and control the wave of sorrow that washes over me. Catherine rubs my back gently.
"Grace, when you're given something to fight for, no obstacle is unbeatable. She's a lot closer to home than we're giving her credit for."
"So you think she's okay?" I ask hopeful. I'm scared to hope for good things because there's a small possibility that the good is bad in disguise.
"I know she is."
I was really worried, but now I feel guilty for not believing in Emma. I believe in who we are and who I am to her. We've both come so far, we're so close to the finish line. This can't be the end now. I just nod allowing myself to be as optimistic as Catherine.
"Are you free for dinner tonight? I already talked to your parents but I didn't want to assume you were..."
I just nod and quickly accept the invitation. She hugs me, holds me tight and I smile wide. She tells me not to worry and I take her word to heart. I thank her for her reassurance and she shoos me out of the kitchen so she can get ready for her barbecue dinner later. I head into the den to grab Tamara. She's in the middle of some game with Tyler and I have to practically force her away from the game. Tyler offers a rematch later and I smile as she eagerly takes him up on it. I hug the little guy goodbye and I leave the small family behind until it's time to see them again in a few short hours.
–
“Thanks again for taking me out. I needed it.”
“I know.” My best friend smiles brightly as I open the car door. I just shake my head at her.
“Modesty, you ever met him?” I quirk a brow.
“Who?” She asks. I chuckle, closing the door behind me.
“See you tomorrow?”
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “You might be busy though. You know... laying in her bed the whole day.”
I roll my eyes and she just flashes a bright grin before pulling off. Obviously I'm trying not to be in bed all day, that's why I'm asking her to hang out. I check the mailbox and see there's a letter from Emma. My heart skips a beat as I bend over and release a sigh relief because it's postmarked after the newscast. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wonder why Mrs. Daniels didn't say anything about getting a letter from Emma, did she not get one?
I waste no time o
pening the letter. It's so good to see her hand writing again. I never thought something as simple as seeing her handwriting again could be so important.
I smile as I read the first line. I know that she's sorry. She knows I'm going to yell at her again for disappearing on me. My smile quickly fades as I read the next line. I knew that Sgt. Conrad had passed but I'm not sure why it's a bit harder hearing it from Emma. I read as she tells me she misses him and that she wants me to go with her to give his mother his dog tags. Of course I will. I continue to read about her training recruits and how she wants to talk about the future, after we have a really long make out session. I smile as I reach the front door of my house. I finish up the letter with her saying by the time I read this she'd be here.
I wish.
I fold up the letter and stuff it back into the envelope.
I walk into my house to find my pup and parent's sitting on the couch.
“Hey guys.” I greet them as I place the rest of the mail on the table in the foyer.
“Hey honey, how was your day?” They turn and smile.
“Why are you both smiling so hard?” I question them with a confused look.
“You went out today.” My mom beams at me.
“Mhm.” I nod. “You know that Tamara, she's hard to say no to.”
“Sure, sure. Are you feeling any better?” My dad asks.
“Actually I am.” I smile and wave the letter in the air. “I got a letter from Emma. She's okay.”
“Oh that's wonderful honey. I bet Catherine and Ryan are so relieved.” My mom stands up from the couch.
“Actually, Emma was only able to get one letter out this time around. So I've got to tell them. I was just going up to my room now to call them.” I tell my mom who nods and sits back down. Her and my dad share a look before both turning back to me.
“We're glad things are okay Grace.” My dad smiles and nods once. I do the same before calling to Doc to 'come.' He hops down and runs over to me happily. I've been a bit neglectful of him as well.
“Hey boy.” I say and enthusiastically rub his fur. He barks and follows me up to my room. I bend down to rub him happily as I open my door and enter. He barks again causing me to look up.