“More scared now that it’s over.” She regarded him wistfully. “Do you suppose that’s how every trauma-unit doctor feels? Do you think they just act on instinct and then fall apart afterward?”
“I imagine they do. Otherwise they couldn’t do their jobs.” He studied her intently. “Is that the kind of doctor you’re thinking of being?”
She nodded. “It wasn’t at first. Remember how I used to talk about my fancy office and my fancy patients? Then when the idea of studying emergency medicine first took hold, I thought maybe it was just watching too much TV, you know. That I’d gotten the excitement and the satisfaction all wrong.” She met his gaze. “But I hadn’t. That’s exactly how it is.” Her excitement faded and was replaced by worry. “Have you heard anything from Fort Worth yet?”
“Pete called a minute ago. Billy-Clyde’s in surgery. Pete said the doctors there said your quick thinking gave the boy a fighting chance. They’re pretty sure they can save him and his leg.”
She smiled wearily. “That’s good, then.”
Before he could ask what was really on his mind, Mrs. Wyndham bustled in with the promised hot tea, soup and a plate of sandwiches.
“You’ll feel better once you’ve gotten something into your stomach,” she told Lizzy. “All that adrenaline pumping through you takes a toll.”
Hank shot her a look of gratitude.
“Thank you, Mrs. Wyndham,” Lizzy said. “You’re an angel.”
“Oh, there are some who’d dispute that,” she said with a wink. “Including my husband. You call me if you need anything more. I’ll have your clothes ready in no time, though I doubt they’ll ever be the same again.”
When she was gone, Lizzy tackled the sandwiches with enthusiasm. When the color was back in her cheeks and her hand was steadier, Hank decided to broach the subject that had been tormenting him for the past hour.
“Lizzy, what’s going on between you and me?”
She gave him a wry look. “Don’t you know, cowboy?”
“Okay, I suppose the real question is what does it mean to you?”
She swallowed hard and eventually looked away. “You do ask the tough ones, don’t you?”
“I think it’s a fair question.”
“I can’t deny that, but—”
“But what?”
She regarded him with something that might have been panic in her eyes. “I’m not sure I have an answer, at least not one you want to hear.”
“Meaning?”
“I needed to find out something when I came back to Los Piños this time. I needed to discover once and for all if there really was anything between us. For too many years, I dismissed what I was feeling as a silly schoolgirl crush. You seemed to take it the same way.”
“So this has been an experiment?” he asked, his tone deadly calm.
“No, of course not.” She blinked. “I mean, not really. Hank, you know how I’ve always felt about you. I know you do, even though you spent a lot of time pretending you didn’t.”
“Okay, yes, I knew.”
“Well, I needed to find out if I’d been imagining the chemistry.”
“And now that you know you haven’t been imagining it? What now?”
She sighed heavily. “I wish I knew.”
“Well, that’s just great,” he said, unable to curb his rising anger. “Terrific. You’ve sashayed in here and turned my life upside down to satisfy your curiosity and you don’t have a clue about what happens next. Fantastic.”
She leveled a look straight at him then, a look full of fire and fury. “Do you?” she asked quietly, clearly struggling to restrain her temper. “Do you have a clue?”
“No, dammit. Not after today, I don’t.”
His response seemed to confuse her. “Today? What does today have to do with it?”
“I saw you as a doctor for the first time. I finally had to face the fact that you’re not just playing a game, that you didn’t run off to college just to prove some idiotic point to me.”
“Is that what you thought?”
“Yes, dammit.”
“And you let me go then because...?”
“Because it was the right thing to do. You were young. You didn’t know your own mind, not about me or about school.”
“I see. And now that you know different?”
“I don’t know,” he said miserably. “Nothing I’d meant to do makes sense anymore.”
“Nothing you’d meant to do? What does that mean?”
Hank leveled a look straight into her eyes. “It means I was going to ask you to stay,” he said quietly. “I was going to ask you to marry me.”
Her eyes widened. Her lower lip trembled. “And now you’re not?”
Hank met her gaze evenly. “And now I’m not.”
Tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks, but Hank couldn’t bring himself to go to her. He was too afraid that touching her would only lead to making love. If he held her again, if he felt her body moving beneath his, heard her cries of pleasure, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to let her go the way he knew he must.
* * *
Lizzy was in a daze as she left Hank’s ranch and drove back to White Pines. Never in her life had she felt more miserable or at a loss. She was the confident one, the one who always knew exactly what she wanted and went about getting it. In fact, that’s what she’d done a few days ago. She’d gone after Hank.
Unfortunately, she was also impulsive. She acted without thinking. Now it appeared she was going to have a long time to live with the regrets. Her mother had warned her. She’d told her not to play games, not to start something until she knew precisely how she wanted it to end. Her mother was wrong about one thing, though. She didn’t think she’d be bouncing back from pain this deep.
Hank hadn’t even given her time to rejoice over his declaration that he’d wanted to marry her before snatching the prospect away from her. There’d been no open door, no chance for her to accept a proposal. In fact, there had never even been a proposal, just the taunting hint that he’d intended to propose.
She’d been tempted to stay and fight him, to try to make him put that offer of marriage on the table, but his expression had been intractable, his tone forbidding. And her mother’s warning had finally, too late, begun to echo in her head.
What good would it do to get Hank to propose marriage, when she knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn’t say yes, not now, not for a long time? If today’s crisis with Billy-Clyde had been a turning point for Hank, it had been one for her, too. It had solidified her resolve to stay the course, to finish med school and become a trauma doctor in some big-city medical center. How could she possibly reconcile the two dreams?
Tears were still tracking down her cheeks when she got back to White Pines. She slipped inside and tried to sneak quietly back to her room to do some long, hard thinking, but her father met her at the top of the steps.
“I heard what happened over at Hank’s place,” he said, beaming at her with obvious pride. “Everybody says you saved the day.”
“I suppose,” she said, trying futilely to wipe away the dampness on her cheeks.
Her father’s penetrating gaze never left her face. “Then why the tears?”
“I saved that man’s life, but I lost Hank in the process.”
“Don’t be silly,” her father said dismissively. “The man’s crazy about you.”
“I know that, but he figured something out today. He realized how long it’s going to be before we can be together, and it was too long to suit him.” She couldn’t seem to keep the bitterness and hurt out of her voice.
Her father opened his arms, and Lizzy raced into them. “Oh, Daddy, how can love possibly be this cruel? I finally discover Hank really cares about me, only to lose him.”
“You haven’t lost him,” her father reassured her. “He j
ust needs to get his bearings. He’ll wait. When it comes to love, there’s no choice.”
Lizzy shook her head. “You didn’t see his face. It’s over. He wants a wife now, not years from now.”
Her father chuckled. “That’s what he thinks today, but it won’t be long before he figures out that the waiting doesn’t matter as long as it’s for the right woman.”
Lizzy wished she could believe that.
“You know I believe it’s time we had a little party around here,” her father said, his expression thoughtful. “Something grand, that’ll have the whole state talking.”
“Daddy, you’re not up to entertaining.”
“Who says I’m not? Maritza will do all the work with whatever help she needs. All I need to do is show up. If I get tired, I can go to my room for a bit of rest. Besides, what’s the good of being rich and powerful and old if you can’t make things happen when you want them to?”
No one on earth was better at doing just that, Lizzy thought with amusement. Harlan Adams did love to make things happen.
“Who are you thinking of inviting to this party?” she asked.
“Never you mind about that. Go get Maritza and tell her to get up here. If your mama’s downstairs, send her up, too.”
The gleam in his eyes was a warning. “Daddy, what is going on in that devious mind of yours?”
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with. Why don’t you go into town and find yourself a pretty new dress? Something that’ll knock Hank’s socks off.”
“I don’t think they have dresses like that in Los Piños.”
“Then call your brother. Tell Jordan to have his pilot fly you to Dallas for a shopping spree first thing in the morning. Take your mama along, too. She needs a break from hovering over me.”
Lizzy regarded him doubtfully. “You won’t try sneaking hot-fudge sundaes and pizza while we’re gone?”
“Stop worrying about my diet and go.”
* * *
It was only after he’d convinced her and after she and her mother were on their way to Dallas first thing the next morning that Lizzy realized he’d never promised her that he’d behave himself.
“Oh, no,” she muttered. “Daddy’s probably raiding the refrigerator right now.”
Her mother smiled, her expression surprisingly complacent. “I don’t think so.”
“Why not? What do you know that I don’t?”
“You know that padlock we’ve been joking about?”
Lizzy began to laugh. “You didn’t?”
“Oh, but I did. I had one put on the minute your father started making noises about going back downstairs again.”
“Oh, what I wouldn’t give to see his expression the first time he sees it.”
“I have that covered, too. I left the camera with Maritza.”
Laughing, Lizzy suddenly felt better than she had since Hank had tossed her right back out of his life before she’d even gotten a toehold in it.
When the laughter died, she saw her mother studying her worriedly.
“When are you going to tell me what prompted your father’s latest matchmaking scheme?”
Though she’d suspected as much, hearing her mother say the word made Lizzy very uneasy. “What makes you think it’s a matchmaking scheme?” she asked.
“They usually are with him. Besides, I saw the guest list. Half the eligible bachelors in Texas are being invited to this party. I assume they’re either meant to produce a new man for you or they’re intended to make Hank jealous. So why is your father taking this drastic measure?”
“Actually, Daddy didn’t tell me what he had in mind.”
“But you know perfectly well what set him off.”
Lizzy sighed and filled her mother in on Hank’s decision to end their relationship. Instead of the sympathy she’d expected, her mother frowned.
“I see.” She regarded Lizzy intently. “Let me ask you something. If Hank were to change his mind and propose, what would you do?”
“Why, of course, I’d...” Her voice trailed off.
Her mother nodded. “I thought so. Lizzy, didn’t I tell you to be careful what you wished for? Hank’s always worn his feelings for you on his sleeve, but his actions have been decent and honorable. He’s let you go your own way. Now you’ve come waltzing back into town, led him on, slept with him, I imagine, and in a few days you’ll head back to Miami, correct?”
“Yes,” she admitted in a small voice.
“Do you really need to have him propose for your own ego?” her mother asked with a hint of impatience. “Or do you honestly want to marry the man?”
“It’s not about ego,” Lizzy said fiercely. “I care about him. I always have.”
“Enough to give up med school?”
“Yes,” she said impulsively. Then she hung her head and added miserably, “No.”
She met her mother’s gaze, expecting more condemnation. Instead, this time she found only sympathy.
“Why does it have to be a choice?” Lizzy asked wistfully. “Why can’t I have both?”
“Maybe you can, in time, but not right now, not this minute.” She smiled. “You always were impatient and just a little greedy.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m not blaming you for it,” her mother explained, reaching over to squeeze her hand. “Your father always gave you everything you ever wanted. You were an unexpected blessing for both of us. Harlan being Harlan, he spoiled you and I didn’t do much to stop him, because he enjoyed it so much. Now he’s trying to do it again. You want Hank, so he’s doing his level best to make sure you get him. Neither one of you seems to be taking into account Hank’s feelings.”
“He must love me,” Lizzy protested. “He almost proposed yesterday. He admitted that much.”
“But he changed his mind and, as he sees it, for a good reason. He didn’t want to take medicine away from you by asking you to stay. Maybe this time you’re the one who should do the right and noble thing and let him go. Allow him to give you this gift of a career with no distractions or regrets.”
Lizzy sighed. “I’m not sure I can. I don’t know what I’d do if he went and found someone else. Then I’d live with regrets for the rest of my life.”
Her mother reached over and squeezed her hand. “But you’d survive. You’re Harlan Adams’s daughter and you are every bit as strong as he is. And when it comes to survival, I’m a pretty tough old bird myself. You’ve got good genes, Lizzy. They’ll come through for you.”
“But—”
“No, Lizzy, I want you to think about it. If you really love him, think about what’s best for Hank.”
Lizzy did as her mother asked, which could have turned the shopping expedition into a dismal affair, but she loved clothes a little too much not to get into the spirit of it. With Hank very much on her mind, she picked out a slinky red slip dress beaded with rhinestones for the party.
Then, over her mother’s objections, she insisted that her mother pick out something just as sexy for herself. Lizzy just hoped her father’s heart was up to the effect of all that bared cleavage.
Not until they were on their way home after dinner in one of their favorite Tex-Mex restaurants did Lizzy allow herself to seriously consider what would happen if she got Hank to change his mind and ask her to marry him, after all.
Could she really give up med school and stay in Los Piños? Would she be content to be a rancher’s wife with no career or identity of her own? Hadn’t that been the whole point of wanting to be a doctor, to finally make something of herself, something separate from being Harlan Adams’s baby daughter? How could she go from being daddy’s little girl to being Hank’s wife without finding out who she really was along the way?
And then there was medicine itself. She was good at it. She had believed all along that she would be, but yesterda
y’s events had confirmed it. She could be cool in a crisis without losing her sense of compassion. She had always, always wanted to make everyone and everything around her better, from the first injured and abandoned kitten she’d nursed back to health with Dani’s help to her parents, whom she’d doctored with chicken soup and cold compresses whenever they caught so much as the sniffles.
At first the idea of taking premed courses had been as impulsive as everything else she’d ever done. By her sophomore year, though, she’d begun to take it seriously as she’d excelled in class after class. Volunteering at the medical center had clinched it. The first time she’d walked through the doors of that bustling facility, it had felt right to her.
Just as right as her feelings for Hank, she thought with a sigh.
She was back full circle. Two dreams, two very divergent dreams. When she finally fell into a restless sleep on the plane, though, it was Hank’s face she saw. And the look of yearning on it was enough to make her weep.
She awoke with a start, her cheeks damp with tears. Letting go was going to be a killer, she thought, glancing over to see her mother sleeping peacefully in the opposite seat. For the first time, she realized exactly how Hank must have felt watching her walk away, letting her leave without saying a word that might have enticed her to stay.
And he was doing it again, keeping that proposal silent so that she could go with an easy conscience and no lingering demands to divide her attentions. She owed him the same kind of freedom.
But she clung to something her father had said. If they were destined to be together, time wouldn’t make a difference. Hank would be there when she’d done what she had to do. And if he wasn’t, well, she wouldn’t be the first woman ever to bury herself in work to hide a broken heart.
7
“What the hell do you mean, you’re not coming?” Cody demanded as Hank turned his back and walked away.
Hank sighed and faced the older man. Cody’s expression was partly incredulous and partly accusatory. “Which part of that didn’t you understand?” he asked, managing somehow to keep his tone even.
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