“I had no idea what to do. Whether to go in and grab you. Bring you with me. But he told me that we were too involved in the community. Had people that would miss us. Ask questions. He came from a part around town where people disappeared and reappeared like clockwork. It was just the norm. No-one was ever even asked where they’d gone. He wouldn’t be missed. I was a different matter, though. I had to come with him to protect myself, and to protect you. But I couldn’t just disappear. That would leave you to be pursued.
“No, I had to properly disappear off the face of the earth. Leave no rock unturned or any questions unanswered. I knew what he meant before he said it. I just knew… I knew that I’d have to fake my suicide.”
Chapter Sixty-Nine:
Ava’s stare jolts between both of her mother’s eyes, circulating her face. Searching for any signs of dishonesty. Unloyalty. Although she’s spent the past three years away from her, she never forgot her face. Her mannerisms. After all, at one point she was all she had. Leaning back in her chair, Ava crosses her arms.
“I think I believe you…”
Fiona lets out a sigh of relief, beginning to stand.
“… It doesn’t mean that I am one bit happy with you,” comes Ava’s curt ending.
Fiona nods hysterically, returning her bum to the seat and her elbows to the table.
“Of course, darling. Of course.”
“So,” Ava turns her attention to her aunt. “Where did you come into this?”
Robyn’s eyes remain on the tablecloth, slowly fingering a rip in the material.
“Your mum came straight here after meeting Emmet and told me everything. Begged me to promise not to tell anyone. To keep it a secret. Of course, I took the information like you just did. Only, I could have stopped her. But…” she glances over at her sister, who nods knowingly. “… She was relentless. Said she wouldn’t have any harm come to you. If they were seeking her out, they would find you. We came up with the plan… She sent me the texts and I waited at the roundabout before the new bridge for her signal.”
Robyn’s eyes start to well up again.
“Believe me, Ave. There were so many times I wanted to tell you… But I just couldn’t break that promise. I had to keep you safe.”
“Is that why you’re… The way you are?” Ava fights back her anger.
Robyn nods sullenly.
“I knew it seemed like you were putting it on sometimes.”
Robyn’s mouth falls open slightly.
“Only sometimes, pet. The times when I had to get my way out of an awkward conversation or situation. But I swear, the drink and the drugs have played havoc with me. I’m sorry I put you through that, I really am. But it just seemed to be the only way I could cope… With everything.”
She sniffs, lifting a tissue to blow her nose.
“So, why now?” Ava narrows her eyes at her mother. “Why come back?”
Fiona reaches her hands across the table, but Ava ignores them.
“Well… That night I… Left… Emmet told me he had a friend with a house in Belfast. That we could stay there for a while to get back on our feet. So, we pulled up at the garage at the bottom of the Glenshane and used the toilets.”
She physically grimaces at the memory. Thinking back on hiding under the blanket in the back of his car.
“He made me cut my hair and put on these glasses and clothes that make me look about ten years older than what I am,” she chuckles, before realising no-one else is amused. “We squatted in his mates in South Belfast for a while, before he managed to get us a house in the east. He got a job almost immediately, but told me it was too risky for me to get one. After all, I had no ID, no national insurance… Nothing. I had to stay at home. Obviously, I went stir crazy. Had such bad cabin fever.
“So, I started to leave the house. Nothing mad, like. Just a trip to the shops and that. Grab a pint of milk from the Tescos around the corner. I wasn’t even allowed there, Emmet made me order in an ASDA delivery at the start of every week. I was proper secluded for so long. If we ever went anywhere, I had to stay in the car. I told him time and time again that I had no contacts in any part of Belfast, but he wouldn’t listen.
“Needless to say, our relationship became strained. Around this time last year, I decided enough was enough. Throwing on sunglasses, I started to go into the town centre. I had no money, of course, I just wanted to potter about. It was so nice, seeing people. Being treated like a real human. Being in the big open world.
“Then… About two months ago, I ran into someone in Victoria Square. No-one I knew, but he seemed to know me. Asked if I was living with Emmet, and I panicked. Told him I didn’t know who he was talking about and tried to skirt off, but he persisted. Told me Emmet was a very bad man and I should get away from him. After a while, I started to humour him. Just to see if we were talking about the same Emmet. He told me that Emmet didn’t have a job, despite leaving the house all day and coming back at tea time. He told me he was a drug dealer. And he’d supplied his son with so many drugs that he’d overdosed and died a few months before.”
Robyn gasps lightly, shaking her head.
“I told him he had the wrong guy. But he promised me. Said he followed his son’s friends that Saturday night after the funeral and he saw Emmet supplying near City Hall. He followed Emmet to our house and saw me through the window. I wondered why he didn’t go to the police, but he told me that that’s not how people around his parts dealt with things. I promised him that I had no idea… I mean, he used to come and go as he pleased. I had no authority over him, but he wasn’t out of the house so much at night that I would ever be suspicious of something like that.
“As soon as Emmet left for whatever he disappeared to do the next day, I searched the house. I didn’t know what I was looking for. Drugs… Money… Whatever. I remembered the nights he said he was going out. And I lay half-awake as he woke me barrelling in through the front door. He’d always go into the downstairs spare bedroom. So, I turned the place upside down looking, but couldn’t find anything. Giving up, I sat on the bed and thought about what sort of person I’d become… Whenever I just… I just knew. Looking at the chest of drawers, I slid it out from against the wall and, sure enough, there was a tiny square door etched into the wall that was almost entirely missable if you weren’t looking. It was so overly painted over you could barely make out the tiny dent, only big enough for a finger nail to fit into, and I was able to swing it open discreetly. There, I found thousands and thousands of pounds stashed inside the tiny cupboard. Huge wads of notes.
“I slammed the door shut straight away, and resumed the room to its original position, before running out into the back garden. I had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn’t ring the police, I was supposed to be dead! And I couldn’t confront him because he’d began to become so violent towards me. I was scared…”
She fans her eyes and gazes at the picture frames on the cupboard, reflecting easier times.
“In the end, I decided I would play him at his own game. It’s amazing how ignorant our lives are. Like when I was washing the dishes, I heard him go into that downstairs bedroom and lock the door behind him. It happened several times throughout the weeks, and that was the only times I noticed. God knows how many more times there were. How oblivious I was. So, every morning, when he’d get up and leave… I’d sneak in and steal a few notes out of different wads. Make him think he’d miscounted or was paid wrongly.
“That added up until I went into town and bought myself a phone. Just a standard smartphone so I could look up the internet unobserved by him. Wouldn’t dare try on the laptop in case he checked the search history. That’s when I started searching for you, and my heart broke when I realised how you’d grown up. You’re so beautiful. And then I saw all the articles about making the charity, and in my name. I mean, I was honoured, despite the guilt. And I just really wanted to see you. I tried phoning Robyn a few times, but she was never in,” she grabs hold of her sister’s hand
. “Just to check up on everyone, you know? I never could before. My phone and everything ended up in the Foyle.”
Ava struggles to fight back more tears collecting in her eyes. Her mother had gone through so much. And yet she couldn’t extinguish the fire in her heart that flamed her rage.
“I started to come up with a plan,” Fiona continues. “To track his movements and count the money, see if there was a certain day he’d get a load or days he took it to his big bosses. Some form of a routine. Get the money and runaway, come here and get you. Maybe move away until he was caught… Wishful thinking, I know. But with so much time on my hands, I daydreamed so much, you have no idea.
“And then… A few weeks ago… I was woken in the middle of the night by a crash downstairs. Emmet was gone. After finally convincing myself that no one was in the house, I made it downstairs to see the living room window was smashed, and lying on the sofa was a brick with a message tied to it saying: ‘murdering scum.’ I just couldn’t believe it. Had he killed someone else through supplying? Or what else was he not telling me? So, I packed up all I could, before scoffing a large amount of the drug money and left. Called a taxi from around the corner that took me to the bus station, although I had to wait another few hours for the bus.
“And since then, I’ve been renting an Airbnb out near Lettershandoney. Just to keep myself away from the crowd, but I couldn’t help but come in now and then. Like to your house,” she clasps her fingers together and rests them on her chin, staring at her daughter admirably. “I’m so sorry if I seem creepy or stalkerish.”
Despite herself, Ava finds herself smiling shyly.
“So… The Letter with the lily?”
Fiona nods her head, beaming.
“The new shoes?”
“Bought them for myself with that bastard’s money. You made me so proud that I thought you deserved them more. You looked so gorgeous in them.”
“So… You were following me?”
Fiona blows out.
“I wouldn’t say full time, no. But I would watch from afar sometimes, just to see you. To feel close to you.”
“And the charity event?”
Fiona blinks.
“I saw you there… With a pile of girls.”
Her mother reddens.
“I tried to keep my distance. To fit in with the crowd. Clearly it didn’t work,” she laughs.
Ava surprises herself by joining in, letting herself be absorbed in the madness.
****
We continue to sit at Robyn’s kitchen table for a while longer, talking about the woes of the world that tore us apart. Catching up with everything that’s been going on. It’s amazing to be this close to Ava. Within touching distance. After observing her for weeks. Thinking about her every day for three years. After the awkward silences become unbearable, all avenues of conversation perused, Ava takes a quick glance at her phone and mumbles something about having to return to work.
“Shit,” she spits, rushing out of the front door.
I watch from the window as she climbs into the front seat and kills the ignition, clambering out and over the trimmed grass.
“Has that been on the whole time?” I laugh.
My Ava. Always so clumsy. Something she got from me.
“Aye, I was in such a rush to get in. I thought…” Ava shudders.
“You thought what, darling?”
“So, that five grand we mysteriously received on the charity night,” Ava ignores me, cocking her head to the side, closing the door behind her for a slither of privacy. “That was you?”
I look bashfully to my feet.
“It was. I gave it to a little boy who scooted past me. Told him to tell your colleague it was from his daddy. It isn’t near enough after what I put you through, but it’s a start. I didn’t want to spend it all because I didn’t know how long I’d be here before I found the courage to see you. To come to Robyn’s. I had to make sure Damien wasn’t here.”
Ava flinches and glances towards the living room, where Robyn has resumed her usual position in her chair. She looks like she wants to tell me something, but decides against it. Maybe too much has been shared today already?
“And Mr Ted?”
I frown.
“Mr Ted… That old thing you used to carry about when you were younger? What about him?”
“You didn’t take him from here,” she frowns, pointing to the roof, “and leave him at the backdoor of my office?”
I stare at her perplexed.
“No. Why would I do such a thing?”
Ava’s eyes expand.
“It must’ve been Emmet,” she bites her lip.
My heart stops.
“Emmet? What?!”
She gazes at me, the crease on her forehead from frowning the only thing tainting her beautiful features.
“Yeah… Emmet’s… Erm… Been in touch…”
I instantly feel like a huge object has fallen onto me. I crash down onto the stairs, unable to withhold my own weight as Ava screams.
Robyn hobbles out, reaching for me but I ‘shoo’ her away. Resting my head in my hands, I think through the situation. What has he done? What is he going to do?
When I find my energy moments later, I slide my hands down my face and look up at Ava. My gorgeous daughter.
“What has he done? I left subtly. I’ve left no trace that I’ve been here.”
Robyn and Ava share concerned glances.
“What’s happened, love?” Robyn stares at Ava.
Ava blows out, fidgeting with her hands before sighing and closing the door properly.
Chapter Seventy:
“This is all my fault. This is all my fault.”
Fiona does laps of Robyn’s tiny kitchen as Ava’s story comes to a close, finishing on rushing over because she thought her aunt was in danger. Robyn gazes at her with hurt in her eyes.
“I can’t believe all of that was going on and you never thought to tell me.”
“I’m sorry, Rob. I didn’t want to scare you or upset your moods. I was looking out for you, trying to protect you,” she echoes the emotional responsibility that her aunt had harboured for her over these past few years.
“So,” her mother comes to a stop in the living room, “here’s what I think has happened. When he found me missing, and obviously a lot of his cash gone, he came looking for me. Derry would’ve been the first place to look. Somewhere I know well, I’ve barely been out of the city to go anywhere else. He’s obviously been keeping an eye on both of your houses. And-“
“But how did he get in here?” Ava interrupts with a whine, tapping her feet off the rug in frustration.
“The spare key?” Robyn offers.
Fiona steals a glance at Robyn, before covering her mouth.
“I’m so sorry, Rob.”
Robyn looks so confused that if she hadn’t made her brash confession only an hour before, Ava would believe she was going through one of her moments.
“Sorry for what?”
“It was… It…”
Letting out a sharp cry, Fiona flops herself down on the settee beside Ava, who coils unintentionally away from her. Instinct taking over.
“When Emmet and I started to see each other… We came here a few times. Just to get away from it all. For a proper bed…”
She chews the inside of her mouth and grips the sofa cushions tightly. Giving Ava the impression that it wasn’t just the bed. Her stomach starts to turn as she realises they did it right here, before remembering that they would’ve did it on the bed she stayed in upstairs too. Bile collecting in her throat.
“How did you know about the spare key?” Robyn looks shocked.
“You mentioned it in passing years ago. I never thought anything of it. I didn’t even remember about it until one time when we were driving around looking for a spot, and I saw your house from the bridge. I’m so sorry, he obviously saw me pick the key from underneath the gnome.”
“That’s how he got in,” Ava s
hakes her head.
It’s all starting to make sense. And through getting into this house, he was able to snaggle her keys as well.
“So… Why give back my keys and not Robyn’s spare?”
The trio think for a second.
“Think about it,” Fiona snaps her fingers. “You’d miss yours. But no one would miss Robyn’s.”
“But why not make a spare? Like he must’ve done with mine?”
Fiona’s mouth twitches as she shrugs, putting her head in her hands once again.
“I’m sorry,” she manages to muffle.
“It’s okay, I’ve changed the locks.” Ava goes to pat her mother on the back, but changes her mind halfway through. “He can’t get into either house. That’s probably why he left that message on my patio doors.”
Fiona jerks up again.
“Aye! That’s it. So,” she jumps up onto her feet and starts doing her circuits around the kitchen once more, this time including the table. “He comes looking for me, obviously targeting you two. Then, steals Mr Ted as a threat to hand me over, if you will.”
“But how would he know about Mr Ted?”
“Oh, we talked about everything. I must’ve brought it up at some point. Anyway, that was the night after the charity night, right?”
Ava nods.
“Then, when here is empty for the night when Robyn’s in hospital, he sneaks in and obviously steals your keys to make a copy. If they were in your bag, he caught sight of the picture and doctored it as another threat. We don’t know how long that photo could’ve been sitting on your table. Then he tries to ring you at work, maybe to intimidate you into telling him where I was. That’s why he refused to speak to your colleagues.
“The next day, he sends that e-mail because he reads about the large donation in the Letter, possibly knowing that it was from me, and that’s why he talks about hurting me in it. You go on the run with Robyn, get the locks changed and he can’t find you. I mean, I came looking a few times at both houses and couldn’t see anything. I’m so lucky I didn’t bang into him,” she waves away her selfishness. “Sorry. Then he texts you to meet him last night, maybe to break into your house again? When he can’t get in, he writes on your patio doors as another threat. As well as breaking into your office to try and steal back the money, and then some…”
In Too Deep Page 18