‘She thinks you’re your grandfather,’ Belinda tried to explain to Rob as Granny McKay was restored to the armchair. ‘This whole idea is just madness. I’m sorry, Rob, darling. You poor thing, are you alright?’
Rob was flushed with embarrassment. ‘She’s crazy!’ he shouted, his voice betraying the nearness of tears. ‘You’re crazy!’
‘Who? Me? I don’t think so dear,’ said Granny, smiling happily. ‘Who is this young man? I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.’
‘It was just a case of mistaken identity,’ laughed June. ‘Mother, this is Rob, ha ha ha.’
‘He doesn’t look anything like Dad,’ Ruth said tartly. ‘I was only thinking so at breakfast time.’
‘He didn’t grace us with his company at breakfast time! He was lounging in bed,’ June retaliated.
‘She hit my son!’ Belinda shouted at June. ‘And you think she can stay here for a week?’
The rest of the family looked on in embarrassment.
‘It does seem rather… er...’ James began
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Everything’s fine,’ June interrupted. She turned to Mr Burgess. ‘Leslie will take your bag for you, Mr Burgess,’ she said. But when Les stepped forward Mr Burgess’ face crumpled and he held the bag even more tightly to his chest.
‘Alright, mate. You keep hold of it, if you like,’ said Les.
In the corner of the kitchen Ben and Todd were overcome by the humour of the situation. ‘You long drink of piss! You long drink of piss!’ they mouthed at each other.
Belinda took a deep breath. It was typical of Elliot to disappear just when he was needed. ‘Tea is served in the sitting room,’ she announced formally. ‘And dinner will be at seven. In the meantime, perhaps someone might organise accommodation for our guests and carry up their bags? I’m afraid I haven’t a single idea where they might sleep but no doubt June will direct you. You must excuse me now, I have dinner to prepare.’
‘Her Majesty will be joining us,’ announced Granny McKay, solemnly, ‘and the Crown Prince of Luxembourg, who is a vegetarian. I shall need my pearls. One always wears pearls in the country.’
‘Yeth. Yeth, I should thay tho,’ agreed Mr Burgess, nodding.
Belinda remained in the kitchen while the rest of them took tea in the sitting room, politely passing cups and plates and making unnatural, bright conversation. June presided over the teapot like the family matriarch, a smug smile on her lips and her shrill ‘Ha ha ha’ rising continually to the ceiling. Granny McKay drank her tea with noisy slurps and Mr Burgess mouthed his cake inefficiently so that crumbs cascaded down his shirt and came to lodge between the buttons. His portmanteau remained resolutely on his lap. Ruth was hard-pressed to keep the boys in line. They were relegated to the floor in the absence of sufficient seats for the grown-ups and sat in an untidy circle behind the settee stifling giggles and guffaws. Toby started to speak in an affected lisp and Rob kept asking loudly what time Her Majesty was expected, and how many corgis they might have to accommodate. In the middle of tea Elliot returned and expressed, significantly, no surprise at the presence of the new arrivals.
Eventually Ruth sent the boys off to play snooker. James and Jude went to supervise and everybody else found some reason or other to absent themselves. Simon and Miriam volunteered to go upstairs and take the first baths. The girls went to try on their new clothes. Heather took Starlight out into the grounds.
‘We will dance for the tree-spirits, darling, and say goodnight to the birdies, and feel the fresh wind on our faces.’
‘Waa Waa Waa’ burbled Starlight.
‘See what a super place this is?’ June turned to her daughter. ‘Didn’t I tell you?’
‘Thith ith a nith plath,’ Mr Burgess agreed.
‘Where is it, again?’ Granny frowned.
‘I forget,’ Mr Burgess shook his head.
‘You’re at Hunting Manor, Mother,’ cried June. ‘Robert, isn’t it wonderful to have Mother here?’
‘I thought she was at the Oaks,’ Robert said vaguely. ‘We usually have the telly on. I like Supermarket Sweep.’
‘Yes, but she’s here on holiday, like us,’ laughed June. ‘It’s something we never did do as children, is it, holiday together? You’re here on holiday, Mother! Isn’t that nice? Ha ha ha!’
‘I don’t remember ever having any holidays as a child,’ Robert said. ‘Mary and I took ours to the seaside once a year.’
‘That’s what I mean, dear. Don’t you think it’s time we did?’
‘June,’ Mary began, hesitantly, ‘I’m just a little concerned about the children. They booked this place for a certain number of people and…’
‘Oh Mary! Don’t pour cold water on Robert’s surprise!’ snapped June. ‘Now, Leslie, you can carry their bags up. I’ve found nice rooms for them all. There’s plenty of space, no matter what Belinda says. They can have a rest before dinner.’ She turned to Kevin, ‘You must be tired after all that driving.’ Kevin shrugged and grinned, inanely.
‘We had to stop quite a few times,’ Sandra said. ‘Granny kept thinking she needed the toilet, but then when I got her into the cubicle she wouldn’t go. She said she needed Muriel.’
‘Oh. Did she? How odd. I expect that’s her carer at the home.’ June said.
‘Mum,’ Sandra frowned. ‘I know who...’
But June had turned to her mother, speaking loudly. ‘Muriel’s your carer, at the home.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ snapped Granny. ‘You know very well who Muriel is. You must be going soft in the head. And don’t shout. I’m not deaf. I’ve got my hearing aid in!’
‘Sorry, Mother. I was just explaining to Sandra about Muriel.’
‘Pardon? Who? I don’t remember. This isn’t the Oaks. Your father will be home soon. He’ll sort it all out.’
‘No, Mother, this is Hunting Manor.’ June’s irritation was beginning to show. Les left the room with Mr Burgess on his arm.
‘There aren’t many staff. I ought to speak to the matron,’ commented Granny as she shuffled down the hallway assisted by Sandra.
‘Thith ith a nith plath,’ Mr Burgess remarked, over his shoulder.
‘It is nice,’ replied Granny. ‘Where is it, again?’
‘I forget,’ said Mr Burgess.
✽✽✽
Ruth piled the tea things onto a tray and carried them into the kitchen where she recounted all the proceedings to a dishevelled and overwrought Belinda.
‘What on earth is going on?’ Ruth asked rhetorically, running water into the sink. ‘I mean, it seems like a bizarre sort of farce.’
Belinda’s usual composure had deserted her. Her hair was coming down from its chignon and she had a splash of marinade on her cashmere sweater. ‘Oh don’t,’ she wailed. ‘There was no reasoning with the woman.’
‘June?’
‘Who else? I told her that this place just isn’t suitable. Granny needs nursing care - a stair lift, a bath hoist - but she just laughed it all off and said that we’d manage perfectly well because - she specifically mentioned this - James is a nurse...’
‘Cheek!’
‘I know. I tried everything I could think of, Ruth: the agreement with the owners about numbers, the catering difficulties... but she said I – I - was being selfish. She said that this was family and wasn’t that just what I’d wanted all along, and that I was being contrary to start drawing lines where none existed!’ Belinda flung herself down onto a chair and rested her head in her hands.
‘What did Mum say?’ Ruth asked, ‘and Elliot? Surely he backed you up?’
Belinda shook her head, miserably. ‘Mum agreed with me, about the nursing, but June ignored her. And James tried to back me up of course. Elliot was conspicuous by his absence.’
‘He’s left this damn computer in the way though, hasn’t he?’ said Ruth, irritably, taking the long way round to the fridge to put the milk away. ‘If I didn’t know better I’d say he’d been expecting them. He and June were very t
hick in the library last night after dinner.’ She put the last of the tea things away and came to sit next to her sister. She wondered about pouring a glass of wine. There was an open bottle, she had seen it in the fridge.
‘Mmm. And he’s kept his head down today in spite of what he would see as intolerable provocation, from Heather and from you and from me.’ They regarded each other, then Belinda said with a sudden flash of vehemence, ‘I could put up with it all, for Mum’s sake. All of this was for her, really, and if I thought it was what she wanted, I really could manage to cater for…’ she totted up on her fingers ‘…twenty five people. I’d do anything for her, you know that, Ruth. I’m sure you would too.’
‘I doubt I could do that,’ laughed Ruth wryly.
Belinda’s voice rose. Her face was flushed. ‘I just wish we hadn’t been conditioned to be so bloody polite all the time,’ she burst out. ‘Sometimes I want to scream but then I can just hear Mum saying, ‘Little girls should be seen and not...’ she dissolved into tears. Ruth put her hand awkwardly on Belinda’s shoulder and wished she was the kind of woman to have a clean tissue up her sleeve.
‘We’ll just have to send them back!’ Ruth said rashly, as though it were that simple.
Belinda shook her head. ‘We can’t!’ she moaned, through tears, ‘not for a few days, anyway. Granny’s room’s being decorated while she’s away.’
‘And what about Mr Burgess?’ Ruth got up and made for the fridge to fetch the wine.
‘Exactly! Don’t ask me where he fits into this family picture!’ Belinda blew her nose. ‘But then again,’ she said, more calmly, ‘I suppose you could say the same of Mitch.’
‘Mitch goes everywhere with Jude and Heather, it’s understood,’ Ruth countered, pushing a glass towards her sister.
‘I know. I know.’
They looked at each other in blank despair.
Ruth decided that they had spent enough time bewailing the situation. It was time they came up with a plan. ‘So, what shall we do?’ she asked. ‘The thing that gets me, frankly, is the money. I can’t stand free-loaders. I think we should insist that, if they’re going to stay, they pay a hefty chunk of the cost.’
But monetary issues seemed unimportant to Belinda. ‘It would seem so rude, sending them away. I don’t think I’m capable of it. It isn’t really them that I’m cross with.’ She twisted a ring round and round her finger. Ruth had noticed it before with an envious eye - a large diamond cluster, quite flashy.
‘No, it’s June, I know that. But they’re just as bad, pushing themselves in. Parasites. Not Granny and Mr Burgess - I don’t think they have a clue where they are or what day it is. But simpering Sandra and her neanderthal boyfriend. Talk about front! We can’t let them walk all over us!’
‘I have a feeling we’ll have to, Ruth. The last thing I want is a scene.’
‘Heaven forbid!’ exclaimed Ruth with sarcasm. ‘This was never a family for confrontation. Everything gets swept under the carpet and left to fester. God knows how much damage has been done in the past in the name of ‘not causing a scene’. We probably all need months of counselling!’ Both sisters thought about their brother, absent for so long, battling his demons.
Presently Ruth remarked, ‘Dad never minded causing a scene. He was allowed to. The rest of us kept quiet, as though our opinions didn’t count.’
‘That was just the way we did things,’ Belinda sighed.
‘The McKay way,’ Ruth cried ironically, ‘so much more than lorries! Rule number one: dirty laundry should not be aired. Rule number two: if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Rule number three: do the ‘done’ thing.’
‘You may scoff, but it’s ingrained, isn’t it? Everything in my upbringing and conditioning says that I should be polite and stay quiet,’ moaned Belinda, sipping gingerly at her wine – it was drier than she liked, really - ‘and let her walk all over us.’
‘It’s a downright intrusion. Surely everyone will feel the same?’
‘I do,’ said Simon, joining them suddenly as though his image in their minds a moment before had conjured him up. He was damp from his bath. He poured himself some wine. The three siblings regarded each other hopelessly across the table.
‘What does Miriam think,’ asked Ruth carefully, topping up her glass.
Simon leaned back in his chair. ‘Oh, she thinks it’s hilarious,’ he said. ‘And when you look at us, you can see her point; you couldn’t make up such a motley crew as we already have here and adding in two geriatric, senile, incontinent...’ he ran out of suitable adjectives, ‘can only make the picture more colourful.’
Belinda managed a weak smile. ‘They’ve got us cornered,’ she said. ‘No matter what we do now, it will be us who comes out of this looking rude and inhospitable. All my talk of family values will look like so much hot air. You don’t suppose they are incontinent, do you?’
Heather joined them. ‘I’ve had some lovely quality time with Starlight!’ she said, smiling happily. ‘We danced across the grassy sward and curtsied to the wood faeries and sang along with the wind. Now she’s watching Blind Date with the three big girlies while I get her tea ready.’
‘From the sublime to the ridiculous,’ muttered Ruth.
‘Just sit down a moment and talk to us,’ Simon pulled a chair out for her. Ruth fetched a glass from the cupboard. Belinda up-ended the wine bottle and the last of the wine flowed into Heather’s glass.
‘This is the first time we’ve been together, just the four of us, for I don’t know how long,’ remarked Belinda, looking round the table at them.
‘Years, when you come to think of it,’ Simon mused.
But the realisation of their strangeness was unhelpful and they moved past it quickly.
‘What do you think about this situation with June and our new guests,’ Simon asked Heather carefully.
‘Well,’ Heather considered briefly, ‘it all seems a bit odd. They weren’t invited and yet here they are. To be fair, I think Uncle Les feels very uncomfortable about it. Jude mentioned having over-heard something last night…’
‘Yes. Poor man. He really does feel awkward. I feel for him.’
‘But there’s no need for him to, is there? I mean, there’s plenty of room and enough food and everything? And he’s pleasant enough.’ Heather never bothered herself with practicalities. Things generally arranged themselves without any in-put from her.
Belinda demurred. ‘Well, these meals don’t just throw themselves together,’ she said.
‘Or pay for themselves,’ Ruth put in.
‘It’s the principle of the thing,’ Simon insisted.
‘Isn’t it just two rather sad old people and two, well, rather sad young people being given the opportunity of a holiday and a nice family party? I don’t see any harm in it, even if their arrival was something of a surprise.’ Heather toyed with her necklace. It was made of curious beads engraved with runes and a number of significant crystals.
‘You’re right, Heather,’ Belinda sighed. ‘You make me feel unkind. It’s just June who’s annoyed us all.’
‘She hasn’t annoyed Elliot,’ Heather said, narrowly, twirling wine around her glass. ‘I find his aura quite difficult to read - it’s sort of murky and obscure. But if he had objected, I think we all know that he would have told us by now.’
The clear-sightedness of this remark struck them all with especial force, coming, as it did, from Heather, who could not normally be relied upon to see the wood for the dryads.
‘Oh yes,’ Belinda agreed.
‘And so although we would all back you up, Lindy, darling, you need to consider that you might find yourself in opposition to him.’
Everyone around the table agreed, silently, that this was not a situation which they could allow Belinda to get herself into. She avoided their eyes. For that moment there was perfect accord and sympathy between them. It didn’t solve their problem, but it felt like they were in it together.
‘I think
you’re going to have to fight fire with fire.’ Miriam, who no one had noticed standing by the door, made them all jump. She was pink and scrubbed from her bath, her hair shining like wet jet. She lifted an apologetic hand, ‘I’m sorry, I know it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t interfere, but I just thought I’d say that much.’
Simon pulled a chair out for her but Miriam shook her head in refusal.
‘I’m not staying,’ she announced. ‘I only came down to see if there was anything I could do to help.’
‘No, but you think we ought to confront her, then?’ Belinda probed.
‘Heavens, no!’ Miriam laughed. ‘She’d love that! The reek of burning martyr as she packed her cases would be intolerable. No, I think you’re going to have to be far subtler, and use her own tactics against her.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Ruth, in spite of herself.
‘Well,’ Miriam put her head to one side. ‘Two things: old people can’t participate in the same way as younger ones. Someone will have to miss out on quite a bit in order to care for them. Now I know we’ve resisted Elliot’s efforts so far to make a holiday itinerary, but it mightn’t be a bad idea to see how many sea-fishing, pony-trekking and canoeing adventures we’re going to be able to fit in. Do you see where I’m going? And also, isn’t there another sister? I can’t imagine this “family holiday’’’ she lifted her fingers to make quote marks, ‘could be complete without her.’
‘Aunty Muriel!’ Simon shouted, slapping the table with the palm of his hand. ‘How June would hate to have her here!’
‘There you are, then,’ smiled Miriam, turning to go. ‘Simon, if there’s any of that white burgundy we brought with us, I’d love a glass, presently.’
Miriam left them looking at each other across the table.
‘So we’re going to let her get away with it!’ Ruth glowered, thinking of the money.
‘Not at all!’ Heather got up. ‘I don’t think Miriam implied that. The universe,’ she declared, knowingly, ‘has a way of righting wrongs. It’s part of the natural equilibrium of things.’
Relative Strangers Page 20