As Montana unlocked her apartment door, she could hear noises from the one next door. Her heart pounded. Eddie was home. She paused with her key in the door.
Should she knock? Welcome him home?
She’d missed seeing him the past three weeks, had been worried about him, and had been barely satisfied with progress reports about his recovery from Erika, but he hadn’t lifted the no-visitation ban.
Well, he couldn’t stop her from visiting now. Unless he refused to open the door to her. After the day she’d had with Kaia, that would break her heart. But she desperately craved the sight of him, and Erika had said his therapy had gone well. He was making great progress...
But he’d just got home and maybe needed time to adjust.
Opening her purse, she took out a pen and rummaged around until she found an old receipt. The one from the grocery store four weeks ago—the night he’d helped her cook dinner for Lance. A lifetime ago.
Propping the paper against the wall, she wrote:
Welcome Home.
What else did she say?
I’m here if you need me? I really want to see you? Please stop avoiding me. You’re a jerk for banning me from the hospital?
She crumpled the receipt, tossed it back into her purse and entered her apartment.
“So, how was Kaia’s camp experience?”
Montana heard her sister’s voice before she’d even turned on the light.
“Not great, apparently.” Something had definitely happened to upset her daughter. Maybe Cassie and Tank would have better luck getting her to open up at home once she was rested and wanted to talk. She’d asked them to text or call her if there was any update, but she did feel slightly left out.
It was getting tougher to see Kaia go off with Cassie and Tank when Montana wanted to be there for her as well.
“Why not? Did she get hurt?” Dani asked.
“No, I don’t think so... Maybe. She didn’t look hurt. She refused to talk about camp or what was bothering her, but she really wasn’t herself when we picked her up.” Montana put her bag on the kitchen counter and opened the fridge. She’d skipped breakfast, looking forward to lunch with Kaia, so she was starving, yet food didn’t appeal to her. She closed the fridge and leaned against the counter. “We’re hoping it’s just exhaustion and that, once she’s had a good night’s sleep, she’ll be okay.”
“Hopefully. That sucks. I always loved camp,” Dani said.
“Well, maybe you should have gone with Kaia and kept an eye on her.”
“Yeah, that’s not how this works.”
“How does it work, then? You pick one person to harass for the rest of eternity?” Her irritability was making her lash out at a figment of her overactive brain.
“I don’t harass, I—”
“Visit, right. I know,” she said with a sigh. She rubbed her forehead and neck, tension giving her the start of a migraine.
She reached for her pain medication on the counter, but a loud crash next door had her abandoning the effort to open the childproof lid.
A long silence followed.
“Eddie’s back from the hospital?” Dani asked.
“Got home today.” She left her apartment and went next door. She knocked on Eddie’s door.
Silence.
“Eddie!” she called.
A long pause. Then, “I’m fine.”
If she heard one more fine that day from people who clearly weren’t fine, she was going to lose it. She tried the door handle. It was unlocked. She opened it slowly and entered. “I’m coming in!”
“I said I’m fine.” His voice was angry, coming from the bathroom.
She swallowed hard as she walked down the short hall. She paused outside the open bathroom door. “Eddie, do you need help?”
“What the hell, Montana? I said I was fine. Please leave.”
From the corner of her eye, she saw the wet bathroom floor and the wheelchair overturned. Shit. Help or leave like he asked? “I’m not going to do that. I can help—”
“I don’t want your help. I’ve got this on my own.”
She heard him right the wheelchair, so she stayed in the hall, but she refused to leave the apartment without making sure he was okay. Had he hit his head or injured himself in the fall? Her heart was still pounding, and she just wanted to rush in there and make things better for him.
The way her parents were constantly trying to do for her all these years.
Realization of how scared, helpless and desperate they must have felt losing one daughter and almost losing another hit Montana hard. She’d accepted their help because she’d had no choice at times, but she’d often fought hard against it. She hadn’t wanted to need them.
Knowing now how it felt on both sides of this equation was eye-opening but only made her feel even more torn in this moment.
What the hell should she do?
“I promise to close my eyes. I won’t look at...anything,” she said, the attempt at the joke falling flat. Especially when it only served to point out that he was quite possibly naked in there. Heat rose across her chest and neck. Now was definitely not the time to be thinking about sexy Eddie. She didn’t need to add lust to the confusing rush of emotions running through her right now. Maybe she should go.
“I’m wearing a towel,” he said, and she turned in time to see him prop himself into the chair. Hair wet, a slightly longer beard than he usually wore, bare chest and abs on full display beneath strong, sculpted shoulders and arms that seemed even more defined than before. She continued to stare.
Unfortunately, he took it the wrong way. “Well, now that you’ve seen for yourself that the handicapped man next door is fine, you can leave.”
Her mouth dropped. It had been weeks since the accident, but Eddie’s mood and attitude appeared to be worse than when she’d first seen him. Then, he’d seemed defeated, confused and no doubt hiding a great deal of fear, but now he was pure anger. She didn’t blame him for being upset, frustrated and irritated, but she wouldn’t condone his self-harming talk. “Eddie, don’t say shit like that. I came to check on you because we’re friends.”
“Since when?”
Was he shitting her right now? Before the accident, they’d both been getting friendly. Flirty, in fact. He’d helped her cook—albeit for another guy. Their sexual chemistry had been evident in the workout room, and they’d shared a definite moment in the bar. She’d started feeling more than annoyance for Eddie. So much more. “Since before the accident,” she said.
“Accident? That’s what you think this was? Some random shooting?” Bitterness echoed in his voice.
“I don’t know what it was. I guess accident’s not the right word.” The attempted shooting was obviously a deliberate action. “Has the department figured anything out yet? Any suspects?” Oddly enough her focus hadn’t been on the crime or the shooter these last few weeks. She’d meant what she’d told Erika and Cassie in the bar—she wasn’t afraid of a repeat attack. She had no enemies or anyone who’d want to see her hurt.
“No, they don’t know who might be responsible,” Eddie said, “but I’d bet my life that it was a targeted attack on your boyfriend.”
“Lance isn’t my boyfriend.” Seemed like the dumbest thing to say given the context of the conversation, but she wanted to clarify that much as least.
Eddie scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. “I’d like to finish getting dressed. Can you close the front door on your way out?”
She nodded, dismissed. Still, she lingered a little longer, staring at him, trying to catch even just a glimpse of the fun-loving man she’d gotten to know in recent months, desperately hoping this angry and disappointed man would somehow find a light in all of the darkness he was currently navigating through. She’d been through it herself before, and it wasn’t easy. It would be easier with support. If
he’d let her be there for him.
“And lock the handle for me, too, please,” he said, with no hint of regret to be pushing her away.
Right now, there was nothing she could do but give him space, but her chest and mind were heavy as she locked the door and left the apartment.
Locked out of his apartment and locked out of his life.
* * *
HIS ANGER AND resentment filled him so completely that it was impossible not to let it seep out. Hurting Montana was a douchebag thing to do, and he wanted to regret it, but it was necessary. Pushing her away by whatever means was the only kind thing to do. Whatever attraction she’d had to him before the shooting couldn’t possibly exist anymore. Now, it was sympathy and gratitude and a feeling of obligation that she felt toward him.
Survivor’s attachment was a real thing.
The look in her eyes when she’d seen him had made him shudder. An extreme athlete faced with a very real picture of a damaged person had to be terrifying for her. She may have suffered a severe brain injury, but her body was still physically capable of doing all the things she wanted to do. This real look at what might have been had to have terrified her. Looking at him, remembering how close that bullet had come to hitting her must be making her sick to her stomach.
It made Eddie sick to his stomach. The only time he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself was when he allowed himself to remember that if he hadn’t acted quickly and dived at the right moment, Montana could be the one going through this. Or worse.
He slammed his fist against the bathroom counter, sending several items scattering. Damn Lance for putting Montana in a dangerous situation. The guy had been questioned by the station twice, and while he agreed that it was possible that the shooter had been aiming at him, he refused to offer anything that might help the investigation. He claimed not to have any idea who might want him hurt...or dead.
Montana had said Lance wasn’t her boyfriend. Unfortunately, even in his despairing downward spiral, that had foolishly sent his heart thumping. Which was dangerous. Feelings for Montana before had been stupid. Now they could destroy him completely. She was a train headed straight to wreck his heart if he opened himself up even a little bit.
He sat in front of the mirror and wiped the steam from it. Funny how on the outside he looked completely the same. His bruises had healed. He looked fine. How was that possible when he felt like a completely different person on the inside? Before, he’d been happy, driven, content with his life, and he’d been okay with having to work hard to achieve his goals. Now his ambition and determination seemed to have vanished. Faced with an obstacle that would be nearly impossible to overcome, he’d always relied on his motivation to surge into overdrive, but instead, now that he needed it most, it had shriveled up and slunk away.
He didn’t recognize the intensity of negative emotions threatening to swallow him up. Never had he been this angry. Pure, unfiltered anger overshadowed everything else. Luckily even pain.
Eventually he wouldn’t be spared that.
CHAPTER TEN
BACK-TO-SCHOOL shopping had always been a day of dread for Montana. Homeschooled for the first half of her life, she’d gotten used to the freedom, but then her parents decided to send them to a real school for junior high, and it had been torture on her. Summer was officially over, and being confined in a classroom seven hours a day was horrible on her adventurous spirit.
The fact that she was five foot eight and took longer to develop than the other girls her age didn’t help matters. She was the awkward, new kid—an easy target for mean girls.
But Kaia had asked for her help with back-to-school shopping, and she hadn’t seen her daughter since she’d returned from camp that weekend or had the chance to tell her about the shooting, so Montana repressed her own memories and trauma and put on a smiling face.
Unfortunately, Kaia still seemed to be in a funk.
“Why don’t you grab the school-supply checklist from the fridge, so you can make sure you don’t forget anything?” Cassie said to Kaia as Montana waited near the door.
When the little girl was out of earshot, Cassie pulled her closer. “Oh, my God! She hasn’t snapped out of this mood in days. Tank and I are doing everything we can think of, but nothing’s working. She’s hungry. We make dinner. She refuses to eat. She won’t go hang out with friends when they invite her, but then she mopes around the house all day, saying she’s bored.”
Cassie sounded at the end of her rope. “That’s so unlike her.”
“I know. That’s the hardest part. We’ve tried talking to her, but she clams up the moment we mention camp.” She looked worried. “Tank’s about ready to go pay a visit to some of those older boys.”
Montana shook her head. “Do not let him do that. She’s starting junior high with those kids soon. If Tank embarrasses her like that, there won’t be any recovering from it.”
Cassie nodded. “Well, hopefully you’ll have better luck talking to her today. If you can get her to open up or smile or something, that would be fantastic.”
“I’ll do my best,” Montana said as Kaia reappeared with the school-supply checklist. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah,” Kaia said, walking past her, opening the door and going outside.
“Have fun!” Cassie called after them.
Yeah, looked like it was going to be a hoot.
Selfishly, Montana had been looking forward to spending time with Kaia to help drag her out of her own funk. Two days of listening to Eddie next door without being able to go talk to him or see him was driving her crazy. What was worse was that they weren’t the usual sounds coming from his apartment—bad guitar playing, old nineties sitcom re-runs, clanging of pots and pans while he cooked. It was mostly silence accented by the sound of his wheelchair against the floor every now and then, and a take-out food delivery exchange at least once a day.
She was desperate to give him the space he needed to recover and get through this, but she wasn’t sure how long she could let him wallow in his justifiable but unhealthy self-pity. Had he been to the station yet? Had he figured out what happened next? How this would impact his career? His promotion? Maybe it was still too soon for him, but Montana knew from experience that the longer he allowed himself to stay in this slump, the harder it would be to crawl out of it. Depression was a scary, downward slope, and she didn’t want Eddie falling prey to the dark, lonely thoughts she’d once had to face.
Right now, her daughter definitely seemed to be battling some kind of depression of her own.
Montana climbed into the driver seat of Tank’s truck and put on her seat belt.
“Why can’t we take your motorcycle?” Kaia asked, as she climbed into the passenger side.
“Because your dad—because it’s not safe,” she self-corrected. At first she’d thought Kaia on the motorcycle was fine, but she could understand where Tank was coming from, and they were a unit in their parenting.
“But it’s safe for you?”
“It’s safer for me because I’ve driven one for a long time and I’m in control on the bike—”
“Don’t you think it’s hypocritical of you and Dad and Cassie to be allowed to do risky stuff but I’m not?”
Jesus. Attitude.
So new and unlike the daughter she knew, it caught Montana off guard, and she simply decided to ignore the question and move on. “So, what’s on your list? Can we get everything at the mall, or is there someplace else we should go?”
Kaia folded her arms across her chest and stared out the window. “Whatever.”
Whatever. Okay, then.
“Seriously, though, Mom, you and Dad and Cassie are always out doing all these risky things, and I’m expected to be careful, be safe all the time.”
Apparently, they were still on this topic.
Montana sighed. What could she say? Because they were all adults and c
ould do whatever they wanted? Seemed hypocritical...even if it was true. She took a deep breath. “Okay, well, what is it that you’d like to do?” Tank was open to allowing Kaia space to be her own person, try new things. Though, Montana hoped this wasn’t about motocross again. She’d learned over the last three months that Kaia had once shown an interest in the sport but had changed her mind after the first few lessons. Had Montana’s new motorcycle spurred a renewed interest in it?
Kaia turned in her seat. “I don’t know! I just think I should be allowed to do things that other kids do without the pressure of being perfect all the time.”
Okay, she definitely wasn’t equipped for this conversation. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? And what was the motivation behind it? She did understand the pressure of wanting to do the right thing, while being pulled by a desire to do something that might disappoint others, though, so she went with it. “I get it,” she said. “It’s not always easy choosing between the things you want to do and the things you feel you should. But if you can tell us exactly what it is you’re upset about, we can help.” So far, no one had been able to help Montana deal with her internal struggles, but Kaia had three very supportive parents who could help her overcome anything she might be going through. If she just let them in.
Kaia looked ready to talk. She shifted on the passenger seat and stared at her hands. She released several deep breaths, and Montana sat quietly, waiting...
Then Kaia shook her head. “It’s nothing. Forget it.”
Damn. So close.
Kaia retrieved the list of school supplies from her pocket. “We should be able to get all of this at the mall,” she said, and silence filled the cab of the truck for the remaining six-minute drive to the busy parking lot across town.
A Sweet Alaskan Fall Page 11