by Karen Deen
Slowly filling my lungs with the fresh air and then letting it out gradually.
“You are safe. I’m here with you. I can see Paige and Jack, they are safe. Kayla is in your arms and she’s safe.” My vision’s clear now, and I see the compassion of this man in front of me.
“Oh god. I’m a mess, I’m sorry.” I’m trying not to cry again today.
“No, you’re not. Mia, I’ve been there. I’ve suffered PTSD for years and only recently really got on top of it. I know the signs and I know what works for me. We need to find what works for you. Have you ever seen a therapist?” He slowly takes his hands off my shoulders and steps back slightly.
“That costs money I don’t have.” I look around so I can see Jack. Taking in a big breath now, I can see him playing and laughing. “I’ll be okay.”
“Mia, I know it’s hard for you to take this in, but money is not a problem anymore. It’s worth thinking about. Because we want you to live your life feeling more than just okay.”
Still feeling unhinged from it all, I snap back at Mason when I shouldn’t be, but it just comes out. “Money might not be a problem for you, but it is for me. I’ll be fine. I don’t need help, thanks!” Walking away, I feel the embarrassment of again exposing my issues to someone else. I get to where Jack is splashing his hand around in the water.
“Can we go now, please? I need to get Kayla home to bed.” Looking at Paige, she doesn’t comment, just nods, standing up next to me.
“If that’s what you want?” she asks tentatively.
“Yes please,” I mumble back while taking Jack’s hand. “Time to go, bud. We can go home and play with your toys while Kayla has a nap.”
Jack looks up at me and just does as I ask. He can tell I’m feeling stressed, he’s seen the signs before.
“Do I get my donut then?” his sweet little voice starts bringing me back to the moment.
“You sure do, you have been such a good boy today.” Starting to walk towards the car, I feel bad for snapping at Mason like that. As we get to the side of the car, Mason opens the door for Jack.
“Sorry, Mason, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” I look at him timidly.
“Nothing to apologize for. I get it.” Mason just straps Jack in and then looks up smiling at me. “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to say it how it is with me. Keep it coming.” He steps back from the door, closing it so we can head around to the other side.
“You might regret that,” I mumble to myself, following him around.
“Never,” he replies, laughing at me.
“What, do you have super hearing or something?” I start laughing too.
“I’m just super in general. You’ll get used to that.”
“Oh my god, don’t get him started, Mia. His ego is huge, and it does not need any encouragement, I can assure you,” Paige calls from the back of her SUV where she’s packing in the stroller.
By now we’re all laughing which wakes Kayla a little, in the seat I’m strapping her into.
“Shhh, ladybug. Uncle Mason is just trying to be funny,” I whisper as I pop her pacifier into her mouth.
Taking my seat next to her, I look up and see Mason’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. They have a hint of water in them. It only takes me a moment to realize why when Paige speaks. “I like the sound of that, Uncle Mason.” Her hand on his leg. Obviously, Mason does too by the smile on his face.
“I’m still getting used to this. Sorry, it just slipped out. I hope it’s okay.”
“Just perfect,” Paige replies and now also has watery eyes too, looking back through the seats at me. “Something I never thought I would hear, but I love it.”
I don’t want to cry again today, so I just nod at her, turning to look out the window. My emotions are on overload today, and we haven’t even made it to lunch yet.
Hearing the car start, I’m thankful for the distraction for a while.
“Are they both asleep?” Paige asks as I’m coming from the hallway after putting the kids down for the night.
“Finally, thank goodness. Kayla crashed, but Jack was full of chatter tonight. I think every day there are so many new things that his mind is on overload. In a good way, though.” I sit down on the couch, and Mason sets a cup of tea in front of me. “Thanks.”
“I can imagine,” Paige says. “It’s hard to remember being so little, but it’s amazing what you learn in the first few years of your life. Imagine when Kayla is walking and talking too. You’ll be wondering what it was like to live with any quiet time in your life. I have a feeling she’ll grow up just like Jack, and if she doesn’t, he will speak for her.” With that we all start laughing.
“That’s for sure. That boy has enough words for the both of them,” Mason says, smiling at me over his cup.
“I’m sorry, Mason. You know you don’t have to keep drinking tea because of me. Thank you for being so considerate.”
“I don’t need to have a drink every night, but it’s good to know that you aren’t worried if I do.”
Leaning back into the couch with my hands around my cup, I smile across at him.
“I wanted to wait for the kids to be asleep to talk to you and give you these.” Paige gets up and grabs a few boxes from the table, then comes and joins me on the couch.
I’m feeling a little nervous about what she has and is about to say.
“Okay,” I tentatively answer.
“I know you want to stand on your own, and I respect that, but right now you need a little help to get started. I’ve gotten you a new phone and a laptop that is set up with an email account for you. I know you’re going to say you don’t need it, but please hear me out.” Paige looks at me with her pleading eyes.
She’s right. The words were ready to come out of my mouth.
“The phone is one that is linked to mine, so for security, Mason and Ashton will be able to track your location if needed at any time. Not that they’ll be spying on you but just to keep you safe if required. The laptop is also linked into the phone and my work network. No matter what you do on it, the content is secure, and my IT department will keep your data safe.” It’s like she’s talking at high speed to try to get everything out. I think my meltdown this morning has her a little on edge knowing how to treat me without upsetting me.
“Thank you, but I don’t have anything worth keeping safe.” I’m hesitant to tell her the real reason I don’t need it, but I know if I don’t, I’ll just seem ungrateful.
“Plus, as embarrassing as this is, I don’t know how to use it very well. I did some computer work in high school but haven’t touched one since. I’m sure they’ve changed a lot in that time.” We come from such different worlds and every day there are so many things to remind me of that.
“Oh, Mia, even more reason for you to take this gift. Let me teach you. I know you want to look for your own job, and I admire that. Upgrading your skills will help with that. Plus, the other reason is there will be a need for Lex to send you documents and updates about different things via email. That way you can access them on your own computer. I hope you don’t mind, but I set your email account up as Mia Kennedy. I didn’t think you would want it in your married name going forward.” I can see her waiting for my reaction. To be honest, I don’t even know what that reaction is. I’m grateful, but part of me wishes I didn’t need this handout. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment to process my thoughts.
“Thank you, but can I ask one day when I have a job that I can repay you the money for these? You probably think I’m crazy because I know you have the money. It’s just, it’s important to me to do this on my own. It will take me time, but I made a promise the day I ran from Edward that I would never be reliant on anyone again. My independence is my safety. I never want to feel trapped again. I hope you understand that.” Not knowing what is going through my sister’s head, I look down at the boxes between us. My mind drifting, trying to think of the last time anyone gave me a gift. Sadly, I can’
t remember. I don’t even have an engagement or wedding ring. We didn’t have the money so decided it wasn’t necessary.
“You’re right, I don’t need the money, Mia, but you are more like me than you realize. I’m stubborn to the core and have been standing on my own for so long that I don’t know how to accept help. Just ask Mason, he’ll agree that I’m a pain in the ass to take help from anyone.” Hearing Mason groaning next to us brings us both a little giggle.
“You have no idea how big a pain she is. Even just getting her to eat breakfast is a major deal. Every day I’m seeing more similarities between you two women. It scares me what I’m in for when you both gang up on me.” Mason stands to grab our cups from us so we can open the boxes.
“Baby, be scared. You are now outnumbered in this house.” Paige reaches out and takes my hand. “Now, I don’t like it, but yes, I understand the need to pay me back. So, let’s call these an IOU for a later date, how does that sound?” Squeezing my hand, I finally relax and see she is starting to understand what I need to do for me.
“Perfect. Thank you for not taking offence. This is about me and what is important for me to move forward. I’m blessed to be here, but I also want you to know I don’t take it for granted.”
“I know, Mia. Now let’s open these up and have a little play and get you set up. We have also given you a new phone number so no one from your old life can find you unless you want to give them your new number. We have programmed all the phone numbers for us, Ashton, Lex, and the rest of the crew. My dad and Beth are in there too.”
“What about all my photos on my phone? I can’t lose them. This has my whole world on it. The only baby photos I have of the kids.” I look at Paige, worried I might lose them.
“No problems. Mason can back all the photos up to several storage devices for you so they’re safe, and we can put whatever you want on this new phone and the laptop. But we will also put your old phone in the safe in my office so that they are never lost. I can’t wait to see some of them.”
Those damn tears are coming again, I can just feel it.
Looking down into my hands, I tap the phone and bring it to life.
That’s it, there’s no holding back the tears now.
Staring back at me are my two adorable kids, both smiling and Jack cuddling Kayla. Like they don’t have a care in the world. My heart is aching with the love I have for these two little humans.
Looking up at Paige through the tears, I can’t help it, it’s time to tell her.
“I love you. Thank you for everything.” I reach out and grab her in a hug. We both hold on so tight to each other.
“I love you too, little sister, and I’m never letting you go.” Just nodding through my tears, we stay that way for a few minutes until the phone goes off in my hand.
We both jump apart, and I gaze at the screen where there is a message titled Crazy Fam.
Sliding to open it up, I can’t help but start laughing the more the phone starts buzzing in my hand.
Crazy Fam group message
Mason: Welcome to the framily Mia. Everyone, this is Mia’s new number. Please don’t give it out to anyone without her permission. Plus, remember this phone could be in little person’s hands at some stage, so play nice.
Tate: So, no dick pics then??
Mason: Seriously, Tate! Did you not read what I said!!
Bella: Tate, I’ll cut yours off if you do!! Welcome, Mia, can’t wait to catch up again. Paige, we need a girls’ night without the Neanderthals in this group.
Lex: If you don’t, I will, Bella. Hey, Mia. Told you that you might regret being part of this family.
Grayson: Hey, don’t include me with the crazies. I’m the gentleman of the group. Hi, Mia. Hope Lex and Mason are looking after you. If not, let me know and I’ll fix them up for you.
Mason: You wish, Doc. Like you can even compete with me.
Lex: Or me!!
Tilly: My god, all the egos are out tonight. Ignore them, Mia. Now what was that I saw about another girls’ night?? Count me in.
Fleur: Don’t you dare make plans without me. Mia, I’ll protect you from this crazy family. They roped me in, but I’m the sane one in the group.
Hannah: And I’m the old woman of the crew with the crazy child. I’m your go-to for mother support. These lunatics have no clue.
Tate: I call BS here, Fleur, but keep dreaming. And Hannah, I’m an expert at everything, just ask me.
“Are they always like this?” I ask while I can’t stop laughing.
“This is tame, you should see them when they’re in a room together, it gets even worse. You will love them all. I’ve never laughed so hard as the first night I met them,” Paige answers as she’s madly typing into her phone.
Paige: I’ll have you know Mia is here asking if she can disown this family already. Girls night, I’m in. Just give us a few days for Mia to settle in.
Mia: Hey, I am not. I’ll take this family, warts and all. Thank you all for being so kind to me. It means the world.
Tate: Oh good, so Lex already told you about the warts. That saves us spilling the secret later.
Mia: Yes, he told all about your wart problems, Tate, and the private treatment you’ve been getting for them. So unfortunate for you.
Lex: Oh yeah!! It’s like she’s been here all along. Looks like you are fighting a losing battle now, Tate.
Tate: Christ, another sassy female. Just what we need.
Mason: Try living with two of them.
Tilly: Wait, what did I miss? Have you moved in with Paige?
Paige: More like I can’t get rid of him, hehe love you baby xx
Mason: You do remember I am sitting across from you on the couch, right? I can see you laughing to yourself.
Paige: Yep. And yes, I can officially confirm Mason and I are living together, well, once we move his things here. And we are just as happy to have Mia and the kids here with us.
Mia: Thank you, but at least I’m a temporary guest. You are now stuck with Mason.
Mason: Again, in the same room, girls. See what I mean people? I’m outnumbered.
Paige: No one feel sorry for him, he loves it. Okay, we are signing off. Lex, Mia will be on email after tonight. See you all soon xx
Lex: Great, thanks. Will send the email now. Talk soon, Mia, and let me know if you need rescuing.
Mia: Thank you, everyone, for making me feel welcome. You make me laugh.
Grayson: Better than making you cry. See you soon.
Tate: There’s still time for us to make you cry. Lex is hopeless like that.
Bella: Tate, behave! Bye, Mia, here if you need anything, for either you or the kids xx
Fleur: I’m here to help if you’re going insane. Take care xx
Hannah: Let’s set up a play date for the kids. Daisy would love it xx
Mia: Thank you.
“Don’t reply anymore, otherwise these weirdos will just keep going.” Mason stands up. “Anyone want another drink or anything?” he asks, heading towards the kitchen.
“No thanks, I’m okay.” I’m still looking down at my phone in wonder of what just happened.
“Are they like this with everyone they meet?”
“No, just family. They’ve taken you in whether you like it or not. So, I guess you better get used to it. I’m someone like you, I didn’t have anyone before Mason. Believe it or not, having money meant friends only saw the money and not me. But these people, they see the person and nothing else. They want to be your friend, and it has nothing to do with me. Just sit back and enjoy it.”
Scrolling back through the messages, I can’t help but start laughing again.
“See? If they make you laugh, then they’re your tribe.”
“Maybe you’re right. Just weird to have so many new friends at once. I’ll get used to it, I guess.”
“Before long it’ll be like you’ve known them forever. Now let’s look at this computer.” Paige pulls a brand-new laptop from the box. My life has be
come a continual story of new experiences that I need to get my head around. She almost looks more excited than me at what she has in her hands.
“Okay, let’s see how bad I am at this. I’ll try not to screw it up on the first night.” I laugh a little to try to shake off the nerves of feeling inadequate.
“Everything is fixable, Mia. So, don’t be afraid to try things. I pay people to fix up my screw-ups on a daily basis.” Opening up the laptop, it comes to life with another picture of me and the kids in the park on the screen. I’ve never felt so loved having someone take the time to do special things for me.
“I love this picture. It looks so beautiful seeing it bigger than just a phone.” I place my hand on the screen to feel the love that is looking back at me.
“Three of my favorite people right there. Now let’s have a look at how all this works. Do you want some paper and a pen to write some notes? I find it helps me when I’m learning something, to put it in my own words to look at each time until I remember.”
“That sounds like a good idea. Let the lesson begin.”
For all the fear I had when Paige opened the laptop, I’m surprised how quickly I grasped it. By the time I packed it away for the night, I had mastered emails and searching the internet for things. We also set up a bank account which we argued about how much money Paige transferred into it, but eventually agreed on just a few thousand dollars to start with, and hopefully I will have a job soon and not need any help. I tried to explain I don’t need much, but she just laughed and said, “It’s not about what you need anymore, it’s about what you would like for the kids or yourself. I don’t want you to have to ask me for money all the time. That’s just awful and I would hate to make you feel embarrassed. This way you have your own independence. “