Remembrance of the Past

by Lory Lilian

  “Mr. Darcy,” he called for the gentleman who seemed exiled in the corner. Darcy turned and stepped toward them slowly.

  “Sir, I will not pretend that my heart is at ease or that my doubts about this union have vanished. However, I have little choice. My daughter is decided in your favour, and I have to trust my brother and sister Gardiner who hold you in the highest esteem. I hope they are not wrong. And, as you will be my daughter’s husband, I hope you will be able to overcome the offences I directed toward you earlier today.”

  Darcy could see Mr. Bennet’s suffering was intense, and it was easy to understand the concern he felt for his daughter’s well-being.

  “I certainly cannot remember any offences, sir. We had a long conversation in which you expressed some concerns regarding Miss Elizabeth, and let me assure you that she is my chief concern, as well. Making her happy is the most important thing to me, sir, and I dare say in time I will convince you of that.”

  “We shall see. And now you may go if you wish. Lizzy, please tell your mother to send me a tray in here. I have no disposition to breakfast in company.”

  In a dismissive gesture, he rose from his seat and moved to the window with his back to them. Elizabeth and Darcy exchanged a quick glance, but as she took his arm and directed him toward the door, Darcy stopped.

  “In fact, if I am not asking too much, I should rather remain with you a little longer, Mr. Bennet. There are still some things I should like to discuss with you, and I am not particularly disposed toward breakfast, either.”

  Mr. Bennet turned to him instantly. “You want to talk to me more? Now?”

  “Yes, sir. It is a matter of some urgency, and I dare say we should clarify it without delay.”

  Mr. Bennet shrugged with an intriguing gesture of invitation. Elizabeth looked at Darcy somewhat worriedly as she left the room, but he smiled reassuringly.

  “Mr. Bennet, I wanted to speak to you because there are still many unsettled things between us, and any misunderstanding would affect Miss Elizabeth greatly. I cannot allow that.”

  “I doubt any more clarification is possible for one day, but if you have anything to say, I will listen.” He took his seat and looked at Darcy inquiringly. That was a gaze Darcy finally recognised.

  He felt more uncomfortable than ever before, and the notion of humbling himself threw him into extreme torment, but it was the price he had to pay for Elizabeth’s peace of mind.

  “Mr. Bennet, I am not a man to speak openly of my private affairs and even less of my feelings. But now it cannot be avoided. Not everything you said before, sir, regarding my opinion of Miss Elizabeth last fall…was wrong.”

  The effect of his words upon Mr. Bennet was obvious, yet that only increased his uneasiness.

  “You were also correct in assuming that I had no intention of making an offer of marriage to Miss Elizabeth at that time. For many years I have considered it my duty to choose a lady of the same situation in life as my own to became the mistress of my estate, and your family’s situation was…different.” He looked at Mr. Bennet but could not read much in his face.

  “However, in one respect you have been utterly wrong: never, not for a second were my intentions toward Miss Elizabeth anything but honourable! I assure you, sir, that more than anything I was bewitched by the liveliness of her mind, her wit and her uncommon understanding. I knew her behaviour was beyond reproach, and I could not have dared to think otherwise. Anything dishonourable regarding Miss Elizabeth was far from my mind at that time or at any time. Since I was not considering making her an offer, I was certain that my admiration would remain without an object as soon as I left Hertfordshire and that I would never see her again.”

  Mr. Bennet listened with equal attention and astonishment. Seeing a man so private, so restrained making such a declaration involving his most secret thoughts was difficult to fathom.

  “I must have been too rushed in judging you in this regard, Mr. Darcy. However, since we have reached this point, I cannot help but wonder how it happened that your opinion about marriage and the necessary wealth of your future wife changed so dramatically?”

  “Well, it happened one day last April when I was properly humbled and shown how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.”

  Mr. Bennet’s quizzical look made Darcy smile bitterly as the memory of those moments and the mortifications of sharing them with his future father-in-law caused greater distress.

  “It was the day I presented myself to Miss Elizabeth and asked her to accept my offer of marriage. I came to her without a doubt of my reception, and her answer was a most painful yet well-deserved punishment.”

  Mr. Bennet’s shock made him abruptly stand as he frowned, staring at his visitor in utter disbelief. “You made Lizzy an offer last April? But last April she was in Kent.”

  “You are correct, sir; I was visiting my aunt at Rosings Park.”

  “And she refused you?”

  “She did, sir, and she was correct to do so.”

  “And…you asked her again?”

  “I did, sir, but not before I was certain I would succeed in improving her opinion of me. You see, sir, I unexpectedly met Miss Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner in London in June and…”

  For more than half an hour Darcy revealed their entire history to a deeply shocked and utterly astonished Mr. Bennet. When he reached the part of the narrative concerning Lydia’s elopement, he tried nonchalantly to pass over those moments, but Mr. Bennet did not allow him to escape so easily. At that point, Darcy refused to debate the subject further, abruptly continuing with the reasons he returned to Hertfordshire. Mr. Bennet’s eyebrows remained arched in wonder.

  “So you see, sir,” concluded Darcy, “I am certain, after all these months and our particular history, that Miss Elizabeth did not accept my second proposal for the wrong reasons.”

  Mr. Bennet remained speechless for a time. The man in front of him was someone he was just beginning to know and understand, someone who surely deserved more consideration than he, the father of the bride, had given him so far. He realised he owed Mr. Darcy an apology. In fact, he was fairly certain he owed Mr. Darcy far more than he would ever be able to repay.

  “Mr. Darcy, I thank you for your generosity in confessing all these things to me. I imagine how difficult it must have been for you, and I know you did it to put my worries aside. Your effort is not unappreciated, sir.”

  “If I have managed to clarify your misunderstandings and make it easier for us to collaborate for Elizabeth’s peace and happiness, then that is all the reward I need, sir.”

  “Then you may consider yourself rewarded. I have no misunderstandings left, sir, and feel I need to apologise again for my harsh words.”

  Darcy insisted there was no reason to apologise, and Mr. Bennet ceased to offer them any longer; instead, he said Mr. Gardiner expressed great admiration for Pemberley’s library and for its streams and lakes, and that became the next subject of conversation. Of course, Darcy assured him there would be no need for formal invitations and he would be more than welcome there at any time.

  When Elizabeth returned, bringing a tray of food for them, she could sense things had changed. The expression on both gentlemen’s faces softened when she entered, and she smiled at them—the two men who were dearest to her heart.

  “Lizzy, have you informed your mother about your engagement?” asked Mr. Bennet. “Considering the silence in the house, I should guess not.”

  “No, I have not,” Elizabeth answered as she served them tea and coffee. Darcy hurried to help her with the cups. Mr. Bennet smiled with satisfaction.

  “In fact, Papa, I was thinking—considering Jane and Mr. Bingley’s engagement—that we should keep ours secret a few more days. I mean, now that you have given us your consent.”

  “Ah, I see,” smiled Mr. Bennet. “So you want to keep your intended away from your mother’s enthusiasm a little longer; now that I have given you my consent, you could
feel engaged without sharing it with the others for some time. Hmm, Lizzy, that is not fair of you—to let only poor Jane and Mr. Bingley be the recipients of your mother’s loudly expressed satisfaction.”

  Elizabeth blushed, and Darcy smiled to hide his embarrassment.

  “Well then, let it be as you wish. Considering I gave Mr. Bingley not the least bit of the hard time I gave poor Mr. Darcy when he applied for my consent, it is only just that he suffer a little more in other areas. You may announce your engagement whenever you please. Just try to do it when I am not in the same room with your mama and preferably not during dinner. Promise me this, will you? And let me know when you decide what date to have your wedding, Lizzy, so I am in attendance to play my part in accompanying you to the altar.”

  He continued to tease them a bit longer until they finished eating and having their coffee. An hour later, when Mr. Bingley arrived to invite them to Netherfield for dinner, the discussion in the library remained animated.

  ***

  Caroline Bingley had just awoken when she received her sister’s letter, sent by express. She read it a few times, threw it on her bed and rang for her maid. So, stupid Charles let himself get trapped by that Jane Bennet. What a fool! And now Louisa demanded that she quickly return to Netherfield. Why on earth did Louisa need her? Surely, there was nothing to do about the engagement once it was made public. She did not want to leave London! What was there for her to do in Hertfordshire? To bear the impertinence of Lady Cassandra? To be annoyed by that insupportable chit, Eliza Bennet?

  How could she abandon the select and most elegant company of Lady Sophia? And, most of all, how could she leave the presence of Lord Markham, the most charming gentleman she could ever imagine? Mr. Darcy was nothing in comparison—not in wealth, charm or politeness. Lord Markham was everything Caroline ever dreamed of in a gentleman and in a suitor. He was ever so kind to her, always seeking her company, pretending to be interested in her relatives, in Netherfield, even in Darcy, Lady Cassandra and those boring Bennets.

  To Caroline’s utter satisfaction, neither Lord Markham nor Lady Sophia seemed to hold Lady Cassandra in high esteem—and why would they? The woman was pure impertinence with an abominable sense of independence.

  Thinking of this fresh news, Caroline noticed that she was not as bothered by it as she thought she would be. So Charles will marry Jane Bennet…that was it! Her only concern was the reaction of her new friends and especially of Lord Markham. Would the unfortunate alliance diminish her chances of happiness? If that were the case, she would never forgive Charles for ruining her brilliant future. Lady Markham—how lovely that sounds, indeed!

  She hurried to prepare herself. Once more, she was invited to tea at Lady Sophia’s—the third time in a week—and Lord Markham would be there, too. She would handle the situation to her advantage; yes she would. She was a very clever woman; everybody said so. The future Lady Markham!

  ***

  Lady Cassandra remained in a corner of the drawing room, looking around attentively. Dinner was over, and the gentlemen separated from the ladies for less than a quarter of an hour.

  Earlier that day, when he returned from Longbourn, Darcy shared with her the news of his engagement with such enthusiasm that she could not help laughing at him. He looked like a schoolboy, she told him, and he did not protest. He only insisted that their engagement remain a secret as only Mr. Bennet and Georgiana had been informed. Secret indeed. She smiled to herself. It was enough to look at both Darcy and Elizabeth to see they were betraying their arrangement with every fibre of their being: every gesture, every word, and every stolen glance. However, she promised to keep their secret.

  Her eyes were drawn toward Elizabeth and Jane Bennet—such an astonishing difference between them. Not such a classic beauty as her sister, Elizabeth Bennet looked more beautiful in a lively, joyful, vivid way. They were both happy, that was obvious, but while Jane Bennet was smiling toward her intended, Elizabeth Bennet was laughing with her eyes and her whole being—she was laughing at her betrothed and at life itself. Her happiness was palpable, as was the bond between her and Darcy. Their connection was evident in many particulars: the way they searched for each other’s eyes, the way she blushed every time their gazes met, and the way Darcy stared lovingly at her No, they certainly could not keep their engagement secret for long!

  Lady Cassandra turned her attention toward Charles Bingley. He talked of nothing but their engagement and the ball about which he had asked her opinion to complete the list of guests.

  The ball that David Fitzwilliam will also attend—no doubt about that. Lady Cassandra had thought about it innumerable times that day since she had seen his name at the top of the list. Although she hated herself for it, she had to admit she was anxious and desirous to see him again. She felt helpless and defeated—again.

  Chapter 14

  Netherfield and Longbourn were two houses in chaotic disorder. With each day that brought the ball closer, agitation grew and brought Darcy to the edge of his tolerance—and beyond it.

  Repeatedly he marvelled—with enormous gratitude—at Elizabeth’s wisdom in keeping their engagement secret a little longer. However, his state did not go unnoticed, so Elizabeth, Lady Cassandra, Mr. Bennet, and even his own sister found great enjoyment in teasing him.

  The families spent a good deal of time together. The Longbourn inhabitants were invited to dine at Netherfield, or Darcy, Bingley, Lady Cassandra, and Georgiana had dinner at Longbourn.

  Georgiana’s reaction toward the Bennets had been a revelation to Darcy. They were introduced to her the same day Mr. Bennet gave his consent, and she was clearly overwhelmed by Mrs. Bennet and Miss Catherine’s loud exuberance. However, in the three days that passed since then, Georgiana became increasingly comfortable with them and seemed to enjoy and even seek their company. She appeared at ease with both Miss Catherine and Miss Mary and found something to talk about with each of them. She also appeared to bear Mrs. Bennet’s attention quite well. Mr. Bennet complimented Darcy more than once on his sister’s impeccable manners and then teased him saying that the girl had taken all the sweetness in the family and left the aloofness to Darcy.

  Lady Cassandra also appeared to have a wonderful time in the midst of the commotion. She was the only one who managed to temper Mrs. Bennet, and she also spent time in conversation with Mr. Bennet; the gentleman declared to Darcy, “Since you have stolen all Lizzy’s attention for yourself, thank God you brought Lady Cassandra so I have somebody with sense to talk to.”

  Yes, Mr. Bennet was right; he had indeed stolen all of Elizabeth’s attention. Four days had passed since he had asked for her hand, and they had been four days of complete and utter bliss, despite the annoying agitation around him. He knew he was selfish and should have been happy for Bingley—and he was—but he wanted nothing but peace and tranquillity in which to enjoy every moment in Elizabeth’s company. Yes, he was selfish. He was so selfish that he was increasingly tempted to elope with her to Gretna Green and return two days later satisfyingly married. Perfect plan, he thought, leaning against the chair’s back with his eyes closed.

  Of course, eloping was not an option; upon their return, Mr. Bennet, Georgiana and Cassandra in all likelihood would kill him. But the idea was sorely tempting!

  “You seem pleased with yourself, sir!” His recollections were happily disturbed by the sound of a well-known voice, and his gaze rested with utter delight on Elizabeth’s smiling eyes.

  “Have I interrupted you? You seem to be covered by a mountain of letters.” Elizabeth appeared in the doorway and moved toward him. He reached his hand to her and she took it gently as they sat together on the sofa. Their fingers entwined together, caressing one another.

  “No indeed, I have done little but think of you.” His free hand caressed a lock of hair near her ear.

  “You are a most considerate betrothed, sir. You always say the most pleasant things to flatter me.”

  “I only speak the truth, Elizabe
th.” His head lowered, and she was not surprised to feel his lips on hers. The kiss started gently, both of them attentive to any noise that might indicate an intrusion, but after a few moments, everything but their closeness seemed to vanish around them. When his tongue, soft, warm and daring, slid between her lips, she gasped with more delight than surprise as her mouth opened to admit him. One of her hands encircled his neck and the other his waist as she leaned against him. His hands travelled along her arms, down to her spine and up to her nape in a torturous exploration. His touch was a pleasant, unbearable torment, assaulting all rational thought, which kept reminding her that her entire family was around and anyone might discover their shockingly improper interlude. A moment later, he stopped and withdrew his lips enough to stare into her eyes. She tried to swallow and regain her breathing; his breath was no calmer then hers. “Elizabeth?”

  “Yes?” Their voices sounded so strange that they both chuckled, struggling to regain their calm.

  “Would you like some water?”

  She withdrew her head a few inches to look at him in disbelief. His countenance seemed quite disturbed as he forced himself to smile.

  “Yes. Thank you.” She returned his smile.

  He came back with two glasses of water, handed one to her, and then sat beside her again. “So—you abandoned the others? You needed exceptional skills to escape from them, I imagine.”

  “Not at all,” she laughed. “Nobody noticed my leaving; they are all too busy with…something.”

  “You came to see me?” he asked.

  “No,” she teased him, “I simply lost myself in the house and entered the library by mistake.”

  “I see,” he answered, a mischievous smile on his lips. “As you did last year on your first day at Netherfield when you happened upon me in the billiard room?”

  “Yes, quite the same,” she answered with laughing eyes at the remembrance of those days.

  “I have missed you, Elizabeth,” Before she had time to reply, he hurried to his feet. “Could you wait for me here a few minutes? I will speak to my man; I want to be sure we will have a little privacy.” She only nodded in surprise, wondering how his servant would assure their privacy. However, she did not worry about that. She trusted him to do the right thing, as always.