by Anna Edwards
“Macy, he’s fine. We had an awesome dinner that Ty cooked for us, and we’re about to go to bed, maybe watch a movie.” She’s looking directly at me as she talks to my sister. She’s been giving me hints for the past week about us moving it to the next level. She told me that every year her parents take Elizabeth to Disneyland. Heidi and I have a full week where we can spend twenty-four hours a day with each other if we so wish. I’ve a few activities planned while Elizabeth is away. Heidi doesn’t really get out much, and our date was the first time she’d been out in years. There’s a carnival in town. We’ll go tomorrow night and hopefully have a good time.
“Macy, trust me, if he needs you, he’ll call. Go to bed and enjoy London… Okay, bye.” She smirks as she ends the call. “Macy has promised she’ll ease up.”
“That means she’ll ring me in the morning.” It’s the first time since my accident that I’ve been left alone, so to speak, and Macy’s not handling it very well.
Heidi shrugs. “Probably. She’s worried. I understand that.”
I sigh, getting to my feet. “I know she is, and I’m grateful to her for all the support she’s given me.” I reach for Heidi’s hand and pull her toward me. A smile spreads on her lips as she places her hand on my chest. “We’re going to bed, are we?”
She reaches up on her tiptoes and places a soft kiss against my lips. “Yes, we are. I need to freshen up. Why don’t you get into bed and get comfortable?”
“Okay, babe, I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” I watch as she walks toward the sitting room door, grabbing her overnight bag on the way out.
She’s fucking amazing. She knows I’m nervous as it’ll be the first time she’ll see my leg without a prosthetic, and she’s letting me have time to get it off and get comfortable.
I doesn’t take me as long as I thought it would to strip out of my clothes. I’m sitting here on the edge of the bed in my boxer shorts. I can’t bring myself to take it off. I’ve got images of her walking in, taking one look at it and then running out the door, never to be seen again. Even though I know she’s not like that, she wouldn’t run out, it’s a fear I have. I can’t help it.
“Ty, you okay?” she calls out from the bathroom.
“Yeah, babe, I’m okay. You going to be much longer?” I ask as my fingers move to my prosthetic.
“No, I’ll be out in five,” she says, sounding as though she’s on edge.
“Okay.” I take off the prosthetic and place it beside the bed before positioning myself on the mattress properly, my head propped up on the pillows and my legs flat on the bed.
My heart begins to pound as the bathroom door opens. I close my eyes as Heidi’s footsteps get closer to my bedroom.
“Hey.” Her tone is soft. There’s no disgust or fear in her voice.
Opening my eyes, my mouth pops open as I see her standing there in her underwear. “Hey,” I say as soon as I’m able to find my voice.
She walks toward me, her eyes staying on my face the entire time. “You okay?” I nod. This is more than I ever thought possible. “Ty, we don’t need to do this tonight.”
Damn, she’s sweet. “I want to. Do you?”
Her eyes flare with desire. “Yes,” she whispers huskily.
“Well, come over here then,” I say, and she doesn’t waste any time. She places her knee on the mattress and begins to crawl up the bed toward me.
As soon as she reaches my legs, she presses gentle kisses on my stump before kissing her way up my stomach, toward my mouth. I reach my hand up and entwine my fingers into her hair, pulling her closer as I take over the kiss. As soon as she opens her mouth, my tongue sneaks in. Hot, hard, fast, consuming. God, her hand rubs my dick through my boxer shorts, and I’m about to explode from her touch alone. Thank fuck for self-control.
She tugs at my boxers and helps me take them off, throwing them across the room once she has them off. She wastes no time in pulling off her panties and unclasping her bra, freeing her breasts as she does so. She climbs on top of me, pressing kisses to my lips as she positions herself over my dick. We’ve spoken at length about our pasts. We’re both clean, and she has a coil inserted. I’ve never gone bareback with a woman before, but fuck me, as soon as she begins to lower herself on me, I know I’ll not fuck her any other way.
“Babe, I hate to admit this, but you feel so fucking good. I’m not going to last long.” I grit my teeth as she places her hands on my chest and begins to move, lifting off my dick before slamming back down.
“Heidi, seriously.” She’s not listening; instead she’s moving faster. Each time she slams back down, she clenches her pussy, so it tightens around me. Tingles in my spine tell me I’m ready to explode. “Heidi.”
“Do it,” she tells me as my hands grip her hips, and I start thrusting up into her, needing to come, needing to explode inside of her.
She continues her relentless pace, and I thrust into her once more, burying myself inside of her as I come. “Fuck, Heidi,” I growl.
She stays on top of me, even though I’m no longer inside of her. She’s resting her head against my chest. “Your heart’s beating so fast,” she whispers.
“I’m sorry.” I feel like an ass. Rule number one: the woman comes first, always.
She lifts her head and places a kiss on my lips again. “Don’t be. God, Ty, that was amazing. Just let me know when we can do it again.”
I laugh. “Give me a bit to recover.”
She jumps off me and rushes toward the bathroom. “Back in a second,” she yells as she does so. True to her word, a few seconds later she returns, still naked. She’s holding a bottle in her hand. “Trust me?” she asks as she climbs back onto the bed.
“Of course,” I tell her without hesitation as I sit up a bit more, wondering what she’s planning.
A wide smile on her face, she pours whatever is in the bottle onto her hands and rubs them together. “Trust me,” she tells me again as her hands go to my leg. The one that has a stump.
My breath leaves me in a whoosh as she begins to rub whatever it is in her hands on my leg, massaging the oil-like substance into my skin, making it glisten. Out of everything I thought she’d do, massaging my stump wasn’t one of them. I never dreamed she’d touch it, let alone do something so sensual.
“Heidi?” My voice is gruff.
“Ty, you mean something to me, every inch of you. I’ll worship your body just as you will mine, and that means all of your body.”
“Fuck.”
“You’re all man, Ty. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide from. God, you’re beautiful, perfect,” she whispers, her hands still massaging my leg, slowly moving higher and higher.
“Perfect?” I scoff. How can I be perfect? She’s touching the proof that I’m not.
“Perfect for me.” She’s still whispering.
“What did I do to deserve you?” I ask, unable to fathom why this is happening to me. But I don’t give a shit. She’s mine, and I’m never letting her go.
“You showed me that you’re a man who cares. That’s all I want, that’s all Elizabeth wants. You treat my daughter with respect. You stole my heart completely the day you sat and read with her.” Tears are falling down her face. “I’m falling for you, Ty.”
“That’s good, Heidi, because I’m fucking gone for you.” I pull her body up so I can kiss her. This time the kiss is soft and gentle, just as she is.
Epilogue
Two Years Later
“Ready for this, buttercup?” I ask Elizabeth as she stands beside me.
She nods. “Do you think Mom’s ready?
I hope so. I’m a nervous wreck as it is, and I can’t wait any longer. “Why don’t you go and find out?”
She jumps up and down on the spot, the charms on her bracelet jangling as she does so.
“Okay, go and get her. I’ll be waiting for you both in the garden.” My heart is pounding. I can’t believe this day has finally come. That night in my bedroom cemented what I already knew
; Heidi is it for me. I love that woman with every fiber of my being.
She smiles widely, just as her mom does, I’m one lucky sonofabitch to have her and her mom in my life. “See you soon,” she says, before running out of the room and up the stairs, her feet pounding on the floor as she does so.
Heidi and I worked hard in making sure Elizabeth knew she was my daughter. I love that girl to death. It took a while, but the paperwork finally came in two weeks ago. It’s been hard keeping the secret since I got the paperwork saying that I’m now Elizabeth’s adopted father. I’m finally going to tell her I’m her dad. I just hope she wants me to be.
The past two years have been hard but amazing. I moved into Heidi’s house and Macy is still living in my old house. I’m finally able to walk without much of a limp, and I’m able to walk at a fast pace. I still have those days where I go back into that shitty mindset, but those are few and far between. When I do have those days, I have both Heidi and Elizabeth to pull me out, and just seeing them usually does that.
Walking out into the garden, I see Macy has outdone herself. She’s been working tirelessly to get this done perfectly for us, and I can’t thank her enough. Although she’s told me I can pay her back by babysitting, which I’m happy to do. She’s currently six months pregnant. She met a man on the flight over to London and they hit it off. They’ve been seeing each other ever since. He’s a good guy, and he’s great for Lannie. I like him, and that’s more than I can say about her ex.
“There you are,” she says, walking toward me. “I have everything ready. You look so handsome. I’m so happy for you!”
“You look beautiful. I hope Heidi doesn’t change her mind,” I say softly as I look around at all the people gathered to watch our ceremony.
“You’re a good man, Tyler,” Charlotte says, coming to stand beside Macy and me. “You’ve made my daughter happier than I have ever seen her. Not only that, you make my granddaughter happy too.” Heidi’s mom is sweet. I know where Heidi gets it from. “You’re like a son to us, Tyler. Thank you for loving our girls.”
“It’s easy to do so. You’d better get in position; they’ll be coming down soon.”
The wait is killing me, but when the music starts, something inside of me settles.
Heidi and Elizabeth begin to walk down the aisle, and I smile. They both look absolutely amazing. When they stand in front of me, I place a small kiss on Heidi’s cheek before turning to face Elizabeth.
Taking a deep breath, I begin the speech I memorized. “Elizabeth, I love you. You’re one of the sweetest girls I know. Having you in my life has made it better. You make me smile with your goofiness.” I’m babbling. I’ve derailed from the speech I had. Clearing my throat, I ask her the question I’ve been dying to know the answer to for two weeks. “Elizabeth, will you be my daughter?”
She gasps, tears swimming in her eyes. “Can I be your dad?” I ask, and she begins to sob. I pull her into my arms, worried I’ve upset her. “Is that okay?” I ask her quietly.
“You’re going to be my daddy?” she asks with tears in her eyes.
I nod as tears form in mine. “Yeah, baby. If you’ll have me?” I kiss her head.
“Oh my God, yes. I can’t believe I have a daddy!” she squeals. “I love you, Dad,” she whispers, and my tears fall freely.
“Love you too, baby,” I whisper as Heidi reaches out and puts her arms around both of us.
“You’ve made both of us so happy,” she tells me, pressing a kiss against my cheek.
“Yeah, well, you were the missing piece in my world that I never knew I was missing. Besides, we’re not finished yet. You ready to get married?”
She nods, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Yes. I want to marry you more than anything.”
“Love you, soon to be Mrs Richards.” I kiss her soft lips.
She wraps her arms around my neck. “I love you, too, my perfect, soon to be husband.”
THE END
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Dedication
For my husband, I wish you could see yourself the way I do.
Chapter One
Imagined ugliness. That’s what they call it. Body Dysmorphic Disease. All in my head, they say, and I want to believe them. But I know what I see in the mirror. I know the monster I am is reflected on my skin. My sins recorded there for everyone to bear witness. I deserve this. It doesn’t matter how many therapists or doctors tell me that I don’t, that I am not deformed, I know better. The scars on my back are a warning to stay away, the ones on my hands and my feet are like a force field, to keep others out. I am a mess. A monster. A dirty, disgusting creature just like she always said.
I wait impatiently for the knock on my door. Tonight’s company is ten minutes late—something that rubs me the wrong way, especially when I’m paying for the pleasure of her company. I check my watch, and for a moment, I’m mesmerised by its slow ticking. For a minute, I forget about the tightness of my skin, the ridges on my back, the pin pricks on my hands. Memories of her fade away. I forget what a hideous creature I am, but only for a moment, and then it’s gone, and I’m back to being self-conscious.
A soft rap on my door tells me she’s finally arrived, Ms. Trixie Velour. That’s not her real name, but it’s the one she advertises with. Not that it really matters anyway, because tonight, she’s not really Trixie either, she’s whoever I want her to be.
Her blonde hair is curled seductively over one shoulder, and with a coy grin, she steps inside the door without any hesitation. If only she knew. But none of them do. I’m Andrei, the shy guy at work. The one who can fix your computer but won’t look you in the eyes. It’s because I know if I do, they’ll see what I try to keep hidden. I can’t have a relationship, because the evil inside me will consume everything. I am damaged goods, and there’s nothing I can do to hide it. It doesn’t stop me from wanting her, Olivia, but I know I cannot have her. That’s where Trixie comes in. I never have to see the shame in her eyes ever again, and that suits me just fine.
Am I lonely? Yes.
Is it better to be lonely than pitied or feared? Also yes.
I take a deep breath, two minutes and we’ll be safe inside my room. My anxiety is like a ball of fire, growing under my skin, making me itch. She shrugs off her overcoat, revealing a lacy red lingerie set, and while it’s pretty, I want her naked. Thoughts of my deformed body fly out of the window as my baser nature kicks in. I want her screaming my name. I take her hand in mine, ignoring the way her gaze flicks over my scarred skin even though I feel the shame creeping in, and lead her into my special room. When I was twenty, one of my many therapists suggested the need for a safe space where I could reflect and meditate on my ‘disease.’ I don’t think this was what he had in mind.
The room is completely mirrored, walls and ceiling. Multiple mirrors cover every surface. Even the floor tiles are highly reflective, leaving nothing hidden. There are no windows, only one door and one lone lightbulb that casts shadows in the corners. They are the only place to hide, but even then, the dark offers no real protection.
“This is...different,” Trixie comments as she crawls onto the bed in the centre of the room. “Do you like to watch?”
I grin at her, no longer the shy guy. Instead, here, I am who I am. A monster.
“Wow, you can see everything,” she says as she watches her reflection in every wall before laying back and staring up at the ceiling. Her long legs and pale skin are reflected everywhere, it’s like there are hundreds of Trixie’s looking at me. I pull my own
clothes off and expose the creature that lurks beneath the cotton casings. My scars are magnified, thrown back at me in every surface. My deformity is everywhere, and there is no escaping it. Trixie pretends not to notice, they all do. But how can they not see the thick jagged scars roping down my back? The marks, tearing my flesh up like a ravenous beast. It is this polite ignorance that my room of truths exposes, for there is no escaping what is in front of you. Not when it’s staring you so boldly in the face, every which way you turn.
“So, what’s the plan, baby?” Trixie purrs, and the noise goes through me.
My lack of response doesn’t put her off, and instead, she spreads her legs, her stiletto heels digging into the sheets as she does. There is something about this room, the place where I cannot hide, that makes me feel almost powerful. I am exposed. Free. They say that one of the symptoms of body dysmorphia is obsessing over your reflection; I’m not obsessing over it, I’m owning it. I grab her ankle and pull her down the bed towards me. I crawl onto the bed and claim her mouth with my own. She tastes like mint and empty promises as her hands snake up my back, fingers tripping over my scars as they go.
I roll us so that she’s on my lap, our mouths still joining us. My hands move down her perfect body, skin warm and soft beneath my touch as I remove her suspender belt. She sits up to throw it aside, breaking our connection.
As she does, I say, “Grab the box from under the bed.”
With a wicked grin, she reaches across and down to drag out a box. It’s my magic box of tricks. She pulls out a silk-corded rope, and I swear there’s a glint of excitement that wasn’t there before. I love it when the women who share my bed enjoy just a hint of pain, it makes the pleasure taste just that bit sweeter. I take the rope from her, and she practically begs me to bind her hands with a small whimper as I pull the knot tight. Pain is something I learned about from a young age; it feeds into my need for control, something my therapy group reassures me is normal.