by Anna Edwards
Sarah knew Jake was right, but she still planned to talk with her fiancé the second she got home. If for no other reason than to ask him why the hell he hadn’t discussed his decision to quit with her first.
“Thanks, Jake.” She glanced over to Trevor, then back. Embarrassed, she said, “And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that.”
Both men shook their heads as Jake assured her, “No need to apologize, Sarah. You’re both going through a lot right now. We get it.”
“That’s still no excuse for my speaking to you that way. You’ve been such an amazing boss to Kole and friend to us both, and I…I should’ve known you’d never treat Kole, or anyone else, that way.”
“Let’s just chalk it up to the stress and forget it ever happened,” Trevor offered with a genuine smile.
“Thanks.”
In a tender, big-brother way, Jake put a hand on Sarah’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.
“You can thank us by taking care of that stubborn man of yours. I know it’s hard, but try not to worry. He’ll come around.”
“I hope you’re right.” Sarah gave them both a small smile, then left to go back to work.
She spent the rest of the afternoon in a haze. Focusing on work became an impossible task. Kole had become so distant since his diagnosis. Like he’d completely shut her out. She had to find a way to get through to him.
“Earth to Sarah.”
Her head snapped up to find Ian Prescott standing in her doorway. Great. Just what I need.
“What?” She tried not to sound as irritated as she felt. “Did you say something?”
“I asked if you’d like to get some coffee. You look as though you could use a break.”
“Oh. Um, thank you, but no.” She started shuffling through some papers. “I have too much to do.”
Ignoring her, Ian came into her office and sat down in one of the two chairs facing her desk. With an overly sympathetic expression, he crossed his legs and laced his fingers together in his lap.
“You’ve been different lately. Is there something wrong?”
Like she’d ever talk to him about anything personal. “I’m fine, Ian. Just busy, so, if you don’t mind…” she gestured toward her door.
Acting as if she hadn’t even spoken, he said, “I haven’t seen much of Kole lately. You don’t go upstairs as often as you used to or meet him for coffee anymore. I couldn’t help but notice he hasn’t been pulling up out front to pick you up at the end of the day like he usually does. Which begs the question…is there trouble at home?”
He’d been keeping tabs on her? Sarah’s heart rate kicked up. With everything going on with Kole, she’d put her concerns regarding Ian on the backburner. Now, she wished she hadn’t.
“My personal life is none of your business, Ian,” Sarah snapped, not caring anymore about how she sounded.
His eyes grew wide .“Whoa, take it easy, Sarah. I didn’t mean to upset you. I simply wanted you to know I’m here for you, if you ever need me.”
I’ll never need anything from you. “I told you I’m fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do.”
Ian stood and casually walked toward the door. Over his shoulder, he smiled and said, “Don’t forget. I’m always close by.”
Doing her best to ignore the possible double-meaning his words held, Sarah returned her focus back to Kole and how she was going to convince him he’d made a terrible mistake. They’d have that discussion, first, and then she would tell him about Ian.
Kole had just set the suitcase on the closet floor when he heard the apartment door open, then close. The sound of keys against glass came next, quickly followed by a soft rustling. His chest tightened as her footfalls reached his ears.
“Hey.”
Kole froze at the sound of her sweet voice. Desperate to find even two more extra seconds of peace with her, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before turning to face the woman he thought he’d be with for eternity.
As expected, the beautiful smile he loved so much wasn’t there. Instead, Sarah looked guarded, her expression hesitant.
She never used to look at him that way, before. Until recently, he’d never given her a reason to.
“Hey,” was all he said back.
“So…”—Sarah drew out the word as she took a small step forward—“I spoke with Jake and Trevor after you left the office. They told me you quit R.I.S.C.”
He swallowed hard, his throat thick with pain and regret. He was sick to his soul that his life had taken this turn. “I did.”
Sarah crossed her arms in front of her. Goddamn it. He hated that she was upset, especially because of him.
“W-why didn’t you tell me you were planning to resign?”
Kole didn’t want to hurt her, but he refused to lie. “I didn’t want you to know.”
She looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. Not yet.
“What exactly did you think would happen, Kole? That I wouldn’t find out?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
God, he hated himself for what he was about to do. “I didn’t want you to know until after I’d already resigned. I was planning to tell you tonight.”
The pain and anger reflected in her eyes was more painful than anything he’d ever felt before. I’m so sorry, baby.
“We’re getting married, Kole. Equal partners. That means we share things with each other. Especially, something as big as this. You quit your job without even talking to me about it first. That’s not how this works. This isn’t the way things are supposed to—”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t supposed to have MS, either, so I guess we both got screwed.”
Kole wanted to take the words back the instant they escaped from his mouth. Unfortunately, they were all too true.
Sighing, he said, “Look, Sarah. I know I probably should’ve talked to you about all this, first, but—”
“Probably?”
“I knew if I told you I was planning to quit you’d try to talk me out of it. Hell, you probably would’ve succeeded.”
“You’re damn right I would have. It breaks my heart to imagine you not being a part R.I.S.C., but only because I know how much you love it.”
That fucking knot in his throat grew bigger, but Kole somehow managed to talk around it. “I do love it. Aside from you, the team’s the best part of my life.”
“Then call Jake, right now, and tell him you made a mistake.”
“Can’t do that, baby.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’d be lying. To Jake…to the team…” He paused and then, “To you.”
Sarah shook her head. “No. You wouldn’t be.”
“Sarah, please don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything. You’re the one throwing away the chance of a lifetime.”
Fuck, if her words didn’t nail him straight in the heart. He must not have done a good job of hiding it, either, because Sarah softened her tone when she spoke again.
“I know you’re scared, Kole. I’m scared, too. But you should know I’ve done a lot of research since you came home from the hospital.”
One corner of Kole’s mouth lifted slightly. Despite her best efforts to hide it, he knew Sarah had been reading everything she could get her hands on that had to do with RRMS.
He’d seen her quickly folding and shoving papers between the pages of the most recent romance book she was ‘reading’. Didn’t miss the speed with which she’d close a window on her laptop and rush to open another showing one of her social media accounts.
She’d make a horrible spy, but God, he loved her for trying.
“I know.”
Surprise flashed behind those beautiful, green eyes. “You do?”
Kole smiled his first real smile in days. “Baby, you’re amazing at a lot of things, but being sneaky isn’t one of them.”
An adorable blush crept into Sarah’s pale
cheeks. “Fine. I’m glad you know, because now, I can explain why you don’t have to quit Bravo Team. Kole, there’s a good chance you won’t have another symptom for several years. There are hundreds of documented cases. Men your age who were diagnosed with the exact same form of MS, and years later, they still hadn’t experienced any symptoms that hindered their ability to do their jobs. Firefighters, police officers…men who risked their lives every day, just like you do. Even Jake and Trevor think you’re making a mistake by quitting now. Please, Kole.”
She closed the distance between them and took hold of his hands. “You know I will always support you, no matter what, but in my heart, I know quitting Bravo Team isn’t what you’re supposed to do. So, please…at least take some time to think about it before making a decision you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”
Kole stared down at her hands, committing every single detail to memory. He made note of how small they were and remembered the way they felt against his body when they made love. He thought about how delicate and precious they were…how precious she was. Reminding him of why he had to do this.
Taking a step back, Kole broke away from her grasp and put some much-needed distance between them. If he kept touching her, he’d never make it through this.
“It’s too late. The decision’s been made.”
Sarah shook her head emphatically. “No, Kole. It’s not too late. You can still—”
“Just stop!”
Her entire body jerked as his loud, angry voice bounced off the bedroom walls. He instantly felt like the biggest asshole on the planet.
Kole knew she was only trying to help, which only made he was about to do that much harder to swallow. Still, he had no choice.
With every offering Sarah gave, every word of encouragement she spoke, he felt himself sinking deeper and deeper. A yawning, black hole had been trying to pull him under ever since the doctor had told him the news.
It continued to consume him with each moment that passed, and soon, there’d be nothing left of the man he was now.
No matter how hard he fought it, Kole knew the fucking darkness was winning. He’d be damned if he let it drag Sarah down with him.
With a softer, gentler tone, he said, “Please, Sarah. Just…let it go.” Then, though it tore him up inside, Kole looked her in the eyes and said, “It’s over.”
Pushing Kole had been a terrible idea, but Sarah loved him too much not to.
Heart and soul, she loved him. So, there was no way she could just sit back and watch him give up on his dream. Not when he didn’t have to.
“I’m sorry,” she offered. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that, from everything I’ve read, there’s an excellent chance you’ll be absolutely fine. It could be years before—”
“What if it’s not years, Sarah?” he interrupted, looking more torn than she’d ever seen him. “What if I do have another symptom, only this time, I’m in the field. Positioned, and ready to shoot. And, instead of my leg going numb, it’s my fingers.”
Sarah refused to think of that happening to this strong, seemingly unshakable man.
“Do you know how many times while with Spec Tacs, our target was in an area where kids were playing nearby?” he asked. “That exact same scenario could happen with R.I.S.C. Hell, I’m sure if you talk to Jake, or any other member of Alpha Team, they’d probably tell you it has happened. Let’s say I lose control of my trigger finger as I’m about to shoot. Who do you think pays the price for that?”
Sarah’s heart rate kicked up as she envisioned what he described. Denial had her shaking her head, but she couldn’t formulate the words she wanted to say.
“Or”—Kole continued—“let’s say it’s not a kid who’s at risk. Let’s say I’m supposed to be covering the team as they go into a hot zone, only I can’t, because my body picks that exact moment to fight against me. Do you know what it would do to me to have to come home and tell you we lost Nate? Or, to have to look into Olivia’s eyes and admit I’m the reason she’ll never see her husband alive again? Do you honestly think I could live with myself if something happened to one of them, simply because I was too much of a selfish prick to not know when to walk away?”
Kole’s voice cracked on that last word, and thank God he stopped talking.
Despite her best efforts, a tear escaped from the corner of Sarah’s eye. She swiped it away, but more followed when she realized there were unshed tears threatening to fall from Kole’s eyes, too.
“I hear what you’re saying,” she said truthfully. “I really do. I just don’t want to see you give up the one thing I know you love if you don’t have to.”
A sadness crossed over him that nearly broke her heart in two. “Ah, sweetheart. It’s not the only thing I love.”
Turning his back on her, Kole moved back over to the closet. He reached in and picked up a suitcase.
Oh, God. He’s not just quitting R.I.S.C. He’s quitting us, too.
Nausea filled her to the point she thought she’d be sick. “Y-you’re leaving?”
Even from behind, she could see his muscles tense briefly. Without looking at her, he said, “I think it’s best if I stay someplace else for a while. I need some time alone. To think about…everything.”
“Everything,” she repeated the word. “Does that include us?”
Holding her breath, Sarah waited as Kole faced her once again. She got her answer the second she looked into his eyes.
Walking back to her, he stopped mere inches from where she stood. With his free hand, he reached up and cupped one side of her face, his thumb wiping away her newest tear.
“I protect people, baby. It’s not just what I do. It’s who I am. If I lose that…I don’t know what I’ll become. The one thing I do know, with absolute certainty, is that I love you too damn much to let you stand by my side and watch while it happens.”
Tears didn’t just fall, then. They poured from her eyes without any sign of stopping.
“Kole, p-please. Don’t do this. Don’t pull away from me. Not now. I love you. No matter what happens, I will always love you. Please—”
“Ah, baby,” he cut her off. Then, despite the single, silver stream running down his own cheek, he smiled and said, “I love you, too.”
Kissing her forehead, Kole let his lips linger against her skin for a few seconds before he pulled away and walked toward the door.
Unable to speak, Sarah watched as he got farther and farther away. From her and from the life they were supposed to have together.
Without another word, he opened the door and left, taking her entire future with him.
Chapter Five
Nate opened his refrigerator for the third time in ten minutes. He was hungry but couldn’t decide what to make. He was about to say fuck it and just grab a beer when his phone rang.
Pulling it from his jeans pocket, he closed the door and stood straight. His chest tightened when he saw the name of the caller. Afraid something was wrong, he answered quickly.
“Hey, Sarah. Everything okay?”
“Hi, Nate. I-I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering…if you’re not busy, could we maybe meet up somewhere and talk? Just the two of us?”
Nate’s level of concern shot up. He’d called Sarah to check on her a few times in the two weeks Kole had been gone. Each time they talked, she’d sounded okay. Sad, but okay. Today, her tone was different. Today, she sounded almost…scared?
“Uh, sure. Of course. Where did you want to meet?”
“If you haven’t eaten yet, I thought maybe we could meet at Tony’s. It’s that pizza place a few blocks from our apartment. There’s just something I wanted to run by you. Normally, I’d talk to Kole about it, but…” She didn’t need to state the obvious.
Fucking Kole. Sarah wouldn’t have to come to him with whatever was bothering her, if he’d stuck around instead of running off like a little bitch. Nate still couldn’t believe his best friend had left town without giving him so much as a he
ads up. Asshole.
Not that he minded helping Sarah out. Not at all. He’d come to care a great deal for her in the time she and Kole had been together. She was like the little sister Nate never had.
“Nathan? Are you still there?”
Shit. He still hadn’t answered her. Clearing his throat, he said, “Yeah, honey. I’m still here. Pizza sounds great. I’ll get changed and head that way.”
She sighed into the phone. “Thank you so much. I’ll meet you there.”
The obvious relief in her voice left him even more concerned. “See you in a few.” Nate ended the call before returning his phone to his pocket.
Not wanting to keep her waiting, he stripped out of his sweats, threw on some jeans and boots, and grabbed his keys.
Less than an hour later, Nate knew what he had to do. He was going to find his friend and teammate, and drag his ass back home, where he belonged.
Kole went into the cabin’s tiny kitchen and fixed himself another drink. It was his fourth since he’d woken up from his most recent stupor. Or, maybe it was his fifth. At this point, he didn’t give a flying fuck.
He lifted the double, old-fashioned tumbler to his mouth. The brown-gold liquid was smooth as it moved between his lips, its fire soothing as it made its way down his throat.
He was about to take another sip when a set of high-beam lights shone brightly through his living room window.
Kole’s adrenaline spiked, instantly sobering him. No one knew about this place. Not even Sarah. He’d planned to bring her here. Just hadn’t gotten around to it.
Opening a small drawer, Kole removed the Glock he always kept there and moved away from the stranger’s line of site. Putting himself into strategic position, he kept the gun steady, watching as the driver of the truck got out and approached the cabin.
It was dark, so he couldn’t make out the person’s features. Only that he was male. Kole was still pointing the gun, ready to shoot, when whoever it was began pounding on the door.