In Too Deep

by Bradd Chambers

  Both Cathal and Paddy raise their eyebrows at her before exchanging looks.

  “I’ll get her in a taxi soon,” Cathal promises.

  “Good man,” Paddy says. “You might want to get a move on too, Ave. I think visiting time finishes in 20 minutes.”

  Ava gasps and slugs her head towards her watch. How had she been here for so long? She stands to leave, frantically searching for her bag, before realising it’s still stowed away in Robyn’s house. Exasperated, she decides she’ll have to give the hospital a miss tonight and will just have to be there to collect Robyn first thing in the morning. Twirling around and thanking Cathal for the drinks, she requests the keys to the office off Paddy. He looks at her confused.

  “I… Uhh… I have a spare set in my office drawer. For home, I mean. Otherwise I’m on the street tonight,” she fakes a laugh.

  Seemingly satisfied with her lie, Paddy fights with his keychain to present his set of the office keys.

  “While you’re in, some guy was ringing looking for you. We suspect it’s about the large donation. We said you weren’t in but could leave you a message. He got very defensive and curt, saying that it needed to be you, so we gave him your e-mail. Have a look when you get in, we’re all dying to know what it’s about,” he laughs.

  Ava nods, thanking them both before staggering towards the door, the keyring looped around her finger so she won’t lose or drop it.

  Chapter Forty-Five:

  Leering down the hill and around the corner, Ava makes the short distance to the office go much slower due to her drunken state. Spencer Road is quite different in dusk, she observes. No honks of horns as people inch towards the Craigavon Bridge into town. Many of the businesses closed for the day, short of the few bars and restaurants on the street. She almost walks past the door to her office, before giggling to herself, realising her mistake. She decides against turning on the lights as she steps into the office, not wanting to draw any attention to herself.

  Locking the door after her, she starts to cross the room. Bumping clumsily into one of the desks, she curses, grabbing her toe. After she’s done hopping on one foot, she brings out her phone and turns on the torch app. Meandering around the desks, she creeps into the kitchen. Thankfully, Mr Ted is still safely in his hiding place, undisturbed. She pulls him out and snaps the cupboard door shut. Sneaking out and back into the office, she jumps as her phone starts to ring, echoing throughout the lonely dark office.

  “Hello!”

  “Everything alright?”

  “Aye, Paddy. Jesus, you scared the shite out of me.”

  She hears him chuckle.

  “Wasn’t my intention. Did you get a chance to look up your man’s e-mail?”

  She rolls her eyes to the ceiling and stamps her foot. She just wants to get going.

  “I’ll have a look now.”

  Paddy stays silent. Ava widens her eyes and protrudes her lip.

  “Hello?”

  “Aye, I’m still here. Go on ahead.”

  Stifling a groan, Ava shakes her computer’s mouse to awaken it. Typing in her password, she heads straight for her e-mails. Ten of them unread.

  “I take it your man didn’t give his name?”

  “Nah, was a bit of an odd ball. Which is why we’re eager to find out the craic.”

  Sighing, Ava clicks on the first message, some automated newsletter from another local charity, before tapping the down arrow key, moving through the unopened mail.

  “There’s nothing here.”

  “Nothing?”

  “Naw,” Ava stands, turning her back on the screen and heading to the back door.

  “Oh, shame. He might ring back tomorrow?”

  “Maybe,” Ava nods along, giving the back door a good shove to make sure it’s locked, before turning and marching back into the office.

  “Awk, I’m raging. We all wanted to know the craic, like. Anyway, Ave. When we’re done our dinner, would you like a lift home?”

  Ava smiles.

  “That would be great, Paddy. Thanks.”

  Remembering her lie about collecting keys in the office, she’ll make sure to ask to be left off at Mark’s. If he sees Paddy leaving her off, he’ll assume they went for drinks after work. She won’t have to lie to him about her tipsy state or company.

  “No sweat. We’ve just finished our starter here so if you give us…”

  Ava doesn’t hear the rest. Just as she’s coming into the office, she sees the shadow of someone pressing their head against the window. Trying and failing to be discreet as the other half of their body hides behind the sign. She stops dead and screams, her phone falling from her hand. The worst thing she could do, because as soon as the sound leaves her mouth, the figure barrels away.

  ****

  And that was that. I ran into Chris a few times during my pregnancy. Each time getting fatter and uglier. It was like he planned it. Every time I left the house for a quick errand or was rushing to the toilet in Richmond Centre to pee for the fifteenth time that morning… He’d be standing there. Observing. Another girl on his arm. I even saw him with one of the girls I used to go to school with. She blanked me, giving me the impression that she knew, despite the fact we would chat in class.

  But every time, he would never look at me. Just stare at the bump. His sprog growing inside me. Kicking at me and making me ill. As if it were cursing me for leaving him. For having my independence and my dignity. I grew to detest the thing. Swearing to myself that I would pawn it off in a children’s home as soon as it came out, but never having the balls to actually get something sorted legally.

  Then, the due date finally came… And passed. A day late. Two. Three. Seven. Finally, on my ninth day overdue with Satan’s love child boiling away inside me, and after the most painful and complicated birth anyone could wish for, I heard little Ava’s first cry. And my heart broke. They lay her down beside me and I looked into her beautiful face. How had I hated something so tiny and innocent? I didn’t think I’d love anyone as much as I’d loved Chris, but that trumped it. By a mile. Just staring at Baby Ava and listening to her squeals as I soothed her to sleep.

  The entire pregnancy, I craved a drink. I was horrible. The anger I’d felt gushing out to anyone who upset or irritated me. I’d secluded myself. Retreated so far into myself that not even Robyn could bring me out of it. It didn’t help that Phil moved to Barcelona with his boyfriend to start up a bar business when I only had two months left to go.

  But no, as I held Ava in my arms, I decided she was mine. I was keeping her. No-one was ever going to hurt her. To hurt me. I’d stop drinking and devote my life entirely to that little pink bundle. And I did.

  Chapter Forty-Six:

  For the second time today, Ava is left speechless whilst someone on the other end of the phone tries to regain her attention. Seemingly giving up, blaming it on a poor connection, Paddy ends the call, whilst Ava continues to stare at the window. Her mouth open, but no more sound coming out. It takes a while before she finally breathes in, her body no longer able to cope from the lack of oxygen. Like not making a sound would erase everything that had just happened.

  Eventually snapping out of her trance, Ava finally makes a move. Skirting over to the window, she gazes onto Spencer Road. Everything is quiet. The odd car squealing past. A few lads outside the pub down the street laughing over their smokes. It seems safe enough, she thinks, as she scurries to get the keys on her desk. Stepping out riskily onto the street, she gives it a good look up and down. But nothing looks suspicious. Nothing lurking in the shadows. It has just gotten dark, and the cloudless sky descends down on her, making her shiver in the breeze.

  Wrapping her arms around herself, she steps back into her office. Wracking her brain to remember what the hooded figure looked like… She comes up short. She never saw a face. Just a dark figure with hands pressed either side of the hood. She shivers again at the thought. She thinks about ringing Mark or Dermott. But what good could they do? And what would the
y even say? It could’ve been anyone. Someone mistaking the office for a takeaway or a restaurant. Someone looking to contribute or volunteer and they arrived too late. Or someone looking to break in. Someone harassing and stalking her. Following her here. Knowing she’s alone. Her eyes skirt to the back yard, looking eerie in the dark. Empty… For now.

  She suddenly wants to be far away from here. But where could she go? She can’t ring Mark, he’d ask why she’s drunk. She doesn’t want to admit that she was out for drinks with Cathal. Not now when they are on speaking terms again. She can’t go home or to Robyn’s with no keys. She thinks of everyone she could phone. Everyone she’s let drop out of her life. Zoe. Dermott. Other friends from school. Never has she felt so alone yet wanted to be safe with someone else. Away from prying eyes. Somewhere where she doesn’t have to look in every corner and constantly over her shoulder to convince herself she’s not being followed.

  A thump at the window makes her jump and scream again. Spinning around, she exhales when she sees Cathal standing there, waving in at her. Opening the door for him, she nearly hits him.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

  She knows it isn’t his fault. She shouldn’t blame him.

  “You okay?”

  He observes the dark office.

  “Yeah,” she throws her jacket over Mr Ted. “Just stuck on where to go.”

  “Could you not find your spare keys?”

  “No. I must’ve moved them or gave them to someone.”

  “Who?”

  This is why she doesn’t lie. She’s no good at it.

  “I can’t remember. Must’ve been someone like Mark a while back. And he’s given them back,” she quickly adds as she sees Cathal open his mouth. “Must be in my house somewhere.”

  Nodding, he leans against Michael’s desk.

  “What about Mark’s?”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea that I land to his after drinking. Especially considering who I’ve been out with,” she’s glad it’s dark and he can’t see her blush.

  “Well… We have a spare bedroom, if you’d like?”

  Ava goes to protest.

  “It’s just Orla’s old room,” he ignores her. “Think it still has princess bedding on it. But it’s somewhere to lay your head. Sleep off today and bring in tomorrow. It can’t go any worse than today, right?”

  The street light outside the window emulates his smile. Ava considers this before nodding. The way the past week or so has been going, she certainly hopes not.

  Chapter Forty-Seven:

  “It’s not much, but Da bought it outright. So, until we’re done for identity fraud, it’ll do for now,” Cathal laughs as he steps back to let Ava in through the front door.

  Ava looks around the bungalow in Glenbrae Gardens, just off the Northland Road and down the hill from where she lived with her mother. A homely house that looks lived in. She can almost feel the memories vibrating off the walls. Something her own house doesn’t have. She sometimes feels like a guest in her own home. And not just because it’s a rental.

  “It’s lovely.”

  Ava steps through to the living room. All the candles and pictures. Brightly coloured décor and thriving plants

  “Did you grow up here?”

  “Aye, but it didn’t look like this back then,” Cathal scoffs, throwing himself down on the sofa and resting his feet on the coffee table. “Once I had a bit of money about me, I started buying bits and bobs every pay day. Something to make the place look a bit nicer one step at a time. Take the edge off it.”

  Ava sits awkwardly on the other sofa. She didn’t stop to think that the memories screaming out at her could also be bad ones. She gazes around at the dozens of photographs scattered around the room. Although he seemed irritated that he was a photographer at both charity functions, it’s clear that Cathal really does enjoy photographs. She looks between each one, before resting on the one closest to her of a slightly younger looking Cathal and who she can guess is his sister on an older man’s knee. There’s no denying the family resemblance, it has to be Cathal’s dad. With a mop of blonde hair and a copper moustache to match.

  The fumes off the candles hit her and she feels herself start to sober up. Is this the best idea? Coming and staying in the house of this man when her boyfriend thinks something is going on between them? Going to an all girl’s secondary school, Ava didn’t have many friends that were boys. Maybe Mark finds it odd? Or intimidating? Her keeping Cathal a secret surely didn’t help. She should’ve just been open and honest with him from the start and she wouldn’t be in this mess.

  She counts down from three, telling herself when the countdown is finished that she’ll stand and tell him she’s going to leave. Take her chances with Mark. But there’s a sound in the hall and the living room door is thrust open before she has the chance. Standing there, giving her a look of caution, is a young blonde-haired girl with a scruffy denim jacket. A lot older than the picture, but Ava could still put money on it that it’s his sister.

  “Alright, Orl?”

  “Aye,” she says, skirting the walls to keep her distance from Ava. “Who’s she?”

  “This is my friend, Ava. Say hello.”

  “Hello, Orla isn’t it?”

  “I meant Orla say hello,” Cathal laughs, biting his nails as he flicks through the TV channels.

  “Alright?”

  “I’m good, Orla. And you?”

  “Are you Cathal’s girlfriend?”

  “Orla!” Cathal shoots her a look.

  “What? I’m just asking. She’s the first girl you’ve brought home,” she teases, sticking the cords of her hoody in her mouth, before running from the living room.

  Ava hears the door in the next room slam.

  “Sorry about that,” Cathal blushes.

  “You’re grand,” Ava laughs, going to stand.

  “Don’t let that affect your stay. You have nothing to worry about. I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” he reassures her.

  Ava nods. They continue watching TV for a few moments longer. Ava can’t tell whether the silence is awkward or not. If there’s tension. And if there is, is she the culprit? Making a drama where there isn’t one? Reacting infectiously to Cathal’s yawn, she stretches dramatically.

  “I might get to bed, y’know? Been one of those days.”

  “Of course,” Cathal climbs to his feet. “I’ll show you where to go.”

  Ava makes for the living room door.

  “Don’t forget your jacket.”

  Ava spins around but she’s too late. Cathal has grabbed her jacket and is lifting it to pass over when Mr Ted slips from beneath it and falls to the ground. The pair stare at him. Ava scared and Cathal confused. Their eyes finally meet.

  “Yours?”

  “Aye.”

  He begins to laugh, bending down to pick him up.

  “Big girls don’t cry. I won’t judge,” he winks.

  Taking him gratefully, Ava thanks him and turns, trying to hide her face, growing redder by the second. She steps out into the hall and is met with four doors to her left, the front to her right. Maybe she should just go?

  “In here,” Cathal points to the third room on her left.

  Obligatorily, Ava nods and steps through the door. Sure enough, she enters a box room with a single bed plastered in princess bedding. On the wall is a mirror shaped like a fairy tale castle and she nearly trips over a unicorn teddy when she crosses the threshold.

  “Sorry about the mess. When my da left, I moved into his room and Orla got my old one. No one’s even been in here in months. Only ever gets used if Orla has a mate staying over.”

  Ava keeps the strained smile on her face and sinks herself onto the bed, which is surprisingly comfortable.

  “You need water? Toothpaste? A charger?”

  “No, I’m grand. Thanks. Think I just want to go to sleep.”

  “No bother. Well, if you need me I’m in the bedroom beside ye,” he nods his head to
the right. “Bathroom’s just there,” he nods to the adjacent wall. “And if you change your mind and get thirsty or hungry, kitchen’s just through the living room. Alright?”

  “Never better,” she lies.

  Smiling down at her, he flicks the side light on and closes the door. Leaving Ava alone in a strange house with nothing but her thoughts.

  Chapter Forty-Eight:

  Happy that she’s the first in the office, Ava successfully shoves Mr Ted in her desk drawer before Claire battles through the door, the signature half a dozen shopping bags in tow.

  “Alright, Claire?” she beams up at her.

  “Hiya, Ava,” she makes a pantomime of trying not to judge her for wearing yesterday’s clothes, but Ava clocks it straight away. “How’s your aunt?”

  “She’s not too bad. Took too many of her prescriptions and ended up being really sick. Had to get her stomach pumped, so they kept her in overnight to make sure she was okay. Going to collect her at lunch time again.”

  Claire unloads the bags under her desk, talking about how awful that is when Michael scoots through the doors.

  “Well, have ya seen we’re all famous?” he giggles, shaking the newspaper at them.

  “Let’s see,” Claire shrieks, skipping towards him.

  They both meet halfway at Ava’s desk, and he spreads the inner page story across her keyboard. The pictures flood back the memories. There’s all five of them standing with their collection buckets and smiling towards the camera, Cathal behind the lens. Sure enough, there’s Ava with The X Factor star, no doubt plucked from his social media account. Kids having fun on the bouncy castle and playing the games. Ava spots Zoe in the corner of one whilst a girl with a butterfly painted on her face giggles at the thought of getting her picture taken. And at the end of the story, a small segment about the mystery person who donated five grand, and if anyone has any ideas who it is, to come forward.