by Karen Deen
“If I think she needs to know, yes. I don’t keep secrets from her. But if this is just you needing a shoulder, to talk things over and help clear your head a little, then that’s just a conversation between friends. I don’t tell her every conversation I have in a day.”
I can’t help but giggle a little. Just like I said. This is my version of a big brother.
“The truth…hmmm, I’m not sure I even really know what the truth is. I have a husband I’m scared of who may or may not know where I am. A brother I never knew I had who blackmailed me to hurt Paige, and I followed him which then put my kids in danger. I found a sister that I didn’t know I had, was told she was a monster, but she turns out to be the most beautiful woman I’ve met. So… to say I’m confused is probably the only word I can use to describe how I am.”
Taking another sip of my coffee, I just stare out the window. “On top of all of that, I don’t even know how to cope with all of this.” I wave my arm around the room. “You have no idea where I’ve come from, Mason. My world was so different. I’m scared if I let my guard down and then someone comes along and pulls the rug out from under me again, it might be the final straw. Do I want to live in this world and see my kids never know the poverty and hurt I’ve suffered? Absolutely. But I can’t live here and sponge off Paige for the rest of my life. I need to take care of my family, that’s my job, and I don’t want them getting used to this and then when I can’t give them the same, they resent me. Those two are all I have in this world. They are all I live for.” Trying to sort my thoughts, I just sit silently for a few moments.
“That’s a lot of worries for such a small set of shoulders to carry. But I have a feeling there’s more you need to get out.” He sits patiently.
“Ughh, you are worse than my friend Anna from the diner. She knew when I was hiding something and wouldn’t give up until she got it out of me.” I shift my legs to stop the pins and needles starting in my feet.
“Can’t wait to meet her one day then.” Mason chuckles quietly. “So, spill it. The more that’s out, the lighter everything feels. Take it from me. I have plenty of experience with holding things in.”
“Lex,” I say straight out. I wish I could take it back, but it’s too late and I’ve said it now.
Again, he chuckles.
“Mhmm, go on. Now we’re getting somewhere.”
I swat his arm. “It’s not funny.”
“Oh, from where I’m sitting it’s hilarious.” Smugly he places his cup on the table.
“You’re so annoying. How does Paige put up with you?” Placing my empty cup next to his, I relax back into my seat.
“I’m so annoying that I don’t give her a choice, but that’s a story for another time. I’m sure she’d be happy to tell you how persistent I can be. Now what about Lex?”
Why did I even open my mouth? This was supposed to just stay in my head, for nobody but me.
“I don’t know. He just appears from nowhere, wanting to be my knight in shining armor, turns up with everything he thought I needed. Sleeps on the couch so I feel safe, makes me feel that perhaps there are nice men in this world when I had given up on that a long time ago. I know I’m just someone he feels sorry for, I get it. But I don’t know what the hell to think about the way I feel around him, the way he calms me. And to top it off, why does he have to be so goddamn hot.” Oh god, I slap my hand over my mouth. I can’t believe I said that out loud, and to Mason who is Lex’s best friend.
“Oh god, Mason, please don’t…shit, I’m such an idiot. Just please don’t repeat any of that and pretend I didn’t say anything.” Dropping my head into my hands, I can feel the heat on my cheeks at the embarrassment of just blurting all that out.
“See? I told you it’s funny from where I’m sitting. Mia, look at me.” I can hear him but I’m not about to look up.
“Mia.” I know he won’t give up until I do. Slowly I lift my head and feel my cheeks going red again.
“Firstly, your secret is safe with me. Remember, friends just talking. Secondly, you are not an idiot and I can guarantee that Lex is not doing all this because he feels sorry for you. It’s far from that. I’ll tell you a little secret now too. I have known Lex since we started high school, so a long time. In all the years I’ve known him, I have never seen him act the way he does around you. He’s almost tripping over himself to do things for you, and that has nothing to do with where you’ve come from or what has happened to you. Do you get my drift?”
I hear what he’s saying, but it’s not easy to hear.
“Yes, but none of it makes sense,” I mumble.
“It usually doesn’t. I’ll tell you what I told him. That your life is complicated, and while you work on taking back control of it, everything else will take a back seat. You need friends in your corner, and he is a loyal one who will be there for you no matter what. Let him be that friend. Then when life is more stable, if those feelings you’re having, the ones you don’t understand and are so unexpected for you at the moment. If they’re still there, then explore them further.”
Trying to take in everything that he’s saying, my head is whirling again with the thought that Lex is as confused as I am about this.
“How could you tell what was in my head?”
“Mia, when you and Lex are in the same room, there are enough sparks flying between you that you could light a bonfire. I know it seems strange that at the worst time in your life, something like this can be happening. But the universe chooses when and who. We are merely along for the ride. So just enjoy it and wherever it may take you both. Whether it be friends or something more.” He pauses for a moment. “Now let’s backtrack over some of the other points you said before you started blushing like a schoolgirl.”
“Oh god, I am never going to live that down, am I?” We both laugh together.
“Not a chance. Welcome to the framily, Mia. Being made fun of is how you know you belong with us. Now I’m getting another coffee and then we are going to continue this chat. How do you take yours?” Mason gets up and heads to the kitchen, leaving me to digest what he just said.
“Umm, white with one sugar, please,” I mumble.
Shit.
How the hell am I going to be able to look Lex in the eyes again if he’s thinking the same things I am? Surely Mason didn’t mean it like that. I mean, there is no way I’m sharing everything I’ve had going on, when I’m thinking about Lex. The fantasies I had last night about how he looks under those jeans. If his chest is anything to go by, then I might just pass out. Damn, woman, get a hold of yourself. It’s been a while since I’ve been touched, and that’s been a good thing. My cravings for sex have never been strong, but what was there has died a long time ago. But I know whatever Lex is hiding would be like nothing I’ve ever had before, and I’m pretty sure I’d have no idea what to do with it either.
Mason placing my coffee in my hands snaps me out of my fantasy, and we continue to talk about my fears and how trauma can affect a person. Sharing some of his stories of the PTSD he suffers. When he talked about friends in my corner, I know he’s going to be one of the most important of them all. He gets me and understands my fears and especially my confusion over where to go from here in my life. Listening to him talk about Paige and how she feels about having me here, I understand a little more that this is not just about me. She needs me close while she deals with everything that has happened to her too.
“So why were you awake at five thirty am, Mason? I mean, if I had a choice, I would have still been asleep, but my body had other ideas.”
“Early mornings are normal for me. When I fly, I’m up checking the weather and flight schedules. I’m used to not sleeping much. A habit from my Army days I haven’t managed to shake yet. Although since I’ve been with Paige, she does give me a reason not to get out of bed too early.” His smirk tells me exactly what he means.
“Um, I might have just met her, but that’s my sister and I do not need to be thinking about that image, thanks
.” We both can’t help it and the laughter is loud. Which of course means the next thing we hear are little quick footsteps running down the hallway.
“Mommy?” Jack calls with a little panic in his voice.
“I’m here, baby. It’s okay.” He runs to me and crawls up into my lap and snuggles in for a cuddle. There’s something so special about those early-morning hugs from your kids. They’re still warm from the bed, quiet, and only just waking up. Probably the only time that Jack is this quiet in the whole day.
“Morning, bud. Did you sleep well?” Mason asks as Jack just nods up and down.
We all sit quietly for a few minutes, and then like a switch, Jack is awake, and the day begins. Mason takes him upstairs to jump on Paige to wake her up, while I get Kayla up and ready for the day.
We’re just all sitting down to breakfast that Mason and Jack have cooked for us when the elevator opens, and boxes start sliding out of it across the floor before I can even see a person. Mason doesn’t look shocked or worried, so I’m guessing he knows what’s going on. Paige stands and starts walking across a bit tentatively.
“Hello?” Her voice is a little wobbly.
“Morning, Paige. Can you grab this one for me?” Just like that, I look at Mason and give him the dagger look to say you could have warned me. To which I get a sly smile, a wink, and he places the extra plate on the table for breakfast. Bastard knew he was coming and knew I would panic if had warning. In such a short time, I’ve got a feeling he knows me better than I thought.
“Lex, what have you done now?” Paige says as the last of the boxes slides out of the elevator, and he stands up straight looking very proud of himself. Hearing Lex’s name, Jack takes off running across the room.
“Lex!” he yells as he launches himself at Lex, and thank god he was ready and catches him.
“How’s my star man this morning?” That’s all it takes for Jack to start talking flat-out, telling him about everything from yesterday after he left. I stand with Kayla in my arms and walk towards them.
“Hi, Lex,” I manage to say without stuttering.
The way he looks at me, I can see that everything that Mason said is true. There is so much more than friendship behind those eyes.
I’m just not sure that I can ever manage to be anything more than this.
“How are my two favorite girls this morning?” He steps forward and taps Kayla on the nose with his finger which has her giggling and her hands flapping up and down.
What is it about Lex that my kids gravitate to?
Maybe it’s not just me that senses the good in him.
I have a feeling he’s casting a spell on all of us.
“What, I’m not your favorite girl anymore?” Paige pretends to be offended with her hands on her hips, and we all laugh.
“Well, obviously,” Lex replies as he puts Jack down. “Now, are you going to help me get the highchair out, Jack, so Mom can eat her breakfast in peace and not have to hang on to Kayla the whole time?” Jack is already bouncing at the thought of more presents.
“No, Lex, not more. You have to stop. I can’t repay you for this.” Paige just takes Kayla from me and heads back to the table. Lex takes a step closer so he’s by my side.
“Mia, for me this is nothing. Please, it’s the only way I know how to help without smothering you,” he says in nothing more than a whisper.
“Lex, if this isn’t smothering then I’d hate to see what is.” I let out a little giggle.
“I’m almost scared to think that too.” He laughs a little and looks at me with a bit more confidence now.
“Thank you. One day I’ll be able to show you how grateful I am.”
“I can’t wait,” he says as he turns and starts pulling open the box with Jack.
With his fitted black jeans and bent over in front of me, I need to walk away before the drool starts running down my chin.
I thought his arms and chest were hot.
That ass needs a warning sign.
There is something to be said for a man in a perfect-fitting pair of jeans.
Not that I’m saying a word, but the view from the front-row seats is just perfect.
I may not become anything more than friends with Lex, but that won’t stop me from admiring the masterpiece in front of me.
Chapter Ten
LEX
I know I should’ve waited a day before I showed up again, but I couldn’t. I mean, Mia needs the highchair and stroller to take the pressure off her. Well, that’s what I tell myself as we sit here eating breakfast together.
Kayla looks pretty pleased with herself and is playing in the mess she made with her food on the tray of the highchair. I had no idea that kids make such a mess when they eat. Thinking of my mother, I can’t imagine her coping with this kind of thing when I was a baby. Trying to remember back, I actually can’t picture her ever feeding me when I was younger. Most of my meals were at the table in the kitchen with Nanny Sue. The only time I ate with my parents was when there were guests there. Probably so she could parade me like the puppet I was.
I watch Mia as she takes it all in her stride and doesn’t seem stressed at the mess one little bit. I love that the kids can just be normal, and there’s no pressure to be perfect. The conversation flows freely, and we all sit for a while, no one in a rush to move.
“Just letting you both know that I have talked to Mason, and I’m working from home this week. No flying for meetings. Mason will have to work, though, as there are a few trips my vice president can attend for me. Then he has a special trip at the end of the week to take one of the kids he mentors, Leroy, for a job interview. I promised we would get him there, but Mason can take the plane without me.” She talks about her travel like it’s an everyday occurrence.
I sit there watching Mia looking stunned. Just like that. She has a plane and it just flies across the country for some teenager’s job interview.
“It’s okay. That’s her normal life. You’ll get used to it,” I say to her quietly as Paige answers a question Jack asked about the plane.
“Oh god, I just can’t even comprehend this,” Mia mumbles under her breath.
“Don’t let it worry you. One step at a time. I’ve got you,” I say and then join back into the conversation to try to keep things a little normal. Watching Mia, it’s like reading her mind, and I know exactly when she starts freaking out. Just when she thinks she’s getting a bit of a handle on everything, then something else makes her feel so out of reach of this type of life.
“So, Ashton will be around this week when Mason isn’t here," Paige goes on. “He’s going to come tomorrow morning, and we can all talk before Mason leaves for the day. But let’s worry about that then. What about if we take the kids for a walk to the park today?” Mia still looks stunned at everything she has just said. I’m sure Paige is so used to running a business, that without meaning to, she is micromanaging Mia too. I don’t know how she feels about it, but like most things at the moment, I think she’s just going along with everything. I plan on talking to Paige later about it.
“Breathe,” I whisper from beside her. I hear her take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Can we, Mommy? I want to go to the park!” Jack jumps up and down.
“Sure, little man. Let’s clean up first.” He jumps up high in excitement.
“We can do that,” Paige says.
“No,” Mia says, and it sounds a little snappy. “I mean, no, we can do it. Jack has to learn to help too. Right, Jack? You know how to pick up your toys while I wash the dishes. Don’t you?” Her voice is a little coarse, and I know she’s feeling closed-in again.
“Yes, I’m the best helper.” He runs over to the few toys that are on the floor where he was playing earlier.
I stand up quickly, so no one has time to question it. “I’ll help Mia if you two want to help Jack and unpack the stroller from the box, and I’ll take Kayla and clean her up.”
“Okay, sounds good.” Mason looks at me a
nd gives me a chin lift. I think he can see Mia’s struggling too.
Stacking the plates, I start carrying the dishes to the kitchen where Mia is trying to tidy. I don’t speak, I just let her do it her way. Placing the plates on the counter, I just continue to bring things to her. Watching her work, I wonder if she doesn’t need to take up boxing for a sport. There’s a lot of pent-up anger in there. I don’t think it’s directed at Paige, but she’s lighting the fuse without even realizing it. On my last trip into the kitchen, I see Mia slowing a little and her shoulders not so tense.
Coming up beside her at the sink, I just stand there until she looks at me. I don’t step into her space until she acknowledges me there.
“You know she doesn’t mean it. Actually, she is completely oblivious to her controlling nature. It’s just who she is. Everything she’s doing and saying comes from a good place.”
Mia just lets out a big sigh and leans with her hands on the edge of the sink. “She makes a perfect bossy older sister.” She looks at me and rolls her eyes.
“That she does.” I agree totally but don’t want to make it worse.
“I’ve being doing this on my own for a long time. I don’t need her to take over. I know that makes me sound ungrateful.”
“Not at all. I understand what you’re saying, Mia. It’ll take time to get to know each other. But don’t feel you have to agree with everything Paige says. You get a say too. Don’t be afraid to have a voice here. Remember what I said. You’re reclaiming your life, and I will back you no matter what. Now, let’s finish up here and get out in the fresh air and some sunshine. See if we can wear Jack out a bit for you. I never knew kids his age had so much energy. You mothers deserve a medal. Seriously!” I need to pull Mia out of her head and thinking about something else. I knew the thought of the kids would help.
“You haven’t seen him at his best, or should I say worst yet. You think that’s hyper, wait until he’s full of sugar, that’s what I call extreme parenting. I’ll call you over to help on those days.” She starts to laugh at the face I pull just thinking of Jack any crazier than I’ve seen so far.