by Lory Lilian
“Two letters? I wonder who they might be from,” she asked and then smiled. “They are both from Jane—none from Papa. Well, I expected as much. Oh, on the first of them the direction was written remarkably ill. How strange, Jane is always so careful with her letters.”
Miss Darcy smiled understandingly. “Elizabeth, would you rather go in the salon and read your letters privately? I am sure you are anxious to receive news from home after such a long time.”
“Oh, thank you! I would like that very much if you do not mind.”
“Of course not. Mrs. Gardiner and I shall entertain ourselves for awhile.”
“Indeed we shall,” agreed Mrs. Gardiner.
***
As Elizabeth read her letters, a breathtaking pain cut her heart, and her mind refused to believe the words written in great disorder on the sheet of paper.
After a beginning containing an account of all their little parties and engagements, the latter half, which was dated a day later, had been written in evident agitation and gave more important and shocking intelligence, hard to believe and even harder to accept. Lydia had eloped with Mr. Wickham? When she first read that, she was certain it was a mistake, and she returned to read it again, holding the paper with trembling hands. She instantly seized the other letter and tore it open with the utmost impatience. It had been written a day after the conclusion of the first, and Elizabeth’s shock was now complete, as complete as the ruin of them all.
Lydia had run off with Mr. Wickham! And no, he will never marry her as Jane suggested, nor will they go to Scotland; he will abandon her in misery and disgrace. Jane had asked for their immediate return! Yes—they must return with no delay! But how much could Mr. Gardiner—or anybody—help them?
“Oh! Where, where is my uncle?” cried Elizabeth, darting from her seat, the letter still in her hands; she stopped, desperately trying to remember in what chamber she was and where her uncle was, but as she reached the door, she almost collided with Lady Cassandra.
Her pale face and impetuous manner made her ladyship stare at her in wonder; Elizabeth, in whose mind every idea was superseded by Lydia’s situation, hastily exclaimed, “I beg your pardon, your ladyship, but I must find Mr. Gardiner this moment; I have not an instant to lose.”
“Good God! What is the matter, Miss Bennet? What has happened? Are you hurt? And where is Mr. Gardiner? Is he here at Pemberley?”
“Yes, he is in the library. I must find him…” she could not hold her tears as she tried to move past Lady Cassandra.
“Miss Bennet, I shall go and fetch Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. I shall call for a servant too; you need help!
“No, no, please!” Elizabeth’s voice was not only tearful but frightened, too. “Please do not call a servant or my aunt; she is with Georgiana, and I do not want Georgiana to know. I only want to talk to my uncle…”
“Very well then,” Lady Cassandra agreed, but she grabbed Elizabeth’s arm and placed her in an armchair. “I shall call Mr. Gardiner in a moment, but please stay here.”
Elizabeth felt too weak to fight; she remained sitting, her hands trembling in her lap as she ceased fighting her tears. A moment later, Mr. Gardiner arrived, his countenance transfigured by worry. “Elizabeth my dear, what on earth happened?”
She spoke with great difficulty as the lump in her throat and the pain gripping her chest left her breathless. “Lydia…she has left all her friends in Brighton and she…She has thrown herself into the arms of Mr. Wickham…“The words died on her lips, and she handed the letter to her uncle, who read it fervently. When he finished, he was as pale as she was.
“We must leave at once; we have not a moment to delay.”
“Mr. Gardiner…” Lady Cassandra’s voice startled them both; until that moment, they had forgotten her presence in the room. “I would suggest remaining a little longer until Darcy returns. In this delicate matter, you will need all the help you can find, and nobody knows Wickham better than Darcy.”
The gentleman hesitated a moment, and then he seemed to agree. “Your ladyship is correct; we will certainly need the help of somebody who is acquainted with Wickham’s habits, but time is a very important matter, too. Do you happen to know whether Mr. Darcy will delay long? I am afraid the storm will begin, and we will be kept here.”
“No, please, we cannot wait,” cried Elizabeth, trembling even harder. “We must leave immediately, and we cannot allow Mr. Darcy’s interference in this; it is a very private and delicate matter for the family alone. We cannot expose it to anybody else!” Her extraordinary agitation distressed Mr. Gardiner even more than the news. In one and twenty years, he had never seen his niece in such a disastrous state. He seemed inclined to listen to Lady Cassandra’s reasonable advice, yet he could understand Elizabeth’s desire not to expose the shameful event publicly. For the first time in a long while, he could not choose the best course of action.
“Mr. Gardiner, please be so kind as to allow me a moment with Miss Bennet. In the meantime, you may want to inform Mrs. Gardiner—
“Uncle, please…my aunt is with Georgiana, and I do not want her to be told anything; nobody must be told anything,” she insisted, determination mixed with a pleading cry.
Mr. Gardiner nodded in agreement. Suddenly he felt the urge to speak with his wife and seek her support.
As soon as he left the room, Lady Cassandra turned to Elizabeth. “Miss Bennet, I think there is something you should know before you leave—something that might alter your decision.”
Elizabeth did not answer, nor did she look at her ladyship; she doubted anything else might interest her at such a moment.
“Miss Bennet, I must insist that you delay your departure until Darcy returns. He might be of the greatest help to you, and I am certain he would be more than happy to assist you and your family in anything you need.”
Tears were flowing freely down Elizabeth’s cheeks, and she shook her head in denial, her hands trembling so violently that she had to clasp them together. “Lady Cassandra, please…I have to leave before Mr. Darcy returns. He said…he asked to talk to me privately today…That cannot happen now…I must leave immediately.”
“A private talk? Then I truly do not understand your stubbornness. I assure you Darcy is not the kind of man to allow any incident—not even one as grave as this one—to affect his decision. If he asked for a private conference, you may be certain he will not break his word.”
Elizabeth’s sobs meant she could not talk for a few long minutes, and Lady Cassandra only looked at her in puzzlement and concern.
“Lady Cassandra, can you not see that this is precisely the reason I have to leave as soon as possible? I know Mr. Darcy will do what is right though he has not made any promise to me. But I know he will, and I cannot bear to see the look on his face when he hears such dreadful news. I cannot bear to see him forced to keep his word—a word he did not even give me—with the price of ruining his and his sister’s name and peace of mind…I cannot allow that to happen. If I leave now, there is still time to prevent everything before it is started between us, and by the time the scandal becomes public, Mr. Darcy will surely understand my reason. It is much easier to lose something you never truly had.”
“Miss Bennet, forgive my boldness, but I must say your entire reasoning is incorrect. I doubt very much that Darcy will accept the news of your sudden departure calmly. Please do not presume how he will react. Of course, your sister’s elopement will raise a scandal, especially if they do not marry soon, but this is not the first or the last situation of its kind. It has happened to more illustrious families, and every time, people gossiped for awhile and soon put everything behind them.”
“Can you not understand, your ladyship? It is not only about elopement; it is so much more than that! If my sister had eloped with any other man, I might agree with you. Even more, perhaps I would have been selfish enough to put my desires and my happiness above anything else. In such a situation, I would have been pleased to have Mr. Darcy keep his
word, and I may have even asked for his help. But considering it is Mr. Wickham, how can I put Mr. Darcy and Georgiana in such a horrible situation? Only yesterday, they could not stand even to hear Mr. Wickham’s name. How can I torture them by forcing them to be part of this disgraceful calamity? I cannot do that to them, not after all they have gone through in the last months. They will not suffer again because of me; I will not allow that, no matter the price I have to pay.”
Suddenly, her countenance froze and her eyes fixed on her ladyship. “Lady Cassandra, you must help me with this. You must promise you will not tell anybody the reason for our departure.”
“Miss Bennet, you are not being reasonable. You surely know that such a thing cannot be kept secret; besides, Mr. Bingley is settled to return to Netherfield in a short while. Surely you cannot forbid him to do that—
“No…no…Mr. Bingley…the situation is different in his case. This scandal would not affect him as much; he will not be harmed as much as Mr. Darcy and Georgiana…and when he returns—well, we shall see…But you must promise not to tell anyone for now.”
Her eyes had lost all their brightness, and the lady could feel the burden of her grief; it was not the time for an argument, so Lady Cassandra decided to do anything to calm her. “Very well, Miss Bennet, I promise I shall keep the secret as long as possible.”
“Thank you, your ladyship.”
Lady Cassandra remained silent for a moment while her eyes searched Elizabeth’s with the greatest care. She then put her arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her close until Elizabeth began crying on her shoulder, continually whispering, “Thank you.” The Gardiners and Georgiana found them thus a few moments later.
“Elizabeth, what has happened? Mr. Gardiner said no one died—thank God—and no one has fallen ill but that some events require your immediate return home.”
“Yes…yes, my uncle is right. We must leave immediately.”
“Oh, I am so sorry! Mr. Gardiner told me it was an urgent family matter. Is there nothing I can do to help you? Can you not stay a little longer until William returns?”
“No, we cannot delay; please understand me, Georgiana. It is very likely that the rain will begin any moment, and we need to leave as soon as possible and travel as fast as we can.”
The sadness and disappointment brought tears to Miss Darcy’s eyes, and she did not fight to hold them back.
“Very well then, if you need to go, so be it, but please, write me to inform us as soon as you can. I shall not find rest until I have news from you, nor shall William either.”
“I…I shall try…if the situation will allow me…but…” Her tears stopped her from speaking further.
“Oh, Elizabeth, something very bad has happened; you are suffering so much, yet you will not allow me to help you and do not want to wait a little longer until my brother returns. Did we do something to offend you? Are you upset with us? Is that why you want to leave so quickly?”
“Oh no, no, dearest, please do not say that…” She took the girl’s hands and held them tightly while looking deeply into her eyes. “My dearest friend, please believe me that these last days here at Pemberley have been the happiest in my life. I will treasure their memories as long as I live, and my affection for you will ever remain unchanged, please remember that.”
“Elizabeth, we must leave now,” interrupted Mr. Gardiner, and she obeyed. When she rose to move to the door, Georgiana was still holding her hands tightly. She embraced her quickly; then she ran and did not stop until she was in the carriage. She could bear it no longer; her heart was broken, and she knew parts of it would remain at Pemberley. Her heart would never be the same.
The Gardiners joined her shortly, and they were about to leave when Lady Cassandra detained them. “Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, Miss. Bennet, I want all of you to promise me something.”
“What could that be, Lady Cassandra?” asked Mr. Gardiner
“This searching will be a daunting task, and you may need support in matters you cannot even imagine now. I want you to promise me you will not hesitate to ask my help in anything. You know my location in London; send word there, and my servants will direct it to me as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, your ladyship, your kindness is— Mrs. Gardiner tried to express her gratitude.
“Oh please, enough of this nonsense! This is no time for politeness. I hope you find Mr. Wickham in time.” She paused and looked at them all before adding, “I shall not take a serious good-bye of you, because I dare say we shall meet again soon. Have a safe journey.”
The carriage left a moment later, and almost instantly, the rain began; Pemberley remained behind with Elizabeth’s weeping heart.
***
It was raining again, and Colonel Fitzwilliam and Bingley spent the entire return to Pemberley complaining about the weather and even cursing from time to time. By the time they reached the house, they were soaked and hungry and wanted nothing but the comfort of their rooms.
For Darcy, the rain meant only beautiful memories; nothing could ruin his spirit. He hardly noticed he was wet and cold; and if he was indeed, the mere thought of seeing Elizabeth again and talking to her—confessing himself to her—was enough to warm him.
Darcy was tempted to go in search of her the moment he entered the house, but at the last moment, he came to his senses as he realised the poor state of his clothes. He hurried to his room and was grateful when Stevens efficiently informed him that a bath was already prepared. In less than half an hour, with the servant’s silent help, he was properly attired and prepared to meet Elizabeth—to meet his happiness.
“Stevens, do you happen to know whether Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner have arrived? I hope the bad weather will not keep them at the inn the entire day.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner? They were here but they left, sir, together with Miss Bennet.”
“They left?” Darcy’s shock changed his countenance instantly. “In this weather? But why?”
“I do not know, sir. I believe Miss Darcy might know more,” the servant answered, and Darcy dashed through the doorway, almost knocking him down.
He barely knocked and did not wait for an answer before entering Georgiana’s room. At first, he did not even see her until he heard her barely audible sobs coming from an armchair near the window.
He moved closer and knelt near her; it took a great effort to make her take her hands from her red, swollen eyes. When he took her hands gently, she could barely whisper, and he could hardly fathom the meaning of her cruel words. “William, she is gone…Elizabeth is gone.”
***
Seven hours had passed and his mind still did not understand what his heart refused to accept. Georgiana was performing for him with great difficulty; he knew she was expending this great effort only in a desperate attempt to comfort him. He needed no comfort as he needed no company, no food, and no rest; he needed Elizabeth—more than he had needed anything else in his adult life, but Elizabeth was gone. How was that possible?
Since the moment he had heard the news, he had asked everybody what happened: Lady Cassandra who apparently had witnessed everything, Georgiana who was not coherent as she herself was confused and pained, Mrs. Reynolds, Stevens, and the other servants. Despite the bad weather, he sent Stevens to the inn to ask for more details, but the only clarification was the fact that they had left within half an hour of returning to the inn.
Cassandra had been the only one who could offer him the reason—a reason that seemed insufficient to him and gave little palliation to his torment. Something happened back in Hertfordshire but apparently nothing tragic. Yet, Elizabeth hurried to leave because she was afraid the rain might delay them.
Delay them from what? What was so important that she cared so little about him as to leave without a word through his sister? Even more impossible to bear was that she had told Georgiana she would remember her and love her for the rest of her life. Was that a last farewell? Had she taken this opportunity to run—to run away from h
im and from their private talk? Was the mere idea of a second proposal so dreadful to her? Had he completely misunderstood her signs, behaviour, and desires again as he had in April?
He attempted an apology before swiftly leaving the room, away from Pemberley, out through the rainy night, walking with no direction and no stars in the sky to light his footsteps. He needed neither stars nor light. He only needed to know what happened to Elizabeth and to his long-desired happiness. His steps took him farther and farther away until he could barely see the contour of Pemberley House; only then did he stop, alone in the night with his thoughts—and her memory.
Many hours later, when he returned to the house tired and soaked through from walking in the rain, his boots and greatcoat caked with mud, he felt like dancing with joy and hope: he had discovered the answer!
No, this time he had not misunderstood her; this time he would not allow despair to cloud his mind. Her every word, every gesture, every look, every blush, and every moment they had spent together since that day in Hyde Park were testimony to her changed feelings and desires—and especially last night. She could not have run from him! He must follow her!
He entered his room, and while he summoned Stevens and started throwing his soaked clothes carelessly on the floor, he hurriedly poured a glass of brandy to warm himself. But he startled and dropped the glass when he heard Lady Cassandra’s irritated voice from near the fire.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Darcy, are you trying to kill me with worry? This situation cannot continue any longer. We must talk!”
Chapter 9
“Sometimes I wonder how I can restrain myself from strangling Wickham,” Darcy shouted as he paced angrily in Lady Cassandra’s parlour.