“Son, I only ask that you and Will stop the traveling, gambling, and whatever else it is you’ve been doing to earn your way and settle down into a career that has meaning and integrity.” Burt looked sternly at his nephew. “I’ll not support your gambling habit, Will, so get that notion out of your mind. I’d rather give the money to charity than to see you throw it away at the tables and on women.”
Will sheepishly looked down at his shoes. “Yes, sir.”
“Now, then. You’re both grown men, and I have little to say as to what you do with your lives, but I do believe that this money gives us—your aunt, Bethany, and me—an opinion as to how it’s spent.”
“Are you trying to buy me, Father?”
Burt paused. Jacob held his face in check. He had said the wrong thing. “The world has made you into a cynical man, my son, and it’s not something I like to see. I suggest you do talk it over. We’ll discuss this again in the following days, unless you have to leave us to engage in some important business.” Burt left them alone.
Jacob felt the sting of his father’s mocking words. “Christ Almighty!” he cursed to no one in particular.
Will sat back in his chair. “It’s a fortune, Jake. We could go into San Francisco, get an office, and really make a business out of our trading skills. All these years could’ve been preparing us for this. We’ve learned a few things, damn it. Let’s make the most of it.”
Jacob looked at his glass of port. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
Jacob sat still as Will stepped from the porch and began to pace in front of him.
When he came back, his blue-green eyes were sharp, his tone unwavering. He talked into Jacob’s ear. “You and I are going to take all of this goddamn money and go to San Francisco and start ourselves a real business, and you, my friend, are going to let my sister lead her own life.”
Jacob rubbed the back of his neck, then reached for a cigarette from his shirt pocket. “That may not be possible given the circumstances.”
Will grabbed his arm. “I’ve never been more serious, Jake, and I don’t want to hear about any circumstances. This is it. We’ve come to a crossroads.”
Jacob took down his arm and Will released it. The two men faced each other. He slowly went for his pocket again. “I know. Sorry.” He lit the rolled cigarette and exhaled the smoke. Will had taken him out of his fantasy. To him she was so close, but his heart again had tricked his mind. He felt empty.
“Are we still partners?” Will asked, “or do I take my share and we go our separate ways? And before you answer that, I have to say … if I’m let loose with all that cash, well, I’m damn afraid it might be the death of me.”
“Damn it!” Jacob gave Will a friendly shove. “God, I feel as if I’m married to you.”
Will laughed out loud. “I promise I’ll never ask for a new dress or bonnet.”
Jacob cracked a smile. “Go to hell!”
They studied each other and came to the same resolve and forgiveness they had come to know. With a handshake, they had re-established their partnership and friendship.
“Will, I think we have to give Frederick’s part of the money to Jess.”
Will considered the thought. “Five hundred to her. We’ll need the rest if we’re going to do this right.”
“So we take all of it then?”
Will nodded with a grin.
“I’d like to see the look on Frederick’s face when he finds out we got the reward.” Jacob smirked.
“Yep, that dignified Englishman might just come undone.” Will laughed.
“Serves him right, the bastard. Hiding his money like this, betting she’d never return.”
Will began calculating the next move in their newfound circumstance. “We’ll deal with Frederick when the time comes.” He lifted his glass. “Merry Christmas, Cuz.”
Jacob met his glass with a clink. “And a Happy New Year.”
Chapter Fifty-three
Caleb helped Jessica down from the carriage. “I’ll be in as soon as I store the rig.”
She went into the house. Reuniting with her family had exhausted her. Fainting embarrassed her and alerted her to the fact that she wasn’t as strong as she had hoped to be once back home. Standing in the middle of the room, she began to cry, happy and sad at the same time. Before she could compose herself, Caleb was at her back, his arms wrapped around her shuddering body. He led her to the paisley chair. She could feel his eyes searching her face. “I’m just being emotional. I’ll be fine.”
“Let’s go to bed, sweetheart. It’s late and I’m beat.”
They lay side by side with their fingers entwined under the covers. She placed her head on his shoulder. Many moments passed, yet she could not sleep. “Are you awake?”
His hand tightened around hers and he whispered, “Do you want to talk about what happened to you?”
The quiet request gave her the feeling he was afraid to upset her. Jessica’s heart felt too big for her chest. “Yes, and no.”
“I understand, but I’m in the dark here. What have you gone through? What did they do to you? Will told me where they found you. I was close, Jess. I shouldn’t have given up searching for you, damn it.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she slid her hand from his. She lifted her body to rest against the wooden headboard. Crossing her arms over her chest, she began to let the events unfold. “His name is Blue Heron, and he took me from the river that day. He knew you or he knew your name. Rex Conrad told him he was looking for you for some crime and that if they kidnapped me, he and the Indians in the camp would get money from you. If not, he would marry me. No money came and we were married.” She stopped to catch her breath and let him absorb her words. She caught a glimpse of his fine features lit by a shaft of the moonlight. His brows were knitted, as if he was trying to solve a problem.
“Was there a marriage ceremony?”
She smirked. “Yes, but it was of no consequence to me. It was silly. I hardly spoke a word.”
“It might not have meant much to you, but it did for him, for them.”
“For him? For them? Caleb, he kidnapped me! Because of something you did!” Her emotions were unleashed. “What did you do?”
As if coming out of a daze, he looked into her eyes. “Yes, I’m sorry. It was wrong of him.”
“Do you know Blue Heron? Is he and the rest of them part of the Klamath people?”
Caleb pinched his lips. “I knew of him and his father, Sam Farrow, but only from a distance. His community was in another part of the reservation. I heard about their split. I didn’t think it was possible for them to take anyone.” He sat up. “I assume you consummated the union?”
Jessica couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I don’t want to talk about any of this for another second.” Angry and hurt, she turned away.
He pulled her around. “Come here. I’m so sorry, Jess. I did things I can’t take back, but you’re safe. I would have given my life to not have this happen. Believe me, I’ll never forgive myself.”
She leaned into him, wishing away her problems, hoping the conversation would end and she could go back to re-entering her life. It seemed murky now, and she wasn’t sure in what direction to turn. “Rex Conrad is dead. I suppose that’s good news for you.”
“It is. I can’t tell you why, Jess. Tell me more about what you went through.”
Sharing her experience at the Indian camp was easy. She told him what it was like to sleep in a hut and what she had learned along with her great need to escape. They talked about the Indians, who wanted a life free of the reservation. When Caleb told her their ultimate fate, she felt a jab of sadness for Lea and From-Wings, Blue Heron, and the rest. Not Mallow. “They will never have the life they once knew,” he said. Then Caleb’s next question turned her world inside out.
“There is one thing I want to know, Jessica. What was your relationship with Jacob when you traveled together? The fainting, the
weak stomach. Are you pregnant?”
Her heart became irregular. She straightened the sheets and blanket. Her pillow felt like a block of lead at her back. She shook it out and fluffed it, then tugged it behind her head. It was inevitable. Somewhere inside her, she thought she could keep her secret and claim Caleb as the father.
“Tell me.” His face was rigid.
She felt a side of her emerge, wild and without shame. “I was with him. I found comfort with him.”
Coming away from her, he closed his eyes. “Oh God.” He rose and put on his clothes, then left the room. She lifted herself out of bed. Wrapping her dressing gown around her waist, she joined her husband in the parlor.
The sound of Boones sleeping, the crackle of a burning log in the stove, the river’s flow in the distance. She sat down. Caleb was seated at the edge of his leather chair, staring at the fire flickering behind the glass front of the stove. “I didn’t know you felt so strongly about him. I confess I read his letters to you. I saw the drawing. Excuse my intrusion, but I wanted to hold something that was you. I didn’t expect to find what I did.” His voice held a conviction that undid her. Getting up, he stood and looked down at her. “Go to him, then. Damn it, why did you come back? A telegram would have explained it. I could have gone on with my life, knowing at least you were safe.” His eyes filled with angry tears. “I could have gone on with my life, Jessica.”
Slowly, she rose and stood before him in such a way as to command his full attention. “Now you listen to me, Caleb Cantrell. I have traveled through suffering heat and biting cold, and rain and mud. I was beaten, and I pulled myself out of the very depths of fear itself, all so I could survive to be with you, here in our home. I struggled every day to stay alive so we could sit beside each other, to make love again, in our bed.” She swallowed hard, tasting the hardship. “Yes, I love Jacob, and yes, I laid with him. He asked me to join him, but I came back because I chose to be with you. I love you and I want. …” She heaved a great sob and sank back into her chair.
“What do you want?” He showed little compassion.
She looked down at her stomach. “I”—she took in a deep breath and let it out between pursed lips—“I want you to be the father.”
~
Caleb’s chest trembled. He had missed her so much, he could barely respond to her request. He looked away as the tears ran down his face. Pulling back his hair, he went into the kitchen. A thousand questions ran through his head. Returning to the parlor, he took his seat. “I don’t know what to say.” His mind went to Jane, and suddenly, he ached for her comfort. He couldn’t look at his wife. He was disgusted by his deep hatred of her and Jacob’s togetherness. “I can’t lose you again, but this is too much.” The words choked his throat.
She pressed her lips inward and lowered her head. “We both did things we regret. It was a terrible trial, but we got through it.”
“Have we?” He felt betrayed. “What now? What becomes of this love you and he have? Will I always be wondering? How can I trust you? He saw the hurt in her eyes, but he couldn’t back down. “You’re asking me to raise another man’s child. What the hell does Jacob say to all this?” His anger was at the surface now.
“Jacob doesn’t know and he won’t ever know.”
Spring from his chair, he shouted, “Jesus Christ, Jessica! What have you done?” He went to the vestibule and grabbed his coat.
“Caleb!”
Chapter Fifty-four
Day after excruciating day, she waited. Each night, she slept alone while Caleb slept on a pallet in his workshop. The days were long, even with the light being extinguished early in December.
Today she would visit her mother and aunt. It wasn’t time to tell them about the baby—her and Caleb’s baby. She calculated it several times, and each time she had the child coming into the world several weeks early. It would have to be. As she brought the carriage down the mountain, she weighed her options. Where would she go if Caleb rejected her? The thought of living with her mother made her sick. Pulling the carriage over to the side of the road, she vomited.
~
“Jessica, you look pale,” her mother said after embracing her. Before Jessica could give an excuse, her mother was on to another topic. “I have news.”
Looking from her mother to her aunt, she waited.
“I’ve bought a house just on the next block,” Bethany claimed with satisfaction. “I want you to come take a look. It’s big enough for company, if you ever decide to … well, if you want to visit me.”
The tears rolled down Jessica’s face. “I’d love to see it, and of course I will visit.” Noticing the sadness in her mother’s eyes, her own grief for the loss of her father emerged. “I know it’s hard without him.”
“Yes, well, one must carry on.” Bethany straightened her shoulders. “And if things change, you will always have a home with me,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her skirt. “There, I said it, June. Now let’s have tea. I want to know how you and Caleb will be spending Christmas. Will and Jacob are in the city, planning their business, but I’m sure they will make it for the day. We will celebrate family.” Bethany looked at June with a smile. “We have our children back.”
“Indeed!” June exclaimed as she raised her teacup. “The new year looks bright!” She drank from her cup as if to seal the statement. “Your uncle Burt has given them all the money as they requested, and I think some will go to you and Caleb.”
“Auntie, I think you and Uncle should take it back. Don’t you need it for your own lives?”
“Tish! We are doing just fine. And as your uncle has said, Frederick owes it to this family for being such a stingy, horrible man.”
Jessica smirked. “He didn’t call him that, Auntie.”
“Well, that’s what I say. But let’s not dwell on that. I’m so pleased my son and nephew will be close and successful.”
The reward money was substantial, Jessica thought, but she worried about Frederick’s involvement. He could cause trouble for Will and Jacob. She decided to keep her opinions and concerns to herself. After what she experienced with them, she knew they were hard up for money and a different life. It pleased her to know they would now have the means to change their course. With talk of Jacob, her hand went to her lower belly, hidden by layers of pleated skirt. Every night, she fell asleep cupping the slight protrusion. The protection she felt for her unborn child was overwhelming.
The conversation veered toward the coming holiday season, and the warmth emanating from the two women buoyed Jessica. The sadness of Thomas’s passing mixed with the joy of a bright future. She wished to take some of the positive spirit with her. Perhaps she should break the silence with Caleb. After so many days, it had become unbearable. Jacob would be in San Francisco—close but not too near. Somehow, it could work. She would have to bear up during holidays and other occasions when they came together as a family. He was her cousin. Their love would remain, as always, deep inside her heart, and now with their child.
Before dusk, Jessica left her mother and aunt. The visit went well, and they didn’t suspect a thing. She managed to keep down the refreshments and turn the conversation around to focus on decorating her mother’s home or the Christmas feast her aunt would serve.
Once home, she brought the rig into the barn. Caleb was there, grooming his horse. The light was dim, and he was nearly a shadow. He didn’t turn to look at her, and with a huff, she left him alone.
The sky was black and clear with a swath of stars scattered across it. She lit the lamps and stoked the fire. She was not looking forward to another silent meal with him while the turmoil in her churned along with her rising anger. If he wanted her to go away, she would have to accept it, yet the very notion made her want to burst into tears.
Finally, Caleb came inside, and she could hear him remove his coat and hat. He went to the cupboard that held the liquor and poured some brandy into a glass. In one gulp it was gone, and he poured himself another. She glanced
up at him. He stood to her left, staring at the fire, his blue eyes hooded, his lips in a tight line. Where was the man who loved her? Was he still there? She sat very still on her red, paisley chair, the one she hoped to grow old in. The fire blazed as hot as the tension in the air.
“I don’t like it.” His voice was low and hoarse.
“I’m so sorry, Caleb, I. …”
He brought his hand up to silence her. “I see I have no choice. I don’t want to live without you, so … I’ll take things as they are, and God help me, I won’t live to regret it.” He swallowed his drink, grabbed his coat, and went out to the porch.
It wasn’t the loving statement of trust she’d hoped for, but the weight of the world was lifted from her. “Thank you, Caleb,” she said softly to his back. She waited a moment before she went to the window. A candle in a silver holder crafted by his very hands sat on the windowsill. She touched it lovingly. It would get lit as soon as the kerosene lamps were lowered and bedtime approached. The cozy glow would softly illuminate their bedroom. Would he come to her tonight or stay away?
Jessica lifted her shawl from the peg and stepped out. She sat on the smooth, cedar bench. The moon was full, bathing the world with white light and scattered shadows. It reminded her of a time when she and Caleb were new and full of promise. He stood just off the porch, his blond hair alight, his body, tall and strong.
He turned to face her. “You must be happy to have both me and Jacob.”
She sucked in a breath. “That was cruel.”
“But true.”
This was not the way she wanted her life to go, yet determination swelled in her and she knew she would make the most of the life ahead of her. With Caleb by her side, she could make this right. “Are we to be a family then?” A shiver ran up her spine. She brought her shawl tighter around her shoulders. He came up on the porch and leaned against the rail, his hands folded across his chest.
Sacred Terrain (Traveled Hearts Series Book 2) Page 24