The pounding of her heart drummed in her ears. She knew he could feel it against his chest.
“Are you free, Jessica?”
She rolled over on her back. “I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you.” She rose to sit, but he pulled her back to him and kissed her sweetly. Her heart lightened. Something odd was happening. For the first time in her life, she felt the freedom she had longed for since childhood. Spirited, she asked, “Are you going to keep me here forever, sir? I must return home … some time.”
Feeling his warm breath touch the top of her head, she heard his muffled reply. “You are home.”
Chapter Seventeen
October 6, 1888
On a sunny fall afternoon in the green field above Rail River, Caleb stood under a tall arch of branches intertwined with flowers of yellow and orange. He waited nervously for his bride. He looked as striking as ever in a white, cotton shirt accented with a silver, bolo tie of his own making, inlaid with turquoise he’d received from Soaring Feather’s son, Strong Bow. His formal black pants and long, woolen coat contrasted with his blond, loose hair. The Reverend Tandy would perform the ceremony in front of a small group of friends and family gathered to honor the young couple.
~
Excitement filled Ben and Sally Loggin’s home. Caleb acquainted himself with his neighbors, and they had become good friends. Burt was right in assuming they would be helpful. Ben was indeed a knowledgeable resource. The Loggins had been on their land for nearly seven years. Jessica had made friends with Ben and Sally through several supper invitations to her and Caleb. Sally was a generous, sweet woman, and Jessica liked her very much. Their private chats, while the men did what men do after a hearty meal, proved to Jessica that Sally would make a good neighbor. A little older, the Loggins were kind, reasonable people—he, stout with flared, brown hair, and she, petite and blue-eyed with her dark-blonde hair usually drawn into a bun under a plaid kerchief.
Today, the Loggins welcomed Jessica with Hannah into their home where Sally and Hannah helped the bride prepare for her wedding. Hannah fussed over the dress and brushed away a tear as she attended to Jessica. “The ribbon’s bow might go in the middle,” she suggested. “That way, you can tuck your pretty handkerchief to the side.”
The simple, off-white, cotton wedding dress, a gift from her aunt and uncle, was adorned with a bit of lace at the ends of the long sleeves, matching the lace on the rounded collar. The hem was embroidered in small flowers with white thread, and the band of silk around the waist was a soft, blue satin. Hannah placed a small rosette of fresh flowers where strands of her hair came together in the back of her head, the remaining dark waves fell over her shoulders. Jessica looked down at her shoes. The beige, buttoned, low boots were without lace or adornments and she liked how they flattered her small feet.
Studying herself in the mirror, she felt certain she was doing the right thing. Being a few years older than she was at her first wedding, she knew her own mind better. She liked what she saw, not the trembling calf going to the slaughter, wrapped in yards of silk and satin as she was on the day she married Frederick. They were married in a church in front of God, her family, the whole city of Hartford, and Jacob. This time only her closest acquaintances and family would witness this wedding. Her parents, back East in their stately home and pompous society, would just have to accept her choice—when she decided to tell them. Jacob would also have to accept her choice. Yet, just yesterday morning, as with every morning since they parted, Jessica waited for the mailman to bring her the letter she longed for.
Throughout her courtship with Caleb, she still waited, hoping. Yet a word from Jacob to let her know he still loved her and they would be able to work out a future together would be a mixed blessing. Now she loved two men—one who waited for her with an open heart, and one whose love felt like a ghost from the past. She entered into a future with Caleb with Jacob still in her heart. As she thought about the long courtship with Caleb, from December to now, she realized he had been testing her love. For her, that love had only grown stronger with time. The spring and summer had brought many rides together on his land with dips in the refreshing Rail River. She helped him plant a garden, and he encouraged her when she complained of her latest work going poorly. His admiration and respect for her art spurred her passion for it even further. Their lovemaking stopped time, and a whole day could drift from light to dark without them hardly taking a bite of food or a sip of a drink. His toiling on the land and building his skill as a silversmith gave her insight into the man he was—strong-minded and determined to succeed.
Sally was speaking and Jessica came out of her thoughts. “It will be so good to have you close by,” she said. “As you know, the next homestead is more than two miles away, and did I mention the wife is quite elderly? I believe they’re both in their seventies!” Sally looked at the reflection of Jessica in the mirror. “You make a beautiful bride.”
With a smile, Jessica thanked her. She felt beautiful inside and out. A flutter in her chest made her laugh. “And you look fine yourself, Sally.”
A knock on the bedroom door alerted them to the time. From the other side came Ben’s voice. “Everyone awaits, ladies.”
Another look, and Jessica turned to the others. “I’m ready.”
Walking down the grassy aisle accompanied by no one, Jessica couldn’t help notice June’s sister-in-law, Laura, trying unsuccessfully to hide her disapproval of a wedding held outdoors in a field, not in a church. Her daughter, Sophie, stood wide-eyed, overtaken by the romance of it. At the end of the path formed by the standing guests waited her betrothed. His face glowed, and she felt a deepening of her love. She could hardly compose her joy.
~
Caleb’s heart swelled to nearly bursting at the sight of Jessica walking toward him in her white gown and loose hair, the slight breeze catching a few strands. Her beauty shone, and he felt himself bathed in her light.
He had reconciled his feelings of apprehension about marrying into her family, and now he stood ready to make his life with her. It was one of the bravest things he had ever done. Many nights he had lain awake thinking of Jacob and Jessica, forcing himself to take charge of his jealousy. She was marrying him. Jacob was in the past for both of them, or so he hoped.
An eagle flew overhead and a raven cawed loudly. Caleb took it as a good sign. The eagle was his trust and strength while the raven represented his transformation. He recited his vows with courage and love.
After the ceremony, they gathered around the food-laden table near the house, where Caleb announced, “I have a gift for my bride!”
Jessica stepped forward, smiling with anticipation. After disappearing into the house, Caleb soon emerged with a small ball of fur tucked under his arm. The scared, golden-haired pup whimpered as it dug its head into Caleb’s armpit. The crowd sighed as one. Jessica took the puppy in her arms and cuddled it to her neck as he squirmed and licked her face. She reached up to her husband and kissed him lovingly, causing more applause.
“Thank you, Caleb.” He saw in her the mother of his children and it touched him, but for now, a puppy would be plenty to take care of. “I’m glad you like him … wife.” His smile was wide and full of satisfaction.
With a small burst of sparks, the photographer captured the moment forever. He arranged the family for a portrait, and Jessica was once again a married woman—this time with her parents’ certain disapproval and her brother and cousin nowhere to be found.
Chapter Eighteen
Six weeks passed. To Jessica’s surprise, her aunt June had allowed her and Caleb time to themselves. She had seen her aunt and uncle only briefly since the wedding. Today, she came down from the hills in their open, second-hand carriage for a proper visit.
“My Lord, we thought you two had perished up there,” her aunt said as she hugged her.
Jessica sat down in front of the pot of tea and baked goods. “I’m sorry I kept you in the dark, but, oh, the work needed to run our
land!” She grabbed a muffin, bit into it, and shook her head. “It’s wonderful, though, and I love it,” she said, her mouth full. She caught a crumb on her lips and continued. “We’ve already planted a kitchen garden. I’ll have fresh vegetables like you, Auntie.” Scrunching her nose, she remarked on her other duty. “I’m not used to cleaning an outhouse, or using one, for that matter. It came as rather a shock, I have to admit. Caleb said that one day, we’ll afford to hook up the well to an indoor privy he’ll add on to the house.”
“My, you have been productive,” her aunt responded, bringing one of Jessica’s hands closer for inspection. “I will give you the recipe for my grandmother’s soap. It’ll get the dirt out of every pore. That jar of jelly I have will soothe those rough hands. You can work hard, dear, but you don’t need to look as if you do.”
Jessica retrieved her hand and touched her mouth with the linen napkin, then took another sip of tea. “Yes, Auntie, thank you. I want your recipe for these muffins. I know Caleb would love them in his lunch.”
“Another thing, my dear, don’t forget to wear a hat,” her aunt fussed, making up for lost time. “I know being out of society has made you a bit lax, but you are still a lady. I like the one you wore today. Very attractive on you. How is Caleb’s work at the silversmith’s getting along?”
Leaning back, Jessica fingered the silver wedding band Caleb had made for her, a smaller version of the one he made for himself. “He’s frustrated with his progress, but I think it’s marvelous what he can fashion. He’s starting the plans for his own shop.”
Her aunt drew up a finger, leapt from her seat, and hurried to the parlor. She came back with letters in her hand. “This one is from your mother, and the other looks like Jacob’s handwriting, but it doesn’t have a return address.”
Jessica’s blood pumped faster. Finally, news from Jacob. Her hand trembled as she received the letters from her aunt. The first one she knew held her mother’s disapproval inside the gracefully addressed envelope. The other she could barely look at. It, too, held words she knew would alter her happy mood.
“Well?” Her aunt leaned forward in her chair.
“Yes, this one is from Mother, but the other I’m sure is from a friend back home. I’ll read it later.”
June sat back with a huff. “I was so hoping to hear from my son.”
“I’m sorry.” A jab of guilt hit her heart as she pocketed the other letter. With a deep breath, she opened the one from her mother. To her surprise, it was not at all what she had expected. “Oh.”
“What is it?” June leaned in closer.
“Father and Mother are coming here for a visit.”
June gasped. “That’s wonderful news! Oh, my goodness! I have so much to do! When do they say they’ll be arriving?” June looked around frantically.
Disbelief surrounded Jessica as she read the letter aloud, her aunt pacing in front of her.
My Dear Jessica,
Your father and I have decided that we need to see your present situation firsthand. I’m certain that your aunt and uncle have been well-meaning in guiding you, but we are very concerned with this new turn of events.
We will arrive on December 15th. I am fearful of the trip at this time of year, but how can I stay put with my anxiety? Why were we not informed earlier?
We hope you will keep an open mind. Do not rule out the possibility of coming back with us. We will endure what we have to in making this right.
We look forward to seeing you all. Give my regards to your aunt and uncle.
Love,
Mother
Jessica folded the page and placed it back into the envelope with downcast eyes.
“You don’t look very pleased,” her aunt commented, having settled her excitement. “This is good news, though it was such a short note. Bethany must have been in a state. Oh, I can’t wait to see her and have her see us here. We’ll have Christmas together! I know they will love the town and want to be here themselves. Mark my words!”
“I …” Her voice quivered. “I didn’t expect them to approve, but I wasn’t expecting them to come all the way out here to express their disappointment.” The thought that she would consider going back with them was laughable, though she knew her mother was serious.
Her aunt’s embrace lifted her spirits, yet she yearned for her mother’s embrace most of all—her mother’s embracing of her new life, of her art. She felt her aunt take her by the shoulders, and through her tears, she looked into the older woman’s gentle, green eyes.
“I would never go against what your parents have in mind for you, dear. I will say this, however. I have seen you grow into a responsible and respectable woman, and I am sure that is what they will see as well. Their disapproval will soon turn into pride.”
Jessica wiped her cheeks. Her dread was lessened. “I hope you’re right, Auntie. I’m sure they won’t be as open-minded as you. I don’t think they ever were. I love Caleb and our life together, and they must see that.”
“We’ll make them see it.” June winked.
When Jessica left for home, her spirits were dampened. Taking charge of the horse and carriage, she hastened up the hill. Caleb would still be at work until later that day, giving her time to be alone as she read Jacob’s letter.
~
Once she secured the horse and carriage in the barn, Jessica settled at the kitchen table with a glass of brandy. She rarely drank in the daytime, but her hands were shaking and a simple cup of tea would not do. After a drink of liquor, she was ready to retrieve his letter from its waiting place.
“Why now, of all times?” Her frustration and anger rose. Had he sensed her happiness without him? Cursing, she swallowed more brandy and went to the bar to refill her glass. Wincing from the harshness of the liquor hitting her throat, she stared at the letter. It stared back, daring to be read. If he wanted her attention, he now had it. She read the pouring out of his heart to her.
“I can’t stop thinking about our time together that beautiful day in June when we shared our love for one another” … “I miss you” … “I barely saw the woman you’ve become, and I miss her so much” … “I fear no one will ever fill my heart the way you do” ... “My life is a never-ending circle of trading and selling weapons” … “I hope you can forgive me for not writing, but I couldn’t put you through the anguish of hearing my troubles.”
Stopping, she drained her glass, coughed on the harsh liquor, then returned to reading. When she came to the part concerning her brother, her heart was filled with sorrow for him. His fiancée, Mi, had married a Chinese man, and her new husband adopted the child—Will’s child.
“Oh, Will. I’m so sorry.” She read on.
“I know you expected more of me, as I surely did from myself. Someday, I will prove my worth to you.”
As she came to the end, a lump in her throat grew thick.
“Be free, Jessica, and know I will always love you.”
She bowed her head over the letter and inhaled, letting out a trembling breath. Her tears dropped onto the hard surface of the table. Slowly, she raised her head and tucked his letter back into its envelope. He was letting her go, and she felt an emptiness no amount of liquor could ease.
She had nowhere to send a reply. Examination of the worn postmark didn’t help. It came from somewhere in Oregon, but she couldn’t make out the name of the town. On rising, the room tilted and she grabbed the edge of the table, catching herself from falling. After a few gulps of water, she went to the small room she used as her studio. His letter would be placed in the box that also held his beaded necklace, the rolled-up picture she had painted of them by Mary’s Pond, and the letter she received a few years back that gave her hope for their relationship and the courage to divorce Frederick. She brought the envelope to her nose, inhaling the scent of him, and then she clutched it to her chest before placing it firmly on top of the other letter. With a troubled heart and foggy head, she closed the lid and left the room to begin dinner.
&
nbsp; Resuming her day, she would let his words wash over her. She was a married woman and in love with her husband. Her job to light the kitchen stove and keep the flames at the right temperature was another challenge Jessica hadn’t counted on. Caleb had taught her the proper way to place the kindling at the bottom of the stove and coax the flame. It took her so long to get a good fire started that she began supper soon after her noon meal. Jacob’s letter had dug into that precious time. Opening the heavy, metal door, she laid the sticks inside, then reached for the matches. After several strokes of the matchstick, she brought the flame to the thinner pieces of wood and they ignited. Blowing gently, she encouraged the small fire, but it petered out and she tried again, and again. Finally, the flames were roaring. She stood up, frustrated but victorious.
She pumped water into a tub and washed her blackened hands. Would she ever get used to this? There had always been a housekeeper and cook in her life. Aunt June had been helpful, but being alone in the kitchen was very different. So far, she had burned flapjacks, baked biscuits until they were hard as tack, and over-boiled eggs to a rubbery consistency. Although Caleb hadn’t complained, it didn’t take a detective to tell her he was getting meals on the side. Taking a bit of lard from the pantry, she rubbed it on her hand to release the stickiness from the wood’s pitch. The top of the stove was getting hot, so she placed a pot of water on it to begin the stew.
Struggling to stay on task, she chopped the short, fat carrots plucked from the garden this morning, then cut up the potatoes she had dug up and placed in the root cellar under the house and a large rutabaga she had purchased at the general store today. Next, she unwrapped the piece of venison Caleb bought from Ben. She turned her head away from the sharp, metallic odor. Quickly cubing the meat, she tossed it into the pot with the vegetables and a few heaping tablespoons of lard. After a good amount of beef broth, salt, and seasoning, she placed the lid on. All the while, she couldn’t get Jacob’s letter out of her mind. His words sat in the small box as if it were him, waiting for her.
Sacred Terrain (Traveled Hearts Series Book 2) Page 8